Anonymous: Thank you for the informative blog. My wife and I thoroughly enjoy Anal and she too has much better and more powerful orgasms this way. We are careful to warm up and use lube liberally. Two questions please: 1. We impose limits on this activity out of fear that her anus muscles will loosen over time obviously effecting her quality of life. Is this a rational concern? 2. Have you ever heard of shooting/cramping pains following anal intercourse?

I’m glad to hear you’re both enjoying anal sex.

1. Safe anal sex, with proper warmup and no pain, is not known to cause any long-term issues and is believed by many who have practiced it for decades to actually tone and strengthen anal muscles. Most stories of sphincter muscle tone loss as a result of anal are the result of injuries and damage, not safe and painless sex. Extreme anal play (fisting, very large toys) may be more likely to cause issues, but even that is not guaranteed to if you play safely and warm up. There are people who have been getting anally fisted for 20+ years and report zero issues with long term looseness. It is normal to be a little looser for a little while after, of course, but things go back to normal soon enough. It’s also possible when more anally experienced for it to seem like things are looser, due to increased muscle control and the ability to loosen/relax at will. I wouldn’t be at all concerned about it when there are couples who have been having exclusively anal sex 3 to 5 times a week for decades and report zero problems and wouldn’t do anything any differently.

2. This could be due to intestinal gas getting compressed during sex and causing cramping, or it could be the angle/depth and hitting certain spots. Hitting the bend into the sigmoid colon too quickly when it’s not straightened out can cause shooting pain.

A lot of people have their hang ups when it comes to anal sex because of false ideas that they hear about it.  A lot of the rumors that we hear about anal sex and why it is bad are completely untrue, or not researched thoroughly.

Common Myths about Buttholes

Buttholes are dirty.
Since we were younger we’ve been taught that buttholes are dirty and should not be tampered with.  The only concern you should have with anal sex is not to go directly from the butthole to the vagina without cleansing your penis or toy.  The butthole generally is as clean as any other part of you but has certain bacteria that should not be exposed to any other part of your body.

Butthole pleasure hurts.
At first anal sex can be painful, however it is not as painful as it may sound.  Ultimately anal sex shouldn’t be painful at all if it is done correctly.  The keys to successful butthole penetration are relaxation and lubrication.  The butthole is something that can stretch to allow the entrance of something as small as a finger to a very large penis.  It may take some time getting used to, but anal sex ultimately doesn’t hurt.

Butthole sex is dangerous to your health.
Butthole sex alone is not dangerous to your health.  Any form of sex can be dangerous to your health if not protected correctly.  Always use a lubricated condom if you do not know the sexually transmitted disease status of your partner.  After all the precautions have been acknowledged, remember that butthole pleasure has been proven to improve your overall anal health and does not cause any harm to your anus or rectum.

Sex in your butthole is not natural.
Any way you wish to perform a sexual act should feel natural to you.  If anal sex doesn’t feel natural to you, then you shouldn’t do it.  This myth is only subjective to the individual.  Butthole pleasure doesn’t have to be an unnatural act if you don’t want it to be.

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Anonymous: Anal Only Lifestyle sounds like it should be a lot of fun. But are there any long term health risks for the woman?

In general, for people who are otherwise healthy, regular anal sex practiced safely with whatever lube is necessary and and warmup beforehand is perfectly safe, even after decades of being anal only.

Anonymous: so my boyfriend wants to try anal sometime. he has brought this up quite a bit so obviously it is something he is interested in. i guess i would be up for it but my main worry is the long term cons that come from doing it. you know like anal prolapse, it becoming too loose and not being able to hold things leading the diapers, anal tearing, anal cancer… etc. so how do you keep from getting all these things (especially the whole anal prolapse thing)?

Most of those cons are myths, or if they have a shade of truth, they aren’t in any way universal.

Anal prolapse is not caused by anal sex, even if it is regularly practiced. It is possible that it can be caused by extreme anal play at large sizes, but most “prolapse” in porn is a deliberate act resulting from a conscious pushing out after warming up to have a loosened anus, and is not something that happens involuntarily like the true medical condition of anal prolapse. True prolapse is much more likely to be cause by a predisposition to that condition rather than safe anal sex and play.

