Hello again and I hope you are well.

I have previously written to you and described my relationship with my husband, both before, during and post pregnancy. You’d been kind enough to show kindness and understanding of the challenges we’ve been facing as couple during these difficult times. There is much to be said for sharing your problems, and where it is around such an intimate topic, anonymously and with a stranger seems to work best. As I think I said before, I’d not been able to find much help on the usual forums and felt I wouldn’t have found many people open to discussing the topic.

I wanted to keep you up to date and let you know that the advice you have given has been useful and I’d like to thank you for it.

First, I’m generally feeling much better, both physically and emotionally. For a while there I was worried that I may have been suffering postpartum depression, but if I was close to that then I have recovered now. My body is recovering, as is my energy, and with it my confidence. I would have thought I would be used to it after our first child, but the second was very different. They do say that no two pregnancies are alike.

As you know, I was really missing those happy times during the early and mid stages of the pregnancy. For weeks and weeks now I have been making the effort to make time for my husband and anal sex as you suggested. It’s no easy thing but I am so glad now that I have. ‘Make it till you fake it’ has worked (most of the time) and we are both in a better place now. My libido and energy has returned almost to the same levels as before.

It was physically and emotionally demanding at first, I won’t lie, and sometimes I did want to ask him to stop. Somewhere along the way both have become so much easier that I’m now finding myself looking forward to sex rather than dreading it. We spoon mostly (it brings back good memories) and we don’t rush anything, just taking the time to enjoy each others bodies. My husband is very happy and I’m getting as much out of that as I am for myself.

Neither of us is feeling any strong desire for vaginal sex at this stage. I almost can’t keep up with the changes in my preferences. It is very confusing! But I think we’ll just continue doing what we are doing for now and enjoy what we have.

Thanks again for your support. I wonder if any of your followers have had similar experiences? I have read many posts but most relate to younger couples or those without much experience. I hope my story can help others. There isn’t much out there for women/mothers who have been through what I have, or if they have they aren’t discussing it.

Kind regards,

Kay.

I’m really glad to hear that things have been working out well for the two of you and that you’ve regained your arousal and enjoyment of anal sex and being anal only. I’ve no doubt that as you continue, it will just continue to improve even more.

Thanks for taking the time to update us! If anyone else has anything to add from their own similar experiences, I encourage sending an ask or submission to share as well.

The original version of this post on Tumblr received the following response.

alwaysanalblog: It has been an inspiring story and something that we see more and more often as the awareness of the anal only lifestyle increases. I sense that people are more open than ever before to seeking advice and getting the facts around what is now a common issue.

And while the anal only lifestyle community is clear about our bias, we don’t tell people what they must do, instead presenting facts, reason and guidance so that people may make up their own minds. Kay wanted badly to recapture the intimacy and excitement she had known before with her husband, yet if she had gone elsewhere it is likely she would have been made to feel bad about such nostalgia.

And is it just me or are increasing numbers of women coming out in support of anal only and seeking answers from the community? I’ve also seen women give much more thought and consideration to their own personal journey and the implications for their sexual relationships. More often that not women tend to have a greater patience and dedication to making it work once they’ve decided to make the change in their lives. Contrary to popular opinion that it is they that have to be persuaded, they actually appear to be the ones taking the subject seriously and driving the couples acceptance of anal only.

We are told time and again that the desire for anal is coming from men only and that porn is behind the rise, but stories such as this show this clearly isn’t true. Anal only is for everyone.

You were helpful in your response to my last post. I thought very hard about what you had said. Which is not easy to do as I don’t get much time to myself at the moment. Still, I know that will change so I need to be looking to the future.

I normally wouldn’t expect to get answers to such personal issues, but it is kind of unique and you write so eloquently about the subject without forcing your views on people. I think that deserves recognition.

