Category: Messages From Readers

A majority of the content on this blog is messages from readers, whether requests for advice, venting of frustrations, or shared stories and experiences. If you have your own question to ask or comment to share, send us a message.


Message: Married Couple Gone AO

Paul: My wife turned me on to anal sex a few years into our marriage, over 15 years ago. I had absolutely no interest in it but she told me she had tried it with her ex and although it was only okay with him, she wanted to try with me. We both enjoyed it and started doing it with ever increasing regularity. We would start out with vaginal intercourse and quickly shift to anal.

My homosexual urges have also been steadily increasing over the years. We agreed I would only perform cunnilingus or vaginal intercourse upon request. She has been completely fine with this. I have been encouraging her for years to find a boyfriend but she is shy.

In the last six months I have entered her vagina twice. The last time, a few weeks ago, I did not enjoy it. She also told me she got no pleasure out of it and has not been for a while. She can only orgasm with clitoral stimulation. She is no longer interested in vaginal and only wants anal. We have different sex schedules. She masturbates at night with a massager to her clitoris while watching lesbian porn. I masturbate in the morning to gay porn. After about an hour of edging I wake her by inserting one, then two fingers in her anus for a few minutes. This drives her wild and we then have some seriously satisfying anal sex. She and I are both eager for me to find a boyfriend so I can also experience the pleasure.

Thanks for sharing. Sounds like a different dynamic than most who identify as anal only, but if it works for you, that’s great.

Message: I Have Always Preferred the Butt to Pussy

Anonymous: I have always preferred the butt to pussy. I don’t know why but I have always found vaginal to be pedestrian and boring. Anal and oral on the other hand I have always found to be far superior in all aspects.

When I was growing up my friends and classmates treated pussy like it was the be all, end all. One of my classmates however was very open about his desire for anal and was unapologetic about it. I sometimes wonder how many of my friends and classmates actually liked anal better but did not say anything out of fear of being labeled gay even though they wanted to do this with a female.

Of course I was in high school in the late 70’s and early 80s so things were not quite as open as they are now.

There are many people who do and have always felt this way, who had an innate preference for anal that didn’t evolve over time, it’s just always how we’ve been and part of who we are.

And then there are many others who didn’t start out that way, but discovered their love for anal over time.

Either way, it’s a great thing that more people are becoming comfortable with a preference for anal.

Message: Anal Only With Trans Girlfriend

Steven: Hello. First of all, thank you for all your work, I’ve been a big fan for years. I’m seeking advice. It’ll be a bit long, and quite peculiar to explain…

I’m a 32yo male who’s been into anal for a long, long time (my first time at 16yo was anal, we had no condom and no birth pill, and it’s been my favorite way to fuck ever since). Four years ago, I met a girl through a dating site. Both our profiles mentioned “anal only”, our mutual pictures pleased each other very much, and we got a very good contact through chatting. We met at a bar and connected immediately: she’s smart, funny, extremely sexy and feminine, classy. She offered me to go to her place (you bet I will), and we jumped at each other as soon as the door closed.

When I got to her last layer of clothes, I had two surprises: she was wearing beautiful backless panties and a jewel plug in her ass (yum), and there was an unmistakable bulge on the front of her panties – a small bulge, yet one which shape was very obvious… I had previously never slept with a Tgirl and it wasn’t something I was particularly seeking, but I’m open-minded, I loved absolutely everything else about her, and I hadn’t been planning to do anything with her crotch anyway – my attention was focused on everything else, particularly her beautiful ass and its beautiful hole…

We had a very intense and wild night, so good in fact that we spent the next day together. Two months later, she was selling her apartment and moving to my place. Four years later, here we are, still a couple, and enjoying the Hell out of it.

During all this time, you have to understand we never, ever talked about what she used to be. All her appearance, behaviour, friends, etc. indicate she’s always been a woman. Even her parents (who love me, I have the “ideal son-in-law” type) never mentioned it, all the pictures they keep of her show a cute girl. In our everyday lives, she always wears something that hides her crotch – she has a very large assortment of backless panties to wear during sex (and jewel plugs to go with it). She never touches her crotch during sex, and I certainly don’t. The only thing that may happen is that she cums in her panties without any stimulation while I fuck her (sometimes she cums even while deepthroating me), and that rather turns me on (it has no consequence, I can keep fucking her as long and as hard as I want after she cums, and I generally do just that).

So, it’s been quite a shock when she talked about her past for the first time last night. She’s been brooding lately, which is unusual for her, so I asked her if everything was OK. She answered that when she started her transition (!) years ago, she swore to herself she would be a complete woman at 30yo. Now, she was 29yo, the only missing thing was to turn her genitals into a pussy (from what I understand, her balls stopped producing hormones years ago), but she wasn’t sure she wanted to get a pussy any more: I’m anal only, she’s always been anal only/ignoring her genitals (and loved it that way), and she didn’t feel like going through a long and painful and risky surgical procedure to get something we wouldn’t use anyway. But on the other hand, she did promise to turn into a “complete woman” by 30yo, and she still wanted to be one, so she didn’t know what to do.

