Category: Messages From Readers

A majority of the content on this blog is messages from readers, whether requests for advice, venting of frustrations, or shared stories and experiences. If you have your own question to ask or comment to share, send us a message.


Message: Seeking Anal Only Relationship

anal lover: Hello, I am a male who loves anal sex and I want to find a female partner that wishes to completely give up pussy and clit pleasure to go anal only. Unfortunately no one I find is into this, is tere a section here where we can find similar mind women?

We do not have a dating or personals section, no. There is an anal only dating server on Discord, but it is not a part of this community.

Most anal only relationships are built over time with someone who is open to trying or enjoys anal sex and gradually you end up having more anal sex out of a mutual desire to do so, until going anal only. Some people in some parts of the world have success with new partners by opening with anal only, but you have to be willing to take the time to get to know a variety of potential partners, take them on a few dates, determine general compatibility, and then open up about anal only and not wanting vaginal sex, while knowing that a significant portion aren’t going to be interested and you’ll have to move on to another potential partner.

Leading with clit denial for a new partner who isn’t experienced with AO is usually going to be a non-starter for a lot of people, as that’s generally a more advanced thing even for people who have been AO for an extended period of time. If someone is experienced with other forms of denial it could be of interest to them, but most women need clit stimulation alongside anal penetration when first starting with anal or transitioning into AO, and then if interested may want to try shifting to just anal pleasure once they see the potential of it first-hand.

Message: Is it Still Anal Only?

Vince: So I’m a guy and would you consider me anal only if I have to use my penis to get to the edge but use anal to get past the edge?

I would say that just as with women, there are multiple ways and variations to being anal only. Fundamentally, an anal only man would use anal penetration as his primary form of sexual activity and pleasure, and wouldn’t use his penis for penetration.

Beyond that, just as with a woman who may or may not use her clit for additional stimulation to orgasm, some men may orgasm directly from anal penetration, while others may need some penis stimulation to help reach orgasm.

The fact that you’re just using it to get to the point where you can use your ass to get over the edge to orgasm suggests that anal only orgasms are your long-term goal and that you’re working to minimize non-anal stimulation, so it sounds like you’re very much in the anal only mindset. Continuing to minimize the use of your penis and keeping it to the bare minimum to orgasm will help you use it even less over time, and maybe even get to the point where you don’t need it at all.

Message: First Anal Orgasm

Anna: So I just wanted to share I had my first anal orgasm and it was so so intense I just twitch and spasmed on my dildo my whole body was shaking and convulsing it was one of the most amazing feelings ever now I just have to keep up not touching my clit I wanna break this bad habit of touching my clit especially after having my first anal orgasm I never wanna go back to vaginal/clit sex hopefully my urge to want to touch my clit will fade away the longer I don’t touch it

Congratulations! The first of many, no doubt. Now that you know it’s possible, I’m sure it will help motivate you to keep having more and avoid using your clit going forward. The more anal orgasms you have, the easier it will get not only to have them, but to stop using your clit, since your ass will be the only orgasm outlet you need at that point.

Remember, though, that with any habit you’re trying to break, it’s to be expected that at some point you might revert to old habits, and it can be easy to feel bad about doing so. That’s a normal part of the process, though, and it’s best to use those bad feelings to reinforce and strengthen breaking the bad habit rather than giving up your goal. If you do end up giving in to clit stimulation down the road, compare how bad you feel after to how good you feel after an anal only orgasm, and dive right back in to clit denial even more than before and work to beat your previous record.

Good luck! Be sure to keep us updated on how it goes for you!

Message: Hot to Rosebud

Claire: I want to rosebud for my bf for his birthday in a few days (March 16th) but I tried to do it by myself using a dildo and can’t. It’s been 5 months that we are AO, before that we were “1 anal a month” for 4 months. Do you have any tips taking into account my very short time for training?

It takes a combination of strong pelvic floor muscles and relaxed anal muscles. So you need to work on your kegel exercises while also being able to gape. While your anal muscles are relaxed so you can gape and you spread your ass open, you push out with your pelvic floor muscles.

Conceptually, it’s simple, but it can take practice to really be able to do it. Give it a try in the coming week, but know that the time you have may not be enough to get there yet.

