Category: Messages From Readers

A majority of the content on this blog is messages from readers, whether requests for advice, venting of frustrations, or shared stories and experiences. If you have your own question to ask or comment to share, send us a message.


Message: Anal Only Beyond Cis-Women

slut_wannabe: How would you feel about expanding the AO movement to encompass those who are not cis-women?

I am a pansexual (technically) male who desires to be receptive anal only.

I believe that ALL people, whatever gender they are should primarily practice receptive anal sex, whether it is with penises, other body parts, or toys/tools. Oral sex is fine as well, but vaginal sex should best be limited to actual breeding attempts only.

This, I believe, would eliminate most sexual hangups, encourage a much broader exploration of sexuality and erotic pleasure, and be the basis of true sexual equality.

What do you think?

The anal only lifestyle is open and applicable to everyone who wishes to be a part of it, and many different people identify as anal only. Not everyone who does so is receptively anal only, but there certainly are people with all assortments of genitals who choose to forego them in favor of being anal only. There are plenty of others who are only interested in being anal only as the penetrator, however, and they serve just as important a role in the anal only lifestyle!

Message: Anal Sex Made Me Feel More Like a Woman

Monica: I found this site after searching the internet to see if there were other women like me. After reading some of the stories I wanted to tell you mine.

I am a 28 year old woman and I have Vaginismus, a condition which always made vaginal sex incredibly painful for me. My husband and I were high school sweethearts. When we fooled around in high school, any penetration of my vagina was excruciating.

After we married, I could only have sex for a few minutes (on those rare occassions I could) before I had to stop. My husband was always kind and understanding, making due with blowjobs or handjobs. I always felt like a failure. Worse, I felt like less of a woman who was unworthy of this man’s love. Although my husband tried to please me by going down on me, I never even came close to orgasm. We would occassionally watch porn together until I would get so horny I would try, failing more often then succeeding, then give him a blowjob.

One video we watched had a couple having anal sex. I watched with excitement as the woman on the video was penetrated anally and wondered if this could be the solution we so desperately wanted. I told my husband I wanted to try anal sex and he apprehensivly agreed. We knew enough to know it wasn’t going to be like the movie we watched. Suffering with Vaginismus, we always needed a lot of lubricant to accomplish penetration. My husband applied so much lube it was all over the bed. I laid on my back, my legs on my husband’s shoulders. He then placed the head of his penis against my ass. I took a couple of deep breaths and signaled him to continue. As he applied more pressure I felt my ass relax as he began entering me. I’m not going to lie, there was a little pain, but nothing like the pain I experienced during vaginal sex. After several minutes I became aware my husband was no longer sliding into me. I looked at him, afraid he was not enjoying the experience, and told him it was okay to keep going. That’s when he said he was all the way in. Then it happened. The thought that my husband was fully inside me for the first time and I felt almost no pain caused me to experience my first orgasm. As I began to orgasm, my ass began to tighten and loosen around him. I could feel his penis pulse as my husband experienced his own orgasm. As our mutual orgasms began to subside, he began to remove his penis. I told him not to. I actually told him I never wanted him to remove it. My husband, ever the joker, said he thought it might make social events a little awkward. To which we both had to laugh. He leaned over and we began to kiss. Within minutes I could feel his penis begin to harden, still inside me. Then he began slow, gentle thrusts as we gazed into each others faces, eyes locked on each other. I had never felt so loved or connected to this man as I did now. Within minutes we were both experiencing another orgasm. I never felt more like a woman than I did in this moment, fully pleasing my husband, and being fully pleased by him.

For the next couple of months we made up for lost time. We had sex every chance we had. We had sex all over the house. We tried every position we could get our bodies into. The more anal sex we had the better it got.

That was nine years ago. We never attempted vaginal sex again. While so many of the couples we know have stagnant sex lives, we usually have sex five times a week. My husband and I feel incredibly connected. In a way, we credit my Vaginismus for our incredible sex life and incredible marriage.

Although many women with Vaginismus may find anal sex just as painful, I believe there are many who could benefit as I did by having an open mind and trying anal sex.

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry that vaginal sex caused such a struggle in your sex life and your relationship with your husband in the past, but I’m so glad to hear that you were able to discover anal sex and enjoy the anal only lifestyle going forward from there.

