Article: How Anal Sex Saved Our Marriage

Childbirth wasn’t kind to me. The beautiful birth experience I had imagined for myself – in a pristine pool with serene music playing and essential oils burning with possibly some cartoon woodland creatures gathering to greet the infant – didn’t quite happen that way. There was a lot of screaming, tearing, forceps and painkillers.

The most important thing was that my son Jasper was born healthy and we were both OK.

But at my six-week check-up, I was still sore and certainly nowhere near ready to have sex again.

I know a lot of women say they don’t feel like having sex for months or even years after having a baby, but that wasn’t me. The mind was willing, but the vagina objected quite strongly. And my husband Dan told me every day how keen he was too.

My doctor told me to give it another few weeks and then to go ahead and try to have sex, using lots of lubricant and taking it super slow. Jasper was a good sleeper, so Dan and I planned a romantic evening to try things out one Saturday night. While I fed Jasper and put him down to sleep, Dan lit a load of candles, poured the wine and put on some mood music.

Everything was right, but when we tried to have sex, I ended up in tears. I’m not sure how much of the problem was physical and how much was emotional, but I just couldn’t entertain the idea of letting Dan anywhere near my poor battered vagina.

The next week I was searching online for a solution to my problem when I came across an article about a couple who discovered anal sex after they’ve had a baby. She said that, although she’d never tried anal before, it had become her favourite type of sex now, and that she no longer had to worry about doing her vagina any more damage.

Dan and I had dabbled in anal sex a few times before and quite liked it, so a light bulb went on in my head. I got quite excited about the idea and sent Dan a text message at work that said, “Anal tonight?”

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Female Empowerment and the Anal Only Lifestyle

Our culture has long put a lot of obligations onto women when it comes to sex, and this is still something that many people are dealing with even today.

While men are looked upon in a positive way for having a lot of sex with multiple partners, women are often still treated negatively for the same. Among other reasons, the fact that sex has greater consequences for women in the form of pregnancy can lead to a culture that cautions women against enjoying sex more freely.

Also relating to pregnancy, the burden of birth control is predominantly on women. Men can wear condoms (and still should when partners aren’t tested), but any other form of birth control and its negative side effects is fully shouldered by women.

This is where the beauty of anal sex and the anal only lifestyle becomes clear: it allows people to enjoy the pleasure and intimacy of sex, without pregnancy being a factor. Anal is sex for the sake of sex, not piggybacking on top of a reproductive act and trying to make it into a non-reproductive act—something that anal provides naturally.

By having the ability to enjoy sex without any connection to reproductive, a lot of the baggage associated with that disappears, and women are able to enjoy it for what it is instead of fearing what it could be. There’s no longer a burden of birth control, or a stigma of promiscuity that stems from the fear of unwanted pregnancy.

Be empowered. Free yourself from the reproductive bonds of vaginal sex. Go anal only.

Message: Married Couple Gone AO

Paul: My wife turned me on to anal sex a few years into our marriage, over 15 years ago. I had absolutely no interest in it but she told me she had tried it with her ex and although it was only okay with him, she wanted to try with me. We both enjoyed it and started doing it with ever increasing regularity. We would start out with vaginal intercourse and quickly shift to anal.

My homosexual urges have also been steadily increasing over the years. We agreed I would only perform cunnilingus or vaginal intercourse upon request. She has been completely fine with this. I have been encouraging her for years to find a boyfriend but she is shy.

In the last six months I have entered her vagina twice. The last time, a few weeks ago, I did not enjoy it. She also told me she got no pleasure out of it and has not been for a while. She can only orgasm with clitoral stimulation. She is no longer interested in vaginal and only wants anal. We have different sex schedules. She masturbates at night with a massager to her clitoris while watching lesbian porn. I masturbate in the morning to gay porn. After about an hour of edging I wake her by inserting one, then two fingers in her anus for a few minutes. This drives her wild and we then have some seriously satisfying anal sex. She and I are both eager for me to find a boyfriend so I can also experience the pleasure.

Thanks for sharing. Sounds like a different dynamic than most who identify as anal only, but if it works for you, that’s great.

