Why It’s Better to Start With Anal than Vaginal

Though there has been a long tradition of women losing their anal virginity before vaginal in order to avoid getting pregnant when other forms of birth control were not available, or to save their vaginal virginity until getting married for religious or other personal reasons, anal as the initial form of sex continues to get increasingly popular, in part because of increased exposure through pornography, articles, and other media, and the resulting lack of stigma and increased curiosity that comes from the exposure and normalization of anal pleasure.

The result is that a growing number of women are being introduced to the nuances and pleasures of anal and its far greater intensity and appeal long before they ever try anything vaginal or build up any connection with that form of stimulation and begin to normalize it over anal. Learning how to enjoy anal first and becoming used to the level of pleasure it provides virtually guarantees a life of preferring anal over vaginal, which benefits everyone and ensures that everyone will be enjoying the best form of sex.

That’s not to say that women who don’t start with anal first won’t end up preferring it as well, it just helps to eliminate some of the biggest hurdles that prevent people from even giving it a serious chance. Many women refuse to even try anal, since vaginal gives them at least some pleasure and it’s easier to just stick with what they know. Even many who enjoy or even admit to preferring anal don’t give up vaginal because they feel they have some obligation to continue doing it. But if you start with anal and learn quickly that none of those myths are true, and have no old vaginal-related habits or ideas to get over, it’s very easy to just focus on what’s best and never waste any time on inferior vaginal penetration or stimulation.

If you have the opportunity to go straight to anal sex without trying vaginal first, take it. If you have friends or acquaintances in that position, encourage the same for them. The less people have vaginal sex, the more everyone wins.

Message: First Anal Orgasm

Anna: So I just wanted to share I had my first anal orgasm and it was so so intense I just twitch and spasmed on my dildo my whole body was shaking and convulsing it was one of the most amazing feelings ever now I just have to keep up not touching my clit I wanna break this bad habit of touching my clit especially after having my first anal orgasm I never wanna go back to vaginal/clit sex hopefully my urge to want to touch my clit will fade away the longer I don’t touch it

Congratulations! The first of many, no doubt. Now that you know it’s possible, I’m sure it will help motivate you to keep having more and avoid using your clit going forward. The more anal orgasms you have, the easier it will get not only to have them, but to stop using your clit, since your ass will be the only orgasm outlet you need at that point.

Remember, though, that with any habit you’re trying to break, it’s to be expected that at some point you might revert to old habits, and it can be easy to feel bad about doing so. That’s a normal part of the process, though, and it’s best to use those bad feelings to reinforce and strengthen breaking the bad habit rather than giving up your goal. If you do end up giving in to clit stimulation down the road, compare how bad you feel after to how good you feel after an anal only orgasm, and dive right back in to clit denial even more than before and work to beat your previous record.

Good luck! Be sure to keep us updated on how it goes for you!

Message: Hot to Rosebud

Claire: I want to rosebud for my bf for his birthday in a few days (March 16th) but I tried to do it by myself using a dildo and can’t. It’s been 5 months that we are AO, before that we were “1 anal a month” for 4 months. Do you have any tips taking into account my very short time for training?

It takes a combination of strong pelvic floor muscles and relaxed anal muscles. So you need to work on your kegel exercises while also being able to gape. While your anal muscles are relaxed so you can gape and you spread your ass open, you push out with your pelvic floor muscles.

Conceptually, it’s simple, but it can take practice to really be able to do it. Give it a try in the coming week, but know that the time you have may not be enough to get there yet.

Perhaps an alternative birthday gift could be a commitment to going anal only permanently, or a sort of “rosebud IOU” where you work on it together as a goal. Either way, he sounds like a very lucky guy!

Anal Only vs. Oral Only: An Exploration of Exclusivity in Sexual Activities

One of the fundamental principles of the anal only lifestyle is that by exclusively focusing on anal penetration as the primary sexual activity (oral is still very much a part of sex for most anal only couples, but it tends to not be a primary activity) and completely excluding vaginal sex, the overall sexual experience for both partners is enhanced and improved.

This is an interesting idea, that removing something from your sexual repertoire actually makes everything else better. It can seem counterintuitive in a world that treats everything like more is always better, but the results don’t lie and those who have explored the anal only lifestyle for themselves can confirm that their sex life improves with the elimination of vaginal sex and a focus on anal.

