Category: Anal Advice

Posts containing advice about anal sex and the anal only lifestyle. For more general anal advice, see our Anal Sex Advice and Guide to the Anal Only Lifestyle page.


Discussion: Anal Sex?

A woman posts on the Circle of Moms forum, asking whether other women enjoy anal sex:

Ever tried it? If so, do you enjoy it?
I am now at the point where it doesn’t hurt and it will feel good, but only while spooning. 
How about you ladies?

She receives a lot of very positive responses from other women who enjoy or prefer it themselves:

I am at the point where it feels good and I enjoy it more than vaginal.

At one time in my life if would have ask about anal I would have said hell no, But now.. I can honestly say it feel good to me now. A few years ago I had sex with a girl friend of mine, while our husbands were gone a deep sea fishing trip. We played around as usual but while she was licking my clit she put a finger in my ass. She was very good at what she did. It didnt hurt exactly just felt diffrent. She didn’t ram her finger in me it was slow and gentle and just enough I could feel the intensity. I had an orgasm while she licked me and fingered my ass. Afterwars I ask her about it. and she said whe would help me do anal if I wanted to. For months after that when I rubbed myself I would put a finger in my ass also. It became apart of my sexual fun. My husband never knew about my thought on anal. Later when her and I were together again she used 2 fingers and eventually after sometime had passed she fucked me with a dildo in my ass. I don’t think I would have liked it if a man tried anal with me at first, so I’m glad I learned to love it the way I did. Now I love getting fucked in my ass. I want say it feels better than my pussy but it feels diffrent and I enjoy it alot..

My husband and I do anal quite a bit when were are intimate I never thought I would do anal or even like as much as I do. I always thought about trying it but never felt confident enough to bring it up in any relationship I had, But when I met my husband he opened mny eyes to a whole new world and he didnt make me feel uncomfortable he made me feel sexy. i did anal for the first time about 4 months after our daughter was born, one night we were in bed fooling around and he asked me if it would be ok if he went in the other way as he put it and I said are you talking about my butt and he said yes so i said ok but go slow I had never done it and he did go slow he went slow and it was amazing I think the neighbors even heard us…lol

First, the partner (your man or a SO wearing a strap on or even using a dildo) musrt proceed SLOWLY. For me, that means taking at least 5 minutes of very gentle very deliberate short in-and-out movement. Second, a state of mind is required, I have to purposely focus on relaxing but more importantly when I feel the first pressure on my anus I immediately start short grunting-like movements as if I’m trying to have a BM when I’m constipated. I know it is gross to some to mix having a BM with sex but lets be frank … bearing down as when trying to pass a stool actually causes the sphincter muscle to relax and that means LOOSENESS. If you don’t bear down, your back door will be tight and that will hurt. The down side for me is I sometimes let out a small fart or two when my husband is about half way inside my anus but he expects it and knows it is natural. He has been doing my ass occasionally for the past 15 years and I now find it extremely enjoyable.

Don’t know that it’s my favorite, but I have to say my most intense orgasms have been from anal. I became a huge fan of it while I was pregnant for some reason. At that moment, it just worked for me and I asked for it a lot!

A few other women express that they don’t enjoy it, or that it isn’t their favorite, but on the whole everyone is positive about it and encouraging each other to do it more and how to enjoy it. It’s very nice to see a group of women all being positive about anal and helping each other out with it. The world could use more of that. Remember, if you have friends who might be interested in anal, open up to them, share how much you prefer it, and start talking about it and encouraging them to try it for themselves. And if they already like anal, encourage them to try anal only for themselves.

Continue reading on Circle of Moms

Don’t Be Afraid to Communicate With Your Partner

A common concern of those who prefer anal and would like to go anal only is how their partner will respond to the idea, and that fear generally leads to not expressing truthfully just how important the idea of going anal only really is to them. Resentment can build, frustration can form, and the relationship can be harmed due to lack of communication and mutual enjoyment.