Anal can be a gamechanger for many women with vaginismus and similar conditions. While, as you note, sometimes it can affect anal as well, more often than not anal is significantly easier to enjoy than vaginal, as you discovered. I’ve talked with numerous women over the years with similar stories, who had struggled with sex and intimacy due to vaginal discomfort or pain, and who found that going anal only and excluding vaginal penetration entirely provided the pleasure, sexual expression, and intimacy they’d been missing.

While there are absolute benefits to going anal only for almost everyone, it’s very obviously advantageous in circumstances like yours where vaginal sex is actively painful and essentially impossible to do with any sort of enjoyment. Hopefully, with the growing shift towards anal positivity and openness, doctors begin recommending anal as the alternative rather than women continuing to suffer through painful vaginal sex, or undergoing surgery for something unnecessary when anal is a better option anyway.

Message: Why Are Orgasms From Anal So Much More Intense for Men?

Anonymous: There is much talk about the anal orgasm being more intense than vaginal for the woman, but what about the guys who are penetrating? Why is the orgasm from anal so much more intense than from vaginal? Is it the forbidden nature of the act? Is it the tightness of the ass vs the vagina? Is it the beauty of the ass and anus vs the vagina? For me it is a combination of all three. I find the vagina bland and boring compared to the ass and frankly I literally empty my balls into the rectum whereas my orgasms from vaginal are ho-hum at best. I would be interested in hearing other peoples views on the matter.

I agree that it is likely a combination of factors. It feels better, it’s more intimate, it’s more attractive and appealing, and it is for many people more exciting. Those things combine together to result in better orgasms for everyone.

Message: Why Should I Go Anal Only?

Anonymous: I like anal sex a lot but until I found your blog I never thought of the idea of only doing anal sex. Isn’t it better to do both and have options? Why should I give up my pussy and just do anal?

Well, if you don’t want to, you shouldn’t. Adopting the anal only lifestyle should always be a choice, not something you’re pressured into without wanting to try it for yourself.

But since you reached out and are asking, I assume you have some genuine curiosity about it and are interested in why it might be better for you, so I’m going to respond in kind.

For some people, both might be better, but in my experience and from conversations with many other anal only people out there, there’s something even better about the exclusivity of anal sex and the exclusion of vaginal sex that just makes the anal that much better and sets it apart from doing both.

I think there are many different levels to this, including the fact that it can be exciting to go against the norm of primarily doing vaginal sex and perhaps only occasionally doing anal and deciding instead to make anal the norm for yourself and vaginal abnormal. Add in the fact that the anus is more sensitive and prone to pleasure than the vagina for most women and can often lead to orgasms more easily and intensely than vaginal sex. And then, perhaps one of the biggest factors is that vaginal and clitoral orgasms most often lead to a loss of arousal and feelings of regret and mood drop afterwards, while anal orgasms just lead to more pleasure and arousal for most. So by excluding vaginal sex (and for some, clitoral stimulation) the anal experience just continues to get increasingly better the longer you are anal only.

I’d encourage you to try it for a month or two and see what you think for yourself. Most people find that they don’t miss vaginal nearly as much as they might have thought and discover that anal feels much more natural once they focus completely on it.

Message: This is Not About Pleasure at All

Anonymous: if you really believe anal was the height of pleasure, you would stop touching your dick, and only take it in the ass. almost like its not about pleasure at all and is entirely about you forcing women into ignoring parts of their body literally designed for penetration because of your anal fetish.

No one is forcing anyone to do anything. If you prefer anal, or are curious about why it might be better than vaginal, then this blog is for you. If you are uninterested in anal or in anal exclusivity through the anal only lifestyle, then you’re free to ignore it.

There are some women who sincerely prefer anal over vaginal and so choose to focus on that. This is also true of some men, who prefer receiving anal penetration and focus on that instead of using their penis. All are welcome and encouraged in the anal only lifestyle.

But consent is key, always, and no one should ever be forced to do such things. What I do is share my perspective (and that of others) so that those who have similar interests or are curious about this approach to sexuality are able to have a resource to learn more and interact with others like themselves, or be encouraged to try it for themselves if they haven’t yet already.

Message: How Does Anal Feel as Opposed to Vaginal?

Anonymous: How does anal feel as opposed to vaginal? If you are the guy how does anal feel to your dick? Why is it so good?