And then, she asked me what I felt about it. I told her it was a very complex matter, and I needed some time to phrase my feelings correctly.

To you, I’ll say what I feel very bluntly: the idea that she gets her cock and balls removed pleases and turns me on a lot (much more than I thought it would), but I’d rather have her keep those if her alternative is to get a vagina and clitoris instead.

The thing that makes our sex so perfect is how obvious it is: from the very start of her sexuality, she ignored her genitals and focused on her ass, she’s completely disinhibited about it (for example, from day one she does ass to mouth like it’s the most natural thing in the world, it doesn’t even feel naughty). That makes her ideal for my own sexuality – there’s only one hole to fuck down there, nothing on her front to act as distraction, no orgasm but anal orgasms, we complete each other totally. Her getting a vagina and clitoris would ruin that balance: either she doesn’t use them and what’s the point, or she does, and it breaks what she’s always been and what we are.

I’d rather have her keep her boy genitals, which are so much smaller than mine that it actually arouses me. I thought a lot about it, and ideally, it’d probably be the best for her to get a “fake pussy”: no vagina hole, no clitoris, but no cock or balls either, just a stylized pussy shape that’d be a lot simpler and safer to build surgically. That way, she’d be at ease in a bathing suit/if she has to take a shower naked in front of people, and she could feel more like a “complete woman” (which, frankly, she already is to me), but without breaking our balance. I would love that very much. But I don’t know if it’s legal/where to get that safely, and how she’d react to my suggestion.

And another thing: do I have the right to tell her how I feel? It’s not my body. I’m just her boyfriend, and we only know each other for four years. Who am I to decide?

Everything I read from you make me feel we have similar views on things, I think you can understand me, and I really could use your opinion. Thanks!

Ultimately, it’s her body and she has the right to do what she wants with it, but she’s also asking your opinion. I think you should be honest with her, but preface your thoughts by saying that most of all you want her to do what she wants for herself. Tell her that you love that she is anal only and that she doesn’t have anything else to get distracted by. Tell her that you think she’s wonderful the way she is, but that if were to change, you still would want to stay anal only with her. You could even tell her about the idea of a decorative but nonfunctional vulva as a compromise, and see what she thinks about it. If she likes the idea, then she could start talking to surgeons who perform such procedures and see whether it’s an option.

Be honest, be open, and be supportive of her. Try to just have a good, healthy conversation about it together and listen to each other. Good luck, and let us know where you end up.

Message: You Can Definitely Learn to Love Anal

Anonymous: I read the post last week that criticized you for encouraging women to learn to love anal and keep practicing if they don’t enjoy it. I think that was really unfair, because women can definitely learn to love anal. I know because I’m a woman who started out in her same position and hated anything to do with my ass but my husband when we were dating in college really wanted to do anal with me and we talked about it and I agreed to try because I loved and trusted him and he started slowly and gently and showed me that I could actually feel really good with something in my ass and over a few months got me to where I begged him to fuck my ass. We’re still together and six years later we’re in an anal only marriage.

Was it hard at first? Sometimes, yes, but because he helped me to see the appeal and made me want it, I was willing to put in the effort to first try what he wanted, and then start to want it myself. But if you don’t want it, you won’t put in that effort and you’ll resist and resent what he wants to try, and that leads to never enjoying it.

Thanks for sharing, and you’re exactly right. I think anyone can learn to love anal, but they have to want to learn it. And if they’re coming into it from a position of being pressured or resenting their partner for making them do something they don’t want to, chances are they won’t enjoy it.

But if you like the idea and want to learn how to do it right, that will go a long way towards making you love a cock up your ass.

Message: Anal Only Dating

Jim: Can you give an article on dating and how to approach those who you don’t know if they would be receptive to anal only or not?

Ah, the eternal question: how do I meet someone who shares the same sexual desires as me without scaring off people who might be into it but aren’t comfortable enough with me yet to say so?

This is actually the topic of a chapter in our Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle, entitled Dating & Finding New Partners in the Anal Only Lifestyle.

Message: Not a Monolith

Anonymous: As a married woman who despises anal sex married to a man who has attempted to pressure me for years to go AO, I hope you understand anal is not the answer or even pleasurable for every woman. We are now divorcing over this issue.

I’m happy spaces like this exist for my soon to be ex husband, but in the same way his sexual wants are entirely valid, so are mine.

Not all women will eventually find anal enjoyable. Please understand that’s okay too. I think your blog can be very pushy that women can be ‘convinced’ to like anal, and if they don’t like it, they’ve just been doing it wrong, or had bad experiences with it. I’m sure that is sometimes the case, but not always. As someone who’s former partner spent years linking this blog to me, I just felt the need to come out and say this –

I don’t like anal, because it’s just not my preference, it physically doesn’t feel good to me. It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t feel ‘dirty’. I just don’t like the sensation.

