Category: Messages From Readers

A majority of the content on this blog is messages from readers, whether requests for advice, venting of frustrations, or shared stories and experiences. If you have your own question to ask or comment to share, send us a message.


Bdsmlr: Getting Pregnant in an Anal Only Relationship

We received this message through our Bdsmlr blog, and it’s being replicated here to be viewed by a wider audience.

Anonymous: I’ve loved your blog for a long time, and I am glad that you’re active on Bdsmlr again like you were on Tumblr! I’ve reached out to you there before, a few years ago, but your blog inspired me and my boyfriend to go anal only way back in 2015. We’ve stayed anal only successfully since then and when we got married a couple years ago we vowed to be anal only together as part of it. We’re thinking about having kids now, and we’re going to try out non-vaginal ways of getting pregnant first, but it also seems like you’re okay with vaginal sex to get pregnant, is that right?

Thanks! I’m glad I helped inspire you and that you’ve stayed anal only since for the past five years! That’s wonderful.

Vaginal sex to get pregnant and anal for everything else is consistent with the ideas of the anal only lifestyle, for sure. But, as you’ve noted, many people who stay anal only long enough like the idea of never going back to vaginal, even to get pregnant, and so often try to look for other options, whether that be artificial insemination, or ejaculating during anal sex and spreading open her vagina to let it run out and back into her. Whatever approach you decide to take, good luck and enjoy your anal only future together!

Message: Valentine’s Day Success

Anonymous: Last week I showed your post about Valentine’s Day to my girlfriend and we decided to try it together. That might seem surprising, but she really loves anal and we do it pretty often already, but with vaginal about 30% of the time too. She thought it sounded fun to try anal only, so we agreed to do it for a week, starting on the evening of the 14th.

Well, I can tell you that it’s been a big success! We haven’t done vaginal since, it’s been a little over a week now, and neither of us miss it. So we’ve decided to keep going. For now we’re going to try to the end of the month, but we agreed that if we still feel this way on March 1, we’ll stick with it. Anal is very much our preferred way to have sex anyway, so if it turns out that vaginal doesn’t really do anything for us and we don’t miss it, we’d rather stick with what does work best!

Thanks for the suggestion.

Congratulations! Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you’re well on track to a lovely anal only future together, for sure!

Message: Aloe Vera As Lube

Anonymous: hello! i think aloe vera (it has to be natural) would be suitable as a lube since it’s very liquidly and has slightly jelly-like texture. if you want a more flowy-like liquid, i recommend mixing aloe vera with raw honey (90% aloe and 10% honey). idk if this is the best suggestion, but i hope it works!

Aloe vera can definitely be used as a natural anal lube, and some people very much enjoy it. I don’t hear about it nearly as much as other options, so any input about what people like most about it is welcome!

Message: I’m Repulsed by Vaginal and It Makes Me Feel Like a Weirdo

Anonymous: idk if im the only one that feels this way, but on a personal level, for me, i always get repulsed or disgusted when i hear the mentions of vaginal penetration or even see vaginal penetration, i dunno why, but this is how i actually feel to be honest. vaginal disgusts me for weird reasons (being on birth control, having menstrual cycle, afraid of getting pregnant, mainstream porn, negative perceptions). im not saying everyone should not try anal, it’s just that i hate it when people who have positive anal sex treats anal as dirty and kinky, when it’s literally pleasurable and hot, like?? anything sex (except anal sex) repulses me. i sorry for bringing some negativity and sounding like a prude, i wanted to rant since this situation had got me feeling icky and terrible (im a girl btw)

You’re definitely not alone, a lot of people share anywhere from a disinterest to an active dislike of vaginal penetration or sex, for a variety of reasons. And you shouldn’t feel ashamed or weird about it, if you don’t like it you don’t like it, and anal is definitely the better option anyway, so just focus on that and how much you enjoy it instead!

If you face anal negativity, counter it with anal positivity of your own and talk about how nice and pleasurable and sexy it is instead. Spread the joy and love of anal to others and be an encouraging force for people to try it, like it, and want more of it.

