Category: Messages From Readers

A majority of the content on this blog is messages from readers, whether requests for advice, venting of frustrations, or shared stories and experiences. If you have your own question to ask or comment to share, send us a message.


Message: Receiving Anal as a Straight Man

Anonymous: What are your thoughts on straight men who enjoy receptive anal? I’m asking since it seems more stigmatized than anal with women or non-straight men.

I think that anal sex, anal play, and the anal only lifestyle can be enjoyed by and is open to everyone. Personally, my primary interest is in women who make the conscious decision to not have vaginal sex in favor of anal only, and that influences the content here to some degree, but you’ll find that within the broader community there are a wide variety of male and female cis- and transgender people who enjoy and embrace the anal only lifestyle.

Message: How to Tell New Boyfriend I’m Anal Only?

Anonymous: Hi! I’m 21, and I started my sexuality about one year and a half ago with an experienced boyfriend who taught me everything I know about sex.

Back then, when we started talking about doing it, he told me he was paranoid about unwanted pregnancy and didn’t trust condoms, so he suggested we do anal sex. I wasn’t against anal, but I didn’t want that as my first sexual experience. I offered alternatives like taking the pill, but every time, he would find some reason to decline and go back to his suggestion to only do anal, which led me to believe he was just finding excuses.

For four weeks, we only did hugging, kissing, caressing each other and oral sex. He patiently taught me how to give good blowjobs, and he would lick my anus. Little by little, he would massage my anus with his fingers and penetrate it a bit. Eventually, I gave up, and agreed to do anal sex.

I must say he was really nice and good at it: he bought me an enema pear and taught me how to use it (he even gave me a few enemas, it was humiliating but it was also hot somehow, and he gave good advice), he told me which diet I should follow, he advised me to masturbate only my ass when we couldn’t see each other, he explained the right postures and attitudes I should take during sex, and he went very slow on my ass, using only his fingers for the first sessions. Eventually, it was me who begged him to fuck my ass with his cock, and I had a lot of pleasure right away.

During all this time, we only did anal, and he discouraged me to touch my clit or vagina, telling me it would spoil the pleasure I got during sex. Anal just became an everyday normal thing, and eventually, I could take him easily and casually.

Our relationship eventually ended (not because of sex), and I got a new boyfriend, a good friend of his actually. But the problem is, the idea of vaginal sex now doesn’t appeal to me and actually terrifies me, I’d really like to resume the sexuality I’ve been following so far. I don’t know how to announce it to my new boyfriend without sounding like a complete slut, I only found excuses so far to avoid penetration, but he’s getting impatient, and is tired of me only giving him blowjobs, no matter how good they are.

What should I do? Should I open up to the idea of vaginal sex? In what way and with what words should I tell him I’d like anal penetration only? Thanks for your help.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, it sounds like you had an excellent introduction to anal sex and the anal only lifestyle with your ex-boyfriend, and he helped you see the benefits of being anal only and staying a vaginal virgin. It also sounds like that’s what you really want now, and if that’s the case, then I encourage sticking up for your desires and staying anal only!

As for how to tell your new boyfriend, just talk to him. Be honest. Communication is an important part of any relationship, and this is an important thing to communicate about. Tell him that you’d love to start having sex with him but that you’re an anal only girl and while you don’t want to do vaginal sex, you’d love to do anal and oral with him as often as he wants. If he’s like most guys, he’ll come around to the idea pretty quickly once he realizes he really can have anal sex with you all the time and cum in your ass without any fear of pregnancy.

I hope that helps, and please let us know how it goes!

Message: Better Orgasms Without My Clit

Krista: From reading your blog I decided to try and have anal orgasms by not using my clit and to my surprise they started to come easily for me once I stopped. It only took me a few times before they started, and they are already my favorite. I have lost interest in my clit because of them and wanted to say thank you!

You’re welcome, thanks for sharing. Everyone has different experiences, but in general, clit denial as a means of achieving anal orgasms is a great option, because clit stimulation tends to be an easier form of reaching orgasm at first, and so it can overpower the more subtle sensations and stimulations needed through anal to achieve pure anal orgasms. I encourage it for everyone to at least try!

Message: Rimming is the Best Introduction

CharlesO: Hey man, I want to thank you for all the information on this page, it really helped my girlfriend and me start doing anal regularly and now she’s agreed to try going anal only too starting this month, which is a real dream come true for me. I hope she loves it and we can stay anal only, fingers crossed! We’re going to try it until the end of the year for now.

The thing that really made it click for her was when I started rimming her every time we did anything sexual, and especially before any anal play. She loves how it feels and it drives her wild, makes her pussy drip, and she says she can feel it relax her, not just her asshole but her whole body. By the time I’m done she usually begs me to fuck her in the ass and it goes in really easily and doesn’t hurt her at all. And that was a big difference from before when she was agreeing to do it but it took more preparation and she would hurt and get sore and want to wait weeks between sometimes. Now we do it every day and she’s asking me for it instead of the other way around!