Message: I Don’t Think The Porn Industry is Great As It Is

Anonymous: Anal porn is becoming more common in porn and it’s great as many people enjoy it. But, I really don’t prefer mainstream porn because of many reasons, even if I prefer anal, I don’t think porn is a good way to learn how to do anal training. A few of my female friends who are currently anal only says that they don’t want to get into the porn industry, aside from the fact how quite disturbing the industry is, my friend confesses that there’s no room for anal only women in porn industry, despite many female adult stars saying they prefer anal and she says that if she were to become an adult star, she would have to do vaginal sex in order to attract the audience and to feel more “relevant” and “normal” as well.

Anal porn definitely isn’t instructional, and doesn’t generally provide proper warmup techniques. But that’s not what it’s for, it’s entertaining and inspirational. There are plenty of other places where you can find good guides on how to prepare for anal properly, including our very own Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle.

I definitely agree that there’s a problem with financial incentives minimizing the chances for someone in porn to be anal only. I’ve heard the same from a lot of women who work in the sex industry—they may prefer anal and only want it for themselves, but when working professionally won’t turn down requests for vaginal because that’s turning away money someone is offering you. That doesn’t have anything to do with the established industry specifically—cam performers and others working for themselves say the same, and it’s dictated more by what viewers want.

Clit Stimulation, Cunnilingus, and the Anal Only Lifestyle

A question that comes up from time to time is whether or not you should include clit stimulation or other external stimulation of the vulva like cunnilingus or the use of a vibrator in your sex life if you’re anal only.

Most fundamentally, the anal only lifestyle is about the exclusion of vaginal sex and the adoption of anal sex to fully replace it. If you do that, you can consider yourself anal only.

Clit denial and denial of all vaginal stimulation, internal or external, can also be consistent with the anal only lifestyle, and can provide additional benefits for those who want to adopt those restrictions, but isn’t explicitly necessary to be anal only.

If you need or want clit stimulation or cunnilingus in order to enjoy anal sex or to be anal only long-term, don’t feel that you have to stop them in order to call yourself anal only.

If, however, you notice some of the negative effects that can come from clit stimulation, such as loss of arousal or mood swings, or want to focus on purely anal pleasure and orgasms, then it’s also perfectly reasonable to try going without and only relying on anal stimulation.

It’s a personal choice. Neither is right or wrong. Enjoy what works best for you.

Message: I Have Always Preferred the Butt to Pussy

Anonymous: I have always preferred the butt to pussy. I don’t know why but I have always found vaginal to be pedestrian and boring. Anal and oral on the other hand I have always found to be far superior in all aspects.

When I was growing up my friends and classmates treated pussy like it was the be all, end all. One of my classmates however was very open about his desire for anal and was unapologetic about it. I sometimes wonder how many of my friends and classmates actually liked anal better but did not say anything out of fear of being labeled gay even though they wanted to do this with a female.

Of course I was in high school in the late 70’s and early 80s so things were not quite as open as they are now.

There are many people who do and have always felt this way, who had an innate preference for anal that didn’t evolve over time, it’s just always how we’ve been and part of who we are.

And then there are many others who didn’t start out that way, but discovered their love for anal over time.

Either way, it’s a great thing that more people are becoming comfortable with a preference for anal.

Forum: Girlfriend Feels Like She Has to Poop

hi, my girlfriend seems open to the idea of anal sex and enjoys it when i finger her butt. but when i get my finger deeper (like after the second knuckle) she complains that it feels like she has to poop, which i guess is not a sensation she enjoys. is this common? any advice on what to do?

Several good responses follow, including:

Its mental cause she is a newby. Assure her that she doesnt have to, that if she did you wont freak out and just try to get her to relax. Combine however she likes her clit played with with the anal fingering. You need her to tie them together mentally. I dont want to use the term brainwash but when i first met my wife she had never liked anal now she cant cum without some sort of anal stimulation. Its all about building the pleasure association.

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Message: Anal Help

Sue: 3 questions.

1. How can I ensure a clean anal session!?

2. How to prepare my butthole!?

3. What kind of plugs would you suggest!?

Thanks open to all advice:-)

Hi Sue, thanks for the questions. We actually have a Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle which answers all of these in detail.

Hope that helps, and please follow up with any more questions you might have if there’s anything not answered there!