My wife is the type that gets very submissive when she is very horny. So one day I asked for anal and she said yes. We tried it right then and there and she orgasmed. I’m a little girthy, so I just got a little more than the head in. It was great for both, but she doesn’t seem to want to prep for it. I don’t want to hurt her so we use tons of lube, and I give her full control of depth and motion, but I eventually want go deeper. I’m just not sure its will be possible without doing typical anal prep (fingering, plugs, etc), which she isn’t too keen on. Its like she only wants it when she’s fuck-drunk.

He gets some good responses, but I’m going to give my perspective as well, as this is something I’ve occasionally encountered myself: a woman who wants anal but doesn’t want to masturbate or train for it. In a later response, he mentions that they’ve at times had vaginal sex while he fingers her ass or wears a butt plug, and she’s okay with that, but it doesn’t lead to anal sex in the moment.

That is the approach I would take going forward—combining anal play with other sexual activity she already enjoys, and through that combination helping build her desire for anal sex more frequently while also helping to train her ass to get used to more frequent penetration and use sexually. The more often she does that, the more she will open up to doing anal play as the primary act, and will be more ready for when she does want anal sex, which she’ll in turn get more comfortable with doing and want more frequently as well.

Continue reading on Reddit

Anonymous: I appreciate you finding articles and discussions to post here and respond to from your perspective, but it is frustrating to see just how negative and ignorant people still are about anal sex!

It’s easy within our bubble of anal love and positivity to forget that a lot of people still haven’t discovered the truth about anal sex yet and not only buy into the pervasive myths that still surround anal, they continue to spread them to others despite having no experiences of their own to base them on.

Things are still improving overall, however, and there’s more easily accessible information than ever about how to enjoy anal. As more people speak positively about anal sex and the anal only lifestyle, and open up about them to friends, sharing personal experiences that supplant the impersonal myths, jokes and general negativity and encourage people to explore it for themselves. If you love anal, and you have friends that you feel comfortable talking about sex with, start talking to them about it, and if they have questions, try to be helpful and encouraging.

For more information on this topic, see our Helping to Advocate the Anal Only Lifestyle to Others page in our new Anal Sex & Anal Only Lifestyle Guide.

It’s no great secret that most men’s first reaction to seeing a vagina is aversion, innately recognizing it as something not particularly appealing or attractive, but conversely the instinct with asses and assholes is curiosity, attraction and greatly increased interest.

Traditionally, people have “gotten over” this first impression and learned to enjoy it for its other attributes, and that’s a common response when someone who has this aversion to vaginal talks with other people about it, but perhaps it’s time to reconsider that and instead embrace that natural instinct of attraction to the anus over the vagina.

Anal sex is far better suited for pleasure and intimacy than vaginal is, and is almost perfectly optimized to that purpose, while the vagina is optimized for pregnancy and giving birth. From a biological goal of reproduction, innate desires and preferences for vaginal sex made sense, but we’re now on an overpopulated planet where a growing number of people aren’t even financially stable enough to consider having children, and reproductive sex is far from the minds of most people.

Since non-reproductive goals are the primary sexual motivators for modern people, and since the only advantage vaginal sex has over anal is reproduction, it’s only natural that our preferences are shifting towards anal. Our first impressions are correct: anal is what we should be doing and vaginal should be avoided.

From r/analonlylifestyle on Reddit:

Assuming that enough exposure to the wonderful lifestyle was able to be presented to people (along with likely good past experimentations too) how much would you suspect the percentage of A/O relationships would go up to?

Based on how many women in my past were forever changed by their introduction to anal I honestly believe it’s about 25-50%. At least for hetero relationships. I have no numbers from memory to base a guess on for other people.

Anyways, they always seemed to protest the loudest the the idea at first and a few post enlightenment actually thanked me for not giving up (lol that’s not hard) and motivating them to take the whole cock.

It’s not such a huge step after you’re work to the joys of the asshole that A/O is a real consideration. I almost see it as valid as a sexual orientation of its own.

Continue reading and continue the conversation on Reddit

Anonymous: I went anal only over a year ago after finding your blogs on Tumblr and I just love it. I’m a committed anal only girl now who’s totally sold on the idea and using my pussy again doesn’t interest me at all. But I wanted to share some advice for other girls doing anal sex and going anal only, because I used to worry a lot about cleanliness, and doing an enema before each time kinda got in the way of spontaneous sex.

So what I do now is I keep an enema bulb in my bathroom and whenever I use the toilet, I just wash it out after I’m done with some warm water and then I’m good for the rest of the day. It helps that I have regular digestion so I only need to do this once a day and I’m always clean and ready for sex otherwise. I can have anal all I want and do ass to mouth (which I love 💖) without worry. It really helped take care of one of the things that kept me from going anal only before and has made all the difference for me so I really suggest it to others!

