Category: Anal Advice

Posts containing advice about anal sex and the anal only lifestyle. For more general anal advice, see our Anal Sex Advice and Guide to the Anal Only Lifestyle page.

Discussion: Wife Doesn’t Want to Train for Anal

My wife is the type that gets very submissive when she is very horny. So one day I asked for anal and she said yes. We tried it right then and there and she orgasmed. I’m a little girthy, so I just got a little more than the head in. It was great for both, but she doesn’t seem to want to prep for it. I don’t want to hurt her so we use tons of lube, and I give her full control of depth and motion, but I eventually want go deeper. I’m just not sure its will be possible without doing typical anal prep (fingering, plugs, etc), which she isn’t too keen on. Its like she only wants it when she’s fuck-drunk.

He gets some good responses, but I’m going to give my perspective as well, as this is something I’ve occasionally encountered myself: a woman who wants anal but doesn’t want to masturbate or train for it. In a later response, he mentions that they’ve at times had vaginal sex while he fingers her ass or wears a butt plug, and she’s okay with that, but it doesn’t lead to anal sex in the moment.

That is the approach I would take going forward—combining anal play with other sexual activity she already enjoys, and through that combination helping build her desire for anal sex more frequently while also helping to train her ass to get used to more frequent penetration and use sexually. The more often she does that, the more she will open up to doing anal play as the primary act, and will be more ready for when she does want anal sex, which she’ll in turn get more comfortable with doing and want more frequently as well.

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Message: Anal Negativity is Frustrating

Anonymous: I appreciate you finding articles and discussions to post here and respond to from your perspective, but it is frustrating to see just how negative and ignorant people still are about anal sex!

It’s easy within our bubble of anal love and positivity to forget that a lot of people still haven’t discovered the truth about anal sex yet and not only buy into the pervasive myths that still surround anal, they continue to spread them to others despite having no experiences of their own to base them on.

Things are still improving overall, however, and there’s more easily accessible information than ever about how to enjoy anal. As more people speak positively about anal sex and the anal only lifestyle, and open up about them to friends, sharing personal experiences that supplant the impersonal myths, jokes and general negativity and encourage people to explore it for themselves. If you love anal, and you have friends that you feel comfortable talking about sex with, start talking to them about it, and if they have questions, try to be helpful and encouraging.

For more information on this topic, see our Helping to Advocate the Anal Only Lifestyle to Others page in our new Anal Sex & Anal Only Lifestyle Guide.

Message: Cleaning Every Time I Go to the Bathroom

Anonymous: I went anal only over a year ago after finding your blogs on Tumblr and I just love it. I’m a committed anal only girl now who’s totally sold on the idea and using my pussy again doesn’t interest me at all. But I wanted to share some advice for other girls doing anal sex and going anal only, because I used to worry a lot about cleanliness, and doing an enema before each time kinda got in the way of spontaneous sex.

So what I do now is I keep an enema bulb in my bathroom and whenever I use the toilet, I just wash it out after I’m done with some warm water and then I’m good for the rest of the day. It helps that I have regular digestion so I only need to do this once a day and I’m always clean and ready for sex otherwise. I can have anal all I want and do ass to mouth (which I love 💖) without worry. It really helped take care of one of the things that kept me from going anal only before and has made all the difference for me so I really suggest it to others!

That’s a great piece of advice, thank you for sharing, and thanks for sharing your story as well. I’m glad my blogs helped inspire you to try going anal only for yourself and discover just how great it is!

I’ve heard of other women doing similar things with a daily enema/anal douche/rectal flush after going to the bathroom as a regular part of their bathroom routine, and it seems to really work for people so long as you use just a small amount of water and don’t go too deep with your enema. (For more information on good/safe enema practices, see our page on anal hygiene in our new guide to anal sex and the anal only lifestyle.) Some will go so far as to attach an enema hose to their shower head or get a bidet for their toilet (which helps with hygiene on its own) that has an enema attachment.

Message: Can a Woman Get to Where She Doesn’t Need Foreplay Before Anal?

Anonymous: Hi! I was thinking to myself: can I girl evolve her anal sex sex skills to the point of no longer needing any kind of foreplay? Can a woman become a anal sex machine? Perhaps it’s a stupid question, but I’m curious.

Thank you for reading. Love your blog.

Everyone is different and may have different needs, and conditions can change even day-to-day sometimes, but in general it’s certainly possible for people to get to the point where they need little to no warmup before having anal sex. There are those who just need a dab of lube and they’re good to go.

This is most commonly achieved by maintaining a regular schedule of frequent anal sex, masturbating with a dildo on days you aren’t able to have anal sex, and wearing a butt plug in between. The frequent use keeps your anal muscles in a warmed up state and more or less eliminates the need to warm up in advance of having sex. The regular practice also helps you develop more conscious anal muscle control and learn how to relax them more easily without needing to warm up beforehand. Doing anal exercises (like kegels but with your ass) can help with this, as well as practicing pushing out during anal penetration, which helps relax and open up your ass to the penetrating object.