I am missing the connection that we enjoyed during our love making while I was pregnant. I’m not sure if it’s just a rose tinted view now I have more demands and less sleep, or whether it was the hormones during pregnancy. They do make women feel good about themselves (I guess there has to be some compensation for all that we must go through!). Perhaps I can’t recapture what we had but I want to try.

I simply don’t always have the energy, while my husband gets more sleep so he’s much more often in the mood for sex. I wasn’t trying to sound ungrateful for his affection. I’ve made a point of returning it and attempting to have sex when he’s aroused and I’m not.

I had never imagined my anus would be such a source of fascination to him, and that the anal during pregnancy was just temporary. Perhaps he had other ideas.

The short of it is that we’re going to try to continue as we were for the time being. It works out ok as not much effort is required from my side (I just don’t have it in me right now) but he can have me gently as we used to with me on my side. In it’s way it is kind of comforting and brings back good memories. Since it is unhurried and my husband is being very considerate right now I’m not experiencing much discomfort. Still wishing I could be more responsive for him though.

Kind regards,

Kay.

Thanks for the followup, I’m glad that you’ve decided to stick with it and work to gradually get back to what you had during your pregnancy. I’m confident that you’ll get there, and it will just take time. Continue communicating honestly with each other and recognizing that the time post-pregnancy is a difficult time for everyone in terms of sex, energy, and mood in general. It can and will take time to get things back to “normal”, and it takes an effort from everyone to do so. Sometimes you just won’t have the energy or be in the mood for sex, and that’s okay and normal.

Your energy, mood, and enjoyment of anal as it was before will return in time.

I’m going to split up this message so I can respond more directly inline to its different parts.

Hello once again. Thanks for answering my post from 17th April about my experiences during and after my second pregnancy.

At this point it’s kind of hard to say what it is I really want. I feel more than a little confused. I think my mood is lower than after my first child. Here’s the thing though: When I was pregnant I loved all the anal, it felt very good and it felt like the right thing to do at the time. I’m a big believer in listening to what your body tells you. And I really had a verging on unhealthy craving for it for the duration.

I’m biased in favor of the anal only lifestyle, naturally, so my responses and encouragement are going to share that bias, but I’m also biased in favor of mutual consent and desire to take part in this lifestyle.

Because you’re still adjusting post-pregnancy, and because both you and your husband loved being anal only until recently, I would suggest continuing to maintain your anal only routine together when you feel up to it even if your arousal hasn’t fully recovered yet, and seeing where things go from there. Your arousal will return, and I’m pretty confident your love for anal will as well. It’s a little bit of the “fake it until you make it” approach, but that can actually work quite well. And along the way, you’ll probably figure out whether continuing being anal only is what you really want or if you really do want to go back to vaginal.

Although I was getting gradually larger I also never felt sexier (which my husband commented on) while now the reverse is true. It all feels like a very unfair piece of bad timing that my husband is very affectionate, turned on and making very frequent advances while I’m not feeling the same. I admit to feeling some guilt over this. Is that bad?

It’s not at all uncommon or unusual in this situation. Be sure to keep talking with him about it and explain how you feel, and listen to him as well. Make sure to try not to make him feel bad for being affectionate and aroused while you aren’t. Try to work through it together and come up with compromises that work while you continue to adjust post-pregnancy. Try to identify what does make you feel more aroused and when and take advantage of that when you can. Otherwise, just keep moving forward and be patient.

I’m not sure if it’s just the lack of interest in any sex rather than not wanting anal. My husband is being very gentle and considerate and even more enthusiastic with foreplay etc than ever before.

Any tips for getting my drive back? And if we are making love 3 or 4 times a week is that too much anal to have safely?

For getting your sex drive back, just be patient and keep sticking with it, and you’ll get there eventually. It just takes time in most cases. Your body goes through a lot during a pregnancy, and everything doesn’t just go back to “normal” immediately after. It’s a process.

