So you want to try anal sex. That’s great! Anal play can be lots of fun — if you’re ready for it. Unlike other types of sex, which most people can fumble their way through when they don’t have much experience, anal sex takes some research. (And, to be clear, it’s always better to think and talk through any new sexual experience before you try it with a partner).

But you can’t just slide into anal sex (unless you’re using plenty of lube…but more on that later). If you don’t know what you’re doing and you aren’t careful, you could hurt yourself or your partner because the anus is sensitive. “Contrary to what many believe, anal sex does not have to be painful (unless people engaging in it want it to be),” says Dulcinea Pitagora, a sex therapist known as the Kink Doctor. So before you give anal a try, read our tips about how to prep, both physically and mentally.

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An unfortunately still rather common trope among those inexperienced with anal pleasures is that while it can look sexy and be fun to watch in porn, it isn’t something that women really enjoy and that those who do it in porn are just active and pretending because it’s what guys want to see, and in turn, women mimic that to please guys but don’t really enjoy it for themselves.

This is simply untrue. Sure, there may be some who do this, but the reality is that many women, both in real life and in porn, love anal and can’t get enough of it. Even among those who aren’t anal only, enjoyment of frequent anal is very common and growing.

Unfortunately, it’s a bit of a self-perpetuating issue, because people insist loudly that it’s all an act for porn, resulting in those who do enjoy it for themselves often feeling marginalized and ashamed or afraid to speak up for their own enjoyment, and then as a result, they never correct the myth and it spreads further to other people.

How can we prevent this falsehood from spreading even further? Counter such claims with your own experiences and perspectives! Don’t be afraid to open up and tell people how much you enjoy or even prefer anal, and why. Some people may be dismissive or disbelieving, but most will recognize that you have a valid counter opinion or perspective, and some will be interested in learning more and may even reveal their own curiosity about anal and want tips from you on how to better enjoy it. People, especially women, who open up to their friends, have found a great deal of positive results as their friends end up wanting to try anal for themselves too, and if those friends already enjoy anal, they often end up trying to go anal only on their own as well if the idea is shared with them in a positive manner.

An argument that often comes up when introducing the idea of the anal only lifestyle to someone who has not yet experienced it for themselves is that by excluding vaginal sex, you are in some way limiting yourself sexually and that it’s more open-minded to still include vaginal sex in one’s sexual routine rather than to focus purely on anal and oral.

While on the surface, this may appear to make sense to those who have not yet tried anal only, the reality is quite different. In practice, eliminating vaginal sex in favor of anal only is more of an enhancement to one’s sex life than a restriction, the result of focusing on that which gives the most pleasure, intimacy and excitement and mastering the best acts rather than feeling obligated to do everything.

There’s something magical that happens when going anal only for the long term, which is hard to comprehend until you’ve tried it and experienced it for itself, but which is different than simply having a lot of anal sex. The total exclusion of vaginal sex and the state of mind involved with the conscious decision to fully replace vaginal with anal ends up making sex and pleasure so much more intense and arousing.

Additionally, unlike vaginal sex, anal doesn’t generally get boring or tedious in the same way. Couples who got tired of vaginal quickly found that even a decade into being anal only, they still find it exciting and thrilling. There is so much fun and variety you can do with anal alone and vaginal doesn’t have much special to offer that anal can’t do better.

So if the idea of going anal only interests you but you’re worried it will end up limiting your options, don’t worry. Give it a try for yourself—No Pussy November is coming up and is a great time to experiment with the anal only lifestyle—and you’ll soon see the benefits!

As the anal only community has grown and more people have talked about their experiences, more people—especially men, but also a number of women—have spoken up about the fact that they had a natural attraction to and preference for anal sex over vaginal. In many cases, when growing up, they’ve found themselves attracted to asses and anuses, rather than vaginas and vaginal sex, and in turn have found that this preference carried over to sex as well.

Among those who are still in the depths of ignorance and stigma surrounding anal sex, the idea of men having an aversion to vaginal sex and preferring anal is commonly derided as a sign that he is gay and doesn’t like women, but this is far from the truth—whether heterosexual or bisexual, a preference for anal is just that, and has nothing to do with liking or being attracted to women in general. On top of that, more women are speaking up about having such a preference to anal as well—many discovering that later, but some themselves figuring it out early on in their lives.

All this is a fairly clear sign of the increasingly obvious fact that for some, being anal only comes completely naturally and that anal sexuality and centrism is a normal and natural sexual preference on the level of a sexual orientation. For many others, it’s something discovered later in life, but fits their needs so perfectly once they do try it out.

