Category: Anal Advice

Posts containing advice about anal sex and the anal only lifestyle. For more general anal advice, see our Anal Sex Advice and Guide to the Anal Only Lifestyle page.


Message: Ruined Orgasms

Anonymous: Years ago, to torture myself i used to have ruined orgasms, everyone has their opinion but i think that for you to be anal only you can’t cum at all. So i would play with my clit and when i was almost there, i would stop. I enjoyed doing that cause it was a HUGE torture. Do you recommend ruining orgasms or not touching the pussy at all?

It really comes down to personal preference and what works best for you. For many, the goal of clit denial with anal only is avoiding the distraction of an easier form of orgasm so they can learn to have anal orgasms instead, and so it makes sense to end clit stimulation as a result.

However, for others who prefer anal penetration but need clit stimulation or clit orgasms to stay focused on and committed to the anal only lifestyle, edging, ruined orgasms, or clit orgasms in combination with anal can work well for them.

If your goal is to avoid anything vaginal or clitoral, then I suggest not touching it at all and focusing purely on anal stimulation and penetration.

Bdsmlr: Going Anal Only as a Vaginal Virgin

We received this message through our Bdsmlr blog, and it’s being replicated here to be viewed by a wider audience.

Anonymous: Firstly I’m a virgin and only done oral. When masturbating I find vaginal penetration painful and not pleasurable compared to anal. Any suggestions on working on anal only by myself and then bringing it up to a future s/o?

Thanks for reaching out! I definitely recommend going anal only and am confident you will find it much more satisfying than vaginal.

A good way to begin is to simply stop vaginal penetration, which it sounds like something that should be easy for you if you find vaginal painful and not pleasurable anyway, and switch your masturbation routine to always include anal penetration, whether with fingers, a butt plug, or a dildo. Working to the point that you can use a life-size dildo regularly will ensure that you’re ready for anal sex when with a partner in the future.

As for bringing it up to a partner, it’s best to just be honest early on in a relationship. If you’re going to have sex soon, tell them that you’re anal only and have no interest in doing vaginal but would love to do anal and oral often. Many guys will be perfectly happy with that. And if someone isn’t, then he won’t be compatible with you anyway and it’s best to learn that early on.

For more information on these topics and others, the Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle goes into more detail, but also please feel free to follow up with more questions or updates if you have any!

Forum: Menopause and Anal

My wife started menopause around 45 yo and now 52 yo. We are working her back into anal since I now have a inflatable penile implant and can get great erect ions anytime. She says, that she doesn’t have the hormones to orgasm from anal anymore. We never had a lot of anal, couple times a year, but she always had big orgasms from it.
My question is are there women that still orgasm and enjoy anal during and after menopause?

g65389pon, Anal Only Lifestyle forum

One of several good responses to his inquiry:

My wife is perimenopausal, which comes with all the negatives of having a period and all of the negatives of menopause. She had a couple of months where she felt off and her libido dipped. On top of that, her mom was battling cancer at the time. Not that she didn’t continue to have sex, she just wasn’t that into it. This was a drastic change, as my wife usually got off four or five times a week. When she visited our doctor for her annual physical, she talked to her about it. Her doctor sent her to an endocrinologist. The endocrinologist asked her some questions, took blood and urine samples. About a week later my wife returned. The doctor said she was perimenopausal and outlined a treatment plan. Within two weeks my wife was back to normal. Now she visits the endocrinologist quarterly (well, there’s only been two quarters so far) to see if things need to be adjusted.

The point is; yes, women can very much enjoy anal sex, whether pre, peri, or post menopause. I would highly recommend talking to your wife about seeing her doctor for a referral to an endocrinologist. I’ve talked with several post menopausal couples who found they actually enjoyed anal sex more post menopause, or even transitioned to anal only, due to the dryness issues and loss of feeling many women experience post menopause.

With any luck, you’ll make her happy putting some milage on that inflatable penis.

LuvMyWifesAss, Anal Only Lifestyle forum

Continue reading on the Anal Only Lifestyle forum

Reddit: FWB Suddenly Started Loving Anal

We’ve had anal on several occasions, she was always quite “meh” about it, mostly doing it for me. She would eat and prep so we’d get one day of hassle free buttstuff, however this time it was entirely different. Whether it was the stars and moons aligning or some other cosmic event we were not prepared for what happened. This day, a girl that has never had a penetrative orgasm in her life had multiple serial orgasms, squirted and could hardly walk to the bathroom afterwards. Needless to say that one day turned into a week of anal, she can’t wait for more and neither can I. She won’t be going anal only, but she’s now got a strong preference, and I’m not complaining!

Has anyone had something similar happen? A previous girlfriend of mine would have full body, seizure like orgasms from anal, however it was like that since I first introduced her to anal.

