Category: Messages From Readers

A majority of the content on this blog is messages from readers, whether requests for advice, venting of frustrations, or shared stories and experiences. If you have your own question to ask or comment to share, send us a message.


Message: Anal Negativity is Frustrating

Anonymous: I appreciate you finding articles and discussions to post here and respond to from your perspective, but it is frustrating to see just how negative and ignorant people still are about anal sex!

It’s easy within our bubble of anal love and positivity to forget that a lot of people still haven’t discovered the truth about anal sex yet and not only buy into the pervasive myths that still surround anal, they continue to spread them to others despite having no experiences of their own to base them on.

Things are still improving overall, however, and there’s more easily accessible information than ever about how to enjoy anal. As more people speak positively about anal sex and the anal only lifestyle, and open up about them to friends, sharing personal experiences that supplant the impersonal myths, jokes and general negativity and encourage people to explore it for themselves. If you love anal, and you have friends that you feel comfortable talking about sex with, start talking to them about it, and if they have questions, try to be helpful and encouraging.

For more information on this topic, see our Helping to Advocate the Anal Only Lifestyle to Others page in our new Anal Sex & Anal Only Lifestyle Guide.

Message: Cleaning Every Time I Go to the Bathroom

Anonymous: I went anal only over a year ago after finding your blogs on Tumblr and I just love it. I’m a committed anal only girl now who’s totally sold on the idea and using my pussy again doesn’t interest me at all. But I wanted to share some advice for other girls doing anal sex and going anal only, because I used to worry a lot about cleanliness, and doing an enema before each time kinda got in the way of spontaneous sex.

So what I do now is I keep an enema bulb in my bathroom and whenever I use the toilet, I just wash it out after I’m done with some warm water and then I’m good for the rest of the day. It helps that I have regular digestion so I only need to do this once a day and I’m always clean and ready for sex otherwise. I can have anal all I want and do ass to mouth (which I love 💖) without worry. It really helped take care of one of the things that kept me from going anal only before and has made all the difference for me so I really suggest it to others!

That’s a great piece of advice, thank you for sharing, and thanks for sharing your story as well. I’m glad my blogs helped inspire you to try going anal only for yourself and discover just how great it is!

I’ve heard of other women doing similar things with a daily enema/anal douche/rectal flush after going to the bathroom as a regular part of their bathroom routine, and it seems to really work for people so long as you use just a small amount of water and don’t go too deep with your enema. (For more information on good/safe enema practices, see our page on anal hygiene in our new guide to anal sex and the anal only lifestyle.) Some will go so far as to attach an enema hose to their shower head or get a bidet for their toilet (which helps with hygiene on its own) that has an enema attachment.

Message: She Agreed to Try Anal Only!

Lucky: I want to share this with you because I am very excited! I suggested to my wife that we went only anal for a few months as you say, she agreed! She didn’t even hesitate or question, she just said it doesn’t matter, it sounds interesting. We start from the first day of the year, at least until April.

Congratulations! I’m guessing you both already enjoy anal together for her to agree so quickly to the idea, and that also suggests that she likes anal a lot or even prefers it. Going anal only may have been something she was already interested in, even.

Anal Only April begins April 1, so you should probably at least go until that’s over. But, if you’re still doing anal only together after three months, there’s a good chance that you aren’t going back to vaginal anyway and will be staying with anal only for good.

Message: When’s the Next Anal Only Challenge?

Anonymous: When is the next anal only challenge you’re going to do? I want to try going anal only with my gf but I think she would be more willing to try it if we were doing it along with a lot of other people.

We now officially do Anal Only April and No Pussy November each year, both of which run for the entire month.

Anal only challenges can be done at any time on your own, but as you say, some people find comfort in doing them alongside a larger group of people, so waiting until April could be your best bet in that scenario. If she does show interest in doing it sooner, though, you can always suggest trying it on your own anyway.

Message: Regret Ever Losing My Vaginal Virginity

WishIWasStillVV: My biggest sexual regret in my life is losing my vaginal virginity. I was like some of the girls in your blog who started having anal sex only. I did not want to get pregnant and it was an easy way to avoid that when I started. I loved it and my boyfriend loved it, so there was no reason to do anything else.

Over time, I became very attached to anal sex and to the fact that I was only anal, and I decided not to have vaginal sex unless I decided to have a child someday . In fact, I did it for 9 years, until I was 25 years old. But then, after being single for a while, I met a new boyfriend who agreed with the anal but wanted over time to take my virginity and continued to put pressure on me. I did not want to do it, but I finally gave in and gave up.

Unfortunately, it was very uncomfortable and unpleasant for me. I did not like it at all and the fact that I was pushed to do it probably did not help to make things pleasant. But I thought that was what I had to do to be normal, so I did it and continued for a while, until we broke up.

Since then, I have become anal only again and I never want to use my vagina again, but I am so angry and sad to think that I have lost something precious and that I am not pure anal only like I wanted to be .

