Tag: 20180722

A Finnish girl asks how she can better enjoy anal sex after her boyfriend of four years reveals that he has never enjoyed vaginal and can only get pleasure from anal.

Message: What should I do? Any advice?, Part 2

Hi, it´s Suvi from Finland again.

Thank you so much from the several useful advices and I wanna give you small update of our situation…

The biggest shock for me is that I have been asking advice from numerous people, but only useful help I have got is from men but zero from women!!

All my girlfriends and all girls that give me advice in different chat rooms seems to be shearing the same opinion that I should talk and/or force my boyfriend to change or dump him even when I have been very clear that´s not even an option.

Like you very well told me that sex is only one part in relationship and for me it´s the only thing that isn´t perfect at the moment, but everything else is more than perfect. I cannot think even one more thing what I would wish more from him to make my life better.

Also to add few thoughts for you feminists that might be reading this… My boyfriend has been trying his best to give me the same pleasure as I´m giving to him, but if he´s not able what can he do? How many girls are willing to have anal sex if cannot enjoy it and just say “my ass is exit only” or “no men will ever put anything up my ass”? How disgusting partners are you if you are not willing to do something or anything that your love one really likes? It has nothing to do with men trying to make us women feel like less or lower form of human beings or sex slaves but honestly vice versa. Cannot even count how many times my boyfriend tells me how much he loves me  when he´s getting the best sex he can desire and after sex and all times between having sex again he´s more thoughtful than ever before, like almost we would been dating just few months and not several years.

Someone wrote me if I cannot make him change and still date with him I deserve to get fucked in the ass for rest of my life… When did I ever mention that I do not enjoy getting my ass fucked? I just miss my pussy getting fucked that´s all, but I do enjoy anal sex and I´m trying to find ways now to satisfy my boyfriend however he wants and also to find ways for myself to enjoy more sex without using my pussy.

And I really want to underline the fact that we are if even possible more closer than ever before because this is the first time for me that I have the change to show my boyfriend how much he means to me and I am ready to do anything for him because he have showed me and proven it to me countless of times.

So now it´s been more than 2 months sens I have had anything and I do mean anything in my pussy, so only anal sex. Sometimes we haven´t have sex for few days at all but sometimes we have sex 3 times in one day. I still really miss my pussy to get fucked, but in the same time I got many tips from men how to enjoy anal sex more and last week I bought with almost 500 euros worthy of different toys from our local sex shop and the biggest success has been a clit stimulator.

I can honestly and really recommend this toy to any girl or woman because this one is simply just genious 🙂 Using this toy at the same time when having anal sex gives you mindblowing orgasms I can promise you that and I sure this one would work perfectly for anal first-timers.

I think as you recommended I will order one or two butt plugs also and let´s see if they are any good, but I have to say that now I´m much more confident about the future even I still hope my boyfriend would share even small interest some day also for my pussy, but at least now I have learned many things more for myself to enjoy anal sex.

Thanks for your thoughtful advices and comments…

Kisses 🙂

Thank you for the update! I’m glad to hear that you’re figuring out a good compromise together and are committed to each other and each other’s pleasure. I’m sure that as you continue exploring and enjoying the anal only lifestyle together, you’ll find that you won’t miss vaginal sex nearly as much and will come to enjoy the idea of being anal only and not using your pussy much more. It can really start to become a special thing to not have vaginal sex, as strange as that can sound to some.

I think a lot of the people who have responded to you misunderstood the situation and defaulted to the idea that you were being somehow mistreated by someone selfish rather than recognizing the fact that your boyfriend has specific needs and preferences, and while you do as well, you’re willing to work to satisfy his needs while also working together to make it satisfying for the both of you. There’s nothing selfish or wrong about anyone preferring anal and wanting nothing to do with vaginal—so long as its consensual and everyone is on board with at least trying it.

Message: What should I do? Any advice?

I’m going to respond to this message inline below in order to address its various components more effectively due to its length.


I am 23 year old girl from Finland and I have been together with my boyfriend of dreams now for almost 4 years and he´s the only one I ever had sex with and sex has always been perfect with us but lately ( 7-9 months ) he has been becoming more and more interested or obsessed about anal sex…

We tried anal first time after just few weeks of dating and I hated it and didn´t have any for over 3 years after that and now about one year ago we tried again and for some reason I didn´t find it that bad and after trying it more I learned to enjoy it in fact very much, but the problem is that my boyfriend has fallen in love with it and dosn´t want anything else anymore.

I think it’s great that you were willing to try anal again after hating it the first time, and were able to discover that you in fact enjoy it a lot. So many people try it once or twice and give up, never discovering how wonderful it can be.

Well to be honest the real problem is not that he wants only to fuck my ass, but he can´t get hard anymore by fucking my pussy, so I must suck him hard several times during normal sex to keep him hard and to make him cum it can easy take more than 3 hours if I use only my pussy.

He has been complaining that my pussy dosn´t feel that good what sounds not only very offensive to me, but also not true because I know I have tight pussy. Ok I can except the fact that anal sex is more enjoyable than normal sex for men, but how is it possible that in less than one year my pussy that used to be the doorway to heaven turn in to a trash basket or at least that´s the feeling I have now.