Wiceroy, /r/analonlylifestyle on Reddit

Continue reading in /r/analonlylifestyle on Reddit

Bdsmlr: We Went Anal Only in 2020

Hi all, just wanted to share the story of how I ended up deciding with my partner to only have anal sex, with no plans whatsoever to do vaginal again. (Perhaps for children but it’s possible we will just adopt)

My partner and I have been together for 5 years, and leading up to 2020 anal was more of a possible alternate place for cum at the end of sex, but not really a main event. Over the last year or so, their clit has become extremely sensitive. Annoyingly so , apparently. 

She doesn’t like to masterbate, preferring to save her energy or orgasm for sex, and never have I ever seen her touch her vagina during sex, except to spread her lips. She likes to cum but I don’t think she is a fan of tongue so much and doesn’t like most toys. She does like plugs though, I noticed.

What she really likes, apparently, is feeling me cum inside her. When we did vaginal, she would prefer me to pound her and just wanted me to cum. We could have sex multiple times, she just wanted to feel me explode inside her and tended to prefer quick, hot, and heavy.

This year, when COVID was just becoming national news, we started having more ox what we called ‘straight to anal’ or ‘just butt’ where we wouldn’t have vaginal sex at all. I think it originally started happening more and more because of her period (which isn’t a problem for us really, it’s just cleanup work unless in the shower) and because we both started drinking more as COVID hit and she was getting some peephole irritation that would have her asking to wait on vaginal play and just use her butt or her mouth.

She offered and I requested her butt more and more and by the summer I was clearly hooked on anal. We did it a lot. Sometimes a few days in a row without having vaginal. It occurred to me that I liked the entire experience with her more than vaginal; things were more intimate and careful, the hot and heavy was more engrossing and more passionate, and the cums were mind-blowing. The prospect of doing it more came naturally and I actually had a little conflict with her when I told her about how I was feeling.

Continue reading on the Anal Only Couples blog on Bdsmlr

Start an Anal Only Club

Are you an anal only couple or individual? Do you live, work, or go to school in an environment that is conducive to talking with other open minded people about sex? Then consider starting a club of anal only women and couples to inform and educate about the anal only lifestyle and which encourages an ever growing number of people to adopt anal only!

While this can sound like an improbable idea at first, it can in fact be very rewarding and effective at encouraging other people to consider the idea and try it for themselves. As many of us know, once you try anal only for a month or two, it’s self evident that it’s a better way of having sex and easy to move past vaginal sex for pure anal going forward.

Be Honest & Open

When you’re talking with groups of friends and others you’re comfortable bringing up sex around, be open about your preference for anal, how great it can be, and how you’ve gone anal only. If others inquire about anal, or say negative things about it, share your positive experiences and how you actually really like it or even prefer it. Many people are afraid to express their love for anal out of a fear of being judged or mocked by friends, but too often groups get stuck in a loop of following the leaders and all expressing the same negative opinions even if they’re secretly curious and want to learn more.

If anyone shows interest in anal or wants to know more about your experiences or how to enjoy anal more, take the opportunity to give them your best advice and ensure they have a good chance at a pleasurable experience so they really enjoy it and want to do more. If others who already enjoy anal open up to you, encourage them to try going anal only for themselves. Recommending a month of anal only as a fun challenge to start with and explore it without a long term initial commitment is a good option for getting people to discover just how wonderful going anal only can be for them. Most people who make it through a month and stay anal only want to keep going.

Build a Support Network

Something that can help you in your own anal only life, as well as help others starting out, is having a local support network of people you’re close with who can be encouraging, informative and supportive of each other during their journey to be anal only. Old habits, emotions, and urges can flare up and tempt people to slip from their anal only routine, and having people they can talk to when that happens helps everyone strengthen their commitment to anal only.

As you help more friends and acquaintances go anal only, you can expand that support network and introduce each other so that everyone can learn and grow from others. Some people may be comfortable playing with each other and being directly sexually involved with each other, while others may just want to talk and share. Both are very valuable.

As people graduate, move out of the area, or otherwise drift apart, it can be a good opportunity to encourage them to start a new club in their new area and spread the anal only lifestyle even further.

Provide Helpful Resources

If you want to grow an anal only club beyond a small circle of friends, especially somewhere like a college campus, but elsewhere as well, a great option is to create an informational resource like a flyer, providing an overview of tips on how to enjoy good anal sex and contact information on how to learn more. It will attract people interested in anal, and a portion will then reach out to you for more information, at which point you can also start to get them interested in going anal only and joining your club.

Let’s all work together this year and beyond to do our best and introduce as many people to the anal only lifestyle and its many pleasures as we can!

Message: How Do I Get My Male Partner Interested in Anal Play?

Brook: For two years of our relationship he has been vocally anti anal… in the process of moving in together he saw my plugs and has made a passing comment about fucking me while I am wearing one.
How to I encourage this interest and hopefully convince him to eventually fuck my ass?

