Anonymous: I’m a dominant heteroflexible cis woman. I love anal and am intrigued by the benefits of anal only and clit denial described in your blog. I see space for me to partake in this with my sexual preferences and proclivities. I’m hoping you can offer suggestions or advice on switching over to AO? I have never cum without my clit before and only recently have been able to without a vibrator. I’ve read your guides as well, very helpful!

Thank you!

I don’t see any reason why not! There’s nothing inherently dominant or submissive about anal sex or about being anal only, it can be what we make of it and how we fit it into our existing sexuality. As someone who already loves anal, surely you would agree that it’s something you can enjoy as a dominant woman. Being anal only is just about focusing on that thing you already love and making it your priority with the exclusion of other, lesser forms of stimulation. It’s an opportunity to explore anal pleasure and learn to pursue greater forms of orgasm and learn how to do so by other means than what you’re already familiar with, taking you out of your comfort zone in order to grow.

I would generally suggest switching to anal penetration only first, without abruptly eliminating clitoral stimulation. Some people try it all at once together with positive results, but if clit stimulation is a strong habit and need for you, it may make it more challenging and unsustainable to do it all at once. So perhaps starting by only orgasming and using your clit when having anal sex, masturbating anally or wearing a butt plug, and eliminate vaginal penetration from your sexual routine in favor of anal penetration only.

Then, after a few months, if you find you’ve adjusted well to being anal only in that regard, start exploring the process of gradually reducing clitoral stimulation in favor of exploring anal pleasure on its own. There are a variety of ways to do this, from completely stopping and seeing how long you can go without it, to reducing clitoral stimulation to a twice a week activity for a week or two, then going to once a week, twice a month, once a month, etc., gradually building up the amount of time you can go without it and letting your arousal build in between in order to help with achieving pure anal only orgasms.

Good luck, and you’ve certainly got my encouragement to go anal only! It’s definitely something that anyone can enjoy and benefit from in the right circumstances, and if it’s something that interests you, you should definitely try it! If you have any other questions, don’t hesitate to ask.

little backstory: I’m happily married to my husband, who’s way more into anal than I am (unfortunately).

We both sort of fetishized anal since we started dating, and I gave it a few tries back then. I quickly found out that I liked the idea of anal more than anal itself, which was basically : that it hurt a bit, that it was uncomfortable, and that my husband loved it. (I know it might sound messed up to some, but I guess it’s a kink).
But I really enjoyed it back then, in those terms, and was able to orgasm sometimes (through clitoral stimulation only tho)

We slowly started opening up about our fantasies, then we got married and really started acting on them.
One of mine envolved fisting, I was really curious but my husband was afraid I’d get too loose (not that he refused to do it, we just share everything that’s on our minds basically) he also knew I didn’t quite enjoy anal but I’d do it anyway, because he loved it (and the idea of it turned me on, I guess).

I might’ve gone a “little” overboard with the fisting thing, because he eventually started to notice (and me too tbh) I was a bit (quite) loose after a year or so. But I didn’t want to give up on it, so we both agreed on doing more anal to compensate for the lack of tightness he complained about . Then it became doing anal almost everytime we had sex, or a fisting session.

^This really started to aggravate me. We had sex very often back then and I wasn’t able to keep up with all the times I had to do some preparation beforehand. This led to some accidents that embarrassed the shit out of me (LOL). It got to a point that I gave up on fisting and sex in general just so we wouldn’t do anal anymore. But I noticed my husband really missed it, so I ended up trying again. Anyway it took a toll on our sex lives.

Then, (5 years ago) I had a child (long story, surrogacy), and I don’t know if the fisting or the delivery but my vagina never really snapped back to normal. It got to a point that he claimed he had almost no feeling, basically he was doing PIV just to please me. We talked it out cause I didn’t want to seem selfish (I already was my sister’s surrogate against his will, I convinced him into trying fisting, I had that “abstinence” moment, I mean…) And that’s when he suggested we’d go AO.