Message: Stomach Issues After Anal

KateLovesAnal: I want to be able to do anal every day but my stomach gets upset often afterwards. Gas, constipation and general stomach discomfort to the point that it would be unenjoyable or even painful. This can happen even if my asshole itself is more or less fine. Any suggestions would be so appreciated. I love anal and am getting more bored with my pussy every day. I want to be able to have anal every day but sometimes my body just won’t let it happen.

This can be the result of a few different factors, and could even be something I’m not covering here. If nothing I mention helps, it may be worth talking to a doctor about it as well if you have the opportunity to do so.

It could be digestive in nature. Do you have any issues with digestion with not having anal sex, or is it triggered by the anal sex for you and you normally feel fine? Adding dietary fiber or fiber supplements to your diet and daily routine can be a good way to have a more regular digestive cycle and reduce the issues that result from anal sex.

Do you use an enema before having anal sex? How much water are you using if so? If you use too much and get it too deep, without fully doing a deep clean, you can clean yourself out briefly but end up activating your digestive tract and cause cramping or even diarrhea. Alternatively, some people need to do a deeper enema to clean themselves out suitably to avoid gas and cramping, though diet and exercise can reduce the need for this.

Are you wearing butt plugs regularly? Some people find that doing so can help regulate their digestive system and make it more accommodating for anal sex, while others find that it causes constipation if they keep large plugs in for too long.

What type of lube are you using? Some lubes can cause reactions that result in increased gas or cramping, and you might want to try a different kind if this something you’re experiencing.

Finally, you may just need to persevere for a while and stick with it. Some people get cramping as a reaction to anal penetration at first but if they keep doing anal penetration as a regular routine, it can go away.

I hope that you’re able to figure this out, and live the anal only life that you want.

Message: Evolving to Anal Only, Part 2

In order to more directly respond to various parts of this message, it has been broken up into several chunks with replies in between.

Laura: Hello, I’m Laura, the wife getting into anal only for her husband – you’ve kindly answered my questions the 17th of December. I replied to you, but I’m not sure you got my message. I wanted to give feedback and ask some more questions.

I appreciate your advice to talk openly with my husband, but I don’t want him to know the only reason I’m getting into this is because I was frustrated and spied on his browser history, discovering vaginal and clitoral sex “disgusted” him. So far, he thinks the shift to anal only comes from me genuinely wanting to get into it, and it makes him feel extremely good according to what he posts online on dedicated boards (I spied more on him) and according to his general behavior. I don’t want to spoil it.

I admit I first tried this because I felt trapped (married, two kids) and upset he was “disgusted” by vaginal and clitoral sex, it was initially a simple effort to save my marriage, but I’m enjoying this more than I thought I would. I liked anal sex as soon as he introduced me to it, but anal only is something else.

When you answered me, we were actually already doing anal for three to four times a week, without me being sore. I followed your advice to get him off from blowjobs when anal started to get uncomfortable, but in just two weeks like you said, he could take my ass whenever he wanted without me being sore. Now he fucks it about every day on average (more on weekends, less during the week), and I feel fine despite him being quite large.

I’m glad to hear that you’re adjusting to it easily and finding that you can have anal sex daily without an issue. Maintaining that routine will just get easier and better for you as you continue.

I bought a toy like you said, a dildo about the size of my husband to practise. I hid it in the bathroom, and every time I have to empty myself, I rinse my ass with water (not too much) to be clean, then I use the dildo to help push the remaining water and learn to get pleasure just from anal. I stopped clitoral stimulation like you recommended and like my husband wants. Is it normal that the frustration feels sort of good and makes me enjoy anal more (both during sex and masturbating)?

It’s quite common for women to enjoy the frustrating of ongoing arousal even if they don’t ultimately orgasm. Some women prefer not to orgasm at all, as maintaining that constant arousal leads to more positive sexual interaction and a healthier sex life, and it can just be more fun. Others do want to orgasm but like to find ways of orgasm that don’t impact that buildup of arousal so much, like anal orgasms do.

