Every couple of years — whisper it — anal sex comes back. Trends. Then it goes away, not in practice but as part of the public conversation.
While researching my book I observed the act’s fluctuations. In the course of that decade and among the heterosexual people I interviewed, anal sex went from being a whispered desire or fear to carrying with it a unique shame that surprised me. Interestingly, that shame was levied against the women who didn’t want to do it.
Month: April 2020
This message was sent to the Anal Only Bdsmlr porn blog, and is being cross-posted here.
Anonymous: I’ve loved your blog for a long time, and I am glad that you’re active on Bdsmlr again like you were on Tumblr! I’ve reached out to you there before, a few years ago, but your blog inspired me and my boyfriend to go anal only way back in 2015. We’ve stayed anal only successfully since then and when we got married a couple years ago we vowed to be anal only together as part of it. We’re thinking about having kids now, and we’re going to try out non-vaginal ways of getting pregnant first, but it also seems like you’re okay with vaginal sex to get pregnant, is that right?
Very good to hear an update from you! I’m glad that the old readership is moving over to Bdsmlr and following along here as well, and that the community on Bdsmlr is growing more!
It’s great to hear that your anal only relationship has been so successful for the both of you and that you’re still committed to it 5 years later!
Vaginal sex for getting pregnant is definitely consistent with the anal only lifestyle if that’s the route that you want to take. However, as you yourself note, often once people have gone years without vaginal sex, they don’t want to go back to it even just for the purpose of getting pregnant. So it definitely makes sense to try non-vaginal means of getting pregnant first, if that’s important to you!
I’d suggest exploring having him ejaculate in your ass and then push it out while spreading your pussy so that it runs down and back into your vagina. Alternatively, he can pull out at the last minute while you’re spreading open your vagina and he can aim into your vagina. If you try those for a few months with no success, you could also try something like a turkey baster or syringe (without a needle) to suck up his semen after you push it out of your ass and then get it into you vagina with more force to get it deeper inside of you.
Good luck, and please keep us posted on how things go!
A common concern by those getting started with anal sex is that it’s going to hurt. Whether you’ve had a bad experience before, have heard from friends about bad experiences they had, or used to enjoy anal but are now having trouble with pain, this advice will help you enjoy the pure pleasure of anal that you deserve—without pain!
Anal Should Never Hurt
First, let’s get this point across: if anal hurts, that’s a good sign that something is wrong. You aren’t warmed up enough. You aren’t using enough lube. You’re going too fast, too deep, or too big too soon. You should stop and reassess things immediately to avoid injuring yourself.
Start Small and Slow
If you’re new to anal, you can’t just start having anal sex, you need to start small and work your way up over time to the size, depth and speed of anal sex. For more information on this process, see our guide to anal training.
But even if you’re more experienced with it, and you’ve had anal sex quite a lot, you might find it hurting if it’s been a little while when you go to put it in. If you don’t take the time to warm up first and jump right to a bigger toy or a penis, and it hurts, that can tell you that you need to slow down and do a little more preparation first. Do some rimming and fingering. Put in a small butt plug and play another way for a bit. Use a smaller dildo. Once you feel relaxed and comfortable and things are not hurting, try it again.
Even someone who is very experienced can benefit from doing this if it’s been a while and they’ve tightened back up. It will take less time to get back into things, but you may want to take a day or two to transition back up to the sizes you’re used to if you haven’t been playing for a few weeks. It can be easy to think that you’ve mastered everything and don’t need any small toys anymore, and when you try to go to put in your favorite toy after some time off, you can be surprised by a sudden sharp pain. Take the relatively small amount of time to do some gentle anal massage and warmup to relax and open up first and avoid that setback.
Take the Time to Heal
If you end up with a small tear, bleeding, or other injury in association with pain, make sure you take a few days to heal before trying again. Anal injuries can heal well, but if you continue to irritate them they can take much longer to heal or even become chronic. Larger injuries can develop into scar tissue that remains painful or tears more easily in the future, so it’s really important to be patient with your body and take the steps needed to not injure yourself.
Perform proper after care, use aloe vera or lotion around your anus to help it heal, and your ass will repay you with a lifetime of pleasure and wonderful anal sex.
Although I’m (F/28) not 100% sure on going fully anal only, I’ve been doing some research whilst anal training myself during isolation.
I suggested to my bf we try an anal only month and he said yes and I just want to say thank you to this subreddit for the information and personal experiences and stories that have helped motivate me more and for the recommendations.
I’ve done anal plenty of times before so I’m not a total rookie with it but I’m definitely keen to really dive into it (at my own pace… obviously).
