Category: Messages From Readers

A majority of the content on this blog is messages from readers, whether requests for advice, venting of frustrations, or shared stories and experiences. If you have your own question to ask or comment to share, send us a message.


Message: My No Pussy November Goals

Ann: I will be doing No Pussy November with my husband, and our goal is to not have vaginal sex or for me to have any clit stimulation. We want to use this month to try it and see if we can make it work full time, and if we can, we plan to stay anal only.

We both prefer anal but have continued doing vaginal at times when anal has been harder to do or required more work and we were lazy and we want to stop accepting that as an excuse.

Glad to hear that you’re taking part! I hope that you have a great time with it and are able to establish an anal only routine that keeps you from feeling the need to return to vaginal sex.

Frequent plug wear, a good diet/hygiene routine, and having anal sex regularly can very much minimize most needs for preparation, and makes anal only a lot more feasible.

Message: How to Make Girlfriend Obsessed With Ass to Mouth

Anonymous: I have been blessed with a submissive girlfriend who loves anal and does not mind giving me a blowjob afterwards. We have however not done that much talking about it in bed; my penis sometimes changes from her ass to her mouth, no mention of where it has been before.

During our play session last night I put that into words; “you are doing ass-to-mouth”. We both agreed that it was incredibly hot so I want to continue exploring that path with her. I want to see if I can make her obsessed with doing ass to mouth. To the point of her not cleaning my dick after anal sex would be a punishment. Having her beg me to fuck her just so she can taste it.

Do you have any suggestions for how to ‘train’ or influence her?

Thank you for a wonderfully inspiring community and the work you put into it.

I’d suggest just making it a regular habit, talking about it more overtly, and starting to phrase it as being a reward or treat for her. Especially if she really enjoys this additional focus of calling attention to it, it will very likely boost her arousal and build the association of always doing ass to mouth so that not doing it would be abnormal for her.

Message: Our Anal Only Life

Anonymous: My fiancé and I decided to be anal only when we first started dating because we wanted to be free to be sexual together and enjoy ourselves but I’d had really bad experiences with birth control before and we know we can’t afford to have a child at this time in our lives nor are we sure about raising children in this world. Anal only lets us be a complete and sexual couple with intimacy and have an awesome sex life but we don’t ever have to worry at all about getting pregnant or risking our futures.

I’ve seen you make similar comments and I wanted to share that it’s been very good for us in that way. In times like this where so many of us are trying to make our way in the world with very little resources it just makes sense to be anal only.

Thanks so much for sharing! I think there are a lot of good reasons to be anal only (including just “I like anal and want to do it all the time”!) but I completely agree that with the growing uncertainty in the world, difficulty for many people to support a family, and massive overpopulation, being anal only makes a lot of sense when it comes to the sense of security it provides with its inherent natural birth control.

And there’s a lot to be said for that. Other forms of birth control are expensive, have side effects, and can in some cases really make sex worse. Anal makes sex better, boosts arousal, and gives you the confidence to have as much sex as you want without risk of pregnancy ever being a part of it.

I encourage going anal only for anyone that wants a free, positive sex life without any involvement of procreation. It just makes sense.

Message: Infection Scare

Anonymous: I have an uncircumcised penis of length 5.6″ and will it be ok for anal sex ? will analingus, anal penetration, cunnilingus and felatio go one after the other during sex and which lubricant is best for anal sex?

Circumcised and uncircumcised penises are both fine for anal sex, and you just need to wash after sex and urinate.

The order of sexual activities is largely up to you and your partner and what you both want, though you shouldn’t have vaginal sex after anal sex without cleaning first.

As for lubricants, we have a Guide to Anal Lubricants that you can read through.

Message: How to Stop Wanting Vaginal

Jadou: I am a vaginal virgin and I wish to remain so. I have been training for several months alone and I have found a man since June with whom I only do anal. I like it a lot but the problem is that in order to cum I need to touch my clit. And when I do that, the urge to be penetrated by the vagina is strong. how can I stop having this rather frustrating urge which prevents me from fully appreciating my man? Sometimes i wish i didn’t have a vagina at all….