Ease him into it. He’s already gone from being completely anti-anal to expressing an interest in vaginal sex while you’re wearing a plug, so that’s progress.

Surprise him with one of your plugs in your ass when you have sex, and just leave it in during sex. If he enjoys it, make it a normal thing. When you have sex, put a plug in.

After a while of that becoming normal, try talking to him about it again and see if he’s interested in trying anything else, like fingering your ass or using a dildo in it during sex, and then from there, tell him you really enjoy anal play with him and you’d love him to have anal sex with you and ask if he’s open to the idea now. Don’t make him feel bad or put on the spot, just try to have an open conversation about it and see what his concerns are, tell him it feels really good for you and you love doing it, and try to address any fears he may have about it.

Good luck!

Article: The Tea on Anal

Sex is very confusing, but there’s one thing I’ve always been certain of: for some reason, straight men are obsessed with anal sex.

I can’t speak to why this is the case. Some part of me suspects that many of them might be bi-curious and looking for a toxically heterosexual outlet. This claim has absolutely no substance: it’s just rooted in my own speculation. It’s important to read Queer theory and even more important to critically analyze toxic masculinity, but it’s still pretty fun to tease my straight boyfriend with this notion.

Regardless, straight men definitely go crazy for anal, but for many reasons, women attracted to men don’t always feel the same way for many reasons—the biggest reason being pain.

There are many academic studies on this pain. One from 2011 found that over 40 per cent of heterosexual women (a group which I’m not a part of, but can nonetheless relate to) experienced pain their first time engaging in anal sex. Many stopped immediately, but others endured the pain to please their male partners—which is deeply problematic.

That brings me to the one thing I hope all men reading this take away: never, ever coerce a woman into engaging in any kind of sex. We aren’t yours to convince, and our sexual preferences aren’t up for debate.

Now that that’s out of the way, I can safely tell you lots of women actually enjoy anal, including me. If you really want, you can find a woman willing to do butt stuff—please just wait until the pandemic is over.

Continue reading at The Queen’s University Journal

Anal Only is Better for Women

Contrary to popular belief, and something that is echoed by many of the anal only women out there, the primary benefactors of anal sex and the anal only lifestyle are women.

So many people still insist on the misconception that women don’t enjoy anal and only do it for their male partners, and that men get far more enjoyment from anal penetration than women do.

Now, men certainly enjoy and get a lot of benefit out of anal sex as well, but the point of this article is to explore how vastly superior anal can be for women in comparison to men.

For men, it’s sexier, tighter, has more texture and grip than vaginal, and allows for deeper penetration.

For women, the contrast is more significant:

  • The tightness leads to a much more intense feeling of fullness compared to vaginal, which amplifies pleasure in general and makes everything more stimulating as a result.
  • The depth allows much much deeper and harder penetration without risking impacting with the cervix, which can be very uncomfortable and painful.
  • Anal sex is inherently a form of natural birth control, and it’s very difficult to get accidentally pregnant from anal sex (not impossible, but rare), which allows focusing on sex and pleasure without the fear of risked pregnancy, other forms of birth control failing, or their cost and side effects.
  • Less than 1/3 of women are able to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone and rely on clit stimulation in order to orgasm during vaginal. However, studies show that over 80% of women who have anal sex orgasm from it. Because many women experience negative side effects from clit orgasms, including loss of arousal, oversensitivity post-orgasm, and emotional crashes and depression post-orgasm, which generally are not present with anal orgasms, this can make a tremendous difference to long term enjoyment of sex and arousal.

So, if you or someone you know thinks that men get the most benefit from anal sex, it’s always best to try it for yourself and see what you really think. Chances are you’ll be surprised just how much greater anal is than vaginal for women, and the benefit is usually even greater for women than it is for men.

Article: The Myth of the Loose Butthole

Every person who engages in anal sex fears that they will one day possess a bashed and battered asshole, one that’s not as bright and tight as it used to be. I can admit that I was once a part of that camp, fearing that every time I bottomed, I was causing permanent damage to my precious b-hole. But, as is true with most generalizations, you come to realize it’s (mostly) a bunch of BS.

I became particularly invested in this topic after working with a sexual wellness company that launched a service called Text-a-Sexpert, in which a fellow sex educator and myself would answer people’s personal sex questions via text message. Almost instantly, I was taken aback by the volume of folks who wrote me desperate that their holes were—or would soon become—loose as a result of receptive anal intercourse.

As a radical empath who despises sexual shame in any shape or form, I want to wax poetic on the power and resilience of our buttholes. To assist, I’ve enlisted the expertise of not one, but two LGBTQ butt doctors as well as one experienced anal sex advocate, author, and sex shop owner. So let’s dispel some harmful myths and put those fanny-based fears to rest.

Continue reading on TheBody