Category: Messages From Readers

A majority of the content on this blog is messages from readers, whether requests for advice, venting of frustrations, or shared stories and experiences. If you have your own question to ask or comment to share, send us a message.


Message: Vaginal Sex for Special Occasions?

Anonymous: What are your thoughts on “vaginal sex just on her birthdays”—that is, not being AO once per year?

Everyone can interpret the anal only lifestyle in different ways and make it work for them how they want, but personally I’m advocate for the purity of true anal only, and committing to a better life without vaginal sex and not going back to it.

That said, some anal only women have tried vaginal again after a year or two of anal only and found that it further strengthened their commitment to being anal only because in contrast with the intensity and passion of anal they found vaginal to be boring or downright unpleasant when trying it again. So there may be advantages to trying it at times—not as a treat, though.

Message: Anal Only During Pregnancy

Anonymous: My husband (34M) and I (29F) have been in a relationship for 10 years, married for 2. I’ve been attracted to anal since a teenager (the first time I masturbated was anally), but my husband is a pretty vanilla kind of guy, so it took a while to convince him to fuck my ass. That was some 6 years ago I think. Since then we’ve been having some anal occasionally (definitely much less than once every 2 months) and it’s always been me initiating.

Anyways, in April we got pregnant after a very long spell of no anal to achieve conception and my doctor forbade vaginal sex due to some complications. Oral was also out of the question for me (and still is) due to extreme all-day sickness that sent my gag reflex into overdrive. As a result, we’ve been sex free for 3 months and now that my all-day sickness is going away, my husband finally proposed by himself that he fuck my ass!

So we had a talk and told him that I’d gladly have regular anal sex with him, as many times a week as he wants. It’s been a week since then and he’s fucked my ass every other day, completely ignoring my pussy. He won’t even touch my clit, which I find extremely hot (so I stopped touching it as well, hoping to achieve pure anal orgasms). He just lubes his cock and goes straight for my ass. It’s like my pussy doesn’t even exist for him now! It honestly feels like I’m living the dream!

I hope those anal only months will tip the scales and make him want more of it after the pregnancy is over, although I won’t even dream that he’ll want to stay anal only. I know he loves my pussy too much.

I never expected that getting pregnant would make my anal only sex fantasy come true!

Congratulations! That’s wonderful that you’re living your anal only dream finally and that it seems he’s happy with the arrangement as well and is committed to ignoring your pussy and clit entirely at least in the moment. You must be loving it, and I hope that you update us with more details on how things are progressing since you first shared this.

Make sure to let him know regularly how much you love him in your ass and how happy you are to be his anal only wife and he may very well be happy to keep ignoring your pussy and keep you purely anal only even after the pregnancy is over. It would be a shame to waste such a wonderful streak that you both enjoyed just because it’s technically possible to return to vaginal despite anal being better for you both. Maybe help him to also see that just because he loves your pussy doesn’t mean he has to fuck it, and not fucking it and using your ass instead can be a stronger sign of love.

Message: Want to Try No Pussy November but Not Sure Where to Begin

miceandorratz: Hi! Know you’re on hiatus so feel free to answer whenever.

I found this blog a while ago and when I found out about No Pussy November I got really excited to finally start exploring anal stuff, especially now that I have friends (and probably more importantly the finances) to support me.

I’m not exactly sure what to do to start, though? I know November is a while’s off when I send this ask, but if I wanna buy any sex toys for the month I wanna do it beforehand. There’s no “anal training regimine” out there (I get it’s because I should go at the pace I feel comfortable with, but I wish there was something out there giving me a little more direction) so I’m not sure if I should get an anal training kit or just a lotta lube or what. Even between anal training kits I’m not sure what material to get it made outta!!

If you have any advice on what to do I’d appreciate it, all I really know that silicone lube is the preferred anal lube iirc. Any idea on if and what sex toys to bother with, general idea of how long to play with yourself, etc would be really appreciated. I don’t even have preference on price I’d just appreciate some direction.

Thanks for reading, hope things get easier for you! I’ve admired this blog for a while and stuff.

Glad to hear that you’re interested in anal and trying No Pussy November!

I suggest starting with lube and fingers and then getting a butt plug and dildo to try further from there. If you haven’t read our Guide, give it a look—it has a lot of advice on these topics.

Ultimately, though, the motivation and desire to get started is more important than exactly what you use. Most things will work, some better than others, and sticking with it and working on training your ass and ignoring your pussy are what will bring you success in the anal only lifestyle above all else.

