Anonymous: One of my biggest fantasies is anal with minimal prep/consensual non consent around anal. I’ve had some success with this (no training, LOTS of lube), but I’m wondering if this is feasible in the long term. Could I be injured by doing this? Thanks so much for your blog! ?

It’s definitely possible to get to the point where you can have anal with minimal preparation and just a little bit of lube/saliva, but you need to train to that point and generally shouldn’t attempt it early on. Keep up regular anal and anal play and keep pushing yourself further with it, and you’ll find it keeps getting easier to jump into it with less warmup first.

Anonymous: What are the pros and cons of having my boyfriend cum in my ass? I want to try it, especially because I wouldn’t mind feeling some of his cum drip out of me and down my leg in public, but I want to know what I’m getting myself into if he does

The pros are that it feels good and is sexy and hot for everyone involved, plus semen absorption via the rectum has actually been studied scientifically and it has health, arousal, and mood benefits for women. The cons are limited: it can leak out later, and for some women it may cause cramping or an urge to use the restroom. That is not universal, however, and all you need to do is experiment with it a few times to see what its effects are for you.

I’m going to respond to this message inline below in order to address its various components more effectively due to its length.

Hi.

I am 23 year old girl from Finland and I have been together with my boyfriend of dreams now for almost 4 years and he´s the only one I ever had sex with and sex has always been perfect with us but lately ( 7-9 months ) he has been becoming more and more interested or obsessed about anal sex…

We tried anal first time after just few weeks of dating and I hated it and didn´t have any for over 3 years after that and now about one year ago we tried again and for some reason I didn´t find it that bad and after trying it more I learned to enjoy it in fact very much, but the problem is that my boyfriend has fallen in love with it and dosn´t want anything else anymore.

I think it’s great that you were willing to try anal again after hating it the first time, and were able to discover that you in fact enjoy it a lot. So many people try it once or twice and give up, never discovering how wonderful it can be.

Well to be honest the real problem is not that he wants only to fuck my ass, but he can´t get hard anymore by fucking my pussy, so I must suck him hard several times during normal sex to keep him hard and to make him cum it can easy take more than 3 hours if I use only my pussy.

He has been complaining that my pussy dosn´t feel that good what sounds not only very offensive to me, but also not true because I know I have tight pussy. Ok I can except the fact that anal sex is more enjoyable than normal sex for men, but how is it possible that in less than one year my pussy that used to be the doorway to heaven turn in to a trash basket or at least that´s the feeling I have now.

I really doubt that he intends to be in any way offensive towards you, and it’s actually more common than you might think that men have difficulty being turned on by or being satisfied by vaginal sex, especially after experiencing anal and being able to compare to it, and discovering that anal is what sex was supposed to be like for them—not just tighter, but a better texture, more depth, and an increased focus on intimacy. It just feels more primally right to many men.

Also one of his big turn on is that he can start fucking straight from my ass and he has been suggesting that few minutes before he cums he will fuck my pussy wich is not even an option for me to take a dick from my shitter and put it in my pussy… No way and I heard from somewhere that it is in fact dangerous?

I would definitely advise against this. It is dangerous, as you mention, and it just makes little sense to go from anal to vaginal anyway.

Easiest solution would be of course to start by having normal sex and finish up my butt, but he can´t stay hard even for 30 seconds that way and it´s very embarassing for both of us so it seems that I need to do something with my pussy to give him the same pleasure wich he had before or join these new fashion that seems to be going around especially with guys of analonlylifestyle…

It seems that you’re approaching this from the attitude that there’s something wrong with your pussy, when from his perspective he’s likely not thinking about it that way at all, and is in fact preferring anal because he just loves it so much and prefers it. It’s the difference of looking at the positives of something vs. the negatives.

The fact is that now I haven´t had any normal sex for 6-7 weeks and my boyfriend is loosing day by day, more and more his interest in my pussy and gets more and more obsessed in my asshole and talked with my friends about it and they think I should leave the fucker, but how could they ever understand how much I love my boyfriend.

I know he would die for me without blinking his eyes if any situation would ever come to him and I would pretty much give my life for him too so I have been thinking that if I would pretty much be ready to die for him or at least don´t want imagine my life without him then it would make sense also to forget my own pleasure for him or at least wait and give him time because maybe he will change…

Sex is only one part of any relationship, and you have to balance everything, but you shouldn’t have to give up your own pleasure for him just because he has discovered he needs anal. That doesn’t mean you can’t come up with something that still works for the both of you, though. There are many, many women out there who come to greatly prefer anal over vaginal as well.

