lolypoppyxd: My gf is willing to try anal, but she is a virgin in both holes. So my q is how do i stimulate her so anal hurts less (sorry for the bad English) ty in advance

Anal shouldn’t hurt at all, so avoid the mindset that it should “hurt less”, and instead focus on making her thoroughly enjoy it pain-free. Start by just incorporating some non-invasive anal play—lick her asshole, rub it gently with a lubricated finger on the outside, and talk with her about what she enjoys. Try combining anal penetration with clitoral stimulation and gently ease a lubricated finger into her ass, then make her orgasm while fingering her ass. Keep going up in size from there, with more fingers as she’s ready for them, then a butt plug and dildos. Once she can fit something about the size of your penis and she’s ready to go for it, try the real thing. Go slowly, let her control the pace, be prepared to pause if anything starts to hurt and let her relax around you. Once you’re all the way in and she’s ready, start to slowly move and build up speed from there. Communicate, and be ready to stop, slow or adjust if she needs it.

Anonymous: I’m a vaginal virgin, but I’ve been doing anal since I was 17 (I’m 23 now). I love it and I never want to change. My boyfriend, however, wants to fuck my pussy. I don’t really know what to tell him since he always brings up that I don’t know how it will feel :/

It sounds like you know what you want and you need to express that to him in a way that he understands. Tell him that you love having sex with him but that you really enjoy and value being anal only and keeping your pussy virgin and that isn’t something that you want to change and he needs to respect that. Perhaps you could come up with some sort of compromise, rather than vaginal sex, trying something else that he would like to do?

Anonymous: Hi, I’m a vaginal virgin hoping to never use my pussy. I was wondering if you had any tips to focus more on the right hole instead of always rubbing my clit? Thanks

Good for you!

To start with, don’t ever rub your clit unless there’s a finger, toy or cock in your ass at the same time. Make sure anal is always present and ideally the dominant form of stimulation. Once you get that habit going, then work to start reducing the clitoral stimulation to just enough to orgasm at the end.

If you get horny and feel an urge to rub your clit when you aren’t already playing with your ass, rub your asshole and finger it instead, or get out a toy and use it in your ass. The hornier you get, the deeper and harder you can fuck your ass. Take that energy your clit is trying to get you to give it and redirect it to your asshole instead.

If you still struggle with not touching it, you can try getting some numbing cream like Orajel and applying a small amount to your clit to remove sensation from it temporarily. Some women do so regularly or before masturbating or having sex in order to remove the urge and break the habit long-term.

Above all, remember your goals to be permanently anal only and to avoid all use of your pussy and clit. This is what you want, so always remember that and build up the discipline and willpower through your desire to stay anal only to self-enforce that goal.

Good luck! I’m sure you’ll do great!

Anonymous: Hi! I’m the “no vaginal sex before marriage” girl from May 27. Me and my boyfriend started having anal sex just four days after my message here, and it’s been great. Days before we started, I took the habit of cleaning up with small enemas and fingering my ass, to get past the “it feels weird” stage and get sure our first time isn’t messy, and things were perfect from the first time. Since the only sex we had before were handjobs and blowjobs, to me it felt like making love for the first time.

Wonderful! I’m glad to hear that you had a great first experience and have been enjoying anal sex together. A little bit of research and preparation before trying it the first time can make all the difference, and is something I highly encourage everyone who wants to try anal.

Despite how some view it, anal sex can be the most pleasurable and intimate way to have sex, so it should come as no surprise how well it works (and is better suited than vaginal, in my opinion) for making love.

Congratulations, and enjoy your new connection and outlet to share yourselves with each other.

Anonymous: I wish I had found this blog sooner. I’ve been anal only since I lost my virginity at 17 (I’m 22 now) but all of my friends thought I was weird when I told them about it. I’d been a bit insecure about my sexual preferences, worried that I was broken, etc. But the AO community is so cool and strong. I’m so glad to find a group of people who love anal as much as I do!

You’re definitely not at all weird, you’re awesome! Being anal only is a fantastic choice, as is keeping your pussy virgin by choice. It’s something that’s really growing in popularity, and I suspect it’s going to take off as a highly desirable thing to do in the coming years.

Welcome to the community!

Anonymous: So, I’m a virgin. The most I’ve done is gave one guy a handjob while I was still in highschool. I do masturbate but I’ve never used a dildo, just fingers, and I’ve probably fingered my ass almost as many times as my pussy. I am considering keeping my vaginal virginity and going anal only. I’m sure when I do have sex with a guy I won’t have a hard time finding a guy who wants anal. I want your opinion, should I try to stay away from vaginal as long as possible or do that first before I go for it?

My opinion is that you should avoid vaginal entirely and just focus on anal and anal pleasure. It will be a lot more rewarding and enjoyable in the long run, doing so, and there are many benefits to being anal only from the start. It’s obvious the idea interests and appeals to you, given that you reached out to ask about it, so why not just decide to go for it and start focusing on just anal masturbation and sex going forward? It doesn’t hurt anything, and it doesn’t limit you from changing your mind in the future, while losing your vaginal virginity isn’t something you can choose to go back from. Though it’s not the biggest deal in the world, I do very frequently hear anal only women express the regret that they didn’t go straight to anal only and keep their pussy virgin.

