Anonymous: When my wife and I watch porn together, she gets incredibly excited as soon as some butt play comes into it… She wants to take me back there but every time I get more than 2 fingers up her she gets scared and stops… Any ideas how to calm her down and make it easier?

Talk with her about it. What specifically is she scared of? Is she scared it will hurt? (Does it start to hurt? If it does, then stopping or backing off to less fingers for a little while is the right move.) Is she scared it will be messy? Is she scared she’ll be injured or become loose/incontinent? These are all things that can be talked about and avoided (and becoming incontinent is a myth except in very rare or extreme cases).

Tell her that you share her interest in anal and that you’ll go at whatever pace she needs to in order to be comfortable and can feel confident that she can experience anal play and eventually anal sex painlessly and with pleasure. Don’t even put full anal sex on the table yet, just say you’d like to continue exploring anal play for now and work up in size gradually. Try to make anal play a regular part of sex. A finger or two during oral, rubbing externally during vaginal in certain positions, or even some fingering during vaginal. If she expresses interest in continuing to explore further, you might at some point get a few small toys to use as well.

Anonymous: I really want to do anal because I know my partner wants it so bad! I just don’t know if it’s safe?

As with any sexual act, or most things in life, anal sex can have some risks, but these can be mitigated by educating yourself and practicing safe anal. Always use lube, practice and train—alone, with your partner, or both—before attempting sex, warm up by starting small and working up in size during each session, and very importantly, don’t do anything that hurts! If it hurts, it means you either don’t have enough lube, aren’t warmed up enough, or just aren’t ready for that size yet. And it also means you could injure yourself if you continue, so stop when something hurts, wait for the pain to fade and either try again more slowly or drop back to a smaller size for a little while before trying again.

Anonymous: is bad to leave a plug inside my butt all day? (taking it out just for the obvious and lubing).

Not unless it hurts. If it hurts, you should take a break. Otherwise, you’re fine. It’s not going to cause any sort of permanent looseness or anything, but it could put pressure on nerves depending on how it’s shaped and what positions you’re sitting in, etc. Plenty of people do it without issue, though, so give it a try and see if it works for you. One plug might be uncomfortable all day while another might work just fine.

Anonymous: Thank you for the informative blog. My wife and I thoroughly enjoy Anal and she too has much better and more powerful orgasms this way. We are careful to warm up and use lube liberally. Two questions please: 1. We impose limits on this activity out of fear that her anus muscles will loosen over time obviously effecting her quality of life. Is this a rational concern? 2. Have you ever heard of shooting/cramping pains following anal intercourse?

I’m glad to hear you’re both enjoying anal sex.

1. Safe anal sex, with proper warmup and no pain, is not known to cause any long-term issues and is believed by many who have practiced it for decades to actually tone and strengthen anal muscles. Most stories of sphincter muscle tone loss as a result of anal are the result of injuries and damage, not safe and painless sex. Extreme anal play (fisting, very large toys) may be more likely to cause issues, but even that is not guaranteed to if you play safely and warm up. There are people who have been getting anally fisted for 20+ years and report zero issues with long term looseness. It is normal to be a little looser for a little while after, of course, but things go back to normal soon enough. It’s also possible when more anally experienced for it to seem like things are looser, due to increased muscle control and the ability to loosen/relax at will. I wouldn’t be at all concerned about it when there are couples who have been having exclusively anal sex 3 to 5 times a week for decades and report zero problems and wouldn’t do anything any differently.

2. This could be due to intestinal gas getting compressed during sex and causing cramping, or it could be the angle/depth and hitting certain spots. Hitting the bend into the sigmoid colon too quickly when it’s not straightened out can cause shooting pain.

Anonymous: What kind of lubrication do you recommend that doesn’t have parabens? I’m allergic so I’m not really sure what to use since most-all drug store brands contain it.

Sliquid is paraben and glucose free across their entire line of lubes. Cleanstream’s water-based anal lube (one of the best sellers on Amazon) is free of both as well. Slippery Stuff is a high quality gel-like lube. J-lube is a powder that you can mix into your own lube.

Many people have switched to using coconut oil and tend to highly recommend it for anal lube.

Anonymous: Does I need to give myself an enema before any sort of anal(training, daily plugging, masturbation or sex)? Should an enema become part of my daily routine? I’ve heard that daily enemas aren’t great for you.

If you have a healthy diet with a good amount of fiber, probably not. Go to the bathroom before playing, and wear a plug 30 minutes to an hour before a major play or sex session, removing it in the bathroom beforehand, and it will likely help you clean out further if necessary.

Regular deep enemas are probably not a good idea. Douching (just washing out the rectum, not beyond) can be done more often, but isn’t necessary for most people. The rectum stays pretty clean when it’s empty.