I am just curious if others prefer anal over vaginal sex..I was diagnosed with having uterine fibroids which cause me to have bad cramps and pain everyday plus I am going through menopause so I have vaginal dryness..When we start foreplay I am fine but not long after I dry up so I much prefer anal cause it seems to feel better plus I can orgasm…I thought about using creams for the dryness but kinds concerned of the affects from the creams…Anyone else experience the same problem and prefer anal?

melvinshelley2019, WeddingBee forums

A majority of the responses from other women are negative towards anal, with some even bringing up the same old myths of health risks from anal, but several women express their own enjoyment of anal or share that they similarly enjoy anal most and find vaginal uncomfortable or painful, or started out anal only.

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This article on Refinery29 goes into detail about how and why anal sex doesn’t result in pregnancy.

Anal sex is a kind of sex, but just like oral sex, it won’t result in pregnancy — no matter what genitals the people involved are working with. While you can transmit STIs during anal sex (and during oral sex, too), pregnancy won’t happen — except in one rare situation. […] Pregnancy doesn’t happen during anal sex because the anus isn’t connected to the vagina or any other reproductive organs. People without vaginas can’t get pregnant — while “m-preg” is a popular fanfiction category, it doesn’t work that way in real life: trans men can get pregnant, but cis men cannot.

It then proceeds to detail the one scenario where pregnancy can result from anal sex:

There is one way in which anal sex could result in pregnancy: if semen enters the vagina after ejaculation. According to Planned Parenthood, “Since your anus isn’t connected to your reproductive organs, anal sex can’t directly cause pregnancy. But it’s still possible for semen to get into the vagina during anal sex — if the guy ejaculates into or near the anus, and the semen leaks from there down onto the vulva. Fingers and hands could make this more likely, too, by moving semen towards the vulva.”

That means that if someone has anal sex and then ejaculates into the anus or somewhere else near the vagina, sperm could theoretically, accidentally, enter the vagina and cause a pregnancy. If someone ejaculates after anal sex, touches the semen, and then fingers their partner, that could theoretically result in a pregnancy, too. But if semen doesn’t enter the vagina, there’s no chance of pregnancy happening.

Fortunately, this is exceedingly rare, but it is possible. So if getting pregnant is not your intent, be sure to clean up afterwards and take care to avoid semen entering the vaginal canal after anal sex.

If getting pregnant is your intent, however, and you want to maintain a completely vaginal penetration-free lifestyle even while doing so, whether just because you want to avoid going back to vaginal intercourse or because you want to maintain vaginal virginity, you can utilize this method to engage in anal sex as normal, ejaculate anally, and then push it back out while spreading the vagina open for it to run down and into. This technique can work and has been used by those in the anal only lifestyle, though it may require repeated attempts to do so.

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A Quora user asks this question, which is actually a fairly common thing people interested in the anal only lifestyle and introducing more anal sex into their life in general are concerned about, and which ties into a lot of anal myths and fears.

Well…

I don’t know yet. After having anal sex probably a couple thousand times in the past 20 years, the only effect I’ve noticed so far is that I can more easily allow something to go up my ass.

What about incontinence!?
Nope.

Hemorrhoids?
Nada.

Fissures.
None whatsoever.

Itchiness?
Well, I suppose, but no more than normal.

Pimples?
Now you’re really reaching.

It’s not just me either. I have more than a few friends who like it up the butt. Some, moreso than others. They all report no ill effects whatsoever.

Ernie Dunbar, Quora

If it starts to hurt, stop. If it starts to bleed, stop. Other than that you’re fine

You don’t have anything to worry about as far as fatiguing your butt muscles, since they snap back to their normal tightness within a few minutes after you stop playing, and like all muscles they tone up and get stronger with use.

Bonnie Smith, Quora

These are both great answers that get to the truth of the matter with anal sex. There is no such thing as too much anal sex, in a universal sense. You just need to listen to your body and if you get sore or feel pain, you should take a break. If everything is good, you’re good. The more you gain experience and practice with anal sex and the more your body is conditioned to it, the more you can do without getting sore or fatigued. Some can only do it once every week or two when first starting out, some a few times a week, and some multiple times per day.

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Anonymous: if you really believe anal was the height of pleasure, you would stop touching your dick, and only take it in the ass. almost like its not about pleasure at all and is entirely about you forcing women into ignoring parts of their body literally designed for penetration because of your anal fetish.