That’s a great piece of advice, thank you for sharing, and thanks for sharing your story as well. I’m glad my blogs helped inspire you to try going anal only for yourself and discover just how great it is!

I’ve heard of other women doing similar things with a daily enema/anal douche/rectal flush after going to the bathroom as a regular part of their bathroom routine, and it seems to really work for people so long as you use just a small amount of water and don’t go too deep with your enema. (For more information on good/safe enema practices, see our page on anal hygiene in our new guide to anal sex and the anal only lifestyle.) Some will go so far as to attach an enema hose to their shower head or get a bidet for their toilet (which helps with hygiene on its own) that has an enema attachment.

That’s the question asked by user on Quora, and while they get a few uninformed answers (some of which have since been removed), the majority of the responses are very positive and accurate.

Plain penetration of the vagina by the penis does not do it for most women. They either need additional stimulation of the clitoris, or a special alignment of the penis so it presses directly on the clitoris. Or alternatively, forget the clitoris and concentrate on the g-spot.

On the other hand, a very high percentage of women orgasm regularly during anal. Not sure why, but for deep throbbing orgasms, anal is the way to go!

This is absolutely the case. More women report being able to orgasm from just anal than vaginal, and those same women often can’t orgasm from vaginal on its own. Not everyone can orgasm from anal on its own, at least without more practice or training, but anal is certainly the way to go if you want more pleasure, whether with or without clitoral stimulation.

It is actually more likely for a woman to orgasm through anal penetration than vaginal penetration, hence why most women who don’t engage in anal can only achieve orgasm through being eaten out or fingered. There are more nerve endings in the anus than the vagina and it’s typically easier to reach the g-spot through the anus. Most of the women I’ve been with prefer anal sex for that reason. Pity that more women don’t engage in anal, due to the taboo that has been placed on it plus the semi-misconception that the anus is “exit only.”

The more women experience anal for themselves, on their own terms, and discover the pleasures that it can provide them, the more women are going to vastly prefer anal to vaginal and come to recognize vaginal sex as the pale imitation of pleasure and intimacy that it is in comparison.

Continue reading on Quora

Lucky: I want to share this with you because I am very excited! I suggested to my wife that we went only anal for a few months as you say, she agreed! She didn’t even hesitate or question, she just said it doesn’t matter, it sounds interesting. We start from the first day of the year, at least until April.

Congratulations! I’m guessing you both already enjoy anal together for her to agree so quickly to the idea, and that also suggests that she likes anal a lot or even prefers it. Going anal only may have been something she was already interested in, even.

Anal Only April begins April 1, so you should probably at least go until that’s over. But, if you’re still doing anal only together after three months, there’s a good chance that you aren’t going back to vaginal anyway and will be staying with anal only for good.

Some guys are boobs men. Others are legs men. But in the bedroom, all are bum men. I do not know a heterosexual woman alive who has not, at some point, experienced a partner trying to use her backdoor instead of the front. There are the curious gents, gently investigating if the key fits. Others are as unsubtle as the pile of junk mail flyers that stumbles through your letterbox every week. But the male goal is the same: they want in.

This isn’t universally true. Not all men are remotely interested in anal, as discovered by some of the female members of the anal only community as they meet resistance from potential new partners. As with all things, some men and some women love it, some like it, and some want nothing to do with it. Most of those who want nothing to do with it have either only had one or two bad experiences, or haven’t tried it at all.

Interest in anal certainly is on the rise, however, for men and women both.

Only, why do they? And why don’t we? I know plenty of women who’ve tried anal play, but I don’t know a single one who initiated it – or who’d admit to it without that other essential lubricant, wine.

Plenty of women do want anal, and do initiate it. Many don’t admit to it because of continuing stigmas and attitudes surrounding it and fear of being judged negatively by their peers for making that admission, because sex negativity and slut shaming remain big factors that keep people from being open and positive about sex and their enjoyment of it. But even this is slowly changing for the better, and people are becoming more open about sexual topics and sex positivity. The more people talk with their friends about enjoying anal or being anal only, the more some of that stigma can be combated and others can feel safe opening up as well, and trying anal for themselves if they haven’t already.

“It’s all that internet porn men are watching,” I hear you cry – and, yes, true. Over the last six years, PornHub has reported a 78% increase in the number of searches for anal clips.

Porn can have some influence by exposing people to a wider range of sex acts and making them curious about trying it for themselves, but it doesn’t determine your preferences. A lot of people—again, men and women both, because women love porn just as much as men do, they just don’t admit to it as openly for the same reasons as above—are watching more anal porn because anal is what they enjoy, what gets them off, and what they prefer watching.

From here, the article really goes off the rails.