Perhaps an alternative birthday gift could be a commitment to going anal only permanently, or a sort of “rosebud IOU” where you work on it together as a goal. Either way, he sounds like a very lucky guy!

Message: How Anna Became AO

Jeremy and Anna: So she got into anal cuz she saw me playing with my toy and when she got comfortable she started using the toy on me and she would ask questions like doesn’t it hurt and what does it feel like for me and I would tell her.

One day I asked her do you want me to try it on you and she said sure so I took things slow just starting with a finger and we continued to mix some anal play into our mix and then about 3 months ago now I asked her if she would try an anal only month and I told her if it was to hard she didn’t have to keep doing it and through that month she tried clitoral denial and then after that month she went back to using her clit but has been anal only.

Now this month she is trying clitoral denial for my birthday present plus she has been wanting to try it lately so far she’s struggling but making it maybe you could give her some encouragement to stay on track and to keep her goal in mind thanks for your blog it’s great

That’s great that she was open-minded about not only doing anal play with you but also about going anal only herself.

If she needs clit stimulation in order to enjoy being anal only, then that’s a perfectly reasonable compromise, but since she wants to try eliminating clit stimulation as well, then I definitely encourage sticking with that goal and getting to where it’s entirely unnecessary for her. It can definitely be hard at first, if she’s been very used to using her clit to masturbate and orgasm up to this point, but keeping the goal of pure anal pleasure in mind and sticking with the routine of not using her clit for increasingly longer amounts of time will help it keep getting easier. You can continue to help her as well by encouraging and praising her and telling her how sexy you find it that she wants to give up her clit and be totally anal only.

If it’s hard to resist during masturbation/sex, you can use a topical anesthetic cream like Orajel applied in a small amount directly to the clit to temporarily numb sensation and eliminate the temptation to rub it. This only lasts an hour or two, but can be helpful if the urge is hard to resist at times.

For more information on the motivations behind clit denial as part of the anal only lifestyle and some ways that people use physical means to avoid clit stimulation, see our page on the Benefits of Avoiding Clitoral Stimulation During Anal Sex and The Use of Chastity Devices in the Anal Only Lifestyle.

Message: Straight but Still Love Anal

Evan: I asked my girlfriend to go completely anal only with no clit or pussy stimulation and she said she’d do it if I did it too so I said sure I like anal penetration anyways and she said she would go as long as I can go so any tips to keep way from touching my penis so she won’t touch her clit?

Sounds like a fun and interesting challenge to try together!

For one, you could always try to play together as much as possible so you can hold each other accountable and remind each other not to touch. Otherwise you can check in with each other daily and talk about it to help keep reinforcing it for the both of you.

A physical chastity device is probably your best bet if you have a hard time with the self control side of things. You can get cheap chastity cages on eBay for considerably less than the high-end ones available, though of course fitment and comfort may not be as good as with high end or custom ones.

Message: Anal Feels Right

Anonymous: A guy’s cock up my ass just feels right, like that’s who I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to do. It always has. Cock in my pussy feels wrong, like I need to get it out as fast as I can, so I never do it anymore. All I ever want is anal.

Assuming that the wrong feeling from vaginal is not the result of some sort of trauma, then there’s nothing wrong with that. Anal is more natural and right, because pleasure and intimacy are the goals of sex and it’s far superior for both those things.

Be proud to be anal only. Own it. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you should be otherwise unless you want to be. Every time you have a cock up your ass, know that that’s exactly how things are supposed to be.

Message: My Anal Story

Jeremy: So I have always had a interest in anal. I played with my ass from a pretty young age and learned how to orgasm from just anal. So I went back and forth playing with my ass and jerking off till I something violent happened to me sexually and after that I had erection problems and pills don’t help all that much so after a few years of trying to be able to jerk off and it not working I mostly went anal only and then I got with my current girlfriend and we decided that we would both be anal only and let me say we both have so much fun and if done properly anal can be extremely pleasurable btw thanks for making a section for male anal only

Though many people end up anal only simply because they love it, and would rather do anal than anything else, it’s also not that uncommon for a trauma or medical condition to prevent some other form of sex from being effective or enjoyable, and in those cases, going anal only can be a great way to continue to enjoy pleasure and intimacy with a partner while moving past those other forms of sex that no longer work for you.

