Category: Anal Advice

Posts containing advice about anal sex and the anal only lifestyle. For more general anal advice, see our Anal Sex Advice and Guide to the Anal Only Lifestyle page.


The Role of Anal in Sexual Education

There’s a lot that can be improved in sex-ed in general, especially in the United States, but one improvement in particular would be with a greater focus on and inclusion of anal sex.

The reality is that not only is anal a completely legitimate sexual activity on the same level as vaginal and oral, it is and always will be the preference of many people, and of interest to many to try. Without proper education, a majority of people aren’t going to know how to try it properly, and will end up getting turned off by pain or discomfort because they didn’t do things right, and may never want to try it again. If they had been introduced to it properly, chances are they’d recognize it for the enjoyable and even superior sexual activity that it really is and at the very least make it a regular part of their sex life, if not make it their priority going forward.

Going further than just the normalization and equalization of anal sex alongside vaginal, a future goal would be to focus on anal as the new default, teaching its benefits and advantages over vaginal sex and encouraging its adoption as the primary form of non-reproductive sex practiced. This would have great societal benefits, from the near-perfect natural birth control reducing unplanned pregnancies to almost zero, to the fact that sex would become much more satisfying, intimate and mutually enjoyable for everyone.

Message: Seeking Anal Only Relationship

anal lover: Hello, I am a male who loves anal sex and I want to find a female partner that wishes to completely give up pussy and clit pleasure to go anal only. Unfortunately no one I find is into this, is tere a section here where we can find similar mind women?

We do not have a dating or personals section, no. There is an anal only dating server on Discord, but it is not a part of this community.

Most anal only relationships are built over time with someone who is open to trying or enjoys anal sex and gradually you end up having more anal sex out of a mutual desire to do so, until going anal only. Some people in some parts of the world have success with new partners by opening with anal only, but you have to be willing to take the time to get to know a variety of potential partners, take them on a few dates, determine general compatibility, and then open up about anal only and not wanting vaginal sex, while knowing that a significant portion aren’t going to be interested and you’ll have to move on to another potential partner.

Leading with clit denial for a new partner who isn’t experienced with AO is usually going to be a non-starter for a lot of people, as that’s generally a more advanced thing even for people who have been AO for an extended period of time. If someone is experienced with other forms of denial it could be of interest to them, but most women need clit stimulation alongside anal penetration when first starting with anal or transitioning into AO, and then if interested may want to try shifting to just anal pleasure once they see the potential of it first-hand.

Why It’s Better to Start With Anal than Vaginal

Though there has been a long tradition of women losing their anal virginity before vaginal in order to avoid getting pregnant when other forms of birth control were not available, or to save their vaginal virginity until getting married for religious or other personal reasons, anal as the initial form of sex continues to get increasingly popular, in part because of increased exposure through pornography, articles, and other media, and the resulting lack of stigma and increased curiosity that comes from the exposure and normalization of anal pleasure.

The result is that a growing number of women are being introduced to the nuances and pleasures of anal and its far greater intensity and appeal long before they ever try anything vaginal or build up any connection with that form of stimulation and begin to normalize it over anal. Learning how to enjoy anal first and becoming used to the level of pleasure it provides virtually guarantees a life of preferring anal over vaginal, which benefits everyone and ensures that everyone will be enjoying the best form of sex.

That’s not to say that women who don’t start with anal first won’t end up preferring it as well, it just helps to eliminate some of the biggest hurdles that prevent people from even giving it a serious chance. Many women refuse to even try anal, since vaginal gives them at least some pleasure and it’s easier to just stick with what they know. Even many who enjoy or even admit to preferring anal don’t give up vaginal because they feel they have some obligation to continue doing it. But if you start with anal and learn quickly that none of those myths are true, and have no old vaginal-related habits or ideas to get over, it’s very easy to just focus on what’s best and never waste any time on inferior vaginal penetration or stimulation.

If you have the opportunity to go straight to anal sex without trying vaginal first, take it. If you have friends or acquaintances in that position, encourage the same for them. The less people have vaginal sex, the more everyone wins.