While there may at times be reasons to gradually ease towards the topic conversationally, be open and honest about your needs and desires. Does vaginal not do much for you and the idea of anal only interest and excite you? Then you should start talking about that fact with your partner and share your needs and then discuss any concerns or issues that arise as a result.

Always try to keep from pointing fingers at each other or suggesting that you’re unsatisfied as a result of your partner, and keep it more positive and focused on what your needs are and the things that you love and enjoy and what you would like more of. If anal is something that you do sometimes but not all the time, emphasize how much you love doing anal with your partner and how sexy and incredible it is when you do so and that you’d like to focus more on that with them.

If they have concerns about the idea of giving up vaginal sex long-term, suggest trying it for a shorter period of time—one to three months—without a full commitment at that point, and then after that trial period is over, reconvene and discuss a longer length of time from there.

While not everyone is going to immediately go for the idea, being open and honest can go a long way and people generally are willing to try things for their partner and do what they need or want sexually if they’re honest about it.

Article: You Can’t Get Pregnant From Anal Sex, Except…

This article on Refinery29 goes into detail about how and why anal sex doesn’t result in pregnancy.

Anal sex is a kind of sex, but just like oral sex, it won’t result in pregnancy — no matter what genitals the people involved are working with. While you can transmit STIs during anal sex (and during oral sex, too), pregnancy won’t happen — except in one rare situation. […] Pregnancy doesn’t happen during anal sex because the anus isn’t connected to the vagina or any other reproductive organs. People without vaginas can’t get pregnant — while “m-preg” is a popular fanfiction category, it doesn’t work that way in real life: trans men can get pregnant, but cis men cannot.

It then proceeds to detail the one scenario where pregnancy can result from anal sex:

There is one way in which anal sex could result in pregnancy: if semen enters the vagina after ejaculation. According to Planned Parenthood, “Since your anus isn’t connected to your reproductive organs, anal sex can’t directly cause pregnancy. But it’s still possible for semen to get into the vagina during anal sex — if the guy ejaculates into or near the anus, and the semen leaks from there down onto the vulva. Fingers and hands could make this more likely, too, by moving semen towards the vulva.”

That means that if someone has anal sex and then ejaculates into the anus or somewhere else near the vagina, sperm could theoretically, accidentally, enter the vagina and cause a pregnancy. If someone ejaculates after anal sex, touches the semen, and then fingers their partner, that could theoretically result in a pregnancy, too. But if semen doesn’t enter the vagina, there’s no chance of pregnancy happening.

Fortunately, this is exceedingly rare, but it is possible. So if getting pregnant is not your intent, be sure to clean up afterwards and take care to avoid semen entering the vaginal canal after anal sex.

If getting pregnant is your intent, however, and you want to maintain a completely vaginal penetration-free lifestyle even while doing so, whether just because you want to avoid going back to vaginal intercourse or because you want to maintain vaginal virginity, you can utilize this method to engage in anal sex as normal, ejaculate anally, and then push it back out while spreading the vagina open for it to run down and into. This technique can work and has been used by those in the anal only lifestyle, though it may require repeated attempts to do so.

Continue reading on Refinery29

Message: Luring a BDSM Newbie Into AO

Anonymous: I am training this young BDSM newbie (she’s 19 and submissive) and she never done anal before, but is willing to give it to me. She’s already sending me a lot of buttspread nudes as I request, so she’s very open and obedient to it. She had two boyfriends before and they were the nerd-beta type and she hated that, wants “someone who can control me not the other way around”. So my goal is: I’m planning to turn her into an AO slave, but maybe not right at the beginning, not to shock her too much. I thought about reversing the typical scenario, fucking her only in the ass 3 or 4 times we meet, then giving her a mixed pussy/assfuck as a “reward” at the following encounter. For how long should I do this before saying AO is a requirement to keep seeing me? What are your thoughts and advices? Also I thought about still letting her be licked on her pussy by other sub girl(s) that I eventually bring into our relationship.

If your intent is to demand strict AO from her, you should be pretty open with her about the fact that you are only interested in anal from the beginning. While a gradual introduction is fine, unless you’re exploring together and seeing where things go together without a clear destination in mind, you should be up front with your intentions rather than trying to “lure” or “trick” her and then demanding anal only from her or you leave her.