Looseness/involuntary muscle control leading to incontinence, etc., are caused by muscle damage, not anal sex. Regular anal sex with proper warmup and lube do not cause damage to the anal sphincters, they actually strengthen them and help develop greater muscle control. Read up on how to warm up properly for anal sex and never “push through” pain and you’ll be fine. There can be temporary looseness during and after anal sex, but you will tighten up again naturally after, usually within several hours or less.

Anal tearing can be a concern, and you should always warm up a sufficient amount and use plenty of lube to avoid it. With the right practices you can avoid it completely.

Anal cancer is not caused by anal sex, it’s caused by having sex with someone infected with HPV. There is nothing anal specific about this—HPV can also cause cervical cancer.

From a student magazine, “The Lantern” comes this article and the authors experiences after a boyfriend requested anal sex:

I needed some input, so I called my friend Jessica who has a lot of expertise in this domain.

She told me it’s painful at first, but now she enjoys it.

Another friend opted to try it because pregnancy isn’t a possibility. It almost appears anal sex is the miracle women have been looking for: being able to enjoy someone else and a built-in birth control without marking up a calendar?!

She concludes with further reader comments and her own feelings about anal:

From the female end, a few women claimed they absolutely loved it, April wrote: “An ex introduced me to it and it was the only way I could get off.”

Men who wrote in said they love it because it’s a tight sensation and they had orgasms.

The truth is anal sex is natural. It’s not barbaric and several heterosexual couples do it, but it has a discouraging stigma attached to it. My friend Jessica gave it a rave review, while other friends who haven’t tried it only assume the worst.

Anonymous: Will anal cause inconteninse? My wife any I both enjoy anal more then vaginal and experience very intense orgasms, however the only reason why we don’t do it more often it concern that it may make her inconsonant in the future?

Not as long as you’re careful and use proper warmup technique. Incontinence is caused by damaged muscles and nerves. Forcing the muscles open aggressively can potentially cause injury (if it’s painful, you’re doing something wrong and could result in damage) but if you warm up first or develop muscle control to relax at will, you should be fine. Developing that control actually strengthens sphincter muscles rather than weakening them.

You should enjoy anal as often as you want—if you prefer it more than vaginal, going anal only sounds like something you should try for a while.

In my world view, sex is communication.

By that token, any way we can communicate with our beloved is a blessing. Whether it’s traditional sex, oral sex, massage, cuddling—or even that deep, dark taboo of anal sex. There’s a reason why anal sex is often considered less than palatable: besides the obvious unsanitary (but necessary) function of the anus, even the word sounds icky.

However, incorporating the whole of our bodies into our acts of intimacy only serves to deepen the bond we share with our partner. So, if you’re willing and in the mood, open your mind, relax your body, and let’s take a look at what anal sex can offer you and your partner.

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Mr. Man on hipforums’ Oral & Anal Sex forum asks:

I have read that there are some women who actually prefer anal sex to vaginal sex, because the orgasms from it are better than from regular sex. Which I find interesting because I had always read that women couldn’t orgasm from anal sex. Any ladies here who can give their opinions on this?

JoeBone replies:

I don’t see how a woman can orgasm from anal sex, unless you are otherwise manipulating the clitoris or going for a g-spot orgasm using whatever. I just don’t buy it.

Otherwise, I’m sure that there are a few woman out there who are really into anal that just might prefer it – but I can’t imagine why.

First he makes a blanket statement for all women, even though 1) he is not a woman, and 2) different women react differently to different stimulation, then he manages to display total ignorance of reality, because there actually are a number of women who can orgasm from anal alone with no clitoral stimulation. There is also an ongoing assumption that orgasms from anal sex only refer to anal only orgasms, rather than what many women who cannot experience anal only orgasms do: combining clitoral stimulation with anal penetration for an orgasm more powerful than with clitoral/vaginal stimulation alone.

