Anal sex has long been used as an alternative to preserve one’s vaginal virginity, but as that becomes culturally less important for people, vaginal virginity is becoming a matter of choice and preference instead, with women learning they prefer anal early on and deciding to go with anal as their default from the beginning and never bother with vaginal.
So I almost messed up last night. I was having sex with my fiance missionary style and aimed a little too high and almost put it in her vagina. She immediately jerked away and I apologised.
She’s a vaginal virgin and its important for us that she remains that way. We went from having oral/outercourse only to anal only, 2 years ago and there have been several instances where I accidentally fuck her vagina in the heat of the moment.
Any advice?
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Anonymous: Firstly I’m a virgin and only done oral. When masturbating I find vaginal penetration painful and not pleasurable compared to anal. Any suggestions on working on anal only by myself and then bringing it up to a future s/o?
Thanks for reaching out! I definitely recommend going anal only and am confident you will find it much more satisfying than vaginal.
A good way to begin is to simply stop vaginal penetration, which it sounds like something that should be easy for you if you find vaginal painful and not pleasurable anyway, and switch your masturbation routine to always include anal penetration, whether with fingers, a butt plug, or a dildo. Working to the point that you can use a life-size dildo regularly will ensure that you’re ready for anal sex when with a partner in the future.
As for bringing it up to a partner, it’s best to just be honest early on in a relationship. If you’re going to have sex soon, tell them that you’re anal only and have no interest in doing vaginal but would love to do anal and oral often. Many guys will be perfectly happy with that. And if someone isn’t, then he won’t be compatible with you anyway and it’s best to learn that early on.
For more information on these topics and others, the Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle goes into more detail, but also please feel free to follow up with more questions or updates if you have any!
I’m Freja, 18 years old from Sweden, I’ve been reading this forum for a while so decided to join.
I first had anal sex about 2 years ago, it started that way because I was in bed with a guy I dated and we didn’t have condoms, and I’m not on birth control so in the heat of the moment we decided to try anal, and realised that we both loved it.
And so that turned into our “regular” sex and we never really talked about moving on to vaginal sex because we both enjoyed it.
We broke up half a year ago and I’m kinda seeing another guy now and we have kept it at anal too, he’s happy because he doesn’t have to wear a condom and I’m happy because it feels so good.At this point it has almost become a “thing” for me that I haven’t had vaginal sex yet and it seems like it will stay like that for a while, the guy I’m seeing thinks it’s hot fucking with a “virgin” and my friends think it’s cool that I’m anal only.
Freja, Anal Only Lifestyle forum
Anonymous: Hi! I wrote to you four weeks ago, I think. I’ve been taught about anal sex (and sex in general) by my very first boyfriend (we only did anal for the whole time, for a year and a half), then we broke up recently (not because of sex). I’m dating a new boyfriend, but I discovered that the idea of vaginal sex scared me (just him touching my pussy through my jeans gave me anxiety), and I didn’t know how to tell him I wanted to continue having anal sex only. Because of this, I only gave him blowjobs, but he was growing impatient for more, so I asked your advice, which you gave. You asked me to let you know how it went, so I’m writing back.
Just after I wrote to you, I thought I was an idiot: like I told you, my ex introduced me to anal sex by saying he was scared of pregnancy but didn’t want to use condoms or other contraceptives (I keep thinking it was an excuse to get me into anal, but whatever), so the solution appeared to me: I just had to use my ex’s excuses!
When I started explaining this to my boyfriend, I got very nervous about his reaction, I was afraid he’d think I’m a slut, so I added what you advised me to say: that I’d love to do anal and oral with him as often as he wants, and that he can have anal sex with me all the time and cum in my ass without any fear of pregnancy.
I was scared he’d reject me, but he smiled broadly, said he didn’t expect this at all from me or my ex (they’re good friends), then he hugged and kissed me, caressing my ass. It was a huge relief to feel his hands on my ass and not my pussy: you have to know I chose not to experience sex by myself, I wanted to discover it romantically with a boyfriend, and my ex never touched my pussy, so my genitals basically never received any sort attention.
We made love right away, and it went well. My boyfriend’s bigger than my ex, and he’s much rougher when he fucks, but it didn’t cause me any trouble, my ass adjusted very well to him. At one point, I felt that I was a little dry, so I did what my ex taught me to do: I pulled out, then I sucked his cock to lube it up with saliva. This drove my boyfriend crazy: he swore loudly, then grabbed my head firmly and started fucking my throat while calling me names, then he came with a lot of cum down my throat. It’s a good thing my ex taught me how to handle this (he did it pretty often), or I would have choked for sure.
He later apologized, he said that me sucking his cock after it’s been in my ass caught him off guard. This surprised me, since my ex told me any guy into anal sex would expect this, that it was just normal behaviour.