So far, I can’t orgasm from anal at all, but I do get a lot of pleasure. I stopped birth control, and I feel a bit different, I don’t know if it’s related to the pill or if it comes from anal sex.

Likely a bit of both. Hormonal birth control does impact people pretty hard, and it’s common to feel different and better without it, but going anal only also has positive impacts of its own, so it’s probable that you’re enjoying the benefits of both.

Has it, therefore, been several months since you last orgasmed? The arousal must really be building in you. Are you able to manage or do you find it hard to resist? If you want to persist in avoiding clitoral stimulation entirely, really keep focusing on the anal sex and play and doing it as often as you can. It can take months to get to anal orgasm for some women, and while some do find that they can’t ever quite get there, they end up enjoying not orgasming even more and the pleasure of anal on its own makes up for it for them.

Like I said, I spied more on what my husband says online, and it turns me on to read his fantasies then do it like it’s my own idea. His “I can’t believe my luck” face every time I do something he talks about online makes me feel incredibly good. So far, this adventure really got us closer together and really changed the way I look on sex. Sex now feels as hot as when we started our relationship (a bit better, actually), and our couple works better too, with less tension. My husband seems more confident and a lot happier.

That’s wonderful to hear, and I think you’ll find it just keeps getting better. Some people use anal only as a spark to revitalize their sex life, but often, if you stick with it, it’s not like vaginal where it’s fun at first and then becomes less so down the road—anal only stays exciting and keeps getting better.

I have a question about ass to mouth, which is apparently a big fantasy of his: is it safe? From what I understand, since it’s my own body, as long as I’m clean it’s OK (like I said, I rinse a lot, so I’m always clean)?

Yes, it’s safe to do ass to mouth, especially from your own ass and if you’re visually clean. Many, many people do it without issue regularly, and given the popularity of rimming, it’s likely that even with other people if everyone’s healthy and clean, it’s rarely an issue.

Message: Can Dominant Women be Anal Only?

Anonymous: I’m a dominant heteroflexible cis woman. I love anal and am intrigued by the benefits of anal only and clit denial described in your blog. I see space for me to partake in this with my sexual preferences and proclivities. I’m hoping you can offer suggestions or advice on switching over to AO? I have never cum without my clit before and only recently have been able to without a vibrator. I’ve read your guides as well, very helpful!

Thank you!

I don’t see any reason why not! There’s nothing inherently dominant or submissive about anal sex or about being anal only, it can be what we make of it and how we fit it into our existing sexuality. As someone who already loves anal, surely you would agree that it’s something you can enjoy as a dominant woman. Being anal only is just about focusing on that thing you already love and making it your priority with the exclusion of other, lesser forms of stimulation. It’s an opportunity to explore anal pleasure and learn to pursue greater forms of orgasm and learn how to do so by other means than what you’re already familiar with, taking you out of your comfort zone in order to grow.

I would generally suggest switching to anal penetration only first, without abruptly eliminating clitoral stimulation. Some people try it all at once together with positive results, but if clit stimulation is a strong habit and need for you, it may make it more challenging and unsustainable to do it all at once. So perhaps starting by only orgasming and using your clit when having anal sex, masturbating anally or wearing a butt plug, and eliminate vaginal penetration from your sexual routine in favor of anal penetration only.

Then, after a few months, if you find you’ve adjusted well to being anal only in that regard, start exploring the process of gradually reducing clitoral stimulation in favor of exploring anal pleasure on its own. There are a variety of ways to do this, from completely stopping and seeing how long you can go without it, to reducing clitoral stimulation to a twice a week activity for a week or two, then going to once a week, twice a month, once a month, etc., gradually building up the amount of time you can go without it and letting your arousal build in between in order to help with achieving pure anal only orgasms.

Good luck, and you’ve certainly got my encouragement to go anal only! It’s definitely something that anyone can enjoy and benefit from in the right circumstances, and if it’s something that interests you, you should definitely try it! If you have any other questions, don’t hesitate to ask.