As for having anal sex 3 to 4 times a week, there’s nothing at all wrong with that so long as that’s a frequency that isn’t uncomfortable or painful for you. Listen to your body, and if it makes you sore or painful after or during to do it that often, try it a little less often, but if it’s working well for you, keep it up. Having frequent anal sex doesn’t have negative long term effects if you’re doing it safely and it doesn’t hurt and isn’t injuring you. Maintaining a frequent routine like that is in fact quite positive both for having anal sex and for your anal health in general.

I’m not sure if much of what I said was very helpful, but I hope it helped at least a little. Good luck!

Anonymous: I urge KAY to stick with anal and it will be worth it. Trust me, my wife went through same while pregnant. Of course hormones crash after and it’s trying time for all. But this is a wonderful opportunity for them both and for her husband it will be hard going back to pussy after ass, no matter how pretty it is, because the feelings aren’t the same. She needs to remember that the way she feels right now isn’t how it will always be. From my experience much more foreplay is needed postpartum. GLHF!

While ultimately it depends on what she really wants, I agree, sticking with it and pushing through the rough patch will be rewarding in the end.

It has been a real eye opener finding this blog. I’ve read post after post over several days. It has all been very fascinating to me as in my innocence I never knew anything like this existed.

But I digress. Reading through all the information, I didn’t find anything that exactly matched my story so I thought I would share, ask some questions and get your thoughts.

I’m a 35 mother to 2 boys, married for 11 years. I had few partners before we married but was not so inexperienced that I hadn’t tried most things including anal. I didn’t mind it, neither did I love it, but stopped anyway when I married as my husband never expressed any interest.

During my second pregnancy there was a little spotting which concerned me, although my doctor assured me that it was no cause for alarm. Not wanting to risk the baby we stopped having sex. My husband was disappointed and never as happy with a hand or mouth. Eventually I suggested anal to him, but he was so reluctant even to try. A long story short, he did after some persuasion take me up on the offer. I actually really enjoyed, and I was feeling on high arousal for the remainder of my pregnancy.

My husband admitted that it wasn’t what he expected and so we carried on with it. As I became larger it became more practical too as I could simply lie on my side, he’d lube me up, and snuggle up behind me. Those months were wonderful. I had a craving for it, was feeling very feminine and maternal, and he appeared to be enjoying it too.

However, after the baby was born, my sex drive took a nosedive. My vagina healed up and I wanted to go back to how things were before. My husband in a complete reversal now found excuses not to have vaginal, or “we’ll do it next time”. Now every time we make love, he heads straight to my ass.

I don’t hate it but it’s not the same as it was. I have no idea why. My husband on the other hand has become more and more passionate about anal. I feel bad for trying to get back to vaginal as he obviously enjoys the anal and it was my idea to get started doing this.

So you can see my dilemma. Was this just a phase that I went through. Can I get the desire back. I really want to please my husband, but my body is letting me down. I hadn’t expected this change of heart from him and believed everything would return to normal but it’s apparent it will not. This is not a good place to be since his sex drive is now increasing but mine has hit rock bottom. Any effective ways to fix this? Suggestions from your readers who may have gone though similar also welcome.

Many thanks, Kay

Thanks for sharing your story. A lot of people seem to go anal only or start exploring the idea while pregnant or after a pregnancy, though there are always variations on the precise reasoning or motivation.

It’s also not uncommon for a woman’s sex drive to change after a pregnancy, between the stress, lack of sleep, and other physical, emotional and situational changes.

Where you go from here depends on what you really want. It sounds like you want to move back away from anal and return to vaginal—but is that what you really want or just what your urges are right now? Is it that you only expected this to last a short time and are somewhat resentful now that he’s discovered how much prefers anal and doesn’t want to go back to vaginal anymore?

You certainly can get your anal only urges and desires and pleasure back, but it might take some experimentation, practice and time. If you’d like to go that route, I’d suggest sticking with just anal and viewing it as a fun adventure and challenge to pursue together rather than something you’re struggling with or not enjoying or resent.

I hope you’re able to figure out what it is that you both need and ultimately make it work. I’m happy to discuss things further, too!