For most of us, this may be in part simply due to the fact that we prefer anal sex and see vaginal as an unwanted distraction from the type of sexual activity that we want to spend all our time on. But there’s more to it than that, in ways that relate in some ways to other forms of sexual exclusivity and exclusion.

Women have long discovered that the suppression of clitoral stimulation or of orgasm can cause significant boosts in arousal and pleasure overall, which is why orgasm denial or delay can be a very popular thing for many women, resulting in greater interest in sex and greater pleasure from it.

The anal only lifestyle has many of those same benefits, without the total orgasm denial, which is why in many ways it can be seen as a superior form of such a lifestyle. Rather than denying orgasms, one focuses on anal orgasms instead, which cause intense pleasure without the loss of arousal that clitoral stimulation or vaginal sex have.

Another less-known lifestyle that relates to these topics is the oral only lifestyle, where the more submissive partner does not receive either anal or vaginal penetration and only gives oral sex to their partner, using their mouth and throat as their only sex organ. This is, naturally, much more of a submissive role focused on giving pleasure without receiving it, though there are oral only women who can orgasm from giving blowjobs or from being throatfucked.

Whatever appeals most to you or works best, consider trying to exclude your least favorite sexual activities and see if it enhances the other aspects of sex for you by doing so. If you have vaginal, anal and oral sex, try excluding vaginal and going anal and oral only. If you’re already anal only, try focusing just on oral for a few weeks to a month.

Most people who are anal only already won’t want to go oral only full-time, but it can be a fun short-term exploration, something to do while on vacation or for an anniversary gift, perhaps, before returning to both anal and oral. The short break can sometimes make the anal that much better when you get back to it.

Message: How Anna Became AO

Jeremy and Anna: So she got into anal cuz she saw me playing with my toy and when she got comfortable she started using the toy on me and she would ask questions like doesn’t it hurt and what does it feel like for me and I would tell her.

One day I asked her do you want me to try it on you and she said sure so I took things slow just starting with a finger and we continued to mix some anal play into our mix and then about 3 months ago now I asked her if she would try an anal only month and I told her if it was to hard she didn’t have to keep doing it and through that month she tried clitoral denial and then after that month she went back to using her clit but has been anal only.

Now this month she is trying clitoral denial for my birthday present plus she has been wanting to try it lately so far she’s struggling but making it maybe you could give her some encouragement to stay on track and to keep her goal in mind thanks for your blog it’s great

That’s great that she was open-minded about not only doing anal play with you but also about going anal only herself.

If she needs clit stimulation in order to enjoy being anal only, then that’s a perfectly reasonable compromise, but since she wants to try eliminating clit stimulation as well, then I definitely encourage sticking with that goal and getting to where it’s entirely unnecessary for her. It can definitely be hard at first, if she’s been very used to using her clit to masturbate and orgasm up to this point, but keeping the goal of pure anal pleasure in mind and sticking with the routine of not using her clit for increasingly longer amounts of time will help it keep getting easier. You can continue to help her as well by encouraging and praising her and telling her how sexy you find it that she wants to give up her clit and be totally anal only.

If it’s hard to resist during masturbation/sex, you can use a topical anesthetic cream like Orajel applied in a small amount directly to the clit to temporarily numb sensation and eliminate the temptation to rub it. This only lasts an hour or two, but can be helpful if the urge is hard to resist at times.

For more information on the motivations behind clit denial as part of the anal only lifestyle and some ways that people use physical means to avoid clit stimulation, see our page on the Benefits of Avoiding Clitoral Stimulation During Anal Sex and The Use of Chastity Devices in the Anal Only Lifestyle.

Message: Straight but Still Love Anal

Evan: I asked my girlfriend to go completely anal only with no clit or pussy stimulation and she said she’d do it if I did it too so I said sure I like anal penetration anyways and she said she would go as long as I can go so any tips to keep way from touching my penis so she won’t touch her clit?

Sounds like a fun and interesting challenge to try together!

For one, you could always try to play together as much as possible so you can hold each other accountable and remind each other not to touch. Otherwise you can check in with each other daily and talk about it to help keep reinforcing it for the both of you.

A physical chastity device is probably your best bet if you have a hard time with the self control side of things. You can get cheap chastity cages on eBay for considerably less than the high-end ones available, though of course fitment and comfort may not be as good as with high end or custom ones.

Message: Anal Feels Right

Anonymous: A guy’s cock up my ass just feels right, like that’s who I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to do. It always has. Cock in my pussy feels wrong, like I need to get it out as fast as I can, so I never do it anymore. All I ever want is anal.

