My husband really wants to have anal sex and thankfully it’s my favorite fantasy. His cock is pretty big so we need a little more than a quick fingering for my ass to stretch enough for him. I recently bought a butt plug that I wear when he’s at work and I want to introduce it into our routine sex. We’ve talked about it a little bit but it’s hard in the heat of the moment to stop and chat.

Do I just hand it to him? Should I skip it in before he comes home as a surprise?

What would be sexy but also not scare him?

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This message was translated via Google Translate.

Vildan: I am a hemorrhoid patient, would it prevent me from having anal sex?

Not necessarily, it depends on the nature of the hemorrhoids and the advice of your doctor. I am not a medical professional, and always recommend consulting with a doctor first when you have questions of this nature, but I will share that other people with hemorrhoids have reported that careful anal play and even anal sex can help them by keeping their anal muscles more stretched and relaxed and elastic, which reduces strain on the area and minimizes the risk of irritating the hemorrhoids.

You want to take care with your anal training and sex and really be gentle and careful to avoid that irritation, but it’s likely that you can enjoy anal if it’s what you want.

Hello from Sweden, everyone!

I’m a middle aged woman living in a D/s relationship since many years. My husband is my Master and he’s in charge of most parts of my life – of which sex is one.

I found AOL on Tumblr a long time ago and immediately became interested in this lifestyle. My husband hasn’t been willing to give up my pussy though. Until a month ago, that is. Suddenly he declared that my pussy and clit was now off limits! Quite unexpected to me.

Since then we only have anal and oral sex. We both love it!

I’m here now to learn more about training my ass in all aspects. I’d like to stretch it in order to manage somewhat larger toys as well as increase my stamina so to speak. I’d like to be able to wear butplugs for a longer time (hours). I easily get sore. We have to be quite gentle all the time and I dream about being able to receive harder pounding once in a while.

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A Quora user asks that question and gets the following response:

Different, generally, because women can orgasm from friction in the anus itself

and men generally only from prostate stimulation from inside the rectum.

Generally women prefer anal sex to vaginal sex because of this, because the vagina does not contain genital corpuscles but the inner anus does.

A woman can orgasm from stimulation of her clitoris, inner anus (anal sex) or even nipples, as all three contain genital corpuscles necessary to a female orgasm.

Matthew Deagle, Quora

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Anonymous: Hi, I hope you can help me with this because I’m at a loss of what to do.

I’ve been anal only since 2014, when my boyfriend at the time and I tried an anal only challenge and really enjoyed it and decided we would keep doing anal only afterwards. We were together another three years, then I hooked up with various guys for a while, all anal, and they all enjoyed that I was anal only and I never had any trouble with it. My last boyfriend came out of that and we were together the past two years before breaking up for other reasons.

I’m now seeing this new guy and I really, really like him, but he doesn’t want to just do anal and wants vaginal too. I really don’t want to have vaginal again and lose my 6 year anal only streak, but I’m afraid if I tell him how important staying anal only is to me, he won’t be interested in staying and will want to leave. What do I do?

Isn’t it interesting how so many women turn out to love and prefer anal and it’s often the guys they meet who are more closed to the idea and end up wanting to stick with vaginal? Obviously there are many guys who know better and also want anal only, but it just goes against the traditional myths and misconceptions about how it’s guys who prefer anal and women who don’t.

I strongly suggest being open and honest with the new guy. Presumably you’ve only done anal so far, since you haven’t lost your anal only streak yet, and he’s been hinting that he wants vaginal too? Talk to him about being anal only and that you don’t want to go back to vaginal, and that you much prefer anal and like doing only anal.

If he understands and goes along with it, great! If he has any concerns, talk them over with him and see what they are. Chances are you can avoid most of the issues and come up with a mutually satisfying result.

And if he doesn’t understand, then honestly he’s probably not a good fit for you. There’s more to a relationship than sex, but being sexually satisfied is a pretty fundamental component of a relationship for most people, and if being anal only is what you need, going into a relationship that you know won’t work for anal only and which you’ll have to often do sex that you don’t much enjoy, may not be sustainable long-term for you and may end up leading to frustration and resentment.

Are you the man or woman? What was the biggest challenge, and what worked?

Lots of different responses, a couple of which are featured below:

As a woman and maybe a rarity, I had to convince some of my boy and girlfriends to give me the anal attention I wanted. My husband, however, took very little convincing, of course. As to convincing other girls to allow anal play, a little alcohol never hurt as well as open communication and gradually easing into the physical aspect of it. It was introduced to me while a friend was going down on me. I was so into it that when she went lower, I almost didn’t realize she had her tongue in my ass. But again, we had spoken about it before she even tried. Oh, if and when you get into the full act, LUBE LUBE AND MORE LUBE.