Anyway, we’ve been having sex very regularly since, and everything is going well. My boyfriend explains much less things than my ex, he’s not licking my ass at all, and he’s always fucking me doggy style, but I really enjoy sex with him.
Yesterday, though, he surprised me. He told me he talked a lot with my ex since we started having sex, that they shared their experiences, and it brought them a lot closer. Then, he asked me if I’d be OK with a threesome.
Like I said, I’m a romantic, so I was a bit shocked, I didn’t know what to say. He said he’d let me think about it. On one hand, I’m still shocked: I’m his girlfriend, and I’ve only had two lovers so far, so getting into threesomes now somehow hurts my values. But on the other, we’re all quite close, and I really loved sex with my ex. Besides, my boyfriend is less experienced than my ex, so maybe a threesome would teach him a few things. And finally, I’m not comfortable with the idea of saying “no” to my boyfriend: after all he’s my boyfriend, and I told him what you advised me to say, that he could do anal and oral with me as often as he wants – what if he’s disappointed?
What do you think I should do? I’m confused.
My boyfriend told me that if I’m OK with it, they could try double penetration. Do you have any advice?
I’m glad to hear that things worked out well for you and that your new boyfriend accepted you being anal only. It’s great that you’re able to enjoy anal and oral sex together without having to worry about him trying or wanting vaginal sex, and I’m sure he’s very happy with the arrangement as well!
As for a threesome, it really comes down to whether you want it or not. It sounds like part of you does while another part does not. I can’t really tell you what you should do in that case, you’ll have to reconcile the two halves of yourself and decide what will be best for you. Will having sex with your ex boyfriend along with your new boyfriend ultimately cause tension in your relationship, or will it bring you all closer together? Do you want to explore multiple partners or do you strictly want to stick to one partner at a time? Sex with multiple partners can be a lot of fun for some people, while other people don’t like it. And while some of that may come down to experimenting and figuring out whether you’ll actually enjoy it or not, some people just aren’t interested in even starting, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
When you boyfriend suggested the three of you try double penetration, what specifically is he referring to? If he means they can have anal and oral sex with you at the same time, that can definitely be something fun to try. If he means they can have double anal sex where they both penetrate your anus together simultaneously, that’s definitely a more advanced activity but a lot of women love how it feels and say it’s much more intense than just regular anal. But, if he’s suggesting one of them penetrate your anus and the other your vagina, then that wouldn’t be anal only and I wouldn’t suggest doing that nor would I expect that you want it. If that’s what he means, I’d say you aren’t interested in double penetration.
Hope that helps, and I’m sure we’ll all be interested in hearing what you decide to do and how things progress! Good luck.
Jadou: I am a vaginal virgin and I wish to remain so. I have been training for several months alone and I have found a man since June with whom I only do anal. I like it a lot but the problem is that in order to cum I need to touch my clit. And when I do that, the urge to be penetrated by the vagina is strong. how can I stop having this rather frustrating urge which prevents me from fully appreciating my man? Sometimes i wish i didn’t have a vagina at all….
Congratulations on the decision to remain a vaginal virgin and on finding a partner to explore anal only together with!
Clit stimulation can come with a lot of unfortunate side effects, and that urge and association with vaginal penetration can be one of them for some women. I would suggest gradually reducing or phasing out clit stimulation at least for a while and see if you can instead learn to orgasm purely from anal penetration, which is not only a better orgasm for many women, it doesn’t typically have those same associations or side effects of clit orgasms.
It could also help to put tape over your vagina, or use a numbing cream like orajel to reduce sensation and urges for clit stimulation or vaginal penetration, at least while first working to move away from those urges.
It also can help just to get deeper into the mindset of being anal only and a vaginal virgin and your strong desire to remain as such and how you’d regret it if you gave into those urges. Try to remind yourself of that when you feel the urges, and also when you aren’t feeling the urges it can help to repeat to yourself how much you love being an anal only vaginal virgin and don’t want to have vaginal sex. Consciously you already know this, but it can help your subconscious with the urges.
Hope that this helps you, and please let us know how it goes!
Anonymous: Hi! I’m 21, and I started my sexuality about one year and a half ago with an experienced boyfriend who taught me everything I know about sex.
Back then, when we started talking about doing it, he told me he was paranoid about unwanted pregnancy and didn’t trust condoms, so he suggested we do anal sex. I wasn’t against anal, but I didn’t want that as my first sexual experience. I offered alternatives like taking the pill, but every time, he would find some reason to decline and go back to his suggestion to only do anal, which led me to believe he was just finding excuses.
For four weeks, we only did hugging, kissing, caressing each other and oral sex. He patiently taught me how to give good blowjobs, and he would lick my anus. Little by little, he would massage my anus with his fingers and penetrate it a bit. Eventually, I gave up, and agreed to do anal sex.