Thank you for sharing this message. It’s an important one. Not everyone does enjoy or prefer anal, and that’s okay.

That fact has been pointed out on this blog in the past, but as it has grown, and the majority of people reaching out have been those with an existing preference for, or open curiosity about anal sex, the tone has inadvertently ended up shifting somewhat, and I think it’s necessary to get a bit more grounded in recognizing that while it’s reasonable for someone to discuss anal sex and the anal only lifestyle with their partner, and try it together if they’re willing, not everyone is going to be interested or like it, and continuing to push them after they’ve made that clear will only push them away.

You can’t force liking anal or being anal only on someone, and trying to do it with someone who doesn’t enjoy it will backfire. Everyone has to be open and willing to try in order for something like anal only to work, and consent is essential in all things sexual.

Message: Don’t Lose Your Vaginal Virginity

Anonymous: I was never interested in vaginal sex, my first time was anal but later i ended up losing my vaginal virginity so i could feel more “normal” and i regret it deeply. So i just want to tell all the virgin women who read this blog, don’t lose your vaginal virginity. You will regret it like i did.

I agree, for those who prefer anal and are vaginal virgins, it’s much better to stay anal only and not bother with vaginal sex. If someone really wants to try both, it can be reasonable to compare both—you’ll almost definitely end up preferring anal anyway—but if you don’t want to give up your vaginal virginity, don’t do it. You will regret it.

You can always try vaginal later if you change your mind, but you can’t become a vaginal virgin again, and the biggest regret of most women who started with anal and then tried vaginal later is wasting their vaginal virginity on discovering that they hated vaginal and just wanted to go back to anal only.

Message: I Hate My Pussy

Anonymous: I’m a girl and i don’t wanna be a boy but I just hate having a pussy. It’s been 5 years since I went anal only but during this períod i touched my clit many times, to avoid touching my clit i avoid getting turned on with pictures and videos. I don’t know what to do anymore i just wish i didn’t have a clit cause i think that someone is only 100% anal only if they dont touch their pussy ever again.

It sounds like you hate your pussy because it tempts you for stimulation and you find it hard to resist, which conflicts with your strong desire to be pure anal only.

I would encourage you to step back and reassess things a little bit. Yes, you have a pussy. Yes, it can cry out for stimulation and beg to be touched sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you need to use it. You have an asshole to play with instead. When you get horny and feel the urge to rub your clit, finger and play with your asshole instead. Do this multiple times a day and over time, your urges will shift away from your clit.

You can also use numbing gels like orajel, tape over your pussy, a chastity belt, backless panties, and a variety of other things to help yourself move away from your clit and towards being fully anal only without clit stimulation.

That said, everyone has their own definition of what it is to be anal only, and for many women, that includes some or even lots of clitoral stimulation. If you really struggle without your clit, maybe being anal only for you should mean no vaginal penetration but the occasional clit stimulation if you need to without feeling guilty about it. Ultimately, it’s up to you.

Don’t hate yourself or who you are or even parts of yourself. Yes, you may choose to be anal only, and that’s a great thing, which means that your pussy isn’t part of sex for you, but it is still a part of your body, and you can choose to love it in its own way, how it’s always empty and unused and shows how horny you are while you ignore it and play with your better hole instead.

Message: Anal Only Not Desirable In Mainstream Porn?

Anonymous: Okay, so I know that half of female pornstars enjoy (or even prefer anal) anal and has cum hard from anal. I read that there are pornstars that want to go anal only in porn as well as in their personal life, but why do producers see anal only as undesirable? I do understand why they want the girls who prefer anal to still do vaginal for money-related reasons or bcuz of the audience who complain that they do too much anal

It comes down to professionals not wanting to limit themselves and their earning potential, usually. While a growing number of people prefer to watch anal-centric or anal only porn, there’s still a big market of people who want to see vaginal and other things, so porn actors often will do everything in order to be desired by and make money from all the different audiences.

However, I hope to see more specialization in the future, with actors refusing to do vaginal scenes and only do pure anal. Viewer’s interests drive porn trends to some extent, but porn trends ultimately also help drive what people are interested in, so a shift to anal only in porn will get more and more people into pure anal in their own lives and in turn increase the demand for pure anal porn.

Message: Telling a Guy I Want to Lose My Virginity to Anal Only

This message was sent to the Anal Only Bdsmlr porn blog, and is being cross-posted here.

Anonymous: Starting out my sex life, if one would like to really be anal only. You think it would be creepy for a young girl to ask a boy for anal the first time? Or exlpain she only wants to do it if it’s anally? Just being aware that it’s not common enough yet, but really wanted to keep it anal only

Not at all. If anal only is what you want, tell that to someone if you’re going to have sex with them. If they don’t respect that, then you shouldn’t be having sex with them anyway.

Now, you may not want to just say it right away if you just met them. Get to know them, and when you’re ready to have sex, bring it up and start talking about it.

Tell him that you want to be anal only and not do vaginal sex, and chances are he’ll love it.