Even if she’s submissive, she’s still a person and gets to make decisions too.

Struggling With Anal Sex? Try Butt Plugs!

Here at the Anal Only Lifestyle, we believe that anal sex should always be pleasurable and pain-free (unless you’re specifically trying to achieve pain in a safe and consensual manner), but unfortunately a common complaint with those first exploring anal is that it hurts and even if it’s something they really want, it can be a challenge for people with little experience to get started without being turned off by painful experiences, past or present.

We have more information on working around this specific issue in the Anal Training section of our Guide to Anal Sex & the Anal Only Lifestyle, but this article will focus specifically on butt plugs and just how great they can be for this purpose.

A Matter of Training & Relaxation

Fundamentally, most people need some level of training and muscle control to relax their anal muscles and be able to open up easily for anal penetration. Warming up those muscles before having sex is an excellent way to help them relax during sex, and inserting a butt plug is a quick and easy way to achieve this.

At the most basic, wearing a butt plug for at least half an hour before having anal sex will help you warm up and be much more relaxed, making sex with a partner or a dildo easier to achieve painlessly.

But beyond that, if you’re really committed to having anal sex regularly and want to have the best experience, start wearing your plug regularly even at times when you aren’t about to have sex. Wear it during the day, during the night, and on days off, and the more you do so, the better and easier anal will become.

A Constant Companion

The more you wear a plug, the more it can help not only benefit your anal training but also amplify your arousal and reinforce your interest in anal sex or the anal only lifestyle. By going about your day with a butt plug inserted, it serves as a steady reminder of anal penetration and keeps you aroused and excited about having your ass filled with something else—whether that be a partner or a toy. It can be a motivating factor, and that excitement and arousal will also help you to relax further and make that subsequent penetration easier for you.

Passive Pleasure

Along the same lines as the above, that presence of a butt plug worn throughout the day provides a delightful sort of passive pleasure and enjoyment in addition to the training benefits you get from it. People wear plugs most often because they feel really good, and you’ll no doubt find the same result. Walking around, sitting down, riding a bicycle or driving, and just generally living your life while receiving constant, passive anal stimulation can be a very enjoyable thing.

What Types of Plugs are Best?

There are so many different butt plugs on the market today, thanks to the steadily growing interest in anal stimulation and sex, but not all are well-suited to the same purposes.

If your goal is training for anal intercourse, you really want to target the anal muscles, and while very slim-necked plugs will still provide some benefit through anal stimulation and arousal helping to relax the anal muscles, the best effect is going to be the result of using a plug with a bit of a thicker neck that helps keep your anal muscles open and relaxed for a longer period of time. Just as the other muscles in your body can be tight and more prone to pain in that state, anal muscles need to be stretched out before use so they’re warmed up and relaxed, and that’s where a thick-necked butt plug really comes into use.

If you want to wear a plug for longer periods of time, comfort is a top priority, and so finding one with a thin, ergonomic base that still serves its purpose of retaining its position comfortably, but without digging into your sensitive skin or causing discomfort. There are a lot of good options out there, and our Guide to Anal Toys offers some suggestions to try out.

Message: Did I Cum?

Hi there.

While not anal only my dominant partner controls my sexual experience including when and how I orgasm. Generally speaking he does not allow me to orgasm often – in fact I have only been granted five orgasms in seven months!

He recently told me tho that I may cum freely from anal masturbation. I have been enjoying my effort. It feels fabulous to fuck my ass with my fingers and my dildo. When I do do my pussy gets so wet – it almost continuously flows with periodic spurts that feel great. I usually stop only because I feel overwhelmed or exhausted but not because I really feel done or sated.

Now I don’t think of what is happening as an orgasm. It doesn’t feel like an orgasm. It feels good. Sublime. And it does relieve pressure. But I’ve been comparing it more to a man getting his prostate milked than to an orgasm.