Glad that they were helpful for the two of you! I’ve been a strong proponent for education before anal in order to maximize enjoyment for everyone and ensure a lasting love of anal.

Thanks for sharing your experiences with rimming—that’s been my experience as well, and I highly recommend it for everyone looking to start having anal sex with their partner. Focus on her enjoyment through rimming and external play first and make her want more, and she’ll be much more eager to have anal sex.

Good luck with your anal only trial! It sounds like she’s going to love it and with any luck will want to stay fully anal only after the end of the year!

Message: Tell Your Friends About Anal Only

JennyAO: I read your article that encouraged AO girls to tell their friends about anal only, and encourage them to do it too, and I want to share how it worked for me. I have been doing it for a few years now, and I think this is a great idea, and that you are urging other AO women to do it!

My friends and I have always been really open about sexual topics, which made it easier, and they knew I loved anal. A few months after my boyfriend and I went anal only, I started telling them about that, too. Most of them thought I was crazy at first, even the ones who also liked anal. But we kept talking and when they saw how much I really liked it, their skepticism changed into curiosity and I encouraged them to try it too. We had started with one of your one month challenges and I told them to do the same.

I’m really proud to say that now a few years later, four of my six closest friends are also anal only, and one of them is mainly AO, but if her boyfriend wants it, sometimes she’ll still do vaginal (I’m still working on them). The sixth has not been convinced, but she does like anal. I think that if I can help her orgasm from anal, she might be convinced. She is the only one of us who has vaginal orgasms, so I think she doesn’t see the benefits as much as those of us who can only cum from anal.

Another advantage is that not only are we closer as friends (some of us now often have sex with each other and our partners), we can really help and encourage each other, it’s great to have a special support network for anal only. It has helped two of us stay anal only through a new relationship, and I think if we stay this close together, we will always stay anal only with each other’s encouragement.

So, I want to say the same as you did: tell your friends that you are anal only, and encourage them to do it too! For me, doing this changed my life in a very good way.

Thanks for sharing your wonderful experiences. I keep hearing similar stories from women who have had such success with open-minded friends and encouraging them to try also going anal only if they haven’t already. More often than not it ends in at least some of the friends being anal only too, and over time can continue to grow from there as a little local club of anal only girls.

This is a great way to keep spreading the anal only lifestyle to more people, because it’s local, and is based on hearing from and talking with people they know and trust and so they may be more inclined to actually try it for themselves.

Message: Wrong Way Enslavement

Veki: Dear! The main problem with people who are interested in this topic is lost of love. When two peoples do not love each other they are looking for love surrogates. “Only anal” concept is fake surrogate for soul emptiness. It is sin, wrong way of life, because this is like consumation of drugs. In the begining, iz feels fine and nice but during the time it becomes insufficient and you need more and more dosege to be able to survive to the end of day. Very quickly you will become overexcited and will start to search other, more extrem, perversion to satisfy your sick sexual madness. And this road goes to hell. On the end, man starts to hate himself because he find out that he is lost without love. I tell you this beacuse I had anal sex several years and find out how it was unnatural and dirty. Only love can save you. But you have no love because you hate women, nature nad God…you are slaves of your mad, insatiable desire. One day you will find that your soul is dying if you continue with this perversion. I hope that everyone of you will realise very soon how this sin is wrong for you and find salvation. God bless you.

Thank you for your concern, but I think you’re quite mistaken. While some people may use sex as a surrogate for love, that’s not specific to any sort of sex. There’s also nothing inherently wrong with casual sex. For people who have a healthy relationship with sex, anal sex can just be a more intensely pleasurable way of enjoying it, being intimate, and expressing sexuality without risking pregnancy. There are many, many loving anal only couples who use anal sex as their physical expression of that love and connection.

There’s also zero hatred of women here. In fact, many of the most enthusiastic members of this community are women who love anal sex because it gives them more pleasure than vaginal sex, and more sexual freedom to enjoy intimacy without risking pregnancy. The anal only lifestyle is empowering to women, in reality!

Message: Sending New Messages

Rhys: First up, thanks for the great work! I drop by most days (and practice what you preach..)
I just wanted to let you know that when viewed on a smartphone there is no obvious way to send a new message other than commenting on a post.
If you disagree I’ll be happy to send you a screenshot.
This may explain why you don’t get much reader feedback?
Perhaps you could engineer a more prominent button for messages?
Otherwise, good luck with it!

There’s actually a row of links under the blog title at the top of each page, which includes an “Ask” link. It could perhaps be renamed or made more prominent with a color.

Message: Stop Wasting Time on Vaginal Sex

Anonymous: Why do so many women say that anal is amazing, then they go back to vaginal sex? You’re wasting time on vaginal sex. After your first anal orgasm, you should go anal only! A real anal slut abandons vaginal sex and goes anal only.

There are a variety of reasons: some people aren’t ready to give up vaginal yet, or think they need to continue it to be normal or to be a “proper” woman, have a partner who wants it even if they don’t, don’t feel that they’re ready for full time anal sex yet, or have fears about some of the myths surrounding “too much” anal sex.