At its most basic, men crave novelty more than women

“If a woman finds something that she likes sexually, she usually wants that repeated again and again. Whereas men seem to need different stimuli to stay engaged. The anus and anal sex is more taboo than vaginal sex; it’s perceived as ‘dirty’. If a woman is open to it, it implies that your sex life is ‘dirtier’, too.” And ‘dirty’ is a label that novelty-addicted guys crave – not fear.

Novelty and taboo might make people curious about trying it in the first place, but that’s not what a long-lasting interest in or preference for anal will be based on. One might come for the novelty, but stay for all the other benefits of anal.

Anal sex avoids intimacy – cue the commitment-phobes

“The most common position in anal sex is for the woman to be bent over, with the man on top or over her, looking at her back. For men, a sense of power and domination comes with that. There’s also no real connection: there’s no face-to-face interaction, no eye contact, it avoids intimacy and is not seen as a ‘relationship experience’. In our culture, men’s emotions are more supressed than women’s. So men might find anal sex more comfortable because of the lack of intimacy, while women might find it less satisfying because of the same thing.”

I don’t even know where to begin with this absurdity.

First of all, this sounds more like a critique of the doggy style position, which is commonly used for both vaginal and anal sex, and has no specific connection to anal. Anal can be, and is, done in a wide variety of positions.

Secondly, anal sex can be one of the most intimate forms of sex possible. It all depends on context, as with anything else. If you’re in a close relationship with someone, anal sex is the using and sharing of one partner’s most private and intimate part of their body for sex, and the trust and care involved, combined with the increased shared pleasure, makes it incredibly intimate. In fact, talking to women who regularly engage in anal sex with their partner, or who are anal only, the intimacy of it is one of the things most commonly cited as a reason they love it so much.

Men are secretly fascinated by their own bums

“There’s a deep psychological thing for guys because their anus is the source of enormous pleasure for them, with the prostate located there (in the rectum). Men may not have experimented with that, but in their psyche they’ll know that part of the body is capable of giving great pleasure. Because of lingering homophobia in our culture – even though homosexuality is normalised, good and healthy – there’s still this internalised idea, “If I enjoy having something up my arse that means I’m gay, and I am not gay.” So men displace their own desires to experience pleasure in that part of the body, and put them onto women.” So there’s an ulterior – well, posterior – motive, after all.

This one does at least touch on some legitimate issues with myths surrounding anal pleasure and the association of anal with homosexuality in combination with homophobia, but it draws an absurd conclusion from it by claiming that men who secretly want to play with their own asses are suppressing that desire and expressing it through anal sex with women instead, which is just so utterly stupid I can’t believe I just read it.

Guess what: men want to have anal sex with women because they enjoy anal sex with women. It feels great for men, and done right can feel better than any other form of sex for women as well. It can give some of the most intense and explosive orgasms for a woman, and men like their partners to enjoy sex as much as they do. It’s intimate, it’s passionate, it’s sexy, and it’s just an all around good time. Some men also like receiving anal pleasure, and there’s nothing wrong with that either. Anal pleasure can and should be enjoyed by anyone who wants it, without any judgement.

The above is more or less the entire article, since there was so much to respond to, but you can, as always, continue reading at Glamour.

Anonymous: When is the next anal only challenge you’re going to do? I want to try going anal only with my gf but I think she would be more willing to try it if we were doing it along with a lot of other people.

We now officially do Anal Only April and No Pussy November each year, both of which run for the entire month.

Anal only challenges can be done at any time on your own, but as you say, some people find comfort in doing them alongside a larger group of people, so waiting until April could be your best bet in that scenario. If she does show interest in doing it sooner, though, you can always suggest trying it on your own anyway.

I’m 20 and I haven’t ever had vaginal sex, but I do anal all the time and I love how it feels so much. I masturbated my ass long before I tried playing with my pussy or clit, and my first boyfriend fucked me in my ass too, which got me hooked on it.

I’ve tried using a toy in my pussy and rubbing my clit to masturbate, but I just don’t like how it feels. Up my ass it’s amazing and I can cum so easily, in my pussy it’s just weird and kind of raw feeling and painful.

Plus I can’t get pregnant with anal, and all the guys love that I always want it up the ass, so I don’t see any reason to lose my pussy virginity. I think it’s a really sexy idea to stay a virgin there and just be a big anal slut until I decide to have kids someday.

Sound reasoning all around from this young woman, and it seems she already knows what she wants and needs and has no real issues with it. Still, she asks the audience of Is It Normal? for their opinion on her lifestyle choice. Unfortunately, the majority of them accuse her of being a guy, mock the idea in one way or another, or make troll comments. There are a few positive comments, but honestly, the most positivity comes from the original poster herself, who defends her position in a few cases, including to the claim that she must enjoy pain if she does anal.

What do you mean?? I don’t like pain, anal doesn’t hurt, it’s my pussy that does when I’ve tried using a dildo in it, that’s why I decided to not have vaginal.

Continue Reading at Is It Normal?