Assuming that the wrong feeling from vaginal is not the result of some sort of trauma, then there’s nothing wrong with that. Anal is more natural and right, because pleasure and intimacy are the goals of sex and it’s far superior for both those things.

Be proud to be anal only. Own it. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you should be otherwise unless you want to be. Every time you have a cock up your ass, know that that’s exactly how things are supposed to be.

Don’t Forget to Check Out Our Anal Sex Guide

It’s now been several months since we first launched our Guide to the Anal Only Lifestyle & Anal Sex Advice page, and we’ve been busy adding and updating it in the time since it first went online.

If you haven’t seen it yet and are looking for information on how to enjoy anal sex or how or why you might want to go anal only, or what your next steps might be as an anal only person, be sure to check it out. If you looked it over when it first launched, check back and see what’s new.

As always, if you have any suggestions for content to add or update, be sure to let us know.

Message: My Anal Story

Jeremy: So I have always had a interest in anal. I played with my ass from a pretty young age and learned how to orgasm from just anal. So I went back and forth playing with my ass and jerking off till I something violent happened to me sexually and after that I had erection problems and pills don’t help all that much so after a few years of trying to be able to jerk off and it not working I mostly went anal only and then I got with my current girlfriend and we decided that we would both be anal only and let me say we both have so much fun and if done properly anal can be extremely pleasurable btw thanks for making a section for male anal only

Though many people end up anal only simply because they love it, and would rather do anal than anything else, it’s also not that uncommon for a trauma or medical condition to prevent some other form of sex from being effective or enjoyable, and in those cases, going anal only can be a great way to continue to enjoy pleasure and intimacy with a partner while moving past those other forms of sex that no longer work for you.

I’m glad it was able to fill that role for you and that you’ve found a partner who you can be anal only together with as well, that’s great! How did you meet her and bring up the idea of being anal only together, and how did she take the idea at first?

Message: I Want to Remove My Clit

Anonymous: Hey, I saw the reply you gave saying that some women succeeded on removing their clits completely. It’s my dream to remove my clit and get circumcised. I have two problems: I have no idea how I could possibly get this done and I’m afraid of what people (that I will sleep with) might think, I’m 110% sure that if I removed my clit and have only anal I will not regret it because I TRULY want this for many different reasons. I’m afraid I will never be able to remove it or if I am no one will ever want me cause they will think this is crazy. I wanna hear your advice.

So, a disclaimer before I respond further to this. I support the right of people to modify their own bodies however they see fit, and I think that if a woman wants to remove or desensitize her clit, especially if it would improve her quality of life for any one of a variety of reasons, then she should absolutely be able to do so. However, I do not support the forced, coerced, or in any other way nonconsensual use of clitorectomy, infibulation, or other form of nonconsensual female genital mutilation against anyone, ever. Informed consent, as with everything else, is absolutely mandatory.

With that out of the way, let’s dive into your questions.

Some people are confident and skilled enough to do it themselves, or to have a trusted partner who can do it for them with the use of localized anesthetic and a scalpel. This isn’t something I would recommend you try, however. Any surgical procedure, however simple it may seem, should be done by a skilled professional.

That’s a problem, however, because most medical professionals in western countries are not going to participate in a clit removal procedure. Between the aforementioned concerns about coerced FGM, and general medical concerns about operations that aren’t medically necessary or which interfere with what’s considered normal, doctors generally aren’t willing to do such procedures. Some people have had success with such operations in certain Asian countries, like Thailand. In the event of an oversensitive clit that actively interferes with your life, you may have more success, especially with less permanent procedures, like the use of botox injections into your clit to desensitize it for a period of time (up to 6 months, usually).

As for what potential partners might think, don’t worry so much about that. It’s possible that not everyone is going to like the idea as much as you do, but some people will, or at least won’t be bothered by it. And a lot of people probably wouldn’t even notice if you don’t have a clit, or if it’s desensitized. Clits come in so many different sizes, and some aren’t even really visible, so the absence of one wouldn’t necessarily be too different from a tiny one.

I’d suggest experimenting with temporary clit numbing for now as you continue to explore the idea and decide whether it’s really what you want long-term. Products like Orajel or other similar topical anesthetics can often be found in pharmacies over-the-counter for cheap, and you can apply it in small amounts directly to your clit to numb it for up to a few hours at a time, perfect for during anal play or sex. Do this for a while to see what it’s like to have no clitoral sensation before determining your long-term goals.