Category: Messages From Readers

A majority of the content on this blog is messages from readers, whether requests for advice, venting of frustrations, or shared stories and experiences. If you have your own question to ask or comment to share, send us a message.


Message: Introducing a Girl to Anal Sex

Anonymous: I’m a young guy who’s always been exclusively into anal sex: I discovered sex through porn, and vaginal and clitoral action became major turn-offs very quickly for me. I never did vaginal nor touched a clit, and I want it to stay that way.

So far, I met all my partners through online dating sites, making extremely clear I’m into strict anal only (I can’t even stand it if a woman touches her clit during sex). I’m athletic, good looking and well endowed, and I’m open to different types of women provided they’re anal only, so I never had trouble getting laid so far.

At college, there’s this younger girl who’s very much into me, and who made very clear she’d like me to take her virginity and “teach her” how to fuck. She’s smart, funny, very hot, but she doesn’t know I’m anal only. We sort of kissed and messed around (no sex), and she seems to be quite submissive when hot.

On one hand, I really want to fuck her and “train” her, educate her into strict anal sex, and date her in the long term. I’m pretty sure she won’t freak out when I tell her I’m anal only (I touched her there through her clothes while she fondled my cock through my jeans, and she seemed to like it, she didn’t mind her crotch being left untouched). Her being a complete virgin makes me REALLY hot.

On the other hand, I never introduced a girl to anal sex, I always dated experienced women who knew what they wanted, so I’m uncertain what to do (I’m thinking about foreplay and licking and fingering her asshole gently for a start). And I sort of feel responsible for her, so even though the idea to get her into strict anal sex is incredibly hot to me, I’m wondering if her first sexual experience shouldn’t be more “standard”.

Thank you for your blog, which I knew from tumblr, and thanks in advance for your reply.

I encourage introducing her to it, provided she’s into the idea and willing to try. Talk with her about it, and be open about your needs and desires, so she knows up front what you expect from a partner and is fully informed going into it.

If she is willing, be sure to take it slow with her and really ease her into it while making sure to focus on her enjoyment and pleasure. Get her to love and crave it, and your pleasure will join hers soon enough.

As for a concern about her being introduced to anal first vs. vaginal, there are plenty of women who start with anal and stick with it for a long time before even trying vaginal, and there’s been a growing trend among younger women to go straight to anal only for a variety of reasons, which I encourage and think is a good thing, so I see no issue with starting her right out with anal only if she’s interested in trying it.

But, communicate and make it something that you explore together as partners, if you do go down that route. Good luck!

Message: Anal Fisting

Max & Nata: So, my wife and I are both 32, we’ve been married for 4 years, and about a year ago we have arrived to an unspoken arrangement that I only fist her pussy and I only fuck her ass (don’t know if this counts as anal only lol, but we’re both happy with that). She loves being fisted and says it’s the best thing ever – she also loves anal, and we do about 50/50 between these two (we also do oral, spanking etc., but we almost always finish with either anal or fisting, or both).

I’ve lately been trying to talk to her about anal fisting, as it’s something that is interesting to try – but she only said “maybe later” and was pretty elusive about it in general. I think it’s obvious that she’s a bit scared. She also says she doesn’t love fingers up her ass as much as she loves my dick and toys in there, because fingers don’t go as deep as she wants. She has some toys to use up her ass, and she uses buttplugs when I fist her — we recently bought another one that’s bigger than my penis in width.

The question is – should I be persistent with trying anal fisting, or maybe leave it as it is? Obviously I don’t want to do anything that she doesn’t want, but maybe there are some arguments I’m missing that can help convince her to try? Or maybe it’s I who’s missing something and should be happy with what I have?

Also, other thing with that is that she’s worried about is that if we do a lot of anal fisting, her ass can become stretched out and not as tight as it is now (her pussy being loose was one of the reasons we switched to anal only). To be completely honest, this concerns me a bit as well.

So, if you have any tips or comments, or experience to share about anal fisting, we’d be happy and grateful to hear it (she knows about this post and she will read the answer too). Maybe there’s a way we can work towards it without using fingers too much?

Thanks a lot for your blog and for the answer. Sorry if my English is a bit weird, not my primary language.

First of all, “anal only” means a variety of different things for a lot of different people, but the fundamental element is that you don’t have vaginal intercourse and have fully replaced it with anal. There are those who still use toys or other forms of vaginal penetration but who identify as anal only, so I think if being anal only is something that appeals to you, you can consider your arrangement to fit within that definition. I think there can be some additional benefits to going fully anal only for some people, and generally encourage at least trying that too, but everyone is different and different things work for different people.

As for wanting to try anal fisting, it sounds like she’s expressed some of her concerns already. Are those her only hesitations, or does she have others as well?

Not liking fingering as much as sex is not uncommon, but fisting is different from fingering and provides much more of a stretch and can go deeper as well, so I would encourage her to think of them as different things and not to write off anal fisting just because she doesn’t like fingers on their own as much. It’s an entirely different experience.

