Dating & Finding New Partners in the Anal Only Lifestyle

This is just one part of our Anal Sex Advice & Guide to the Anal Only Lifestyle section. Be sure to read the rest as well to get answers to our most frequently asked questions! New! This guide is also now available as a Kindle ebook!

Because the anal only lifestyle remains a relative niche outside of our community circles, it can be a daunting task to find a partner who shares similar interests, with highly variable success depending on a number of circumstances—location, approach, and the type of relationship you’re seeking. All hope is not lost, however, and many people have had success and found the anal only partner of their dreams.

Is there an anal only dating site/app?

Not really. There are some sites that charge you for access and promise to show you people who are into anal sex, but end up just filled with bots and spam rather than real people. You may have some success in regular dating sites or apps like OkCupid that let you fill out your interests and find people who match based on those interests. Fetlife is not a dating platform, but does let you meet people with similar interests, and some have success finding partners there.

There is a Discord server intended for this purpose, but it is not directly affiliated with this community. If you are interested, visit the Anal Only Dating server. Please be careful and avoid giving away too much personally identifying information until after you trust someone to not use that information against you in any way. Unfortunately, places like this can attract some malicious people at times, so it’s always best to take care.

How can I find an anal only partner?

Most people in the world aren’t currently anal only, so your chances of meeting someone who is already anal only are slim. Most anal only relationships form over time and didn’t start out that way. Depending on a potential partner’s sexual openness and existing interest in anal sex, you might be able to tell them up front, otherwise it may be something to ease into with time.

  • If you’re just looking to hook up and not seeking long term relationships, being extremely up front is best, whether posting it outright on your profile or bringing it up once you talk about sex in chat before meeting. Your goal here is to filter out anyone who isn’t okay with you being anal only, so you want to cut to the chase.
  • If you’re looking for a long term relationship and being anal only is a requirement for you from the start, you should get to know the person over the course of a few dates first, and as sex naturally comes up as a topic and something you’re preparing to start exploring together, you should have a conversation with your new potential partner about being anal only and be very open and honest with them about it and its importance to you. Explain that it’s not something selfish and that you want to share and explore it together, and experience the mutual pleasure and intimacy that can come from being anal only, and that you’re willing to go at a pace that they’re comfortable with and won’t push them into anything too fast. Keep the communication open back and forth, and be prepared to ease into things over time, focusing on oral sex and anal play for a while first if they aren’t ready to go straight to anal sex—this is especially important if they aren’t very experienced with anal.
      • If they’re open to and enthusiastic about the idea, great—enjoy being anal only together!
      • If they’re curious about it and willing to experiment but not ready to commit yet, give it a try for a while and see where things go from there, staying in communication as you do so to ensure it remains enjoyable for everyone and adjusting as needed to accommodate each other.
      • If they’re opposed to the idea and make it very clear they’re not interested, don’t push them. Be gracious and say that you understand, but that you’re looking for a partner with a similar interest in anal sex and the anal only lifestyle. The purpose of dating is to find a compatible partner, and if anal only is a need or strong desire of yours, it’s fair to keep searching until you find a partner who shares that need.
  • If you’d like to be in a long term anal only relationship but you aren’t so strict as to require 100% anal only from the start and are willing to compromise at first while working towards that goal, simply seek a partner who you’re compatible with in other ways and who is sexually open minded, and introduce anal sex more frequently over time while focusing on making sure that it’s very enjoyable for them as well. This is how most active anal only relationships have formed, and it can be a very effective approach if you’re willing to be patient and try over time. It’s not a guarantee, of course, but if your partner also enjoys anal and you just shift over time to do more and more anal, and then in time bring up the idea of trying just anal for a month or two, and see how that goes.

Have a suggestion for an additional topic you’d like to see covered here, or a missing or incorrect detail that you’ve found or have concerns about in one of the guides? Please let us know and we’ll do our best to continue improving these guides over time!