No one is forcing anyone to do anything. If you prefer anal, or are curious about why it might be better than vaginal, then this blog is for you. If you are uninterested in anal or in anal exclusivity through the anal only lifestyle, then you’re free to ignore it.

There are some women who sincerely prefer anal over vaginal and so choose to focus on that. This is also true of some men, who prefer receiving anal penetration and focus on that instead of using their penis. All are welcome and encouraged in the anal only lifestyle.

But consent is key, always, and no one should ever be forced to do such things. What I do is share my perspective (and that of others) so that those who have similar interests or are curious about this approach to sexuality are able to have a resource to learn more and interact with others like themselves, or be encouraged to try it for themselves if they haven’t yet already.

Even within the anal only lifestyle, ass to mouth can be an act of some contention. While increasingly popular, there are still those who see it as something dirty or degrading. And though it can be incorporated into play in that manner if so desired, it’s anything but when done right.

Ass to Mouth is Intimate & Loving

In much the same way that shifting to primarily or exclusively having anal sex, couples who have incorporated ass to mouth as a regular part of their sexual routine frequently talk about the increase in intimacy that results from it. Because it requires mutual trust between partners, just as anal sex does, and because it shows an openness with one’s body both with oneself and sharing with a partner, it can be a powerful act that brings people closer together.

Ass to Mouth is Sexy

That same openness that leads to an increase in intimacy is sexy and attractive. Both partners can find ass to mouth to be a very sexy act—it’s a delight to switch from anal sex to oral sex without getting out of the moment by “cleaning” first, and just going for it. As before, it’s an acceptance of sex and each other’s bodies and that makes everything sexier and better for everyone. The fact that it’s still somewhat of a taboo can also be exciting for some, and some women find they get off on the idea itself, with a few even orgasming from going ass to mouth.

Ass to Mouth Tastes Good

Despite the misconception that anal sex and ass to mouth always smells or tastes bad, the reality is that a clean anus and rectum will actually taste incredible, if it tastes like anything at all. With proper hygiene, bad tastes or smells just aren’t going to be a factor, and some people find that it can actually be subtly sweet in flavor. Developing cravings for the taste and wanting it frequently is not at all uncommon.

Ass to Mouth is Addictive

The more you do it, the more you want it, both for the act and the taste, and women who do it often report developing a compulsion and craving for it, which in turn boosts their arousal and cravings for anal sex as well, leading to good times all around for everyone.

So, start doing ass to mouth if you aren’t already. You won’t know what you’re missing until you try it.

Myself and my girlfriend do anal sex sometimes, but only sometimes. One of the main reason for this is because although its pleasurable and kinky its a lot of hassle; prepping, lubing, covering the bed and showering immediately after. If i were gay i dont think i would do anal sex much because it often doesnt seem worth the hassle as opposed to oral sex which although less pleasurable (at least in my experience) is far less hassle. Gay men are often perceived as doing anal sex frequently, but is it really as common as society seems to think?

Solomon Rustlake, Quora

There are a variety of answers, of varying quality, but here’s one on the pro-anal side:

Psst. Wanna know a secret?
*looks around furitively* Anal sex is the universal sex.
*looks around again to make sure no one heard me say this*
Wanna know why? Everyone has a butt hole. That means everyone can penetrate or be penetrated in the butt. Not everyone has a vagina, and not everyone has a penis, but everyone has a butt hole. (If they don’t, that’s a medical condition to discuss with one’s physician.)
All manners of people have anal sex!

Kathryn Elle, Quora

To more specifically answer the original question, however, it sounds like the original poster’s real problem is with needing to do it more often and get into a routine of anal sex to avoid the need for what he perceives as the hassle surrounding it. With frequent anal play, butt plugging and sex, the needs for warmup are minimized, you can get started with nothing more than a little dab of lube most of the time. Warmup is certainly important for people starting out or doing it infrequently, and should not be ignored if it’s needed, but as people get more and more into the anal only lifestyle, they tend to be engaging in anal penetration often enough that they stay always warmed up. It’s also not necessary to “cover the bed” or shower immediately after, though putting down a towel isn’t exactly difficult for a bit of extra precaution. Follow up with a little bit of ass to mouth and you’re as clean as you need to be, barring any unfortunate accidents.

He acknowledges that anal is far more pleasurable. He just needs to get more comfortable with it and he can be doing it every time rather than on a rare occasion.

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