1. Do you get poop on your partner?

2. Do you develop anal incontinence?

3. Long lasting issues from too much anal sex?

To which another Reddit user responds:

More anal enthusiast than anal only, but I’ll take a stab at these:

1. Do you get poop on your partner? Not on purpose (unless he’s into that ?), but no matter how well you clean out, accidents will occasionally happen. Like everything else related to sex, communication is key, and knowing the limits of your body is a necessity. Good diet and establishing a bathroom and cleaning routine can help immensely.

2. Do you develop anal incontinence? Absolutely not. The anal sphincter is a muscle, and much like any other muscle in the body, it gets stronger with use, not weaker. I have learned what it feels like to relax my bowels, so I can warm up faster and worry far less about pain (initially, anal would hurt if I didn’t take time to warm up with plugs and toys but I can take a dick with no prep now), but I’ve never lost control of my bowels while not having sex.

3. Long lasting issues from too much anal sex? Only if you consider orgasms to be a bad thing ?. Anal feels great, makes me cum faster (and harder), keeps sex interesting, and somehow remains taboo (ass to mouth still makes me feel like a filthy whore). I love it!

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Anonymous: I read the post last week that criticized you for encouraging women to learn to love anal and keep practicing if they don’t enjoy it. I think that was really unfair, because women can definitely learn to love anal. I know because I’m a woman who started out in her same position and hated anything to do with my ass but my husband when we were dating in college really wanted to do anal with me and we talked about it and I agreed to try because I loved and trusted him and he started slowly and gently and showed me that I could actually feel really good with something in my ass and over a few months got me to where I begged him to fuck my ass. We’re still together and six years later we’re in an anal only marriage.

Was it hard at first? Sometimes, yes, but because he helped me to see the appeal and made me want it, I was willing to put in the effort to first try what he wanted, and then start to want it myself. But if you don’t want it, you won’t put in that effort and you’ll resist and resent what he wants to try, and that leads to never enjoying it.

Thanks for sharing, and you’re exactly right. I think anyone can learn to love anal, but they have to want to learn it. And if they’re coming into it from a position of being pressured or resenting their partner for making them do something they don’t want to, chances are they won’t enjoy it.

But if you like the idea and want to learn how to do it right, that will go a long way towards making you love a cock up your ass.

Anal sex can be tricky. It comes with a lot of hows and whats and dos that many might switch over to their private browser to search for. And while you may have some embarrassing questions about the logistics of backdoor play, know that you should never be ashamed about any of your curiosities, because chances are many others are probably thinking the same thing.

To get all of your questions answered, we asked the best person for the job. Alicia Sinclair, clinical sexologist and founder of b-Vibe anal products, didn’t hold back in any of her responses — including the inevitable question about pooping during anal sex.

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An ongoing trend in places like Bdsmlr and other places that dive deep into the fantasies and kinks that surround anal sex is to focus on degradation, pain, and other negatives. While the intent of this isn’t to shame those who enjoy those kinks, I think that the focus on that side of anal can harm its widespread adoption and enjoyment.

Instead, I’d like to talk about one of the best side effects of anal sex and the anal only lifestyle: the bliss and joy and just sheer happiness that one can experience by going anal only. Lots of people enjoy anal sex, but there’s something kind of magical that happens once you make the decision to fully stop using your vagina (and even more so with your clit) for sex and switch to anal penetration only.

Because your body no longer receives any vaginal stimulation, it is able to fully adjust to anal stimulation as its primary pleasure source, and if no longer experiencing any clitoral stimulation either, you no longer have the negative emotional side effects of clit orgasms that many women experience, such as loss of arousal and post-orgasm depression.

This results in a more constant, increased state of arousal that no only makes you more eager for sex more often, it can boost your mood and genuinely make you happier throughout the day as well. Couples who go anal only report not only greater enjoyment of sex, but becoming closer together as a couple and being happier and more satisfied individually.

Anal and the anal only lifestyle are a joyous thing. Sure, if some of the other kinks appeal to you and are something that you enjoy, by all means incorporate them into your life as well, but don’t let them define anal sex for you if they aren’t something you want.

Every couple of years — whisper it — anal sex comes back. Trends. Then it goes away, not in practice but as part of the public conversation.

While researching my book I observed the act’s fluctuations. In the course of that decade and among the heterosexual people I interviewed, anal sex went from being a whispered desire or fear to carrying with it a unique shame that surprised me. Interestingly, that shame was levied against the women who didn’t want to do it.

Continue reading on The Sunday Times

There’s a difference between the question of whether anal sex can be romantic and whether anal sex is romantic for me. Although I personally don’t find anal sex romantic or desirable, I have no difficulty acknowledging that for some people, it can be very romantic. Like most things in life, romance is subjective.

Why not? Romance means different things to different people. As long as we are talking about consenting adults where everyone’s needs are being met and everyone’s boundaries are being respected, anything goes. Not everyone enjoys anal sex or finds it romantic, but not everyone enjoys a box of chocolates and a bouquet of roses either.

Romance is not reserved for the vagina. Besides, not everyone has a vagina anyway, and not everyone wants one either, and that’s wonderful. Society is finally approaching a point where we realize that sex and romance is about more than inserting Tab A into Slot B, where “Tab A” equals the penis, and “Slot B” is the vagina.

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Anonymous: My girlfriend and I have been talking about going anal only lately and we have some questions. We both like the idea of it, and she might honestly want it even more than me, but we want to make sure that we can do it safely and sustainably.