I must say he was really nice and good at it: he bought me an enema pear and taught me how to use it (he even gave me a few enemas, it was humiliating but it was also hot somehow, and he gave good advice), he told me which diet I should follow, he advised me to masturbate only my ass when we couldn’t see each other, he explained the right postures and attitudes I should take during sex, and he went very slow on my ass, using only his fingers for the first sessions. Eventually, it was me who begged him to fuck my ass with his cock, and I had a lot of pleasure right away.
During all this time, we only did anal, and he discouraged me to touch my clit or vagina, telling me it would spoil the pleasure I got during sex. Anal just became an everyday normal thing, and eventually, I could take him easily and casually.
Our relationship eventually ended (not because of sex), and I got a new boyfriend, a good friend of his actually. But the problem is, the idea of vaginal sex now doesn’t appeal to me and actually terrifies me, I’d really like to resume the sexuality I’ve been following so far. I don’t know how to announce it to my new boyfriend without sounding like a complete slut, I only found excuses so far to avoid penetration, but he’s getting impatient, and is tired of me only giving him blowjobs, no matter how good they are.
What should I do? Should I open up to the idea of vaginal sex? In what way and with what words should I tell him I’d like anal penetration only? Thanks for your help.
Thanks for sharing your experiences, it sounds like you had an excellent introduction to anal sex and the anal only lifestyle with your ex-boyfriend, and he helped you see the benefits of being anal only and staying a vaginal virgin. It also sounds like that’s what you really want now, and if that’s the case, then I encourage sticking up for your desires and staying anal only!
As for how to tell your new boyfriend, just talk to him. Be honest. Communication is an important part of any relationship, and this is an important thing to communicate about. Tell him that you’d love to start having sex with him but that you’re an anal only girl and while you don’t want to do vaginal sex, you’d love to do anal and oral with him as often as he wants. If he’s like most guys, he’ll come around to the idea pretty quickly once he realizes he really can have anal sex with you all the time and cum in your ass without any fear of pregnancy.
I hope that helps, and please let us know how it goes!
Steven: I wrote to you last June about my girlfriend who was hesitating between having a vaginoplasty (and finally having a 100% female body) and keeping her current genitals (because I’m anal only and so is she, so she wouldn’t use her new vagina and clit anyway).
I was checking out your site to get to your porn blog (which I love) and I saw your encouragement to share stories, so I thought I’d give you some news.
Shortly after reading your answer last June, I realized my hesitation to give my opinion to my girl came from the fact I was “just” her boyfriend, so I didn’t feel entitled to have such influence on her body. Therefore, I took a big decision: I programmed a special day that’d be perfect for her, and in the evening, I told her that I couldn’t answer her question as her boyfriend but would as her husband. Then I kneeled, offered her a ring, and asked her for marriage.
I don’t think I ever saw someone happier in my life, which was quite flattering, I think we all underestimate the fear of MtF people to be “good enough” to be girlfriends but not wives. After some good time together, I finally told her what I told you: that I was anal only, wasn’t interested at all in what was on her front, and would rather have her stay the way she was, except if she could get a purely decorative pussy which would make more sense than a full vaginoplasty (it’d also be cheaper and less risky for her health).
She actually agreed with me, and we started to make researches to check out our options. To our surprise, it turns out our desire is a common one: apparently, 15% of sex change operations are vulvoplasty and not vaginoplasty, meaning the cock and balls are removed and replaced by a vulva, but there is no vaginal cavity whatsoever, meaning only anal and oral penetration are possible. Here are some links for people interested:
https://www.mtfsurgery.net/vulvoplasty.htm
https://www.issm.info/news/research-summaries/why-do-transgender-women-choose-vulvoplasty/
https://www.grsmontreal.com/en/surgeries/male-to-female/2-vaginoplasty-without-vaginal-cavity.html
Notice they openly mention among reasons for getting a vulvoplasty and not vaginoplasty: “not interested in receiving penetrative vaginal sex”, meaning vaginal penetration is losing appeal, especially among people used to anal sex. When it’s also cheaper and less risky, then it’s a no-brainer: why bother with a vagina?
We actually went to an appointment at a clinic doing such thing, and it went extremely well. We wanted a pussy with a “closed” look, looking like a virgin pussy which would contrast nicely with her obviously trained and well-used asshole, and they showed us pictures that look just perfect. It’s apparently a pretty simple and short procedure, with not too much time to heal. We also asked if it was possible NOT to create a clitoris: that didn’t seem to surprise the person we were talking to, she simply warned us that there was no going back, to which my fiancee replied that to her, a clitoris was simply a mini penis, and she wanted it entirely removed because she never used nor cared for it. It’s actually even cheaper!
To my surprise, I learned they can do this procedure to people who are 100% male (my fiancee is completely female and feminine, except for her junk).