Message: Hot to Rosebud

Claire: I want to rosebud for my bf for his birthday in a few days (March 16th) but I tried to do it by myself using a dildo and can’t. It’s been 5 months that we are AO, before that we were “1 anal a month” for 4 months. Do you have any tips taking into account my very short time for training?

It takes a combination of strong pelvic floor muscles and relaxed anal muscles. So you need to work on your kegel exercises while also being able to gape. While your anal muscles are relaxed so you can gape and you spread your ass open, you push out with your pelvic floor muscles.

Conceptually, it’s simple, but it can take practice to really be able to do it. Give it a try in the coming week, but know that the time you have may not be enough to get there yet.

Perhaps an alternative birthday gift could be a commitment to going anal only permanently, or a sort of “rosebud IOU” where you work on it together as a goal. Either way, he sounds like a very lucky guy!

Message: How Anna Became AO

Jeremy and Anna: So she got into anal cuz she saw me playing with my toy and when she got comfortable she started using the toy on me and she would ask questions like doesn’t it hurt and what does it feel like for me and I would tell her.

One day I asked her do you want me to try it on you and she said sure so I took things slow just starting with a finger and we continued to mix some anal play into our mix and then about 3 months ago now I asked her if she would try an anal only month and I told her if it was to hard she didn’t have to keep doing it and through that month she tried clitoral denial and then after that month she went back to using her clit but has been anal only.

Now this month she is trying clitoral denial for my birthday present plus she has been wanting to try it lately so far she’s struggling but making it maybe you could give her some encouragement to stay on track and to keep her goal in mind thanks for your blog it’s great

That’s great that she was open-minded about not only doing anal play with you but also about going anal only herself.

If she needs clit stimulation in order to enjoy being anal only, then that’s a perfectly reasonable compromise, but since she wants to try eliminating clit stimulation as well, then I definitely encourage sticking with that goal and getting to where it’s entirely unnecessary for her. It can definitely be hard at first, if she’s been very used to using her clit to masturbate and orgasm up to this point, but keeping the goal of pure anal pleasure in mind and sticking with the routine of not using her clit for increasingly longer amounts of time will help it keep getting easier. You can continue to help her as well by encouraging and praising her and telling her how sexy you find it that she wants to give up her clit and be totally anal only.

If it’s hard to resist during masturbation/sex, you can use a topical anesthetic cream like Orajel applied in a small amount directly to the clit to temporarily numb sensation and eliminate the temptation to rub it. This only lasts an hour or two, but can be helpful if the urge is hard to resist at times.

For more information on the motivations behind clit denial as part of the anal only lifestyle and some ways that people use physical means to avoid clit stimulation, see our page on the Benefits of Avoiding Clitoral Stimulation During Anal Sex and The Use of Chastity Devices in the Anal Only Lifestyle.

Message: I Want to Remove My Clit

Anonymous: Hey, I saw the reply you gave saying that some women succeeded on removing their clits completely. It’s my dream to remove my clit and get circumcised. I have two problems: I have no idea how I could possibly get this done and I’m afraid of what people (that I will sleep with) might think, I’m 110% sure that if I removed my clit and have only anal I will not regret it because I TRULY want this for many different reasons. I’m afraid I will never be able to remove it or if I am no one will ever want me cause they will think this is crazy. I wanna hear your advice.

So, a disclaimer before I respond further to this. I support the right of people to modify their own bodies however they see fit, and I think that if a woman wants to remove or desensitize her clit, especially if it would improve her quality of life for any one of a variety of reasons, then she should absolutely be able to do so. However, I do not support the forced, coerced, or in any other way nonconsensual use of clitorectomy, infibulation, or other form of nonconsensual female genital mutilation against anyone, ever. Informed consent, as with everything else, is absolutely mandatory.

With that out of the way, let’s dive into your questions.

Some people are confident and skilled enough to do it themselves, or to have a trusted partner who can do it for them with the use of localized anesthetic and a scalpel. This isn’t something I would recommend you try, however. Any surgical procedure, however simple it may seem, should be done by a skilled professional.