Everyone has a slightly different experience and opinion, but in general, anal is tighter, grippier and much more “responsive” than vaginal—with anal, you can feel everything your partner does and when their muscles twitch with pleasure, especially during orgasm. In addition to the direct differences in sensation, it also tends to allow for deeper penetration, is more visually appealing and exciting, and has a much more primal and natural feeling to it than vaginal.

Message: Guys in Straight Porn That Prefer Anal to Vaginal

Anonymous: I was wondering how many straight guys in porn prefer anal to vaginal. I know a while back you had a post about woman in porn that preferred anal to vaginal. It would be interesting to see how many guys in porn like anal over vaginal.

Information on that is much less available, because the porn industry is still so focused on a male audience and makes interviews and personal information about female porn actors widely available, while male porn actors still tend to largely blend into the background and not share their own personalities or interests publicly in the same manner.

It’s an interesting question, though, and it would be interesting to explore more if there were more information available.

Message: DIY Butt Plug?

Anonymous: What can I use to make a DIY anal plug? I can’t order online or go to a sex shop. I really want to get into the AO lifestyle but I live with family.

It’s great to hear that you want to go AO, and I’m sorry that you aren’t able to buy anal toys due to your living arrangements. Perhaps you could go to a shop with a friend or have a toy delivered to their house if you aren’t able to have it delivered at home?

Alternatively, you can masturbate anally with your fingers or use vegetables like cucumbers as dildos. Certain thin bottles or pens and markers like Sharpies can work as well.

Message: Should I Try Vaginal or Go Anal Only?

Anonymous: Hey, so I’m a virgin but I masturbate A LOT and really want to have sex. I use a dildo in my ass a lot and have a butt plug now too that I love so I know I really want to do anal but I always imagined I would do vag too. But I see that you are telling virgins to skip it and go right to anal only. I like the idea but I don’t know if I should do it or not? Should I also stop masturbating that way? What do I do if a guy wants my pussy? Or do guys all want anal only now? Please help!

Yes! Definitely go anal only and stay a vaginal virgin. The biggest regret I hear from anal only women is that they spent any time at all on vaginal and they wish they had stayed a vaginal virgin. While it’s not the worst thing in the world so long as you end up anal only in the end, it’s an unfortunate and unnecessary detour to go down the path of vaginal before settling on anal. If you have the choice, make the anal only choice. You can always change your mind later and lose your vaginal virginity, but so long as the idea of being an anal only vaginal virgin is available and interesting to you, I highly recommend taking it!

It’s definitely becoming increasingly popular for women in your position to choose the anal only vaginal virgin path, for a variety of reasons. Anal has become much more mainstream and normal, and women are both experimenting with it more as well as less afraid to be open about preferring it and focusing on it as their primary or exclusive source of pleasure. As more women open up about that preference and their choice to avoid vaginal completely, it normalizes that idea for other women and gives them the confidence to choose to do the same as well.

It sounds like you already really love anal and prefer it, so the decision seems quite obvious. Vaginal will never be as good as anal, and you’ll always prefer anal, so with the likelihood that you would end up anal only eventually even if you did try vaginal, you will most likely regret giving up your vaginal virginity. I know several who started out anal only vaginal virgins for years before finally trying vaginal later in life, and being supremely disappointed in it, so there’s that to consider as well. It’s just not worth wasting any time with at all.

If you’re concerned about wanting to have children later in life, there are several options. Some anal only women see the only purpose of the vagina and vaginal sex being impregnation and will choose to lose their virginity in order to get pregnant but never for anything else. Others want to permanently maintain that virginity even when getting pregnant and opt to use a different strategy, having anal sex and pushing their partner’s semen out so it runs down into their spread-open vagina, repeating as necessary until pregnant, and in that way able to get pregnant from anal sex only without even once having vaginal intercourse.

And finally, yes, you should stop any vaginal masturbation as well, and focus just on anal penetration and pleasure. Vaginal stimulation just confuses and distracts from developing anal pleasure and orgasms, and if you already really enjoy anal, you should focus on that and work on mastering it.

Good luck, and enjoy. You’ll never regret being an anal only vaginal virgin.

Message: Whose Fault Was It?

Anonymous: I was fingering a woman (in the ass of course) and poop mixed with lube came out and messed up the bed sheets. Whose fault was it?

That was no one’s fault. Accidents happen sometimes, and it’s not a blame game. Instead of trying to decide who’s at fault, laugh it off and if you want to avoid it going forward, take a look at our guide to hygiene for anal sex and play.