However, even to an “anal sex machine”, to use your phrase, if they go a while without any anal penetration, they’ll need to work through a warmup period again to get back into things. It takes less time, though, after you’re already experienced, and is a bit like riding a bicycle.

Message: My Spastic Butthole

Ok. This is the second message I send to the blog and I hope you answer it too.
I’m the brazilian girl who had a broken pussy and a anal addicted boyfriend (nowadays my husband), but wanted to try v****** “sex”. It’s improbable that you remember, but ok. Here I go.

I have a soft brain palsy what made almost every muscle of mine more rigid than normal, including my butthole. It sucks.

At this point, I suppose that you already can guess what my problem is. Yeah, I discovered that’s the reason why I can’t be penetrated in my wronghole. But it also disturbs my pleasure while doing anal.

I don’t want to fuck using a anesthetic lube or this kind of shit, but I cannot train my butthole’s endurance because I have no control over it. Sometimes I watch those porn girls doing huge insertions, fisting and hatefuck and I feel like crying, full of envy. I feel myself impotent, like I’m not enough, like I’ll never become a more-than-good buttslut to my husband. My ass does not even loose up if I’m not rubbing my clit, and I cannot masturbate my asshole at the same time because I have only one functional hand.

I couldn’t give my man a nice Christmas assfucking due this problem. I’m about to freak out! Please, help me! My case is too specific for Google.

I suspect I would remember your earlier message, but I’m not sure offhand from just what you’ve said here. If you find your previous message in our archives, feel free to send a link to me and I can cross-link or tag them so that readers can easily follow the full conversation across posts.

Definitely don’t use an anesthetic lube, as that will only mask any pain, not prevent the root issue of muscle tightness/cramping. And where there’s pain, there’s risk of injury as a result of those tight muscles. What you need is a way to relax and warm up your muscles instead.

While it sounds like you’re experienced with anal sex at this point, you might want to go back to the early stages of anal training for solo play on your own and as warmup before sex. Lie on your side and rub your clit or use a vibrator on it while rubbing across and around your anus with a finger from your other hand and try to relax your anal muscles as you do so, then slip your finger inside as you feel ready to do so, and keep gradually going up in size from there. If smaller sizes cause you no trouble, try working around the edge of where larger sizes cause difficulty and discomfort. Even without such a medical condition, everyone has some anal muscles they can learn to consciously control and others that are involuntary, so while it may be more difficult for you, there may still be some benefits to working on this more often. Read our new anal training guide for more details on this topic if needed.

Depending on how much warmup you do before sex, you may need to do the above before you start a session, as well as rubbing your clit while your husband performs oral sex on your ass to further help it relax.

For clitoral stimulation during anal masturbation, you might look for a clitoral vibrator that attaches and stays in places so you don’t need to hold it. Venus butterfly vibrators and others similar to this sit in place over your pussy with bands that go around your legs to hold it there so it can keep vibrating against your clit hands-free.

Similarly, a dildo with a suction cup can help you to masturbate hands-free while you have one hand on your clit and ride up and down on a dildo without needing to hold it.

Finally, a doctor may be able to suggest exercises to help with pelvic floor muscle tightness or spasms, and may be able to prescribe muscle relaxers as well. I am not a doctor, a while I can offer suggestions on adapting certain techniques to help with people who have difficulty with tightness, discomfort or pain, I’m far from an expert on specific conditions.

I hope this is at least somewhat helpful, however, and I absolutely wish you the best in figuring out a way to effectively and consistently enjoy anal sex to the full extent of what you want. Do please feel free to follow up if you have more questions or updates.

I’ve also sent this post to someone from the Anal Only Lifestyle Discord server who can provide more perspective and a more detailed answer regarding your condition, and they will be responding in the comments of this post, so be sure to check back there as well.

Article: “I prefer anal sex—but is it safe?”

Vaginal sex has never been any good for me. It’s not especially painful – only at first and then I feel mostly numb and a bit icky. I’ve always done it in relationships, but when my fiancé guessed I didn’t like it much we stopped completely. That was over a year ago. Since then we’ve explored alternatives and our sex life is great. I’ve found the best way for me to orgasm is through anal sex and using a vibrator on my clitoris. My boyfriend, I think, would prefer vaginal. Last night I went to a talk about women, confidence and pleasure. One of the speakers was asked about anal sex and said it was just something that was fashionable – that no woman likes it; those who do it are just pretending to be cool to keep their boyfriends happy; and that men who want it are likely gay or bi. They also said it’s a health risk and harms your body, but didn’t explain how. This has made me very anxious. Should we stop?

So begins an article at The Telegraph. This is why people who don’t know anything about anal sex shouldn’t be talking authoritatively about it and spreading myths and fear. Here’s a woman safely practicing anal sex and the anal only lifestyle, and greatly preferring it to vaginal, and she’s being falsely told that she’s wrong to prefer it because no woman actually likes it, and that it’s harmful.

I wasn’t at the talk you went to – but it’s a real shame you left an event about ‘women, confidence and pleasure’ feeling worried and uncertain.