The operation is actually planned, and we will marry each other right after that. My fiancee always dreamed of a stereotypical marriage, so we decided that after the operation, she would recover at her sister’s, and we wouldn’t see each other before marriage. It’ll be hard to wait a few weeks with no sex after being used to everyday anal sex, but that’ll make the moment and our honeymoon more intense and magical, especially discovering her new, entirely female body as husband and wife. Frankly, I get hard just thinking about it: a completely female and feminine wife with no vagina hole and no clitoris, with a purely decorative pussy like the ones you talk about in your porn blog, only able to receive anal and oral fucking for the rest of her life… that’s like she turned into a magical fairy or something. I feel so damn lucky.
Anyway, thanks for all your work and for your reply!
Thank you for following up, and congratulations on getting engaged and coming up with a mutually agreeable solution for everyone! It sounds like you’ve gotten it completely figured out, and it’s wonderful that she’ll be able to feel comfortable in her body while at the same time acknowledging that vaginal sex is something that neither of you are ever interested in having when you already have the perfect anal only life together.
Honestly, it makes the most sense and it’s good to see that vulvaplasty is becoming increasingly common. In time, I would hope that it becomes the norm rather than vaginaplasty for any transwoman interested in having a vulva rather than a penis, but uninterested in vaginal sex and wanting to stay anal only.
Good luck to the both of you, I hope you’ll continue to keep us updated on how things work out!
Anonymous: I’m 20, and a virgin. I read in other posts that you recommend girls who are virgins start with anal and stay vaginal virgins. I like the idea, but I want to know if you really think that I should, and why.
Anal porn has been my favorite for years, and thinking about doing it makes me so horny. I masturbate that way mostly but sometimes I rub my pussy too. Should I stop doing that if I go anal only? I’ve tried putting a toy in my pussy too, but it doesn’t feel as good as in my ass, which is why I’m thinking anal only would be a good idea.
I don’t want to be weird, though, and wouldn’t guys want to fuck my pussy too and get upset if I said no?
I definitely, unequivocally, recommend staying a vaginal virgin and going straight to anal only! Now, if someone has already had vaginal sex before going anal only, or really wants to try both and compare before committing to anal only, that’s fine too—whatever works for each person—but if you have the opportunity to keep your pussy virgin and totally unused, and that’s something that interests or appeals to you, then absolutely go for it!
The way I see it is, most girls who prefer anal but try vaginal end up anal only anyway and just regret that they wasted their virginity and didn’t stay pure anal only when they had the chance. By going straight to anal only and staying a vaginal virgin, there’s nothing to regret—you can always try vaginal sex later if you change your mind, but if you lose your vaginal virginity now, you can never go back to being a vaginal virgin again.
It sounds like you already know being an anal only vaginal virgin is the right path for you—you prefer anal, don’t enjoy vaginal masturbation, and are on an anal only blog asking for advice, so your decision is nearly made already. Commit to it. You won’t regret it.
As for what guys might think, that’s going to depend on the guy. Some guys might want pussy, and they’d be the wrong guys for you if you want anal only. Other guys absolutely prefer anal and anal only girls, and would love the idea of an anal only vaginal virgin girlfriend. If they don’t respect that your pussy is off limits for good, find someone who will.
So, here I am…. I have been lurking on both the blog version and the forum itself and I was surprised and happy to see that there is an anal only lifestyle community and blog and it’s great that there are people that want to engage in anal only lifestyle. I don’t know if it’s appropriate to tell you guys what age I am during the time I got into anal, but I have heard of sodomy before and the idea of sodomy turned me on. I wasn’t anal only during that time, I don’t know why until I stumble up the anal only lifestyle blog last 2 years and that’s when I decide to identify as anal only as a personal choice of my own. Since sodomy is the only kind of sex I engage in (even if I don’t have a partner), I feel like anal makes me more happy and confident in my own sexuality. Not to mention that I never play with my pussy because it’s kinda weird and vagina exists for making children, and also I would say I’m a vaginal virgin and I’m glad I have never put something in my pussy because it’ll hurt. Every time I hear vaginal sex-related stuffs or whatever it is, I get sex-repulsed for weird reasons and I don’t know why, but that’s how my body react as well as my brain. But when it comes to anal, I always get horny and sexually aroused by it, even fantasizing about getting fucked in the ass makes me more sexually aroused and frustrated.
I’ve been reading this site for years, it was one of the places my now-husband showed me to help learn about everything on my own a bit when we first met and he was getting me into all this. Now we’re married and always been anal only together (we do clit stim tho), meaning I too have always been anal only as he was my first ‘boyfriend’. Now I even have some piercing to help enforce our anal only lifestyle/vaginal denial. Mostly decided to finally join because I’ve been bored out of my skull (spring 2020!) and have also recently found that I can be marginally helpful and interesting about AOL