I really doubt that he intends to be in any way offensive towards you, and it’s actually more common than you might think that men have difficulty being turned on by or being satisfied by vaginal sex, especially after experiencing anal and being able to compare to it, and discovering that anal is what sex was supposed to be like for them—not just tighter, but a better texture, more depth, and an increased focus on intimacy. It just feels more primally right to many men.

Also one of his big turn on is that he can start fucking straight from my ass and he has been suggesting that few minutes before he cums he will fuck my pussy wich is not even an option for me to take a dick from my shitter and put it in my pussy… No way and I heard from somewhere that it is in fact dangerous?

I would definitely advise against this. It is dangerous, as you mention, and it just makes little sense to go from anal to vaginal anyway.

Easiest solution would be of course to start by having normal sex and finish up my butt, but he can´t stay hard even for 30 seconds that way and it´s very embarassing for both of us so it seems that I need to do something with my pussy to give him the same pleasure wich he had before or join these new fashion that seems to be going around especially with guys of analonlylifestyle…

It seems that you’re approaching this from the attitude that there’s something wrong with your pussy, when from his perspective he’s likely not thinking about it that way at all, and is in fact preferring anal because he just loves it so much and prefers it. It’s the difference of looking at the positives of something vs. the negatives.

The fact is that now I haven´t had any normal sex for 6-7 weeks and my boyfriend is loosing day by day, more and more his interest in my pussy and gets more and more obsessed in my asshole and talked with my friends about it and they think I should leave the fucker, but how could they ever understand how much I love my boyfriend.

I know he would die for me without blinking his eyes if any situation would ever come to him and I would pretty much give my life for him too so I have been thinking that if I would pretty much be ready to die for him or at least don´t want imagine my life without him then it would make sense also to forget my own pleasure for him or at least wait and give him time because maybe he will change…

Sex is only one part of any relationship, and you have to balance everything, but you shouldn’t have to give up your own pleasure for him just because he has discovered he needs anal. That doesn’t mean you can’t come up with something that still works for the both of you, though. There are many, many women out there who come to greatly prefer anal over vaginal as well.

Ok, long story but my question is that what can I as a girl do for a guy who enjoys anal sex so much more than normal sex to be more interested in pussy, or maybe I´m asking from the wrong people now and I should be asking, even I do like anal, but how I can enjoy it more or maybe even so much that I don´t need my pussy to get fucked?

As a man completely uninterested in vaginal sex, I can’t answer the former, but I can offer suggestions for the latter.

To maximize your enjoyment of anal, keep practicing it regularly. It sounds like you’re already doing it fairly regularly, but maintaining a frequent routine helps a lot.

Start masturbating anally as well. A lot of women who have difficulty enjoying or being satisfied from anal tend to have a somewhat different mindset about anal than vaginal and aren’t really thinking of it as a pleasure source, and starting to masturbate that way can help to change that. Any time you would rub your clit or use a vibrator to get off, add some anal penetration into the mix as well in order to combine known pleasure sources with anal and further develop its own pleasure for you.

Try wearing a butt plug outside of sex sometimes (doesn’t need to be all the time, just something to try from time to time) to increase your anal training and arousal, and just to keep reminding yourself of your ass and anal pleasure even when not having sex. A lot of people find it really pleasurable in a somewhat passive way to wear a butt plug.

If you aren’t already, try to incorporate clitoral stimulation into your anal sex routine together. There’s a lot to be said for developing the ability to orgasm from anal without clit stimulation, but for many that can be a more advanced ability and if it gives you the satisfaction you need to be and stay anal only, there are a lot of reasons to combine clitoral stimulation and orgasms with anal penetration. The combination is often far more pleasurable than vaginal sex and orgasms.

And finally, attitude can make a big difference. It sounds like you’re fairly negative and resentful about the entire thing, even if you do enjoy anal at some level, and tend to see the bad sides of it all. Try to see it from your boyfriend’s perspective—he’s not insulting your pussy or saying that there’s anything wrong with you, he’s just focusing on the fact that your ass is amazing and he loves it so much that it outshines your pussy. That doesn’t make you any lesser in any way at all. Try to approach it as a sexy secret that you can both share and enjoy together, and something to work towards as a couple to keep making better and better for the both of you. Communicate. Tell him your concerns and frustrations but also if you’re willing to keep working towards increased mutual pleasure with anal only, tell him that too, that you’re willing to go anal only with him but you need pleasure too and that you want to figure out how to make it sustainable and enjoyable for the both of you.

The thing is that I will never ever leave my boyfriend, but if things keep on going to the direction that they have now been going for a long time I think I will get only my butt fucked for the next 40 years…

If you focus just on anal for a while, approach it with a more positive attitude, and start to appreciate the idea of being anal only, I suspect you’ll start to realize that only getting your butt fucked for the next 40+ years isn’t a bad thing at all.

I know most of you readers are guys and wanna answer something like “bitches should be fucked only in the ass” or “pleasure is only for men”, but please give me serious answer or advice.

That’s not at all the attitude at this blog. I do seriously advocate for anal only being the standard and default for everyone, with lots of advantages and reasons for doing so, but it’s never about force or denial of pleasure for women. It’s because it can be so much more pleasurable and arousing and satisfying for both women and men once you’ve committed to it longer term.

Good luck!