Congratulations on the decision to remain a vaginal virgin and on finding a partner to explore anal only together with!

Clit stimulation can come with a lot of unfortunate side effects, and that urge and association with vaginal penetration can be one of them for some women. I would suggest gradually reducing or phasing out clit stimulation at least for a while and see if you can instead learn to orgasm purely from anal penetration, which is not only a better orgasm for many women, it doesn’t typically have those same associations or side effects of clit orgasms.

It could also help to put tape over your vagina, or use a numbing cream like orajel to reduce sensation and urges for clit stimulation or vaginal penetration, at least while first working to move away from those urges.

It also can help just to get deeper into the mindset of being anal only and a vaginal virgin and your strong desire to remain as such and how you’d regret it if you gave into those urges. Try to remind yourself of that when you feel the urges, and also when you aren’t feeling the urges it can help to repeat to yourself how much you love being an anal only vaginal virgin and don’t want to have vaginal sex. Consciously you already know this, but it can help your subconscious with the urges.

Hope that this helps you, and please let us know how it goes!

Message: Receiving Anal as a Straight Man

Anonymous: What are your thoughts on straight men who enjoy receptive anal? I’m asking since it seems more stigmatized than anal with women or non-straight men.

I think that anal sex, anal play, and the anal only lifestyle can be enjoyed by and is open to everyone. Personally, my primary interest is in women who make the conscious decision to not have vaginal sex in favor of anal only, and that influences the content here to some degree, but you’ll find that within the broader community there are a wide variety of male and female cis- and transgender people who enjoy and embrace the anal only lifestyle.

Message: How to Tell New Boyfriend I’m Anal Only?

Anonymous: Hi! I’m 21, and I started my sexuality about one year and a half ago with an experienced boyfriend who taught me everything I know about sex.

Back then, when we started talking about doing it, he told me he was paranoid about unwanted pregnancy and didn’t trust condoms, so he suggested we do anal sex. I wasn’t against anal, but I didn’t want that as my first sexual experience. I offered alternatives like taking the pill, but every time, he would find some reason to decline and go back to his suggestion to only do anal, which led me to believe he was just finding excuses.

For four weeks, we only did hugging, kissing, caressing each other and oral sex. He patiently taught me how to give good blowjobs, and he would lick my anus. Little by little, he would massage my anus with his fingers and penetrate it a bit. Eventually, I gave up, and agreed to do anal sex.

I must say he was really nice and good at it: he bought me an enema pear and taught me how to use it (he even gave me a few enemas, it was humiliating but it was also hot somehow, and he gave good advice), he told me which diet I should follow, he advised me to masturbate only my ass when we couldn’t see each other, he explained the right postures and attitudes I should take during sex, and he went very slow on my ass, using only his fingers for the first sessions. Eventually, it was me who begged him to fuck my ass with his cock, and I had a lot of pleasure right away.

During all this time, we only did anal, and he discouraged me to touch my clit or vagina, telling me it would spoil the pleasure I got during sex. Anal just became an everyday normal thing, and eventually, I could take him easily and casually.

Our relationship eventually ended (not because of sex), and I got a new boyfriend, a good friend of his actually. But the problem is, the idea of vaginal sex now doesn’t appeal to me and actually terrifies me, I’d really like to resume the sexuality I’ve been following so far. I don’t know how to announce it to my new boyfriend without sounding like a complete slut, I only found excuses so far to avoid penetration, but he’s getting impatient, and is tired of me only giving him blowjobs, no matter how good they are.

What should I do? Should I open up to the idea of vaginal sex? In what way and with what words should I tell him I’d like anal penetration only? Thanks for your help.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, it sounds like you had an excellent introduction to anal sex and the anal only lifestyle with your ex-boyfriend, and he helped you see the benefits of being anal only and staying a vaginal virgin. It also sounds like that’s what you really want now, and if that’s the case, then I encourage sticking up for your desires and staying anal only!

As for how to tell your new boyfriend, just talk to him. Be honest. Communication is an important part of any relationship, and this is an important thing to communicate about. Tell him that you’d love to start having sex with him but that you’re an anal only girl and while you don’t want to do vaginal sex, you’d love to do anal and oral with him as often as he wants. If he’s like most guys, he’ll come around to the idea pretty quickly once he realizes he really can have anal sex with you all the time and cum in your ass without any fear of pregnancy.