Reading your blog tho I see you often refer to anal orgasms as feeling different, leaving the woman still feeling aroused rather than sated. So my question to you is what I’m having an anal orgasm and because it is so different from a clit or pussy orgasm that I’m just not recognizing it as such? Or do others also experience the same mind boggling non orgasm milking that I’m describing and do they distinguish it from an anal orgasm?

Thank you!
DS Quean

Hi!

While different people have different experiences, anal orgasms do generally still act as a climax with strong muscle contractions, etc. While they often won’t eliminate your arousal in the same way a clitoral orgasm might, they can reduce it somewhat and you can still feel satisfied afterwards often even though you might want to keep going. (For some women, the opposite might be true and an anal orgasm can be more like a ruined orgasm instead, but that seems less common.)

I’ve heard the comparison between clitoral and anal orgasms as the difference between an orgasm concentrated right in the clit and a full body orgasm.

I suspect that while you might be experiencing a state that could lead to orgasm, your comparison to prostate milking might be more accurate—very pleasurable, but not a climax.

I welcome other people’s opinions on this as well, however!

Forum: Do you HAVE to douche?

A discussion on the use of douching and enemas from the Anal Only Lifestyle forum:

I love anal sex, and I never douched. However, I also never did ass to mouth and if my guys ever ended up with shit on their dicks, they never told me.

If you want to do ass to mouth, do you HAVE to douche? I feel like douching is actually more harmful for the bowels, because you’re messing with the natural flora in there, removing the natural protective coating of the intestine, and making the whole place more vulnerable to damage and infection. Plus, it’s a PITA to do an enema every time you have anal, especially daily. I anally masturbate and I still never had shit appear on my toys (but I also don’t masturbate if my stomach is not feeling good).

Isn’t there a way to keep it clean down there otherwise? Maybe a better diet that’s healthier for your body as well (which correlates with your cleanliness down there), and I feel like maybe even more frequent anal sex will help keep you clean down there as well thanks to the stimulation, eventual ability to control and know your body, and because your body gets used to anal.

Is there something I am missing or am I too optimistic about how clean our asses actually are?

throwawaymedfree, Anal Only Lifestyle forum

I think it’d be a good idea to masturbate with a similar cock-sized dildo and experiment. Pull it out without douching and take a good look and sniff at it. If it’s not visibly dirty, then you really don’t have to douche for that length. 

There are some women who’s philosophy for ass to mouth is to never douche simply because they do it so often and actually love the taste of their natural ass juice. Douching daily would definitely mess up your intestinal tract. Sucking cock out of your ass on a daily basis in my opinion wouldn’t be harmful since over time your body would adjust to whatever bacteria you’re body already has. It’s why couples that practice ass to mouth regularly keep doing it. Otherwise they would stop if there was any infection or sickness. I had yet to hear of a single case of it. If anything, her ass wasn’t healthy (not eating enough fiber, for example) and in that case, douching prior to anal would be a good idea.

hasani2222, Anal Only Lifestyle forum

I agree. My wife rarely douches and she never hesitates to go down on my cock after it’s been in her ass. Ass to mouth serves to stimulate her arousal more. Stopping to sniff and inspect it would break the flow of things. She’s never had a single issue from doing it either.

LuvMyWifesAss, Anal Only Lifestyle forum

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The Amplification of Arousal With Anal

One of the more subtle but powerful effects of anal sex in general and the anal only lifestyle is the amplifying effects that it can have on arousal. For someone with an already powerful sex drive, this can be quite the intense increase, while for someone who might struggle with arousal or has a partner with a higher libido than they do, it can be an incredible gamechanger and help.

Anal Can Be Very Exciting

While anal sex is becoming increasingly popular and common, it’s still generally less common than vaginal sex, and so anal play and sex can be quite exciting and that excitement often translates into increased arousal about having and during anal sex.

However, it’s not only limited to those who are just getting started with anal. Anal only couples very frequently report an increase of arousal or desire that continues many years into their anal only relationship, and while it’s quite common for sex to become stagnant and vaginal to become boring, anal is far more likely to remain exciting and arousing for everyone.