Message: Why I Find Pure Anal the Best Option

Maria: Hi, i’m Maria, independent woman, 32y old. Just wanted share my opinion why anal was the first and only option for me. Firstly oral sex is something that is not really appealing for me, first when you have oral its not a mutual experience at the same time, one is giver another is receiver. I never liked the idea of oral, so never considered having it. Ok so what’s next? Vaginal, as a women who wants to stay single independent and without family is it the most appealing sort of sex? Not for me, i see to many problems with it. Birth control, condoms, menstruation cycle etc, first time pain and bleeding. Too much to think and worry about, what should be source of joy. So whats left? Right. Anal. While having anal sex, it’s mutual exercise which brings joy to both partners at the same time and you don’t have to care about all the stuff that i mentioned about vaginal sex. Pure freedom. I’ve never tried oral or vaginal and i doubt I will ever try.

Great reasoning for why anal is the best form of sex and vaginal in particular interferes with the purity of anal pleasure and its benefits. Oral sex can be an enjoyable addition to anal, however, and can compliment it, not necessarily as an independent act but as something supplemental. Analingus can provide relaxation and warmup before anal sex, and fellatio during and after can provide additional lubrication, arousal and cleanup for anal. Cunnilingus doesn’t need to be a part of an anal only life and often detracts from it.

Message: PSA To Women-Focused Blogs/Content Creators

Anonymous: I don’t trust people who claim to be sex-positive yet they got angry and point a finger at a woman who did harmless stuffs, minding her own business, such as preferring anal sex. The stereotypes and perceptions they perpetuate pushes back women who are curious and want to learn about anal sex with a positive mind, and the toxic cycle will keep going and will fuck up people’s mindset if you guys keep saying harmful stuffs to women. This is why I get red flags from feminist blogs/content creators who spread misinformation of anal sex and even say harmful stuffs and it’s a slap to my face as a woman who strongly prefers anal sex for reasons. I really do hope they learn the right information and education about anal sex, including willing to hear and amplify the voices of women who prefer anal, and listen to their experiences. If you think women are not capable of enjoying anal sex because of of her man or any assumptions that are straight up red flags, you genuinely don’t support that women can like different stuffs and have preferences. Women liking anal should not bother people, there is nothing wrong with enjoying anal sex.

Well said! Women can and do absolutely love and prefer anal and people need to stop claiming that they don’t or that it’s just men exploiting them and they only think they like it. The reality is that most women get more pleasure and arousal from anal than from vaginal or clitoral and it’s time the world accepted and respected that. Less than 1/3 of women orgasm from vaginal sex and yet we somehow think vaginal is normal when anal can provide orgasms far more easily than that without the side effects of clit stimulation?

Message: My Girlfriend is Only Oral

Wolf: My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 2 years. When I started having vaginal sex with her I realized that she was not very attracted to vaginal sex and she made many excuses not to have sex. When we had vaginal sex after I ejaculated she tried to bring her to orgasm with my fingers on her clitoris, but she did not like the sensation because when she already felt that she was going to have her orgasm and she told me to stop and not to do that anymore.

She also always told me that she was afraid to get pregnant that before meeting me she had already had an experience where she believed that she was pregnant and was afraid of the fact that it would happen again. We only had sex once a week and I was getting ready I was very tense in my balls, my girlfriend did not want that I would ejaculate if she was not present, so from time to time I asked her for a blowjob or a handjob to release my tension and she accepted and I began to be very excited by the idea that I had an orgasm with her giving me pleasure without her receiving it.

So I proposed to her that she only give me blowjobs and handjobs and after talking about it, we both agreed. And since then we have a much better relationship, we are very close, sometimes she sends me messages while I am at work that if I am ready for my blowjob of the day. Before we only had sex once a week, now she makes me ejaculate every day with a blowjob. And I have told her how horny I am that she pleases me without her receiving it and I tell her that I am very excited to have my orgasm and that she sees me ejaculate without her having an orgasm, she told me that the idea also makes her horny of making me enjoy without her receiving pleasure she gets wet when she sees me enjoy and when she sees me ejaculate.

She says that she feels more comfortable as well because it is a contraceptive method and she knows that she will not get pregnant and that leaves her calm and she enjoys it more and she gets horny she has control of my ejaculation.

We already have 4 months like this and it is the best thing that has happened to me. I found your blog and I liked the posts and I showed it to my girlfriend and we decided to write this because although this blog is about anal sex I have also seen some publications of girls that are only oral, and denial of orgasm for women and I think my situation has some similarities to this blog. Sorry my bad english.

Thanks for sharing! Various forms of sex that exclude vaginal sex have a lot of similarities, and being oral only fits in well with the same sort of mindset as anal only. The two of you might enjoy the oral and anal only lifestyle as well in time while continuing to exclude vaginal!

Message: Anal Only to Stay Virgin?