People often wonder what makes butthole pleasure so much fun.  The more you understand what it is inside a butthole, the easier it will be to access those special pressure points that will drive him or her wild.

Buttholes are surrounded by sphincter muscles and nerve endings which can send sexually stimulating signals to the brain.  Rectums are not connected to reproduction, however it is still highly sensitive to touch and can be a source of great pleasure to both participants during sex.  The anus is generally a forgotten erogenous zone which, if acknowledged, can enhance your sexual escapades with your partner.  Both men and women can enjoy anal pleasure if open-minded and willing to try new things.  But what exactly is it in your butthole that makes anal sex so enjoyable?

Anal sex feels good because there are a lot of nerve endings in and around your anus.  When these nerve endings are stimulated, signals are sent to your brain and can result in feelings of bliss and contentment as a response.  Because your butthole is relatively close to your penis or vagina, a lot of sexual nerve endings are within the same vicinity.  This is what causes anal sex to feel exceedingly good.  Butthole pleasure further enhances vaginal intercourse as well as oral sex for both men and women.  The nerves all around the buttocks are also sexually stimulating.  Squeezing the buttocks also sends erotic signals to the brain and a pleasurable sensation is ultimately produced.

For women, there is also the fact that the internal structure of the clitoris is more directly and easily stimulated via the rectum than the vagina. The g-spot is a way of stimulating the clitoris vaginally, but for many women there are even better spots anally, and this is why women can often orgasm entirely from anal sex with no other stimulation, and even with other stimulation will have far more powerful orgasms than without anal.

Source

Anonymous: Anal Only Lifestyle sounds like it should be a lot of fun. But are there any long term health risks for the woman?

In general, for people who are otherwise healthy, regular anal sex practiced safely with whatever lube is necessary and and warmup beforehand is perfectly safe, even after decades of being anal only.

Anonymous: so my boyfriend wants to try anal sometime. he has brought this up quite a bit so obviously it is something he is interested in. i guess i would be up for it but my main worry is the long term cons that come from doing it. you know like anal prolapse, it becoming too loose and not being able to hold things leading the diapers, anal tearing, anal cancer… etc. so how do you keep from getting all these things (especially the whole anal prolapse thing)?

Most of those cons are myths, or if they have a shade of truth, they aren’t in any way universal.

Anal prolapse is not caused by anal sex, even if it is regularly practiced. It is possible that it can be caused by extreme anal play at large sizes, but most “prolapse” in porn is a deliberate act resulting from a conscious pushing out after warming up to have a loosened anus, and is not something that happens involuntarily like the true medical condition of anal prolapse. True prolapse is much more likely to be cause by a predisposition to that condition rather than safe anal sex and play.

Looseness/involuntary muscle control leading to incontinence, etc., are caused by muscle damage, not anal sex. Regular anal sex with proper warmup and lube do not cause damage to the anal sphincters, they actually strengthen them and help develop greater muscle control. Read up on how to warm up properly for anal sex and never “push through” pain and you’ll be fine. There can be temporary looseness during and after anal sex, but you will tighten up again naturally after, usually within several hours or less.

Anal tearing can be a concern, and you should always warm up a sufficient amount and use plenty of lube to avoid it. With the right practices you can avoid it completely.

Anal cancer is not caused by anal sex, it’s caused by having sex with someone infected with HPV. There is nothing anal specific about this—HPV can also cause cervical cancer.

Anonymous: Anon female from 12/12 here again. So I decided to test the waters and see how anal only would work for us. He was very sure that’s what he wanted but I wanted to see if he’d just work it out of his system. So, it’s not been that bad, finding I don’t think about vaginal as much as I expected. However, even though I always enjoy the sex and the huge Os, his needs are greater than mine. Despite lots of lube I’m sometimes a little sore back there after. Does this ever settle down? Or must I quit?

There are different kinds of soreness. A low level soreness like after a workout is not entirely uncommon for many people from either vaginal or anal sex. But if it’s more of a stinging or burning pain like from a minor tear or abrasion or a strained muscle, it may be that you haven’t warmed up enough before. To a certain extent this can be more common when starting out, but it is still good even when more experienced to warm up before sex to loosen/relax the muscles in advance.

The use of a butt plug before sex, and even when not having sex, can be excellent to help train the muscles and develop more conscious control to loosen at will. Working up from one finger to several before sex can also be a good warmup.

To fully answer your question: unpleasant soreness from regular anal is not something that you are destined to continue experiencing. Ideally it shouldn’t be happening at all, and if it is, you need to warm up more or do some more anal play in between having sex. Lube is important, but so are other forms of preparation. And the more you do it, more consistently you keep up an anal routine, the less you’ll experience any soreness or discomfort.

I’m glad to hear that you’ve otherwise been having a good time with anal only. It’s perhaps somewhat surprisingly not too uncommon to hear from women who find that they don’t really miss vaginal sex once they go anal only.