I am really sorry that you were pressured into doing something you didn’t want to do, that’s not okay regardless of what type of sex act is involved. Someone who doesn’t want to do vaginal pressured into doing vaginal is bad, and someone who doesn’t want to do anal being pressured into doing anal is bad.

I’ve heard similar things from a lot of women who started out anal only for an extended period of time before losing their vaginal virginity, many express some level of regret or at least a wish that they’d realized sooner that they’d want to end up committing to anal only long-term. In your case, however, it sounds like you already knew that for yourself, and the decision to do vaginal all came from external influence instead.

And at the same time, for those who have chosen to lose their vaginal virginity, or who want to try both to see for themselves what they prefer, you shouldn’t feel bad either. It’s your body, and your choice, and that is what matters. If someone is making you uncomfortable by pushing you to do things you don’t want to do, then that’s where there’s a problem.

Thank you for sharing, and I’m glad you were able to end up back in the anal only lifestyle after. I know preserving one’s vaginal virginity as part of being anal only can be appealing and something special to some people—myself included—and it can feel like a loss, especially when you were pressured to lose it despite not wanting to, but it doesn’t make you any less. Always remember that.

Message: Giving Up Clit Stimulation In 2019

Anonymous: My anal only new year’s resolution for 2019 is to give up clit stimulation. I’m already anal only. I have been for years. But I really rely on my clit a lot and I think it is holding me back. So this year I want to quit. I’m not going to try to do it all at once immediately, because I tried that before and it never worked for me for more than a few weeks. I’m going to take the whole year to try using it less and hopefully by the end of the year I’ll be clit-free! Wish me luck, everybody!

Thank you for sharing your goal for 2019, and good luck! While clit denial may not always be for everyone, if you’re interested in exploring it or have frustrations with clit stimulation, I highly recommend doing what you’re doing and seeing how it works for you to work on excluding it going forward.

Gradually reducing clit stimulation during anal like you’ve mentioned is a great way to do it. And, while you didn’t say what you do currently, I’d highly suggest not masturbating with your clit at all unless you are also masturbating anally at the same time or having anal sex at the same time. This helps shift that focus over to anal as the primary act and clit stimulation as only a secondary, supplemental act which you can reduce and eliminate over time.

For more information about clit denial, its benefits, and ways to help with the process of excluding clit stimulation, see our Benefits of Avoiding Clitoral Stimulation During Anal Sex guide.

Message: Can a Woman Get to Where She Doesn’t Need Foreplay Before Anal?

Anonymous: Hi! I was thinking to myself: can I girl evolve her anal sex sex skills to the point of no longer needing any kind of foreplay? Can a woman become a anal sex machine? Perhaps it’s a stupid question, but I’m curious.

Thank you for reading. Love your blog.

Everyone is different and may have different needs, and conditions can change even day-to-day sometimes, but in general it’s certainly possible for people to get to the point where they need little to no warmup before having anal sex. There are those who just need a dab of lube and they’re good to go.

This is most commonly achieved by maintaining a regular schedule of frequent anal sex, masturbating with a dildo on days you aren’t able to have anal sex, and wearing a butt plug in between. The frequent use keeps your anal muscles in a warmed up state and more or less eliminates the need to warm up in advance of having sex. The regular practice also helps you develop more conscious anal muscle control and learn how to relax them more easily without needing to warm up beforehand. Doing anal exercises (like kegels but with your ass) can help with this, as well as practicing pushing out during anal penetration, which helps relax and open up your ass to the penetrating object.

However, even to an “anal sex machine”, to use your phrase, if they go a while without any anal penetration, they’ll need to work through a warmup period again to get back into things. It takes less time, though, after you’re already experienced, and is a bit like riding a bicycle.

Message: My Spastic Butthole

Ok. This is the second message I send to the blog and I hope you answer it too.
I’m the brazilian girl who had a broken pussy and a anal addicted boyfriend (nowadays my husband), but wanted to try v****** “sex”. It’s improbable that you remember, but ok. Here I go.

I have a soft brain palsy what made almost every muscle of mine more rigid than normal, including my butthole. It sucks.

At this point, I suppose that you already can guess what my problem is. Yeah, I discovered that’s the reason why I can’t be penetrated in my wronghole. But it also disturbs my pleasure while doing anal.

I don’t want to fuck using a anesthetic lube or this kind of shit, but I cannot train my butthole’s endurance because I have no control over it. Sometimes I watch those porn girls doing huge insertions, fisting and hatefuck and I feel like crying, full of envy. I feel myself impotent, like I’m not enough, like I’ll never become a more-than-good buttslut to my husband. My ass does not even loose up if I’m not rubbing my clit, and I cannot masturbate my asshole at the same time because I have only one functional hand.

I couldn’t give my man a nice Christmas assfucking due this problem. I’m about to freak out! Please, help me! My case is too specific for Google.