EllaV: Hi, I found your site because I was searching for a solution to what I want and I think this might be it. I am a virgin and I really want to stay that way, it’s not because of my family or religion really, just something that I want for myself because I don’t like the idea of vaginal sex or getting pregnant until I’m ready, so I’d like to not have vaginal sex until then which will be a long time. But I also am really horny and have been dating so I would like to have sex, and anal only seems like a good way to do it.

I started fingering myself last week and I like how it feels. How long do I need to practice for until I can try anal sex with my boyfriend? He’s been pushing for sex lately and I want to be able to give it to him but I want it to be safe too!

I agree that it’s a good solution for staying a vaginal virgin and I definitely support the idea of not having vaginal sex outside of reproductive goals and only doing anal and oral otherwise! I think that’s a trend we’re going to be seeing more and more of so that we can start to take control of our lives away from the risk of reproduction through sex and turn sex into something that serves us instead through anal only. Sex is healthy and good and should be done regularly but it shouldn’t be vaginal, it should be anal.

I encourage fingering yourself until you can fit three fingers without it hurting and then get a butt plug around that thickness or a little bigger and work to be able to wear that. From there you could either try a dildo similar size to your boyfriend or just work towards anal together with him at that point if he’s patient and gentle and won’t just push it in.

Also be sure to talk with him about your goal to be anal only and that you want to keep your pussy virgin and unused and make sure that he’s on board with this idea as well. The last thing you want is him not understanding and going for your pussy instead.

Good luck and enjoy! You’re going to love being anal only.

Message: Orgasms in the Anal Only Lifestyle

Anonymous: Dear Sir

I wrote to you last June asking for advice on becoming anal only for my Master. First, a huge thank you. Your advice was great and i am officially an anal only slut since April. It feels amazing to say that and my Master is so proud of me. Second, i would like to get your opinion on something. What is your stance on orgasms in the anal only lifestyle? My Master never allowed me to orgasm freely and always made sure i earned it. But since i am anal only it feels wrong to ask for clitoral stimulation (my only way to orgasm). I still want to orgasm but it just does not feel right. Do you have any advice?

Thanks for your guidance and your blog. 

humbly honey 

Thank you for following up! You’re quite welcome, and I’m glad to hear that you have decided to officially go anal only and are loving the experience! Ultimately, that’s what matters most, that you and your partner want it and are happy with it, and if so, then by all means, being anal only is what you should do!

As for orgasms, I’m all for them personally, but each person has their own individual preferences and goals. Excluding clit stimulation can certainly help with amplifying anal pleasure and arousal even further, and if that also works with your dynamic of orgasm denial, then I encourage continuing to explore it further. You may discover that after an extended period of time without clit stimulation, you can start to orgasm from anal penetration on its own!

Message: Stinging When Trying Anal?

Anonymous: When I have anal sex or use a butt plug, it stings and continues to whenever I try anything for a few days. Do you have any suggestions so I can try anal more often without it hurting?

It sounds like you may need to warm up a bit more, starting with lots of lube and gentle massage to gradually work your anus open with fingers, then progressing to a small toy. If it stings, you may be tearing it slightly by going too quickly.

Once you get to where you can use a toy without it stinging, try using it regularly, at least part of each day, and that will help you to stay relaxed and warmed up without risking injury. Even a minor injury can become irritated and last longer if it keeps happening or isn’t allowed to heal, so do what it takes to warm up without pain and you’ll enjoy long term satisfaction of anal sex!

Message: Anal Porn

Anonymous: Hi, I don’t know if you don’t remember me exactly, but I’m a female and I have been anal only for 2 years. I do appreciate that there is anal positivity nowadays. However one thing that really irks me is how porn has become normalize, including anal porn. If you want to normalize anal, then why do people push the connotion of anal as a “porn thing” or things that exists in pornography? That’s how the stigma affects my sexuality and how I view myself all. I am not trying to push the “ban porn” and I really don’t care if anyone wants to watch it. The thing is that many women like me feel insecure and view myself negatively after getting disgusted and I really don’t wanna see any kind of pornography no matter what and I’m not interested in it. Do not learn from porn. Yes it can be amazing but you will regret it. Yes I still like anal sex rather than anal porn, but no offense to the so-called pornography and society who creates the stigma behind anal sex.

I think it’s more that porn has also become quite normalized for most people and recognized that while yes, it’s entertainment and not always an accurate representation of sex, it can be enjoyed by most people and does influence and inspire people to try new and better things as a result. A lot of people say that they first tried anal because they saw it in porn and liked how it looked.

But not liking porn is fine as well, and plenty of people enjoy anal without any pornographic connotations. Just recognize that porn has helped with the spreading of anal positivity in recent years.