Message: Evolving to Anal Only

Laura: Hi, I’m Laura, 32, married for 8 years now. My husband and I have two kids, and we’re not planning to have another.

Lately, my husband has been practising anal sex more and more with me. He’s the one who introduced me to it when we met, and we’ve always done it once in a while, but lately he’s doing it much more often, and I can tell he’s much more enthusiastic when he’s doing it (licking or penetrating my hole), whereas he seems reluctant when he’s using my vagina or my clitoris.

I sort of “spied” on him by watching his browser history, and I discovered he watches and reads a lot of anal only content: porn, stories, and message boards. I’m 99% sure he actually posted messages on a board (not yours) telling he couldn’t stand vaginal and clitoral sex any more, to the point it “disgusted” him. People sympathized with him, and encouraged him to make me “evolve” to have anal sex only.

I’ve been really shocked at this, and the next times we had sex, I sort of got disgusted myself when he used my vagina or clit – not because I don’t like it, but because I know how he feels about it. So, I sort of directed him to my asshole instead, and it seemed to arouse him A LOT, resulting to the best, most passionate sex we’ve had in a while.

I thought a lot about it, and I’d like to give anal only a try, because what other options do I have? I love my husband, we’ve got a home, two kids, and I’m still planning to live the rest of my life with him: I can’t leave him for something as trivial as sexual preferences, and I can’t change how he feels about it.

I actually enjoy anal sex, and the latest intercourses we’ve had turned me on more than I expected, so I’m actually eager to try it. But I’m still worried about having only anal sex from now on, it seems to unreal. Will I get sore? How can I make it easier for him to get in, and even more pleasurable? Can I orgasm from it? Can I stop birth control? Will there be effects on my health? My husband has pretty big sexual needs, which even increased since I encouraged him to have anal sex, and he also happens to be rather large, so I’m worried about long term consequences. Also, I know he’s turned off from me touching my clit, what would you recommend to help me cut off the habit and get more anal pleasure?

Thank you.

You sound like a wonderful wife, and your husband is lucky to be with you. Not only are you interested in trying to go anal only, something that he clearly wants and prefers, but you’re excited to explore it together with him and learn how to best enjoy it for yourself as well. I think anal only is going to go very well for the two of you and you’ll find that you won’t want to return to vaginal sex.

I suggest being open with him and talking about it. Let him know that you can tell he prefers anal and ask if he would like to try going anal only together. Then, you can figure out together how best to do it.

You might get sore at first if you’re doing it every day all of a sudden, so try for two or three times a week to begin with, and give him a blowjob other times, then increase the frequency from there after a week or two, so that your ass can adjust to it.

With practice and more frequent anal sex, as well as anal masturbation with dildos and butt plugs, you will start to relax and open up for him more easily and require less preparation and warmup before having anal sex. It’s one of those things where the more often you do it, the easier and better it gets.

It’s definitely possible to orgasm from pure anal sex. Everyone’s a little different, and it’s easier for some than for others, but with practice you should be able to get there. Avoiding clitoral stimulation and becoming increasingly aroused by going multiple sessions without orgasm can help a lot as well. Focus on what sensations feel really good during anal sex and keep doing those to try and get the pleasure to build to an orgasm.

Many people do stop using other forms of birth control once going anal only, and find that anal sex is a very effective form of natural birth control for them. It can help to eliminate the negative effects of hormonal birth control, while also solidifying them in the anal only lifestyle. Care should be taken to avoid semen running from the anus into the vagina after sex, but the chance of accidental impregnation from this is very low, and many people successfully use anal sex as their preferred birth control.

There are no long term negative health effects from anal sex, when done properly with the appropriate warmup and preparation to avoid injury. If it hurts, you probably need to be warming up more first. If there’s any bleeding, you should stop and take a break for a few days to heal. But otherwise, you’ll be perfectly fine, even having anal sex every day. As stated above, the more you do it, the better it gets, and with frequent anal sex, your anal muscles stay more relaxed and flexible and you can have bigger, harder, deeper anal sex without issue or discomfort when you’re doing it regularly.

As for working towards clitoral denial, I’d suggest focusing on playing with your nipples or rubbing and fingering your ass when you’re horny, rather than touching your clit. Masturbation should become anal penetration with fingers and toys. During sex, if you find it hard to resist your clit, you could apply numbing creams like Orajel to your clit to temporarily remove sensation for the duration of your sexual activity. Some women enjoy having no sensation there at all and apply numbing creams throughout the day to help keep their focus on their ass.

It sounds like you have a very fun adventure ahead of you, and I wish you the best of luck, and invite you to continue following up as you progress through the anal only lifestyle and have more to share or other questions to ask.

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