Fear of stretching and becoming loose is a common concern that isn’t that rooted in reality. Injury can cause muscles to become weaker, but “stretching” anal muscles is actually exercising them and frequent use can help them become stronger. What people equate with being loose is actually an increased elasticity that allows them to expand larger, but they still stay tight and closed when not in use. There may be short term looseness after for a few hours, but things tend to return to normal quickly. And even the increased elasticity is not something that happens overnight, so it’s something that you can start to explore and see how it progresses for the both of you. Chances are you’ll both find that it does not negatively affect your enjoyment of sex at all. Exercises like kegels can also help to further strengthen and “tighten” anal muscles.

But if she’s also just afraid of trying it, why not sit down and talk about it together and discuss her fears and concerns and whether she’s interested despite being afraid and what you can do to help relieve some of those fears. Remind her of how rewarding vaginal fisting ended up being for her and with the pleasure and intensity of anal how great it could end up being as well.

Good luck to the both of you!

Message: Want to Love Anal and Stay Vaginal Virgin

Jade: Hi, i never had a man in my life but i want to remain vaginally virgin. I bought a dildo 2 weeks ago to train me anally.

I kinda like it but i’m nowhere near to take true pleasure. Can you give me some advices?

That’s an excellent goal, I highly recommend staying a vaginal virgin and going anal only.

First of all, be patient. If you’ve just started exploring anal two weeks ago, you’re just getting started. Stick with it, and keep practicing and training regularly—every day, if you can. The more you make it your normal routine, the more quickly it will start to become very pleasurable and something you not only enjoy, but start to crave.

How do you ordinarily masturbate and orgasm? Does it involve vaginal penetration, or just clit stimulation? Especially while you’re getting started with anal, including clit stimulation if that’s what you already enjoy is not a bad thing—do it as often as possible, in fact, and try to give yourself as many orgasms as you can while masturbating anally. This helps to build up the association of anal and pleasure and unlocks the pleasures of anal. If, after you start to really enjoy anal on its own, you want to shift away from clit stimulation as well and only focus on anal pleasure, you can do that, but when getting started, combining anal with things you already like can be a good approach.

If your goal from the start is achieving an anal only orgasm, you can look at some of the strategies in our Guide to Anal Orgasms. Also be sure to read through the rest of the Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle for lots of other useful information.

Good luck, and feel free to follow up with more questions!

Message: Daughter Asking About Anal Only

Anonymous: So I’m a vaginal virgin and I adopted my daughter to remain a vaginal virgin. My teen daughter snuck into my room and got on my laptop. I had your blog up and she asked me what anal only is and what clit denial is and why would someone like it. I told her I would talk to her later about it. so I’m kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place cuz I don’t know if I should explain it, I don’t know if I should encourage, her and I don’t know if I should tell her I do it and why. So maybe you can help me with what I should do

If she is an appropriate age to start talking about sex as a parent, then I think it’s perfectly fine to also talk about anal sex and the anal only lifestyle in an educational way. Sit down with her and have a normal, healthy conversation about it. If she wants to learn more, she’ll ask.

Message: Giving Up My Clit

Kat: Hey, I’m already anal only but I still use my clit to cum more easily, so for no pussy November I’m going to give it up. I want to go the whole month without using it and get to where I can cum from anal more easily and then not have to ever go back to my clit. I’ve wanted to be fully anal only like that for a long time, I think it’s super hot and would be awesome to only need anal and nothing else, so I’m pretty motivated to finally do this. Wish me luck!

Thanks for sharing, that sounds like an excellent goal. Good luck!

Message: Best Way to Play and Orgasm From Anal?

Ana: I need some advice about the best way to achieve an anal orgasm. I already deny my pussy and clit. But still get really wet. I have a bullet vibrator and a tail plug.

I use some numbing liquids to avoid all clit stimulation.

I want to know if i can get a routine for anal exercise each day of the week, like while i’m on the gym, cleaning my house or driving

If you haven’t already read it, our Guide to Anal Orgasms might contain some useful tips and steps for you to try. It sounds like you’re on the right track, and just need to stick with it, but there might be something useful for you there!

Getting into a daily routine is an excellent idea. I recommend plugging daily for some period of time, and gradually increasing that amount over time. I also recommend a daily routine of more active anal training as well, with a dildo. Passive training with a plug is great and important, but it’s good to not neglect more active training too, as each do different things.

Message: Want My Pussy Altered

Sara: Hi, i don’t think my pussy looks Nice and i would like to cut My clithood or clit lips first. Then maybe get further to cut My clit later. Never use before the glue, would like to know where i can find it to get it Nice covered for it. Also ideas to make it less sensitive. I Dream about been an only anal wife, love to find a blog about it.

While I think that it’s every person’s right to alter their body however they want to do so, I also encourage everyone interested in such things to seriously think about it for a while before, since it is a permanent change.