But yes, it’s a waste of time to continue focusing on vaginal sex when you could be unlocking the true pleasures of pure anal only and anal orgasms. I highly encourage making the transition from doing both vaginal and anal, or even from being “mostly anal only” to full time, 100% anal only.

Message: Panties for Anal Sex?

Anonymous: Hi, I was wondering if you could tell me the name of the panties I sometimes see girls wearing in porn where it covers their pussy but is open in the back for anal sex?

I really want some! I like keeping my pussy covered and I use tape but panties like this would be nice too for when I can’t tape my pussy. I love the idea of chastity but I’m too scared to get piercings or anything, so tape and other easy things would be great!

You can usually find those panties by searching for “backless panties” or “open back panties” or “cage back panties”. They’re an excellent option for any anal only woman and send a good signal to partners! I’ve even heard of a few anal only women who don’t wear any other kind of panties anymore.

Message: Anal Only With Trans Girlfriend, Part II

Steven: I wrote to you last June about my girlfriend who was hesitating between having a vaginoplasty (and finally having a 100% female body) and keeping her current genitals (because I’m anal only and so is she, so she wouldn’t use her new vagina and clit anyway).

I was checking out your site to get to your porn blog (which I love) and I saw your encouragement to share stories, so I thought I’d give you some news.

Shortly after reading your answer last June, I realized my hesitation to give my opinion to my girl came from the fact I was “just” her boyfriend, so I didn’t feel entitled to have such influence on her body. Therefore, I took a big decision: I programmed a special day that’d be perfect for her, and in the evening, I told her that I couldn’t answer her question as her boyfriend but would as her husband. Then I kneeled, offered her a ring, and asked her for marriage.

I don’t think I ever saw someone happier in my life, which was quite flattering, I think we all underestimate the fear of MtF people to be “good enough” to be girlfriends but not wives. After some good time together, I finally told her what I told you: that I was anal only, wasn’t interested at all in what was on her front, and would rather have her stay the way she was, except if she could get a purely decorative pussy which would make more sense than a full vaginoplasty (it’d also be cheaper and less risky for her health).

She actually agreed with me, and we started to make researches to check out our options. To our surprise, it turns out our desire is a common one: apparently, 15% of sex change operations are vulvoplasty and not vaginoplasty, meaning the cock and balls are removed and replaced by a vulva, but there is no vaginal cavity whatsoever, meaning only anal and oral penetration are possible. Here are some links for people interested:

https://www.mtfsurgery.net/vulvoplasty.htm

https://www.issm.info/news/research-summaries/why-do-transgender-women-choose-vulvoplasty/

https://www.grsmontreal.com/en/surgeries/male-to-female/2-vaginoplasty-without-vaginal-cavity.html

Notice they openly mention among reasons for getting a vulvoplasty and not vaginoplasty: “not interested in receiving penetrative vaginal sex”, meaning vaginal penetration is losing appeal, especially among people used to anal sex. When it’s also cheaper and less risky, then it’s a no-brainer: why bother with a vagina?

We actually went to an appointment at a clinic doing such thing, and it went extremely well. We wanted a pussy with a “closed” look, looking like a virgin pussy which would contrast nicely with her obviously trained and well-used asshole, and they showed us pictures that look just perfect. It’s apparently a pretty simple and short procedure, with not too much time to heal. We also asked if it was possible NOT to create a clitoris: that didn’t seem to surprise the person we were talking to, she simply warned us that there was no going back, to which my fiancee replied that to her, a clitoris was simply a mini penis, and she wanted it entirely removed because she never used nor cared for it. It’s actually even cheaper!

To my surprise, I learned they can do this procedure to people who are 100% male (my fiancee is completely female and feminine, except for her junk).

The operation is actually planned, and we will marry each other right after that. My fiancee always dreamed of a stereotypical marriage, so we decided that after the operation, she would recover at her sister’s, and we wouldn’t see each other before marriage. It’ll be hard to wait a few weeks with no sex after being used to everyday anal sex, but that’ll make the moment and our honeymoon more intense and magical, especially discovering her new, entirely female body as husband and wife. Frankly, I get hard just thinking about it: a completely female and feminine wife with no vagina hole and no clitoris, with a purely decorative pussy like the ones you talk about in your porn blog, only able to receive anal and oral fucking for the rest of her life… that’s like she turned into a magical fairy or something. I feel so damn lucky.

Anyway, thanks for all your work and for your reply!

Thank you for following up, and congratulations on getting engaged and coming up with a mutually agreeable solution for everyone! It sounds like you’ve gotten it completely figured out, and it’s wonderful that she’ll be able to feel comfortable in her body while at the same time acknowledging that vaginal sex is something that neither of you are ever interested in having when you already have the perfect anal only life together.

Honestly, it makes the most sense and it’s good to see that vulvaplasty is becoming increasingly common. In time, I would hope that it becomes the norm rather than vaginaplasty for any transwoman interested in having a vulva rather than a penis, but uninterested in vaginal sex and wanting to stay anal only.

Good luck to the both of you, I hope you’ll continue to keep us updated on how things work out!