I’m glad it was able to fill that role for you and that you’ve found a partner who you can be anal only together with as well, that’s great! How did you meet her and bring up the idea of being anal only together, and how did she take the idea at first?

Message: I Want to Remove My Clit

Anonymous: Hey, I saw the reply you gave saying that some women succeeded on removing their clits completely. It’s my dream to remove my clit and get circumcised. I have two problems: I have no idea how I could possibly get this done and I’m afraid of what people (that I will sleep with) might think, I’m 110% sure that if I removed my clit and have only anal I will not regret it because I TRULY want this for many different reasons. I’m afraid I will never be able to remove it or if I am no one will ever want me cause they will think this is crazy. I wanna hear your advice.

So, a disclaimer before I respond further to this. I support the right of people to modify their own bodies however they see fit, and I think that if a woman wants to remove or desensitize her clit, especially if it would improve her quality of life for any one of a variety of reasons, then she should absolutely be able to do so. However, I do not support the forced, coerced, or in any other way nonconsensual use of clitorectomy, infibulation, or other form of nonconsensual female genital mutilation against anyone, ever. Informed consent, as with everything else, is absolutely mandatory.

With that out of the way, let’s dive into your questions.

Some people are confident and skilled enough to do it themselves, or to have a trusted partner who can do it for them with the use of localized anesthetic and a scalpel. This isn’t something I would recommend you try, however. Any surgical procedure, however simple it may seem, should be done by a skilled professional.

That’s a problem, however, because most medical professionals in western countries are not going to participate in a clit removal procedure. Between the aforementioned concerns about coerced FGM, and general medical concerns about operations that aren’t medically necessary or which interfere with what’s considered normal, doctors generally aren’t willing to do such procedures. Some people have had success with such operations in certain Asian countries, like Thailand. In the event of an oversensitive clit that actively interferes with your life, you may have more success, especially with less permanent procedures, like the use of botox injections into your clit to desensitize it for a period of time (up to 6 months, usually).

As for what potential partners might think, don’t worry so much about that. It’s possible that not everyone is going to like the idea as much as you do, but some people will, or at least won’t be bothered by it. And a lot of people probably wouldn’t even notice if you don’t have a clit, or if it’s desensitized. Clits come in so many different sizes, and some aren’t even really visible, so the absence of one wouldn’t necessarily be too different from a tiny one.

I’d suggest experimenting with temporary clit numbing for now as you continue to explore the idea and decide whether it’s really what you want long-term. Products like Orajel or other similar topical anesthetics can often be found in pharmacies over-the-counter for cheap, and you can apply it in small amounts directly to your clit to numb it for up to a few hours at a time, perfect for during anal play or sex. Do this for a while to see what it’s like to have no clitoral sensation before determining your long-term goals.

Message: Valentine’s Day Success

Anonymous: I was trying to figure out what to get my bf for V-day when I found your post about giving a gift of anal only. We’ve done anal pretty much since we started dating so we both love it and I’ve wanted to go anal only for a while but was kind of too shy to ask him before. Your post gave me the push I needed and after we had dinner and headed to our bedroom I told him to put it in my ass, and as he lubed me up and slipped inside, I told him that I loved him and that my gift to him was a month of just anal, no pussy.

He got very excited, I could feel his cock get even harder inside me, and we fucked really hard and fast until I had cum twice and he had cum deep inside me. When he pulled out, I got up and sucked his cock clean, something we had done occasionally before but not often, but I wanted to get used to doing it often if we were going to only do anal now. It was really sexy to do it because I wanted to do it and he groaned and told me he loved me.

We’re a couple weeks into being anal only now and it’s been everything I hoped for. He keeps telling me how much he’s enjoying it too, so I really hope that after the month we can stay AO for good.

I’m glad to have inspired you to do what’s right for you and what you’ve wanted to do for a long time, and that your boyfriend seems to be enjoying it as much as you! Stick with it, continue exploring it further together, and I’m sure neither of you will ever want to go back to vaginal sex.