Ok, long story but my question is that what can I as a girl do for a guy who enjoys anal sex so much more than normal sex to be more interested in pussy, or maybe I´m asking from the wrong people now and I should be asking, even I do like anal, but how I can enjoy it more or maybe even so much that I don´t need my pussy to get fucked?

As a man completely uninterested in vaginal sex, I can’t answer the former, but I can offer suggestions for the latter.

To maximize your enjoyment of anal, keep practicing it regularly. It sounds like you’re already doing it fairly regularly, but maintaining a frequent routine helps a lot.

Start masturbating anally as well. A lot of women who have difficulty enjoying or being satisfied from anal tend to have a somewhat different mindset about anal than vaginal and aren’t really thinking of it as a pleasure source, and starting to masturbate that way can help to change that. Any time you would rub your clit or use a vibrator to get off, add some anal penetration into the mix as well in order to combine known pleasure sources with anal and further develop its own pleasure for you.

Try wearing a butt plug outside of sex sometimes (doesn’t need to be all the time, just something to try from time to time) to increase your anal training and arousal, and just to keep reminding yourself of your ass and anal pleasure even when not having sex. A lot of people find it really pleasurable in a somewhat passive way to wear a butt plug.

If you aren’t already, try to incorporate clitoral stimulation into your anal sex routine together. There’s a lot to be said for developing the ability to orgasm from anal without clit stimulation, but for many that can be a more advanced ability and if it gives you the satisfaction you need to be and stay anal only, there are a lot of reasons to combine clitoral stimulation and orgasms with anal penetration. The combination is often far more pleasurable than vaginal sex and orgasms.

And finally, attitude can make a big difference. It sounds like you’re fairly negative and resentful about the entire thing, even if you do enjoy anal at some level, and tend to see the bad sides of it all. Try to see it from your boyfriend’s perspective—he’s not insulting your pussy or saying that there’s anything wrong with you, he’s just focusing on the fact that your ass is amazing and he loves it so much that it outshines your pussy. That doesn’t make you any lesser in any way at all. Try to approach it as a sexy secret that you can both share and enjoy together, and something to work towards as a couple to keep making better and better for the both of you. Communicate. Tell him your concerns and frustrations but also if you’re willing to keep working towards increased mutual pleasure with anal only, tell him that too, that you’re willing to go anal only with him but you need pleasure too and that you want to figure out how to make it sustainable and enjoyable for the both of you.

The thing is that I will never ever leave my boyfriend, but if things keep on going to the direction that they have now been going for a long time I think I will get only my butt fucked for the next 40 years…

If you focus just on anal for a while, approach it with a more positive attitude, and start to appreciate the idea of being anal only, I suspect you’ll start to realize that only getting your butt fucked for the next 40+ years isn’t a bad thing at all.

I know most of you readers are guys and wanna answer something like “bitches should be fucked only in the ass” or “pleasure is only for men”, but please give me serious answer or advice.

That’s not at all the attitude at this blog. I do seriously advocate for anal only being the standard and default for everyone, with lots of advantages and reasons for doing so, but it’s never about force or denial of pleasure for women. It’s because it can be so much more pleasurable and arousing and satisfying for both women and men once you’ve committed to it longer term.

Good luck!

Anonymous: Will you be encouraging your followers to participate in anal only august this year? I definitely wanna give it a go but im scared!

Since we do No Pussy November every year, and August is comparatively close to November, as of this year we switched to promoting Anal Only April instead of August. That said, everyone is encouraged to go anal only at any time of the year, it’s just that we actively promote the challenge during April and November. If you do try it in August, or any other time, be sure to share your experiences just the same!

Hello again and I hope you are well.

I have previously written to you and described my relationship with my husband, both before, during and post pregnancy. You’d been kind enough to show kindness and understanding of the challenges we’ve been facing as couple during these difficult times. There is much to be said for sharing your problems, and where it is around such an intimate topic, anonymously and with a stranger seems to work best. As I think I said before, I’d not been able to find much help on the usual forums and felt I wouldn’t have found many people open to discussing the topic.

I wanted to keep you up to date and let you know that the advice you have given has been useful and I’d like to thank you for it.

First, I’m generally feeling much better, both physically and emotionally. For a while there I was worried that I may have been suffering postpartum depression, but if I was close to that then I have recovered now. My body is recovering, as is my energy, and with it my confidence. I would have thought I would be used to it after our first child, but the second was very different. They do say that no two pregnancies are alike.

As you know, I was really missing those happy times during the early and mid stages of the pregnancy. For weeks and weeks now I have been making the effort to make time for my husband and anal sex as you suggested. It’s no easy thing but I am so glad now that I have. ‘Make it till you fake it’ has worked (most of the time) and we are both in a better place now. My libido and energy has returned almost to the same levels as before.