I’ve had success in the past with girls who claimed not to want anal by slowly working ass fingering into your routine. Works especially well while eating pussy… start thumbing her asshole gently while going down on her and stop eating pussy if she objects… then do the same next time until she associates the two. Also start rimming her ass… start with kissing her all over (most girls love this) and get closer and closer to her ass then pay it more and more attention.

Several girls I’ve been with who started off not wanting to do anal at all ended up really liking it after doing stuff like this.

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We received this message through our Bdsmlr blog, and it’s being replicated here to be viewed by a wider audience.

Anonymous: I’ve loved your blog for a long time, and I am glad that you’re active on Bdsmlr again like you were on Tumblr! I’ve reached out to you there before, a few years ago, but your blog inspired me and my boyfriend to go anal only way back in 2015. We’ve stayed anal only successfully since then and when we got married a couple years ago we vowed to be anal only together as part of it. We’re thinking about having kids now, and we’re going to try out non-vaginal ways of getting pregnant first, but it also seems like you’re okay with vaginal sex to get pregnant, is that right?

Thanks! I’m glad I helped inspire you and that you’ve stayed anal only since for the past five years! That’s wonderful.

Vaginal sex to get pregnant and anal for everything else is consistent with the ideas of the anal only lifestyle, for sure. But, as you’ve noted, many people who stay anal only long enough like the idea of never going back to vaginal, even to get pregnant, and so often try to look for other options, whether that be artificial insemination, or ejaculating during anal sex and spreading open her vagina to let it run out and back into her. Whatever approach you decide to take, good luck and enjoy your anal only future together!

My husband and I recently started anal after 23 years of marriage. My hormones are changing and I’m horny all the time. I want anal everyday more than vaginal sex but he still loves my vagina which we call Kitty but I love his dick in my ass which we call Peaches. Tonight is the first time he has specifically asked just for Peaches and it made me so wet. I never thought I would even like anal but I now prefer it. Tonight I’m going to wake him up with a lubed ass and put his dick in. I would love to try anal only how do I talk him into it?

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For more information on dating within the anal only lifestyle, see our Guide to Anal Only Dating.

A common challenge encountered by people who want to pursue the anal only lifestyle, or who have been in anal only relationships in the past and are now looking for new partners, is introducing the idea of anal only when dating and how to figure out if that new partner will be compatible and open to the idea as well.

This can be challenging for men and women both, in different ways, but the same techniques tend to apply to everyone.

Essentially, be open and honest early and up front. Once sex starts coming up as a topic, bring up anal and how it’s what you prefer and that you’re looking for an anal only relationship, and what that entails. Try to establish a dialogue about it and introduce it in a way that encourages conversation rather than shutting it down. Talk about why you love it so much, and what benefits it can offer to them as a partner. Mutual pleasure, increased intimacy, natural birth control, and other benefits should all be emphasized.

Also encourage them to try it for a period of time and see if they like it. Most people, once trying it, start to recognize the advantages quickly and become much more open to staying anal only long term.

The challenge of this approach tends to be with men introducing women to the idea who have less experience with anal and so need to be eased into it physically. In that case, definitely make sure to express that you’re willing to be patient and focus on oral and manual stimulation in the meantime while gently and gradually working with her to make sure that she’s ready and comfortable with it before attempting anal intercourse for the first time together.

If your partner (or potential partner) has issues or concerns with the idea, talk them through. Maintain that dialogue and figure out what their hangup is, and see if you can come up with a solution or a compromise that is mutually satisfactory. Common concerns include various anal myths about health, hygiene, pain, or lack of pleasure/orgasms, and those can all be countered fairly easily. If they’re willing, read through the Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle together.

Hi everyone, I’ve been lurking this forum for a while and finally joined. I’m in my 30s in a 2 year D/s and loving/romantic relationship with a man. We have historically had anal only occasionally due to his large size, though I’ve had anal throughout my whole adult life since age 18. However we’ve been doing anal a lot more lately (thanks to wearing butt plugs all day) and introducing some orgasm denial and teasing into our dynamic and I’ve never been more turned on in my life. We dirty talk about anal only but he says he still wants to use my vagina sometimes too. He feels anal can be a hassle because he has to wash himself after. I always douche and there is almost never a fecal mishap so maybe he will get over that. Anyway perhaps this is meant to be fantasy only but it’s a strong and very arousing one for me.

After an encouragement to try going ass to mouth with him after sex in order to make him feel like he doesn’t need to clean up as much, she responds:

Well coincidentally last night my man suggested I suck him after he was in my ass and when I did, he was so happy! It turns out we were both doing research into the health and safety of the practice, unbeknownst to one a other. It wasnt gross at all and I’m pretty sure this will make him enthusiastic about doing anal all the time since oral is his #1 fave.