It’s also not clear if the speaker was sharing their own opinions about anal sex, or if they were speaking in a more official, educational capacity.

Either way it doesn’t really matter.

They may have their reasons for disapproving of anal sex. But not all they said was accurate.

Unfortunately, the response ends up taking a similar tone towards the end and though it hedges it a bit by saying that it’s her choice to prefer anal, she should try to enjoy vaginal sex instead.

While enjoying anal is evidently your preference and choice, I did want to pick up on why you don’t like vaginal sex. You say “It’s not especially painful, I just feel mostly numb during it and it feels a bit icky”.  I don’t want to talk you into something you don’t like, but if vaginal sex has always been a source of physical discomfort it might be worth finding out why, rather than dismissing it.

Not everyone enjoys vaginal sex, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Stop trying to make it what’s “normal” and disliking it “abnormal”, and instead recognize that some prefer vaginal, some prefer anal, some prefer oral, and some have other preferences yet. Being anal only is a perfectly valid choice and preference for many people.

Continue Reading at The Telegraph

Announcing the new Guide to the Anal Only Lifestyle

Merry Christmas! For years, we’ve been answering questions about anal sex and the anal only lifestyle and giving advice to countless people through this blog, and that’s never going to change! But, while manually migrating nearly 1,900 posts off Tumblr to the new version of this blog, it became clear that many of the same questions got answered over and over again over the years.

To prevent redundant posts going forward, we’re happy to announce a new section on this blog, accessible via the Guide link in the menu at the top of each page, Anal Sex Advice & Guide to the Anal Only Lifestyle. Broken into a number of key topics, this page attempts to answer in detail most of the frequently asked questions about anal training, myths about anal sex, hygiene and enemas, types of lubricant, butt plug and dildo recommendations, how to have anal sex for the first time, how to have anal orgasms, how to go anal only and why one might want to do so, dating and finding new partners for an anal only relationship, and more.

More topics will be added in time, and more details will be added to pages as relevant additions come up or are recommended. If you see anything missing or that you believe is incorrect or should be amended, please feel free to send a message or leave a comment on this post and let us know.

24/7 Butt Plugging

analo: Has anyone experience with 24/7 plugging?

It’s something you want to work up to over time. Wear a plug as long as it’s comfortable, then push past your limits a little bit, stopping if it really becomes painful or unpleasant. Try again the next day, and keep going from there. In time, you’ll be able to wear it all day aside from going to the bathroom or to clean. You just have to listen to your body.

Message: What Happened to My Stamina?

Asstronaut: I have currently been with my girlfriend for 6 years. At the beginning of our relationship we had one amazing anal experience(her first) she had an orgasm so intense she said her toes went numb…. The sounds she made…. On the other side of the coin, I had purchased her a tail plug which caused her a lot of pain. Long story short, after seeing that I had hurt her I didn’t ask again until last month. She is very receptive… But it’s been so long(almost 6 years)and her ass feels better than anything I’ve ever experienced in MY LIFE that I can not last any longer than it takes to get the head of my cock past her inner ring. The moment that I’m inside of her I cum….. Stamina is only an issue when we have anal. Any ideas?

I’ll start by saying that while anal certainly shouldn’t hurt and definitely doesn’t have to, encountering a painful experience once doesn’t mean you should just end it altogether. Pain means someone simply isn’t warmed up enough or prepared for what they’re doing, or the plug in question may have been an uncomfortable shape for her. Going forward, if there’s pain I’d say to stop and reassess in the moment but not give up on anal entirely.

Getting to your question, however, I suspect that it’s a combination of extreme tightness for her and your excitement about getting anal again. That excitement is understandable, and there’s not too much you can do about that, but the tightness you can work on together with some anal training and helping her better relax and open up for you. If it’s taking effort to get inside her, she could probably stand to have some more training and warmup before sex to help her relax.

If it really is just that it feels so much intensely better than anything else you’ve ever done, you may need to practice more to build up that stamina, which can mean more regular anal sex. Perhaps start with a lot of anal play for her and get her close to the edge, then switch out for yourself and finish there while getting her off at the same time, and over time work to last longer.

See also this past answer to a similar question: How to Last Longer With Anal

Perhaps some other readers could offer their suggestions as well.

Article: 5 Reasons Butt Sex Is The Best Sex Ever (Yup, We Said It)

An anal orgasm can truly be the best, most powerful orgasm you have ever had!

Ever wonder why anal sex is good? Well, it all depends on if you do it right. Just like the first time you had vaginal sex, you’re going to need to take it slow and ease into things. Above all, you need to make sure you are ready.

But when you get into the depth of things (so to speak), anal sex may just be your best sex EVER.

A good start to a good article, emphasizing the positivity of anal pleasure and helping people approach it with the right techniques and patience to ensure a good experience. From there, it goes into a list of reasons why it’s the best sex ever, which I’ll summarize below.

1. It shakes things up.

2. You orgasm in a completely different way.

3. It’s a great alternative for when you’re on your period.

4. It’s a gateway to new fun.

5. It makes for better foreplay.

Continue Reading at YourTango