If you’re interested in making your clit less sensitive or moving away from using it to orgasm, look into numbing creams that temporarily remove or reduce sensation. You can also get piercings that let you place a clit shield over it to remove physical access to it without permanently removing it. But if after an extended period of time you know that you truly don’t want clit stimulation anymore and just want anal only, clit removal can be a legitimate option, though finding a surgeon willing to do it is difficult.

Just for aesthetic alterations, many plastic surgeons will do that.

For glue, you can use superglue or eyelash glue, but you need to leave a gap if you close your labia with it so that you can still urinate.

And finally, if you want to be anal only, you don’t need to do any of the above, you just need to move away from vaginal penetration and towards anal penetration only. From there you can also work to stop masturbating clitorally as well if that’s a goal. That’s not to say that you can’t do more if that’s what you want, but don’t think that it’s a requirement to consider yourself anal only. And you can go anal only now without a partner, even—just start masturbating anally and stop masturbating vaginally.

Message: No Pussy November Anal Anniversary!

Jasper: First off thanks for setting up this community. It’s been fun reading about others who have found anal only to improve their sex lives!

I’ve been anal only with my girlfriend for almost a year and it’s honestly been life changing. I was lucky enough that she initiated the transition (I posted the story to the Reddit group) and it’s made me realise how superior anal sex is over the alternative. I always enjoyed sex but it feels like going anal only has unlocked another level of true pleasure.

Our anal only “anniversary” is in November and it will be no problem for us to complete the challenge, but after reading your recent post about other ideas for couples who are already anal only I mentioned the idea of trying to go “no clit” for a month to my gf. Although I rarely touch her clit she does quite often finish herself by masturbating her clit or using a dildo while we have anal sex. I told her I don’t like her doing that because it makes me feel like what I’m doing for her isn’t enough and to my amazement she’s agreed to try excluding all clit and pussy for November!

I’m super excited for November now because for me the idea of adding clit and pussy denial to our AO life has become more and more of a turn on the longer we’ve been anal only.

If it works out and we end up excluding clit and pussy 100% full time, I’ll be sure to thank you for the suggestion!

Down with vaginal! Down with clit!

Congratulations on your upcoming anal only anniversary and on what sounds like an excellent plan for No Pussy November! Thanks for sharing, and good luck. We’ll look forward to hearing from you as the two of you progress through clit denial over the next month!

Message: How to Teach Anal Only?

Anonymous: We are an anal only couple and we would like to introduce our children to the anal only lifestyle as well but we don’t know how we should do it. Do you think this is appropriate, and how much should we talk about? We don’t want to force them in any direction, we just want to be open about the lifestyle and why it’s been a good choice for us and that we think it’s good for others too.

Of course. Sex education is a healthy, positive and very beneficial thing for parents to provide to their children, and when something like the anal only lifestyle has been such a positive thing in one’s life, it’s only natural to want to pass on education about it to their children as well. It’s completely reasonable to encourage its practice and mention its benefits, or even to say that you yourself practice it as well. Ultimately, of course, it’s each person’s choice, but there’s nothing wrong with encouraging something that you think is in their best interest.

Message: Never Aroused By Vaginal

Joe: Hi, I just wanted to say thanks for putting this website up. It’s helped me a lot with something that’s been a worry of mine for years.

When I was younger and becoming aware of sex I found that I was never aroused by the thought of vaginal sex with a woman. For a while I assumed that might mean I was gay, but I’m definitely only attracted to women.

Then when I started to have girlfriends this problem became worse. I’ve discovered that I find it very difficult to cum while inside the vagina. In fact, I almost never have! With all the girlfriends I’ve had so far I’ve always ended up pulling out and either finishing by a hand over her face or butt or having her finish me with her mouth.

At first girls seem to like the fact that I can keep going in their pussy for ages without cumming but eventually they get upset that I can only finish in their mouth or on their body and I think this has been responsible for a couple of break ups. It’s only got worse if anything because these days my anxiety about not being able to cum in the pussy makes it difficult for me to even stay hard or even stay aroused at all if I have to have sex that way.

I had a pretty sheltered upbringing and I guess I’m not very imaginative so I hadn’t considered anal as an alternative to my problem until I started watching more porn and looking for sex advice online after moving into my own place.

Do you think anal might be the solution to this issue? How do I go about finding a woman who will try anal with me?

I’m glad you found this website helpful in determining that there isn’t anything wrong with you for not enjoying or preferring vaginal sex. It’s a preference, like everything else, and there’s nothing wrong with not liking it.

It’s not uncommon to dislike vaginal and find anal much more enjoyable both physically and mentally, so you may find it the solution to your problem, especially if you have found yourself aroused by the idea.

I suggest looking for a sexually open minded partner and suggesting that you try anal, or try for a few hookups where you discuss beforehand that you want to do anal, and see how it goes from there. I also suggest reading everything in the Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle so that you understand good anal sex technique before trying it with a partner. Good luck!