Anal Stimulation is Arousing

The anus has a high concentration of nerve endings that make it one of the most sensitive sexual centers in the human body, and the rectum is in close proximity to other pleasure centers in a way that anal penetration easily stimulates, so it’s no surprise that anal stimulation and penetration not only feels really good, it can have an intense effect on arousal as well. Women who engage in anal sex frequently talk about how horny it makes them, and as they gain more experience, especially when shifting away from vaginal sex or clitoral stimulation to focus exclusively on anal, develop an anal arousal they can feel in their ass, and a craving for more anal sex.

The Effects of Anal Orgasms on Arousal

It’s pretty commonly known that vaginal and clitoral orgasms often result in a loss of arousal afterwards, with women losing interest in sex and even feeling bad or regretful or depressed afterwards. This unfortunate effect can result in an overall decrease in libido for some, but generally just puts an end to the fun for a while and makes people not feel very good about themselves. It’s also led to a growing interest in orgasm denial and edging for many women, which can provide pleasure and arousal without the negative side effects.

With anal sex and the anal only lifestyle, however, come the possibility of anal orgasms, which can be intensely pleasurable—often more so than vaginal or clitoral orgasms—but also for most women do not result in a loss of arousal afterwards. Women still feel great, and sexual, and horny, and happy post-orgasm, and can continue for more if they want, or just stay in that happy arousal-filled state of mind, put a plug in, and continue with their day. It’s a great sex-positive way to be, that fills one’s entire life with a state of sexuality and pleasure rather than only some occasional period of time.

So if arousal or loss of arousal post-orgasm has been an issue for you, continue the anal only lifestyle and pursuing pure anal orgasms without clitoral stimulation, and you’ll likely have a much more positive and enjoyable experience!

Message: Why Are Orgasms From Anal So Much More Intense for Men?

Anonymous: There is much talk about the anal orgasm being more intense than vaginal for the woman, but what about the guys who are penetrating? Why is the orgasm from anal so much more intense than from vaginal? Is it the forbidden nature of the act? Is it the tightness of the ass vs the vagina? Is it the beauty of the ass and anus vs the vagina? For me it is a combination of all three. I find the vagina bland and boring compared to the ass and frankly I literally empty my balls into the rectum whereas my orgasms from vaginal are ho-hum at best. I would be interested in hearing other peoples views on the matter.

I agree that it is likely a combination of factors. It feels better, it’s more intimate, it’s more attractive and appealing, and it is for many people more exciting. Those things combine together to result in better orgasms for everyone.

Message: Why Should I Go Anal Only?

Anonymous: I like anal sex a lot but until I found your blog I never thought of the idea of only doing anal sex. Isn’t it better to do both and have options? Why should I give up my pussy and just do anal?

Well, if you don’t want to, you shouldn’t. Adopting the anal only lifestyle should always be a choice, not something you’re pressured into without wanting to try it for yourself.

But since you reached out and are asking, I assume you have some genuine curiosity about it and are interested in why it might be better for you, so I’m going to respond in kind.

For some people, both might be better, but in my experience and from conversations with many other anal only people out there, there’s something even better about the exclusivity of anal sex and the exclusion of vaginal sex that just makes the anal that much better and sets it apart from doing both.

I think there are many different levels to this, including the fact that it can be exciting to go against the norm of primarily doing vaginal sex and perhaps only occasionally doing anal and deciding instead to make anal the norm for yourself and vaginal abnormal. Add in the fact that the anus is more sensitive and prone to pleasure than the vagina for most women and can often lead to orgasms more easily and intensely than vaginal sex. And then, perhaps one of the biggest factors is that vaginal and clitoral orgasms most often lead to a loss of arousal and feelings of regret and mood drop afterwards, while anal orgasms just lead to more pleasure and arousal for most. So by excluding vaginal sex (and for some, clitoral stimulation) the anal experience just continues to get increasingly better the longer you are anal only.

I’d encourage you to try it for a month or two and see what you think for yourself. Most people find that they don’t miss vaginal nearly as much as they might have thought and discover that anal feels much more natural once they focus completely on it.