That’s a problem, however, because most medical professionals in western countries are not going to participate in a clit removal procedure. Between the aforementioned concerns about coerced FGM, and general medical concerns about operations that aren’t medically necessary or which interfere with what’s considered normal, doctors generally aren’t willing to do such procedures. Some people have had success with such operations in certain Asian countries, like Thailand. In the event of an oversensitive clit that actively interferes with your life, you may have more success, especially with less permanent procedures, like the use of botox injections into your clit to desensitize it for a period of time (up to 6 months, usually).

As for what potential partners might think, don’t worry so much about that. It’s possible that not everyone is going to like the idea as much as you do, but some people will, or at least won’t be bothered by it. And a lot of people probably wouldn’t even notice if you don’t have a clit, or if it’s desensitized. Clits come in so many different sizes, and some aren’t even really visible, so the absence of one wouldn’t necessarily be too different from a tiny one.

I’d suggest experimenting with temporary clit numbing for now as you continue to explore the idea and decide whether it’s really what you want long-term. Products like Orajel or other similar topical anesthetics can often be found in pharmacies over-the-counter for cheap, and you can apply it in small amounts directly to your clit to numb it for up to a few hours at a time, perfect for during anal play or sex. Do this for a while to see what it’s like to have no clitoral sensation before determining your long-term goals.

Message: Penis/Clit Denial Increases Anal Pleasure for Everybody

Samy: Hello! Even though I’m a gay bottom, I’ve always loved your blogs. A few months ago, reading on clitoral denial again, I thought: “hey, why wouldn’t I try it myself?” So, I did exactly like you recommend here: I asked my partners not to pay any sort of attention to my penis any more, I stopped touching it altogether, I started playing with my ass more often, and whenever I felt the urge to masturbate my penis, I masturbated my ass instead.

And it works! Little by little, the urge for penis stimulation decreased, and the pleasure I’m getting from my ass went through the roof, both during sex and during solo play! My partners also noticed a HUGE improvement, they say my ass feels much better, more reactive to the fucking it gets, and they find me much more submissive and slutty and eager to please.

Now I regret not having done this way sooner. Even psychologically, I now perceive my ass as my only sexual organ. I really recommend anal sex and penile/clitoral denial to anybody who likes being penetrated, it’s a life changer! Thank you so much for your blogs!

It really is a life- and game-changer. The challenge is getting started and getting past old habits, but if you stick with it, excluding non-anal stimulation, whether it be penile or clitoral, really does make anal that much better, as you’ve discovered.

I’ve heard from a lot of different people over the years who have taken the same step and moved to pure 100% anal stimulation only, whether by simply stopping all non-anal stimulation, or through physical chastity or even more permanent options such as surgical removal of their clitoris, that all arousal shifts to their ass and their sexuality becomes completely centered around anal penetration rather than their genitals.

Just as there’s a huge difference between having anal sex regularly and excluding vaginal penetration to be anal only, there’s a similarly large difference between being anal only with clitoral or penis stimulation and being truly anal only, where anal penetration is the exclusive source of pleasure. It’s hard to understand without having tried it, but it significantly boosts arousal and unlocks new pleasures and anal desires and abilities you didn’t know were possible for yourself before.

If someone doesn’t feel ready to take this step or is happy with a combination of stimulation and doesn’t find that it interferes with their long-term pleasure or commitment to being anal only, that’s certainly fine, and you can absolutely be anal only without giving up penis or clit stimulation, but if you want to dive deeper into the anal only lifestyle and experience it even more fully, this is a great way to do it and I highly recommend it for everyone to at least try for a while.

Minimize Clit Stimulation to Maximize Anal Pleasure

For more information on this topic, see our guide to the Benefits of Avoiding Clitoral Stimulation During Anal Sex.


In our vagina- and clit-centric world, the idea of excluding clitoral stimulation in order to enjoy greater pleasure seems counterintuitive, but it’s in fact the reality for most women that focusing on pure anal stimulation will lead to more intense pleasure and orgasms in the long term—or, if you’re lucky, even in the short term.

The reason for this is that while the clitoris is an easy path to orgasm for most women, it’s a much more short-term and less-rewarding sort of orgasm compared one from pure anal. And clitoral stimulation often overpowers and gets in the way of the more subtle and nuanced anal stimulation needed to orgasm that way, preventing that more intense pleasure from forming.