We do anal probably 85% of the time or more right now but sometimes she gets sore or doesn’t feel up to doing it and that’s when we do vaginal just as a backup but it isn’t what we like doing. But if we go anal only, what do we do in those situations?

We’ve noticed that when we have anal every day she stays more relaxed, does this mean she’s getting looser and will that cause any problems later?

Thanks for any advice you can give.

First of all, if you’re considering going anal only, I say go for it and give it a try. The best way to determine if it’s really for you is to just dive in and do it. Give yourself a month or two challenge to commit to it at first, and that will let you see what it’s really like and time to work out any particular issues. And then by the end of that trial period, decide if you want to extend it further, or just commit to it long term from there.

As for those times that soreness or preparation keep her from wanting to do anal, you’ll find as you shift to only doing anal that soreness generally goes away pretty quickly and as anal becomes something you do every time, her body will adjust to it and generally stop being sore even if it’s something you do daily. When she doesn’t feel well or has digestion issues that get in the way of doing anal, taking a break for a day or so to focus on oral instead can serve as a viable substitute instead of vaginal.

Her staying more relaxed when doing anal daily is actually what I was talking about above, and how it will keep her from getting sore as easily. Relaxed anal muscles don’t mean she’s getting loose, it just means she’s staying relaxed and warmed up due to more regularly using those muscles. It’s not a health concern, it’s actually keeping her safer by always being warmed up and ready for sex and so less prone to injury.

It sounds like you’re in the perfect place to shift to anal only, you just need to make that last jump now. Good luck!

Anonymous: My experiences might be a little different, but in my personal experience, I got so much hate from most women for preferring anal as my own choice while most men either don’t care or don’t judge girls who prefer anal or are anal-only. It’s sad that they think girls like me love anal for male approval when it’s not the case. Anal sex is slowly becoming accepted by people who have positive and proper anal experience, even if it’s not for everyone, and that’s okay. Unfortunately, there are still people holding themselves back with anal myths and taboos that prevented them for wanting to give anal sex a try. Even on Twitter, I, a female, felt uncomfortable due to tons of hateful speech about non-vaginal sex.

The wise lesson says that vaginal sex is for getting babies, however, anal sex is for good and strong never-ending pleasure. Idk if there are girls that have the same thoughts as me, but I would love to talk about my love for anal in safe space without getting backlash.

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had negative interactions with other women about anal sex. I think that sort of reaction usually comes out of myths, as you noted, which are generally driven by bad experiences they have had or heard about from friends. Sometimes it becomes almost a meme where it gets passed around from friend to friend without anyone knowing where it even originated or how it started, but keeping people from trying anal for themselves as a result. There’s where more people being open and positive about anal and how good it actually is for them, and why, helps to slowly combat that problem and starts to create a positive meme about anal and puts the idea of it being a good, enjoyable, pleasurable thing into the social consciousness.

As far as a safe space for anal positivity and discussion, this community is certainly intended for that purpose—between the forum, the Discord server, and this blog, you are likely to interact with a lot of people who share an interest in and love of anal sex. If you aren’t already a member, I’d encourage joining in and talking with other people in the community.

For the longest time, the representation of anal in porn was centered around the idea of it being something that guys wanted, girls rarely did, and when they did it, they would suffer through it and dislike it but do it for their guys. This gave many people the impression that that’s what anal was like in the real world, despite the fact that most of the porn actors in such scenes actually enjoyed anal and were pretending that it hurt or they disliked it. The result was a lot of women with no interest in even trying it, based on that false perception, combined with other myths and persistent ideas based on bad experiences of friends.

In the past decade, porn has generally shifted to a much more positive portrayal of anal sex and pleasure, focusing on the fact that women can and do in fact very much enjoy it, and can get a lot of pleasure from it. This is a good change, for sure, and has turned on a lot more people to the idea, encouraging them to try it for themselves to see if the same is true for them, resulting in a rapidly growing interest in and practice of anal sex by people in their regular sex lives.

More recently, however, a new trend has formed on Tumblr and Bdsmlr and other similar platforms, where a large quantity of the content and captions relating to anal sex and the anal only lifestyle are from a one-sided, misogynistic, “male pleasure is all that matters” perspective, and often focus on the idea that it’s not enjoyable or is even actively painful or harmful to women, and pushes that idea hard as a positive thing. Now, there certainly is a place for that as a kink, but it’s been unfortunate to see it become the predominant focus of porn focusing on anal only, and shift the general tone of AO in porn away from mutual enjoyment and positivity to this.

It’s a trend I’d like to see change, and I hope to see more blogs show up that focus on pleasure and enjoyment by women instead.

According to a 2012 study by Indiana University, more people are having anal sex. While the 1990s only saw roughly one-quarter to one-third of men and women having tried anal, by 2009 that percentage had jumped to 40 to 45 percent. But while that may the case, anal sex is still, as Salon reported in 2012 “Science’s Last Taboo.” We know that some people are having it, but it’s not very likely that people are willing to talk about it. Somewhere between the poop rumors and the embarrassment of liking butt stuff, people go mum.

But, as is the case with sex in general, anal shouldn’t be a source of shame. Ever. If you like anal sex, you’re not the first or the last one to do so. Both men and women the world over enjoy anal play because it can be very pleasurable when done correctly. Although that’s a fact and I can find you easily a dozen women in the next 10 minutes who agree, anal sex has yet to really be embraced by the sexual mainstream. It’s on its way there, but it’s still inching along very slowly.

The article then goes on to list six benefits of anal sex and why you should be doing it if you aren’t already.

Continue reading on Bustle