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Anonymous: My bf got me into anal only last year and I like it but struggle with some things. It’s still harder for me to get to orgasm from anal but he doesn’t want me to keep using my clit anymore. I haven’t used it so far this year, because he wanted me to try 2020 without my pussy at all, but it’s hard to not cum every time. Do you have any advice? Is there anything I can do to cum from anal more often?

Congratulations on being anal only and starting out the year with a new challenge to commit even more fully to the anal only lifestyle!

It’s a good sign that you’re able to orgasm from anal at least some of the time! That suggests that by focusing purely on anal pleasure and excluding clitoral stimulation from your routine, you’ll start orgasming more easily from anal in time. Pay attention to what sort of positions and speeds you’re in when you orgasm more frequently and try to replicate that towards the end of an anal session in order to make it more likely that you will orgasm regularly from anal.

In the long term, moving past clitoral stimulation to pure anal will pay off immensely and there are many benefits to doing so, which you can read about in our Guide to Clitoral Denial. I wish you the best of luck!

A commonly held belief about anal sex is that you always need artificial lubrication because the anus does not self-lubricate like the vagina does. While additional lubrication is certainly necessary for many people, especially when starting out, the idea that there’s no natural lubrication in the anus and rectum is in fact not correct—for some people more than others.

Everyone has some level of natural lubrication that aids with the digestive process, called “anal mucous”. This substance is produced and secreted by the rectal and colon walls to provide protection and lubrication to the natural digestive process. On its own, it does not provide enough lubrication for the much more active motions of anal sex for most people.

However, some people find that, once they become more experienced with anal sex, their natural anal mucous combined with a little bit of saliva or other lubricant at the start, provides enough lubrication for anal sex, and they don’t need anything else.

Additionally, there are some people, though it seems to be a fairly small percentage, who produce natural anal lubricant in higher quantities and find that they don’t need any other lube at all for anal sex. Anecdotally, some claim that this product is even tied to their arousal, similar to vaginal lubrication. This phenomenon doesn’t appear to have been studied anywhere, and may have other explanations, but practically speaking, people who experience such a phenomenon can easily enjoy anal sex without any additional lubricant.

Do you or anyone you know enjoy the benefits of natural anal lubrication? Leave a comment or send us a message!

An Anal Only Lifestyle forum member with MRKH, a developmental disorder results in the vaginal not fully forming and thus being impossible to have vaginal sex, posts an update asking for advice about telling a new boyfriend that she can only have anal sex.

I’m very new to dating. But I met someone back around Halloween. And we have gone on a couple of dates. We’re both students of our schedules don’t know what is Meetup the best, but I haven’t been seeing anyone else another as a as far as I know. He knows that I am a virgin. And finding a college guy that’s not slightly terrified of that fact is actually an impressive feat, but I don’t know how to go about bringing up the subject of wanting to have anal sex with him. It’s the only kind of sex I can have , outside of oral ofcourse. I just don’t know how to approach the situation. I don’t know if I need to tell him now about my personal situation, if I wait, if I just pretend that it’s not a big deal…

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Are that many people doing a lot of prep before anal? Almost every thread I read there is talk of preparation, enemas etc..

My wife and I have been AO for 6 years now and I don’t think there has once been any sort of preparation on her end

He gets an assortment of responses, a selection of which are included below:

We are anal only, with my gf in vaginal chastity. We only do anal once or twice a week and she always gets enema when I decide to go condom-less. We have sexualised enemas itself and I administer it to her from time to time. I can’t even comprehend the idea of condom-less anal without proper prep.

Same here, no special prep. It’s extremely rare for there to be any mess when we have anal. Unless I’ve just had exceptional good luck with anal sex, I think the risk of mess is pretty overblown in most people’s minds. Obviously avoid doing it when there is something amiss like a stomach upset etc but we’re at it multiple times a week and I can’t remember the last time there was the slightest issue.

I’ve been AO for a long time and my prep is generally just so oil before hand. A good diet is the best for avoiding incidents.