Message: Stories Inspired Me

Anonymous: Thank you to the people who shared their own stories of anal only on this blog, I was inspired to try it myself because of seeing these people and how many different experiences they had, mostly good!

I have gone anal only with my husband for one year since the start of this year and we love how close it has brought us since we stopped the vaginal sex. I had to use the birth control pill before and it affected me badly, so with this we are able to stop that and enjoy sex naturally but without getting pregnant. I think this is the best.

Please, post more stories of other people who are anal only, it is my favourite thing to read and learn from and to see that there are many others doing the same as us.

Thank you for sharing, it sounds like anal only has been a wonderful thing for you! Readers of this blog regularly say that other people’s AO experiences are what they most enjoy reading, so you’re not alone there!

However, it depends on each of you reading this to share your own stories and perspectives—even if you aren’t anal only currently, let us know what appeals to you about the lifestyle, what your goals are, what you’d like to do, your past experiences with anal and AO, and whatever you like. We’re always happy to share, offer advice and suggestions, and even debate. Send us a message here.

Message: Give Up Clit Orgasms?

Anonymous: My bf got me into anal only last year and I like it but struggle with some things. It’s still harder for me to get to orgasm from anal but he doesn’t want me to keep using my clit anymore. I haven’t used it so far this year, because he wanted me to try 2020 without my pussy at all, but it’s hard to not cum every time. Do you have any advice? Is there anything I can do to cum from anal more often?

Congratulations on being anal only and starting out the year with a new challenge to commit even more fully to the anal only lifestyle!

It’s a good sign that you’re able to orgasm from anal at least some of the time! That suggests that by focusing purely on anal pleasure and excluding clitoral stimulation from your routine, you’ll start orgasming more easily from anal in time. Pay attention to what sort of positions and speeds you’re in when you orgasm more frequently and try to replicate that towards the end of an anal session in order to make it more likely that you will orgasm regularly from anal.

In the long term, moving past clitoral stimulation to pure anal will pay off immensely and there are many benefits to doing so, which you can read about in our Guide to Clitoral Denial. I wish you the best of luck!

Message: New Goal for an Anal Only Marriage

Anonymous: My girlfriend and I got together 6 years ago. She didn’t have much sexual experience when we met, but during those years, little by little, I got her into anal, then anal only, then strict clitoral denial, then casual ass to mouth, then finally orgasm denial (she still has anal orgasms occasionally, but they happen when they happen, I never get out of my way to cause them, and I don’t behave differently when they do).

To me, she’s now the perfect girlfriend, and I actually proposed her! We’re getting married in about three months.

So far, we always had goals in our relationship, and for our marriage, we’d like to try new goals… but I’m perfectly happy, so I’m not sure what I could add, haha! We both love all your blogs, and we wondered if you could suggest something, a new goal to start our marriage. That’d please us very much.

We’re monogamous, not into dirty play or water sports. You probably guessed that my girlfriend is submissive – she wasn’t at first, but she got more and more submissive (both in and out of bed) and slutty as soon as we started clitoral denial. It boomed even more after orgasm denial.

What would you suggest? Thanks, and keep up the good work!

It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship and a wonderful fiancée, thank you for sharing your experiences and your progress together.

Committing to an anal only marriage and a life of pure anal together seems a pretty great goal in and of itself, and having a ceremony of your own after the main wedding where you pledge anal only to each other is something that some anal only couples like to do.

Beyond that, it sounds like you’re at a pretty great place already and should enjoy your ideal relationship and sex life. If there isn’t anything that stands out as something that you’d really like to do, there’s nothing wrong with just enjoying what you have together.

If you wanted to push her anal limits, you could explore larger toys or double anal with you and a toy. If she doesn’t wear a plug regularly, you could introduce long term plug wear into your routine. You could talk with friends and couples you know about the anal only lifestyle and work together to try and encourage other people to experiment with it and discover its benefits as well. You could symbolize your commitment to the anal only lifestyle with a set of chastity piercings.

If you do settle on something, or have any other questions, don’t hesitate to share or ask.