I suspect I would remember your earlier message, but I’m not sure offhand from just what you’ve said here. If you find your previous message in our archives, feel free to send a link to me and I can cross-link or tag them so that readers can easily follow the full conversation across posts.

Definitely don’t use an anesthetic lube, as that will only mask any pain, not prevent the root issue of muscle tightness/cramping. And where there’s pain, there’s risk of injury as a result of those tight muscles. What you need is a way to relax and warm up your muscles instead.

While it sounds like you’re experienced with anal sex at this point, you might want to go back to the early stages of anal training for solo play on your own and as warmup before sex. Lie on your side and rub your clit or use a vibrator on it while rubbing across and around your anus with a finger from your other hand and try to relax your anal muscles as you do so, then slip your finger inside as you feel ready to do so, and keep gradually going up in size from there. If smaller sizes cause you no trouble, try working around the edge of where larger sizes cause difficulty and discomfort. Even without such a medical condition, everyone has some anal muscles they can learn to consciously control and others that are involuntary, so while it may be more difficult for you, there may still be some benefits to working on this more often. Read our new anal training guide for more details on this topic if needed.

Depending on how much warmup you do before sex, you may need to do the above before you start a session, as well as rubbing your clit while your husband performs oral sex on your ass to further help it relax.

For clitoral stimulation during anal masturbation, you might look for a clitoral vibrator that attaches and stays in places so you don’t need to hold it. Venus butterfly vibrators and others similar to this sit in place over your pussy with bands that go around your legs to hold it there so it can keep vibrating against your clit hands-free.

Similarly, a dildo with a suction cup can help you to masturbate hands-free while you have one hand on your clit and ride up and down on a dildo without needing to hold it.

Finally, a doctor may be able to suggest exercises to help with pelvic floor muscle tightness or spasms, and may be able to prescribe muscle relaxers as well. I am not a doctor, a while I can offer suggestions on adapting certain techniques to help with people who have difficulty with tightness, discomfort or pain, I’m far from an expert on specific conditions.

I hope this is at least somewhat helpful, however, and I absolutely wish you the best in figuring out a way to effectively and consistently enjoy anal sex to the full extent of what you want. Do please feel free to follow up if you have more questions or updates.

I’ve also sent this post to someone from the Anal Only Lifestyle Discord server who can provide more perspective and a more detailed answer regarding your condition, and they will be responding in the comments of this post, so be sure to check back there as well.

Message: What Happened to My Stamina?

Asstronaut: I have currently been with my girlfriend for 6 years. At the beginning of our relationship we had one amazing anal experience(her first) she had an orgasm so intense she said her toes went numb…. The sounds she made…. On the other side of the coin, I had purchased her a tail plug which caused her a lot of pain. Long story short, after seeing that I had hurt her I didn’t ask again until last month. She is very receptive… But it’s been so long(almost 6 years)and her ass feels better than anything I’ve ever experienced in MY LIFE that I can not last any longer than it takes to get the head of my cock past her inner ring. The moment that I’m inside of her I cum….. Stamina is only an issue when we have anal. Any ideas?

I’ll start by saying that while anal certainly shouldn’t hurt and definitely doesn’t have to, encountering a painful experience once doesn’t mean you should just end it altogether. Pain means someone simply isn’t warmed up enough or prepared for what they’re doing, or the plug in question may have been an uncomfortable shape for her. Going forward, if there’s pain I’d say to stop and reassess in the moment but not give up on anal entirely.

Getting to your question, however, I suspect that it’s a combination of extreme tightness for her and your excitement about getting anal again. That excitement is understandable, and there’s not too much you can do about that, but the tightness you can work on together with some anal training and helping her better relax and open up for you. If it’s taking effort to get inside her, she could probably stand to have some more training and warmup before sex to help her relax.

If it really is just that it feels so much intensely better than anything else you’ve ever done, you may need to practice more to build up that stamina, which can mean more regular anal sex. Perhaps start with a lot of anal play for her and get her close to the edge, then switch out for yourself and finish there while getting her off at the same time, and over time work to last longer.

See also this past answer to a similar question: How to Last Longer With Anal

Perhaps some other readers could offer their suggestions as well.

Message: Butt Babies

Anonymous: I got pregnant from anal… We’re anal only, but I guess when he finished in my ass some of his cum slipped into my pussy… I wonder how many other parents haven’t told their children that they’re actually butt babies.

It’s extremely rare to get pregnant unintentionally from anal sex but, as you’ve discovered, not impossible. I’ve heard of it happening a few times, but with a little bit of care it’s usually not going to be a concern for most people.

Personally, I’d love to discover that I was a “butt baby”, and if I ever have children, I’d personally prefer to try conceiving that way before attempting any sort of actual vaginal sex for the process. Even though I think it’s perfectly fine and natural to have vaginal sex to get pregnant (that’s what it’s for) I do think it would be fun and sexy to achieve it without needing any vaginal sex to be involved in the process.