It’s not just that anal pleasure is better, it’s that clitoral and vaginal pleasure can interfere with that better pleasure. Excluding clitoral and vaginal stimulation entirely boosts arousal, allows the focus to be entirely on anal, and amplifies everything.

If you’re just starting out with anal play or anal sex, you may want to include clitoral stimulation to help with relaxation and developing the association between anal penetration and pleasure through the use of existing pleasure sources, but once you’re able to reliably enjoy anal sex, it’s worthwhile to start exploring anal stimulation entirely on its own without the influence of clitoral stimulation, and see what pure anal pleasure can bring you.

Message: I Want My (Still) Side Girl AO

Thecraver: I’ve been fucking this cute girl for four years, pretty younger than me (she was 18 when we first met, I was 28) and we see each other once in six months or so. She never gave up on me; she has vaginismus and I think I was the only man to deal with it patiently and at the same time challenging her on sex. We developed an anal-focused relation (I hadn’t even heard of the AO lifestyle back then), but as we grew more and more intimate, she began to try it on her vagina. I honestly don’t want her that way. I care for her and sometimes even think of breaking up with my wife to be with her full time, but always AO. What’s the best approach to tell her and engage her on the lifestyle?

Tell her that you really like her and having sex with her, but that vaginal sex isn’t really your thing and that you would rather just keep doing anal sex only with her. Tell her how sexy it was that you were so anal centric together and only did anal for so long, and that you’d like to go back to that.

You never know, she may prefer anal as well and could be doing vaginal just because she thinks it’s expected and what you want. That’s not too uncommon. Especially if she has vaginismus, vaginal is likely going to be less comfortable than anal or more prone to pain.

Your best bet is to start a conversation, without making her feel bad or being accusatory or demanding in any way, and just see where things go from there. Lay out your preference, but also make sure she knows that it’s not because there’s anything wrong with her or her vagina, it’s just that you prefer anal sex and you liked being anal only together and would like to continue that dynamic together.

Message: I Hate My Clit

Anonymous: Hi, I’ve read some other messages like this on your blog so I know I’m not alone, but I still wonder sometimes how normal this is, because it seems to go so against what most people think.

I’m anal only for more than the past year now and I had to struggle a lot at first to stop using my clit until I could really cum easily from anal and got past my urges to rub my clit.

Sometimes still, I feel like touching it but when I do, I always feel bad after, like I’m not being true to my anal only self and goals when I do so, and it’s just less emotionally satisfying after compared to when I just cum from anal, which feels great and I don’t feel bad after, so it’s by far how I prefer to cum.

Do you have any advice? I would prefer to just not get any urge to touch my clit anymore so I don’t get distracted, because even though I know that I don’t want to touch it and will regret it, in the moment sometimes I just do it anyway and then hate the fact that I did so afterwards.

I think it is a relatively normal thought for a perhaps surprisingly high number of women, especially among those who are anal only, but even those who aren’t sometimes.

That said, it doesn’t apply to everyone, and this answer isn’t meant to apply to everyone universally either. Some have very positive relationships with their clits and clit stimulation, and that’s great if it works for them.

In your position, it sounds like you know what you want and need and just need to work on eliminating those remaining urges. In some regards, you have to look at it from the perspective of a bad habit that you want to break and apply similar techniques towards your clit.

Visualize how you would feel after if you gave in whenever you feel the urge to touch it. It sounds like you have enough past experience to draw on for this to be a somewhat effective deterrent.

Use numbing gels like Orajel to temporarily remove sensation from your clit when masturbating or during sex, to eliminate the temptation to rub it. If you are worried about giving in to clitoral stimulation, just put a dab of numbing gel onto it.

Some women have had success with botox injections into the clit to reduce or remove sensation for a more extended period of time. You can talk to your doctor about the possibility of this—in some cases if you find unwanted clit stimulation particularly distracting or reducing your quality of life, you may qualify for having this done.

It’s a lot more difficult to achieve in the western world due to concerns about nonconsensual genital mutilation, but some women have had success with surgical removal. This probably won’t apply or appeal to most people, and one should only pursue it if they know absolutely that it’s what they want and have given it an extended period of thought, but it can be a viable option for someone who knows they want to live a completely clitless life with no opportunity for future temptation.