Message: Boyfriend Did Vaginal Just To Please Me, But Hates It, Part 3

Hi, it’s the girl you tagged 20180705 again, I didn’t answer for two weeks because my boyfriend and I were on vacation. I thought a lot during those vacations (and we fucked a lot, too), and I realized my main issue right now is less about my pleasure (which I was worried about first) than about pleasing my boyfriend. Learning that he spent four years taking care about my vagina and clitoris even though he hated them shocked me even more than I thought it did initially (and that was a LOT).

Both to regain my pride as a woman and to reward his dedication, I realize I sort of feel like I must repay him with at least four years of anal sex only, to make him feel good, and to simply see if it works for me. In fact, to me, it’s like I let him down, and I’m looking to seduce him again. I know it may seems like I’m submitting to him (but hey, he did submit to me all those years), but to me, it’s the opposite, learning how to turn him on and make him crazy with lust for me is empowerment.

I think people will get that sort of impression of submission to him at the expense of what you want, but ultimately it sounds like that’s not how you see it and in fact are enjoying this change. And even if it were a form of submission, there’s nothing wrong with submission so long as it’s your choice and gives you what you ultimately need. (And sometimes what some people need is denial of their own desires and a focus on pleasing their partner instead. There’s nothing wrong with that dynamic if it’s what works for you.)

Does this make sense to you? To that end, I’m still “exercising” my ass in secret with my “almost my boyfriend’s” dildo, wearing lingerie a lot more often, taking attitudes and poses during sex that STRONGLY suggest I’m craving anal sex, I’m more verbal during sex, I’m entirely ignoring my vagina and pussy (including in private while I “exercise”, like you and my gay friend suggested), and I even fingered my ass then licked my fingers in front of my boyfriend, which turned him crazy.

Sounds like you’ve gotten your routine down and pretty well figured out. Acting like you love and crave and need anal, both to him and to yourself, has the added benefit of ultimately making you love and crave and need it for yourself, so that’s really a good way to sort of “retrain” your own thinking about it too.

I also never fail to compliment him after sex, which isn’t very hard for me, because like my friend foretold, the more I do all those things, the better he gets as a lover: more passionate, tender, harder, hotter, more creative, etc. He’s also more assertive in general, even outside of sex, which is very rewarding to me. The only thing is, before, he always waited for me to have an orgasm before ending sex, and now, he basically stops after he cums, like my orgasms are irrelevant.

I’m not sure why exactly. In fact, since we’ve had “that talk” more than three months ago, I haven’t had a single orgasm, which started to weigh heavily on me. The last times we’ve had sex (lately it’s generally more than once per day, before “that talk” it was about three times a week) I felt really close to come, and I may have caused it by touching my clitoris, but I avoided it both because it felt wrong, and because I actually wanted my ass fucked harder instead, which felt weird.

Even weirder, even though I felt close to orgasm those last few times and our sex stopped abruptly because he suddenly came into my ass, it didn’t feel frustrating, rather, strangely rewarding. Also, it sort of felt hot and made me look forward our next intercourse, which was oddly satisfying. I think I sort of like the idea of my boyfriend not “bothering” with me: he faked pleasure for four years, so I enjoy when it’s obvious he’s just having his own fun and not making any sort of effort.

It can take some time for a lot of women to get to where anal orgasms are a regular thing for them, especially with a lifetime of vaginal/clitoral stimulation to overcome. It can get frustrating to not orgasm for that long, but that frustration and arousal can ultimately help to make sex a lot better, and over time further develop anal stimulation into your primary source of pleasure and ultimately an outlet for orgasm as well. It sounds like it’s become less of a priority for you to desperately seek orgasm, which helps as well—trying constantly for it rather than just enjoying anal for what it is can keep you from getting there, which seems kind of counterintuitive, but orgasms are weird that way. It sounds like you’re gradually getting to the point that some anal only women find themselves at, where in time they enjoy not orgasming and enjoy the constant pleasure and anal stimulation and denial more than an orgasm, and get satisfaction out of pleasing their partner more than their own release.

So long as you are happy with the arrangement, even with its challenges for you, and are willing to go forward with it, I see no problem with that. Just remember that even if you’re consenting to it now, if ultimately this dynamic doesn’t work for you and you need it to change, that’s absolutely your right.

The original version of this post on Tumblr received the following response.

debaucherycat: This inspires me so much. I’m almost envious. And horrified at the same time.
It took me ages to find courage and ask my man to take control of my orgasms. Our current arrangement is that I get to cum on Saturdays, if I collect my „cum points“ over a week. I get them by giving pleasure to him and edging mostly. And when the day comes, he grants me an orgasm. If I’ve earned it. And if he is in the mood. And sometimes he just isn’t. Which adds a lovely twist to it. Along with me being anal only. Basically, he gets to fuck my ass or my mouth whenever he likes. And I get to edge and hope for the best.
But reading the story of that girl, who abandoned all of her pleasure for her boyfriend… Well, let’s just say, it gives me ideas. And that’s terrifying. Not so long ago orgasm denial was only an arousing idea. Something I liked to fantasize about. And now I’m living it.
Abandoning my clit for good is an arousing idea too. Maybe even more so…
I’m so fucked.

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