Several people jump in with their own anecdotes to counter JoeBone, however:

I’ve fucked a chick in the ass and she cummed without any other stimulation. Solve that one for me JoeBone…

My good friend told me anal makes her squirt. lol She loves it

But he’s having none of it:

I’m sure there was no possibility that she was faking it.

People like this who discount claims of people’s sexual functions because they conflict with their personal worldview or preferences are harmful to the general public’s understanding of sexuality.

Then there’s this.

My gf cums from anal all the time. She can actually reach orgasm in about half the time it takes her to cum vaginally. She says the orgasms are quicker and more intense.

Lots of women like anal. My gf doesn’t prefer it over vaginal, but when it comes to giving her quick and powerful orgasm I go for the butt. I don’t think either of us would want to give up vaginal for anal, but anal is more intense and gratifying for both of us.

For me there is nothing hotter than seeing my gf’s big butt bent over, and spread, with my cock nestle snugly between her ass cheeks, balls deep in her warm anus. Not to mention when she cums, her asshole spasms, practically milking my penis. It’s the best feeling ever, I love making my girl cum anally, it feels so great for both of us.

He says neither of them want to give up vaginal for anal but then goes on and on about why anal is so much better for the both of them and gives them quicker, more powerful orgasms than vaginal. That sort of thing seems pretty common, where people clearly prefer anal by far and yet still refuse to recognize that fact and think they need to continue fucking pussy as well.

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Of all the sex acts, In The Butt remains one of the most misunderstood and taboo. Here, two anal sex enthusiasts give anybody who’s interested in trying it out some real talk.

Generally speaking, anal sex isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when you are thinking of mutually pleasurable things to do with a partner. Instead, the urban sex legend goes, “guys want it because they’ve heard it’s tighter than normal sex and they’ve seen it in porn, and girls occasionally acquiesce as a bargaining chip/reward/very special birthday present.”

But aside from tipsy late-night conversations between women (or women and their gay guy friends), practical knowledge of butt sex in the wild is hard to come by. Thus, we asked two women who have actually done it about their motives, their preparation process, and whether it’s ever gotten them off.

If these are the best “enthusiasts” they could find, they didn’t look very hard.

6. Does it ever feel good?

[…]

Girl B: It never really feels good. Just becomes more tolerable, I suppose.

That’s not an enthusiast, that’s someone who had anal sex and didn’t like it and then agreed to be interviewed about it.

There are thousands of women out there who love anal sex and get off better from it than from vaginal sex. If you’re going to write an article about whether or not women enjoy anal sex, you owe it to your readers to be thorough and actually find out if they do rather than (apparently) grabbing the first two women you can find who said they’ve been fucked in the ass and calling them experts. If you call someone an anal enthusiast and then they say they don’t even like anal, you’re turning off a lot of your readers from even considering something that could be the most pleasurable sex act they’ve ever experienced.

Not that one should expect any better from Cosmo.

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I had high hopes for this article:

http://www.dailydot.com/opinion/butt-sex-porn-society/

But in the end was left greatly disappointed, as it perpetuates the same old myths, invents a few new ones and simply does not square with most peoples experiences.

The author (apparently a “sex writer” who has never had anal sex) makes a show of being neutral on the matter of heterosexual anal, but the piece is yet again more anti-anal propaganda.

I also think the men she interviewed for the article (who all come out against anal sex) are complete fabrications.

Take this quote, from “Scott”:

“I really like vaginas. They are just fantastic. I’m not really looking for an alternative,” he says. “When something else comes up, it’s like, what is this shit? That’s not what I came here for.”

This is useful when she wants to suggest there is no real demand for anal sex from straight men:

But among the men I spoke to, the “why is there anal sex in non-anal porn” gripe was common enough that I’m inclined to think that audience is much smaller than most porn directors think.

Her own data (from a recent survey) conflicts with her assertions – Anal sex is more popular than ever, especially among younger people (16-24).

I expect more articles in on this theme as more people discover a preference for anal sex – and expect more authors like EJ Dickson to stand Canute-like, fighting the tide.

But don’t take my word for it, have a read and decide for yourself.