How to Bring Up Anal Only With a New Partner

For more information on dating within the anal only lifestyle, see our Guide to Anal Only Dating.


A common challenge encountered by people who want to pursue the anal only lifestyle, or who have been in anal only relationships in the past and are now looking for new partners, is introducing the idea of anal only when dating and how to figure out if that new partner will be compatible and open to the idea as well.

This can be challenging for men and women both, in different ways, but the same techniques tend to apply to everyone.

Essentially, be open and honest early and up front. Once sex starts coming up as a topic, bring up anal and how it’s what you prefer and that you’re looking for an anal only relationship, and what that entails. Try to establish a dialogue about it and introduce it in a way that encourages conversation rather than shutting it down. Talk about why you love it so much, and what benefits it can offer to them as a partner. Mutual pleasure, increased intimacy, natural birth control, and other benefits should all be emphasized.

Also encourage them to try it for a period of time and see if they like it. Most people, once trying it, start to recognize the advantages quickly and become much more open to staying anal only long term.

The challenge of this approach tends to be with men introducing women to the idea who have less experience with anal and so need to be eased into it physically. In that case, definitely make sure to express that you’re willing to be patient and focus on oral and manual stimulation in the meantime while gently and gradually working with her to make sure that she’s ready and comfortable with it before attempting anal intercourse for the first time together.

If your partner (or potential partner) has issues or concerns with the idea, talk them through. Maintain that dialogue and figure out what their hangup is, and see if you can come up with a solution or a compromise that is mutually satisfactory. Common concerns include various anal myths about health, hygiene, pain, or lack of pleasure/orgasms, and those can all be countered fairly easily. If they’re willing, read through the Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle together.

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