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Dear Reverend,
My wife and I have been together for eight years. She’s suddenly become obsessed with having anal sex. The idea has always kind of grossed me out, so I’ve never tried it. I’m willing to give it a shot, but I’m worried that I’ll hurt her. Any tips?
Anally Anxious (male, 35)

Dear Anally Anxious,
First off, congratulations. Hearing about a long-term couple who wants to try new things and keep their sex life spicy warms the cockles of my heart.

Anal sex isn’t anything to freak out about. It might seem icky to some because we’re accustomed to the anus as an exit route for poop — but it’s also another hole we can stick things in for fun. Nothing gross should happen as long as there’s no train waiting to leave the station and the tracks are clean, if you know what I’m sayin’.

He then proceeds to provide a good but simple overview of advice on how to approach anal play and anal sex for mutual enjoyment. It’s always good to see anal positivity spreading openly in more traditional forms of media.

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Anonymous: My girlfriend and I got together 6 years ago. She didn’t have much sexual experience when we met, but during those years, little by little, I got her into anal, then anal only, then strict clitoral denial, then casual ass to mouth, then finally orgasm denial (she still has anal orgasms occasionally, but they happen when they happen, I never get out of my way to cause them, and I don’t behave differently when they do).

To me, she’s now the perfect girlfriend, and I actually proposed her! We’re getting married in about three months.

So far, we always had goals in our relationship, and for our marriage, we’d like to try new goals… but I’m perfectly happy, so I’m not sure what I could add, haha! We both love all your blogs, and we wondered if you could suggest something, a new goal to start our marriage. That’d please us very much.

We’re monogamous, not into dirty play or water sports. You probably guessed that my girlfriend is submissive – she wasn’t at first, but she got more and more submissive (both in and out of bed) and slutty as soon as we started clitoral denial. It boomed even more after orgasm denial.

What would you suggest? Thanks, and keep up the good work!

It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship and a wonderful fiancée, thank you for sharing your experiences and your progress together.

Committing to an anal only marriage and a life of pure anal together seems a pretty great goal in and of itself, and having a ceremony of your own after the main wedding where you pledge anal only to each other is something that some anal only couples like to do.

Beyond that, it sounds like you’re at a pretty great place already and should enjoy your ideal relationship and sex life. If there isn’t anything that stands out as something that you’d really like to do, there’s nothing wrong with just enjoying what you have together.

If you wanted to push her anal limits, you could explore larger toys or double anal with you and a toy. If she doesn’t wear a plug regularly, you could introduce long term plug wear into your routine. You could talk with friends and couples you know about the anal only lifestyle and work together to try and encourage other people to experiment with it and discover its benefits as well. You could symbolize your commitment to the anal only lifestyle with a set of chastity piercings.

If you do settle on something, or have any other questions, don’t hesitate to share or ask.

According to a 2012 study by Indiana University, more people are having anal sex. While the 1990s only saw roughly one-quarter to one-third of men and women having tried anal, by 2009 that percentage had jumped to 40 to 45 percent. But while that may the case, anal sex is still, as Salon reported in 2012 “Science’s Last Taboo.” We know that some people are having it, but it’s not very likely that people are willing to talk about it. Somewhere between the poop rumors and the embarrassment of liking butt stuff, people go mum.

But, as is the case with sex in general, anal shouldn’t be a source of shame. Ever. If you like anal sex, you’re not the first or the last one to do so. Both men and women the world over enjoy anal play because it can be very pleasurable when done correctly. Although that’s a fact and I can find you easily a dozen women in the next 10 minutes who agree, anal sex has yet to really be embraced by the sexual mainstream. It’s on its way there, but it’s still inching along very slowly.

The article then goes on to list six benefits of anal sex and why you should be doing it if you aren’t already.

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It’s been two months since I haven’t used my dildo in my pussy. It’s now exclusively for anal play, and it’s been great. However, I haven’t had an orgasm just using it alone — I always have my nipple clamps on (an absolute must since I love the pain) and a vibrator on my clit, sometimes rubbing it with just my finger.

Do you have any tips to achieve orgasm with just solo anal play? I’m gonna try doing it tonight — firstly putting my nipple clamps on and then starting slowly with anal beads. After that I’ll go in with my dildo and try my best not to touch my clit. I can’t wait!

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