It was physically and emotionally demanding at first, I won’t lie, and sometimes I did want to ask him to stop. Somewhere along the way both have become so much easier that I’m now finding myself looking forward to sex rather than dreading it. We spoon mostly (it brings back good memories) and we don’t rush anything, just taking the time to enjoy each others bodies. My husband is very happy and I’m getting as much out of that as I am for myself.

Neither of us is feeling any strong desire for vaginal sex at this stage. I almost can’t keep up with the changes in my preferences. It is very confusing! But I think we’ll just continue doing what we are doing for now and enjoy what we have.

Thanks again for your support. I wonder if any of your followers have had similar experiences? I have read many posts but most relate to younger couples or those without much experience. I hope my story can help others. There isn’t much out there for women/mothers who have been through what I have, or if they have they aren’t discussing it.

Kind regards,

Kay.

I’m really glad to hear that things have been working out well for the two of you and that you’ve regained your arousal and enjoyment of anal sex and being anal only. I’ve no doubt that as you continue, it will just continue to improve even more.

Thanks for taking the time to update us! If anyone else has anything to add from their own similar experiences, I encourage sending an ask or submission to share as well.

The original version of this post on Tumblr received the following response.

alwaysanalblog: It has been an inspiring story and something that we see more and more often as the awareness of the anal only lifestyle increases. I sense that people are more open than ever before to seeking advice and getting the facts around what is now a common issue.

And while the anal only lifestyle community is clear about our bias, we don’t tell people what they must do, instead presenting facts, reason and guidance so that people may make up their own minds. Kay wanted badly to recapture the intimacy and excitement she had known before with her husband, yet if she had gone elsewhere it is likely she would have been made to feel bad about such nostalgia.

And is it just me or are increasing numbers of women coming out in support of anal only and seeking answers from the community? I’ve also seen women give much more thought and consideration to their own personal journey and the implications for their sexual relationships. More often that not women tend to have a greater patience and dedication to making it work once they’ve decided to make the change in their lives. Contrary to popular opinion that it is they that have to be persuaded, they actually appear to be the ones taking the subject seriously and driving the couples acceptance of anal only.

We are told time and again that the desire for anal is coming from men only and that porn is behind the rise, but stories such as this show this clearly isn’t true. Anal only is for everyone.

After being with my girlfriend for over 4 years and having a great sex life (including anal sex about once or twice a month) we came across a few stories of couples going anal only. At first we were sort of mind boggled by the thoughts of couples being anal only. We couldn’t imagine the relationship actually working that way.

As time went on, we talked more and more and we decided to try it for a week. Only a week. We successfully finished that first week (5 times that week) after some struggles with it but we were able to keep going.

After 7 days, we added another week. Another rough week for her even though she enjoyed it. After that, we kept adding time and we made it for an entire month! The last week of our first month is when we learned a lot. We learned how to make it better every time we made love, even being able for her to reach orgasm occasionally. After more conversation, we continued into the next month. Even after only one month, my eyes seemed to find her luxurious asshole much sooner then her pussy.

Last week I went to our local KAY jewelry store and bought a ring, yes I bought a commitment ring. On Friday, June 29 2018 I surprised her with the ring! I asked her if she wanted to commit to an anal only lifestyle until we decide to have kids in the future. Her eyes gazed at the ring with excitement and then she looked into my eyes, smiled and said “yes, yes I will do as you wish.”

I slipped the ring on her finger next to our couple ring and she loves it! We celebrated our commitment with red wine, a romantic dinner and a night of hot kinky anal love making.

She will be getting a tiny tattoo on her right ankle within the month of July that will say “6/29/2018. STAY TRUE TO HIM FOREVER!”

Now let me add this, we had an amazing sex life before going anal only, but I feel like the connection and polarity I experience by making love to her through anal sex is much stronger. Her moaning is noticeably more aggressive and louder during anal (guys, take notice of the moaning with your women, please). Her giving me love and her body and soul in such ways has made our relationship much stronger. I know we will have vaginal sex again eventually but it will probably just be when we want kids someday.

The original version of this post on Tumblr received the following response.

alwaysanalblog: A touching and inspirational tale which just goes to show how easy the transition to an anal only lifestyle can be for a couple who love and communicate with each other.

It doesn’t take very long to see the benefits of anal only, and a month or so out of a lifetime isn’t very long to find out if it is for you. If it doesn’t work out, then what have you lost? Having said that, most couples who approach it with an open mind quickly come to prefer it for the obvious increased connection and intimacy.