Anonymous: Hello. I want to stay a virgin until marriage, and I’m worried about my hymen keeping intact, to the point that I refuse any contact near my pussy (I don’t masturbate). My current boyfriend has big sexual needs, so I agreed to give him handjobs then blowjobs. Now he wants to move to anal sex, but given his needs, I’m worried that frequent anal sex will somehow cause my hymen to tear open. Can that happen? I want to be clean, do frequent but small enemas cause damage? He directed me to your blog.

Hi! Becoming anal only can be a great way to avoid vaginal sex and keep your vaginal virginity, whatever your motivations in doing so, and being able to have great sex.

It seems quite unlikely that anal sex would cause any damage to your hymen, but everyone (and their hymen) is different, and some women can lose theirs just through physical activity like sports, while others can still have theirs intact after having vaginal sex. There are a lot of myths that surround the hymen, and I would suggest reading up on it more if you haven’t already.

Make sure that this is something that you want to do as well, not just because your boyfriend wants sex, and if you decide to go through with it, I highly suggest that both of you do research on how to have anal sex properly, how to warm up and prepare for it, and how to enjoy it.

Regarding enemas, it won’t hurt you to just use a small amount of warm water just to flush out the rectum. You want to avoid doing deeper enemas fairly often, both because that ends up getting into a much more complicated and long process, and because you don’t want to disrupt your intestinal flora that help with the digestive process. But just in the rectum itself to flush it out with a small amount of water several times in a row is fine if you feel it’s necessary.

Anonymous: I’ve never had my pussy fucked, and my boyfriend has no interest in anything but anal, I take his fingers daily, but I’m nervous about the size of his cock hurting me. Is it really the most natural way?

It’s definitely the best way—once you get used to it, it’s far more pleasurable and intimate, it’s a lot sexier, and it has other benefits like natural birth control. Keep your pussy virgin and focus on maximizing anal pleasure and skill. You won’t regret it.

Just keep practicing and training and work up to being ready for his cock with more fingers, and add some other toys into the mix too. Butt plugs, dildos, etc. If you’re comfortable with the number of fingers you can fit currently, keep pushing that limit of what size you’re comfortable with on a regular basis and with a gradual increase in size like that, you’ll be able to get to the size of his cock before very long. Once you can fit a toy similar in size to him, you should be ready to try it with him.

That’s the safe way to do it and avoid pain or discomfort. Not everyone needs to go through quite such a gradual process, and a lot of people will just warm up the best they can and go slowly with their partner until they adjust, with a few moments of discomfort at first, which often fades quickly and turns into pleasure. Whatever approach you do take, just be sure to stop or pause if anything becomes particularly painful. Done right, it shouldn’t hurt, and if it does, you probably need to warm up more first.

Let us know how it goes once you do try it, and ask any other questions if you have any!

The original version of this post on Tumblr received the following response.

alwaysanalblog: The above young lady has a great future ahead of her with a mature and sensible boyfriend to show her the way. Naturally he has no interest in anything but anal, but more than that, he cares for his girlfriend so much that he wants her to enjoy all the benefits that anal will bring.

Anonymous: Hi I’m a girl and a virgin and I’m interested in anal but I don’t really know how to get started. I also wanted to know about anal orgasms if it’s not too much trouble to ask. I also really like your blog!

Hello, and thank you!

The key with anal when starting out is to start small and slow and gradually build from there. If something hurts or feels uncomfortable, back off and try more slowly or with something smaller.

The anus doesn’t self lubricate much for most people, so you’ll want to add some sort of lubrication whenever engaging in anal play or sex. Real sexual lubrication is often best, though you can experiment with other things—natural vaginal lubrication, saliva, coconut oil, etc.

Most people are naturally fairly clean in their rectum except right when they need to go to the bathroom, so long as they have a fairly balanced diet. A small, quick flush out with warm water using an enema/douche bulb or a squeeze bottle of some sort can be used to flush anything else out if you want to make sure you’re fully clean. Small amounts is key here, you don’t want to use a large volume of water and get it beyond the rectum, which can end up causing more of a mess.

To begin with, just try a lubricated finger. Rub gently around the outside of your anus and across it, until you feel yourself relaxing and opening up a little bit, then slide it gently inside. If it hurts, back it out and rub outside again before trying again. Repeat until it’s painless. Once one finger feels totally comfortable, try two fingers instead, and keep repeating as desired. Spreading your fingers apart can help stretch the muscles for the next size, too.

Once you’re comfortable with several fingers, you might want to get a dildo and a butt plug to start using. Butt plugs are fun to wear around in general, but also as part of masturbation or during other sexual activities, and they provide a sort of passive stimulation and training/stretching. Dildos are, of course, more active and can be used for anal masturbation.

As far as anal orgasms go, everyone’s a bit different, but the same principles apply for any sort of penetration-based orgasm—as you explore anal penetration and stimulation, see what positions, angles and depths feel particularly good to you and feel like they might be able to grow into an orgasm, and focus on repeating that, building the sensation towards an orgasm. You can also of course combine anal penetration with clitoral stimulation for a different sort of orgasm, which tends to be far more pleasurable than just your clit on its own, though if your goal is an anal only orgasm, clitoral stimulation can interfere/distract from reaching that point. Anal orgasms often take more time to reach but are also often more rewarding.

Hope that helps some! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.

Anonymous: I am another vaginal virgin saying hello. I have seen your releases in Anal Only April and although I have only had anal sex for 3 years, I have decided this month to make it permanent. Many thanks.

I’m glad to have helped inspire you to choose the anal only lifestyle! It really is the best way to be, and your using Anal Only April to make that decision for yourself going forward is a great honor.