Have definitely been enjoying it so far and even denying clit stimulation to help me achieve anal orgasms, Im also eagerly anticipating some new toys.
So, thank you!
A Reddit user responds:
Glad to see you taking steps to going anal only. You won’t regret this. Make sure to update us when the month is over and tell us how it went. I know you’ll be thankful you tried it
To which the original poster replies:
I shall update you in a couple of months, I think I’ve become obsessed. Not stopped thinking about it for days and I’ve sat with two different plugs in for the best part of the day and used a dildo for the first time. I think it will go well…
Christy: What is your opinion on ‘painal?’ I am currently single, and because of social isolation orders and the virus I have been masturbating anal only for five weeks, to kick off my anal only journey. I have found the only way I can orgasm from anal is if I have a plug or toy in that is (probably) too big for me, if it leaves me sobbing from pain and burns the entire time I have it in/play with myself. Is this unsafe? I’m making sure to use plenty of lube and would stop if I thought I had injured myself.
Ultimately, you have to listen to your body and determine whether you think it’s causing harm or not. It’s a little bit of a gray area, but I believe there is a fine line you can ride where there is intentional pain but it’s not causing injury. This would be the same sort of stretching that might cause pain when doing yoga or warmup stretches before exercise—it can be painful, but isn’t harmful.
If there’s more of a sharp pain, or it leaves you particularly sore for days, or feeling raw afterwards, or if you encounter bleeding, then you’re probably going too far with it, but otherwise you’re probably fine. What you want to avoid are tears/fissures and muscle injuries.
Anonymous: Hi, I’m the same person asking about orgasm vs pleasure. I meant to say I wonder what’s the difference between climax and orgasm, specifically for anal at least
For many people, they can be the same thing, I think. However, for most women, I don’t think that anal orgasms are a climax in the sense of one big explosion of pleasure that then ends their arousal and sex is over. There can be a building and release of pleasure, but often without that loss of arousal, and they can keep going and stay aroused and want more.
For others, anal orgasms are climactic and wear them out quickly and they have to stop after, but that seems far less common than with clitoral/vaginal orgasms.
For those who are anal receivers, all the time spent at home during the COVID-19 pandemic can be a great opportunity to train your ass and practice going anal only, even if on your own, or prepare yourself for a future anal only lifestyle by getting your ass ready for it through daily practice.
Set up a daily routine of anal fingering, masturbating with dildos, and butt plug wear, gradually going larger and for longer amounts of time as you get more experienced. If you need your clit to relax enough for it, use it, otherwise try going without it and seeing if you can learn to orgasm just from anal.
Be sure to check out our guide to anal sex and the anal only lifestyle for detailed advice on how to train for anal sex and adopt the anal only lifestyle.
And as always, share with us how your training goes, or any questions you might have!
Is there any tips on how to cum from anal only? Or is it different for everyone?
Just relax and enjoy it. Once you get past the initial stretch and mild pain (if you’ve learned to relax) it will automatically turn into pleasure. If you mentally want it and your not fighting it then you’ll feel it hit all the right spots deep inside you. From that you’ll release and should have a very strong orgasm. It’s part mental part physical. You have to want it and learn to relax and accept it in. Once you’re use to it you shouldn’t have any trouble. I hope you enjoy and have fun.
Anonymous: Hey, I have a question. I know that both waves of pleasure and orgasm are pleasurable, but not exactly the same. What does anal orgasm feel like? I have played with my asshole since entering into my AO lifestyle, I have always preferred feeling waves of pleasure and arousal-like feeling in my asshole. I don’t mind if I get orgasms just from anal, it’s just that every time I play with my asshole, it feels amazing and intense.
Different people experience anal orgasms a little differently, with some feeling it as a climactic event with strong muscle spasms, while others describe it more like you’re experiencing it with waves of pleasure that just keep coming without being as climactic as other types of orgasms might be.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter—if you enjoy what you’re experiencing and it provides you with the pleasure and satisfaction that you need in order to stay anal only, then it sounds like that’s exactly what you need!
Anonymous: Hey, is it normal to identify as anal only at under 18? I discovered anal sex before I turned 18 and I fell in love with it immediately. However, I had to wait until I turned 18 in order to use the websites for it like the forum.
This website, the forum, the chat, and the rest of the anal only lifestyle is intended for use by adults over the age of 18. Many people are sexually active before that age, and discover their own preferences and interests before they turn 18, but the communities where people interact and discuss such topics are restricted to adults only to help protect people from being harmed or exploited by others when they’re at an age with less experience and ability to protect themselves.
It’s appropriate for a person to identify however they like, whenever they’re ready to identify that way, but regardless, this community is for adults only.