I hope that helps, and please let us know how it goes!

Message: Better Orgasms Without My Clit

Krista: From reading your blog I decided to try and have anal orgasms by not using my clit and to my surprise they started to come easily for me once I stopped. It only took me a few times before they started, and they are already my favorite. I have lost interest in my clit because of them and wanted to say thank you!

You’re welcome, thanks for sharing. Everyone has different experiences, but in general, clit denial as a means of achieving anal orgasms is a great option, because clit stimulation tends to be an easier form of reaching orgasm at first, and so it can overpower the more subtle sensations and stimulations needed through anal to achieve pure anal orgasms. I encourage it for everyone to at least try!

Message: Rimming is the Best Introduction

CharlesO: Hey man, I want to thank you for all the information on this page, it really helped my girlfriend and me start doing anal regularly and now she’s agreed to try going anal only too starting this month, which is a real dream come true for me. I hope she loves it and we can stay anal only, fingers crossed! We’re going to try it until the end of the year for now.

The thing that really made it click for her was when I started rimming her every time we did anything sexual, and especially before any anal play. She loves how it feels and it drives her wild, makes her pussy drip, and she says she can feel it relax her, not just her asshole but her whole body. By the time I’m done she usually begs me to fuck her in the ass and it goes in really easily and doesn’t hurt her at all. And that was a big difference from before when she was agreeing to do it but it took more preparation and she would hurt and get sore and want to wait weeks between sometimes. Now we do it every day and she’s asking me for it instead of the other way around!

Glad that they were helpful for the two of you! I’ve been a strong proponent for education before anal in order to maximize enjoyment for everyone and ensure a lasting love of anal.

Thanks for sharing your experiences with rimming—that’s been my experience as well, and I highly recommend it for everyone looking to start having anal sex with their partner. Focus on her enjoyment through rimming and external play first and make her want more, and she’ll be much more eager to have anal sex.

Good luck with your anal only trial! It sounds like she’s going to love it and with any luck will want to stay fully anal only after the end of the year!

Message: Tell Your Friends About Anal Only

JennyAO: I read your article that encouraged AO girls to tell their friends about anal only, and encourage them to do it too, and I want to share how it worked for me. I have been doing it for a few years now, and I think this is a great idea, and that you are urging other AO women to do it!

My friends and I have always been really open about sexual topics, which made it easier, and they knew I loved anal. A few months after my boyfriend and I went anal only, I started telling them about that, too. Most of them thought I was crazy at first, even the ones who also liked anal. But we kept talking and when they saw how much I really liked it, their skepticism changed into curiosity and I encouraged them to try it too. We had started with one of your one month challenges and I told them to do the same.

I’m really proud to say that now a few years later, four of my six closest friends are also anal only, and one of them is mainly AO, but if her boyfriend wants it, sometimes she’ll still do vaginal (I’m still working on them). The sixth has not been convinced, but she does like anal. I think that if I can help her orgasm from anal, she might be convinced. She is the only one of us who has vaginal orgasms, so I think she doesn’t see the benefits as much as those of us who can only cum from anal.

Another advantage is that not only are we closer as friends (some of us now often have sex with each other and our partners), we can really help and encourage each other, it’s great to have a special support network for anal only. It has helped two of us stay anal only through a new relationship, and I think if we stay this close together, we will always stay anal only with each other’s encouragement.

So, I want to say the same as you did: tell your friends that you are anal only, and encourage them to do it too! For me, doing this changed my life in a very good way.

Thanks for sharing your wonderful experiences. I keep hearing similar stories from women who have had such success with open-minded friends and encouraging them to try also going anal only if they haven’t already. More often than not it ends in at least some of the friends being anal only too, and over time can continue to grow from there as a little local club of anal only girls.

This is a great way to keep spreading the anal only lifestyle to more people, because it’s local, and is based on hearing from and talking with people they know and trust and so they may be more inclined to actually try it for themselves.