The only point where I would disagree with the account is the direction to take note of the woman’s moaning or vocalizations during sex. This is highly individual – I’ve known many women to be loud, and an equal number to be quiet, and it in no way reflects the pleasure or passion of the woman. Instead look for involuntary signs of arousal, such as dilated pupils; increased blood flow to face, neck, chest and labia; engorged nipples and clitoris; relaxing of the sphincter, as well as spasmodic contractions of the anus and rectum.

bjsmakemewet: I am all about oral. I absolutely love to suck cock. I also enjoy anal. I have all kinds of butt plugs and anal vibrators. But, I can’t see the benefit of anal only. Can you tell my why I should even consider going exclusively anal/oral?

Pleasure. Done right, anal is a lot more pleasurable and arousing than vaginal. It can lead to incredible and intense pleasure on its own, and anal orgasms are similarly amplified. For many men, anal is far more pleasurable than vaginal.

Intimacy. It’s something that for many people requires an increased level of trust with their partner and it’s also a way of sharing each other sexually on a whole new level, and many find the intimacy of going anal only is a huge benefit.

Arousal. As hinted at above, anal is a huge arousal booster for women, both the act itself, and receiving and absorbing semen rectally. Many women find that their sex drive grows considerably by going anal only. Those who incorporate clitoral denial as well and only have pure anal orgasms benefit from avoiding the loss of arousal many women get after a clitoral orgasm, as anal orgasms for most women do not have that same effect.

Excitement. It’s fun, still relatively uncommon sexual lifestyle choice, and it can be really exciting to decide to be anal only going forward. If you have a partner, it can be a sexy secret you share together.

Those are a few reasons, and there are many more. Everyone is different, and has different needs, but done right everyone can enjoy anal, and I think everyone would benefit from giving anal only a try for a few months at least and seeing how it suits them. Many people don’t quite see why they would want to stay anal only long term until they try it, but after a month or two, most don’t want to go back to vaginal. It’s a much more intense and pleasure-oriented way of having sex, and vaginal is often fairly bland in comparison.

dolly-little-fan: (i’m not a native English speaker) I try anal with my GF and i enjoy it, but not her, she said me “I feel like i’m shitting when you fuck my ass”, how to make her enjoy it ?

Take a break from anal sex for a while and focus on anal play with her instead, licking her asshole, fingering it, using smaller dildos and plugs in it, combining anal play with other sex acts she enjoys, rubbing her clit during, etc. There’s a lot of potential pleasure with anal, but for some people it has to be “unlocked” by associating it with existing pleasures. Get her to really enjoy anal stimulation at a lower level first, then ease back into anal sex and see where that takes the two of you.

Also, before sex, try doing more of a warmup process, again starting with licking her ass to get her relaxed, then using a finger or two, a plug, or a dildo, and then finally move on to sex. When her anal muscles are relaxed and she’s turned on, she’s going to enjoy the sensation a lot more.

Anonymous: First of, I love anal! I’m in the process if trying to make my hole bigger by wearing plugs regularly but everytime I put on a plug it makes me wanna go poop. Even if I have just poop!!! Please help.

Does this happen immediately after you put a plug in, or does it start after a little bit of time has passed? It’s not uncommon when first getting into long-term plug wear that it can start to be uncomfortable after a short bit of time at first, and you have to gradually ease into it, wearing it as long as you can comfortably do so, taking out, and trying again later to go longer. Over time, it will become a lot more comfortable.

However, it could be one of several other factors as well, especially if you can already enjoy anal sex without experiencing that sensation. Certain materials can either cause a reaction or have a certain texture that can give a feeling like needing to poop. Steel and glass are often the best at not doing that, as well as high quality silicone. Certain lubes could cause this as well.

Finally, you could try rubbing your clit while it’s in and see if the sensation goes away. Again, it may not be as big of a factor for you if you love anal already, but people just starting with anal stimulation often experience such sensations and need to “re-train” themselves a little bit to interpret anal stimulation as a source of sexual pleasure rather than just a sensation of needing to go to the bathroom, and so combining anal with other things you may find enjoyable like clit play can be an effective technique.

Anonymous: In a lot of anal porn they make a big thing about either pulling out and cumming on her asshole or her pushing his cum out after. I wish there was more where you could see him deep and cumming and she keeps it inside. It’s nothing like real life (I know, its porn so not real) where the desire is to unload as deep as possible. I think plugs after should be mandatory!

Alas, porn is a visual medium, and so it’s far more prone to external ejaculations for the visual effect produced. And while that can be enjoyable sometimes in real life as well, and generally makes for an enjoyable visual experience on-screen, it’s one of many ways in which porn isn’t a realistic portrayal of sex and important to remember that. That’s not really a criticism of porn in and of itself, it’s a form of entertainment and escape and that can be good, it just shouldn’t be the sole source of sexual education for people.