Anonymous: Trying to be “awesome”. In fact, already halfway there as we now have more frequent anal. But one thing is holding us back. You seem to be the anal guru so perhaps you can help. Naturally I like to go balls deep in my wife’s ass but she often reports pain, and it does feel tight round the head of my cock like a band. Why is that and what can I do to alleviate that? We do lots of prep and foreplay so I assumed she was relaxed, and entry is always okay. Anything we could try?

The rectum averages about 4.7 inches in length, from the anus to the bend into the sigmoid colon, but it can vary quite a bit from person to person. Someone with a shorter rectum will have more difficulty taking a longer penis to full depth. Pain when unexpectedly hitting the bend at the end of the rectum is not uncommon.

It is possible, however, to temporarily straighten that bend and be able to take objects significantly deeper. The best way to do this is with a relatively small (1″ diameter is often good), very flexible dildo, some lube, and patience. Work the dildo in as far is it will comfortably go, then gently push past that limit and back off. Keep doing this, slowly increasing the depth, and you should eventually be able to move past the bend and into the sigmoid colon with little discomfort, but it will likely still not be straightened out much. Move the dildo partway out until it’s only inside the rectum again, then push it past the bend again, and repeat for a while until it moves past easily. Now try it with your penis. This straightening does not last long, so it’s something you’d need to do as a regular part of your warmup session, but some people come to like the sensations of deep anal play on their own, so it may be an enjoyable process. You may also just try doing this with your penis instead of a dildo, and going very slowly in an attempt to loosen and straighten the bend so you can comfortably fit balls deep.

Note that while the rectum is generally free of any feces except immediately before going to the bathroom, there is a higher chance of encountering feces as soon as you enter the sigmoid colon. That bend, in part, serves as a sort of valve to keep them from entering the rectum until it’s time. It’s not necessarily a major issue, but be forewarned of the possibility of encountering something unwanted.

Finally, a simpler possibility: try a different position. The rectum changes length somewhat in different positions, and you can often get the deepest penetration with her on top.

Anonymous: Dan here. You replied to my question a day or to back. Well, you could be right about it being novelty, but right now vaginal sex seems boring to me. I found it such a contrast when I had to go back. It’s funny to think how quickly I’ve fallen in love with one way and fallen out with the other. At least my girlfriend seems willing to continue for now since she initially thought we should do it so I could see what it was like for myself. Didn’t expect it to have such an impact. Thanks again.

I honestly don’t think it’s that uncommon to become bored and uninterested with vaginal sex after experiencing anal. Many people of both genders may refuse to admit it out of a fear they will upset their partner by expressing their newfound preferences, but in reality it seems that once most people try anal, a large number of them want to have it more than vaginal from then on.

Anonymous: I think it was you that pointed out that many porn stars were now doing anal exclusively on camera – I see vaginal become almost a niche thing in the future. What do you think explains the rise in the popularity of anal and do you think this is going to lead to more anal only couples?

I think the increase in the popularity of anal is multiple things playing off each other.

Easy access to porn online allows porn producers to quantify what sort of scenes people watch, and as they notice an interest in anal porn, they produce more of it. People can also interact directly with the producers, and as such some porn companies have begun producing exclusively anal porn.

At the same time, anal, which has been taboo but of interest for a long time, is gaining popularity in personal sexual practice in part because it gets featured more in porn, and there are so many porn scenes with no vaginal penetration at all, leading women who have an interest in it but in the past may have thought it was too taboo to consider to realize that it’s become more mainstream and isn’t a big deal to want it.

I agree that it’s going to shift more and more towards anal being the primary form of sex in porn, with vaginal porn more of a niche that a smaller group of people seeks out, and this in turn is going to cause a shift in personal sexual practices over the long term as well. Porn will go there first, both because it’s a new and interesting way for them to continue producing more content that people want to see, and because anal sex is far more visually appealing than vaginal, and so is better suited for the camera.

Yup, I personally prefer being anally penetrated than doing it the “usual” way. People have various pleasure spots and the vagina seems to be the most overrated of them all in my opinion;) The truth is, on the inside it is not that sensitive (which is because of the baby bearing… thing;p).

From here.

analk1ng: Love the posts on your sister blog. They illustrate really nicely how insignificant and irrelevant the vagina looks during anal sex. Anal sex somehow manages to look so much more natural and normal than vaginal ever does. The perfect meeting of male/female. Go figure.

anal sex is better sex. It is much more intense, as you have discovered, and just feels a whole lot better when both people involved are open to it. I suggest you suggest your friend only have anal sex for one month. I’ll bet she comes back and thanks you.

From here.

The husband goes on to say:

She told me that “normal” sex is painful, and I can tell she is in pain. She enjoys oral but will only allow me to penetrate her anally.
My question is that we are intimate 2-3 times a week (usually), and I worry that we may be doing damage to her rectum? Even if we use a lot of lube can damage be done?

The doctor starts off well in her reply:

I do know that with proper lubrication and relaxing technique, anal sex isn’t harmful.

However, she then becomes sidetracked by this obsession that this signifies that there must be something wrong with the relationship; that the wife is bored, lacks sexual desire or is somehow repressed.

It  never occurs to her once that maybe the wife chooses to only have anal sex because she enjoys and prefers it to vaginal.

Read the whole story here.

Anonymous: Totally astonished! My wife has taken up the “National Anal Sex Month” challenge for the final week! In celebratory mood but got no one else to share the news with except you guys 🙂

Congratulations! I hope you have a great week.

This young 20 year old woman explains:

I have a problem that is beginning to drive me crazy, and I have already lost one boyfriend because of it.

I can only orgasm when my anus is being stimulated, that is not to say I don’t need my clitoris to orgasm, of course I do, it’s just that I can’t really reach a peak without my bottom being touched or better still something in it.

Ever since starting to touch myself I liked to touch my bottom, can’t really remember what it was that started me out I just always have, I also can’t remember exactly when this started, but it wasn’t always the way.

She goes on to say that she didn’t see this as a problem until her boyfriend left her – it seems to be the case that he felt he hadn’t been responsible for her pleasure somehow because her vagina was not involved. You’re right, that doesn’t make any sense. Nevertheless, she still worries about his hurt feelings.

Everyone is built slightly differently, and for some it can take some years before their sexual response matures and settles down. She is very fortunate as the orgasms caused by anal stimulation are much stronger, but she only began to question herself after her inexperienced boyfriend left her.

A more understanding partner would help her to explore and develop her anal needs, for as she herself says:

it’s true that it was uncomfortable to start with but after a couple of times I began to absolutely love it. So much in fact that every sex session would end with anal.

A 37 year old woman and her boyfriend have started to have anal sex. This is what she has to say about it:

I’d always wanted to try anal as something we could do occasionaly as a bit of variety and 4 months ago my boyfriend and I did it for the first time. It felt absolutely fantastic and didn’t hurt at all. We did it for hours and I had my strongest orgasms ever. Ever since that night we’ve only done anal, we never have ‘normal’ sex anymore because we both love anal so much more.

She’s happy until she speaks to a friend:

The other day I told my friend about it and she said there must be something wrong with me if I like it that much and that it can’t be good for me. Is she right? Is there something wrong with me for prefering anal to vaginal? And are there any health issues with doing it so much?

Read about it and the many encouraging responses here.