Message: Evolving to Anal Only, Part 2

In order to more directly respond to various parts of this message, it has been broken up into several chunks with replies in between.

Laura: Hello, I’m Laura, the wife getting into anal only for her husband – you’ve kindly answered my questions the 17th of December. I replied to you, but I’m not sure you got my message. I wanted to give feedback and ask some more questions.

I appreciate your advice to talk openly with my husband, but I don’t want him to know the only reason I’m getting into this is because I was frustrated and spied on his browser history, discovering vaginal and clitoral sex “disgusted” him. So far, he thinks the shift to anal only comes from me genuinely wanting to get into it, and it makes him feel extremely good according to what he posts online on dedicated boards (I spied more on him) and according to his general behavior. I don’t want to spoil it.

I admit I first tried this because I felt trapped (married, two kids) and upset he was “disgusted” by vaginal and clitoral sex, it was initially a simple effort to save my marriage, but I’m enjoying this more than I thought I would. I liked anal sex as soon as he introduced me to it, but anal only is something else.

When you answered me, we were actually already doing anal for three to four times a week, without me being sore. I followed your advice to get him off from blowjobs when anal started to get uncomfortable, but in just two weeks like you said, he could take my ass whenever he wanted without me being sore. Now he fucks it about every day on average (more on weekends, less during the week), and I feel fine despite him being quite large.

I’m glad to hear that you’re adjusting to it easily and finding that you can have anal sex daily without an issue. Maintaining that routine will just get easier and better for you as you continue.

I bought a toy like you said, a dildo about the size of my husband to practise. I hid it in the bathroom, and every time I have to empty myself, I rinse my ass with water (not too much) to be clean, then I use the dildo to help push the remaining water and learn to get pleasure just from anal. I stopped clitoral stimulation like you recommended and like my husband wants. Is it normal that the frustration feels sort of good and makes me enjoy anal more (both during sex and masturbating)?

It’s quite common for women to enjoy the frustrating of ongoing arousal even if they don’t ultimately orgasm. Some women prefer not to orgasm at all, as maintaining that constant arousal leads to more positive sexual interaction and a healthier sex life, and it can just be more fun. Others do want to orgasm but like to find ways of orgasm that don’t impact that buildup of arousal so much, like anal orgasms do.

So far, I can’t orgasm from anal at all, but I do get a lot of pleasure. I stopped birth control, and I feel a bit different, I don’t know if it’s related to the pill or if it comes from anal sex.

Likely a bit of both. Hormonal birth control does impact people pretty hard, and it’s common to feel different and better without it, but going anal only also has positive impacts of its own, so it’s probable that you’re enjoying the benefits of both.

Has it, therefore, been several months since you last orgasmed? The arousal must really be building in you. Are you able to manage or do you find it hard to resist? If you want to persist in avoiding clitoral stimulation entirely, really keep focusing on the anal sex and play and doing it as often as you can. It can take months to get to anal orgasm for some women, and while some do find that they can’t ever quite get there, they end up enjoying not orgasming even more and the pleasure of anal on its own makes up for it for them.

Like I said, I spied more on what my husband says online, and it turns me on to read his fantasies then do it like it’s my own idea. His “I can’t believe my luck” face every time I do something he talks about online makes me feel incredibly good. So far, this adventure really got us closer together and really changed the way I look on sex. Sex now feels as hot as when we started our relationship (a bit better, actually), and our couple works better too, with less tension. My husband seems more confident and a lot happier.

That’s wonderful to hear, and I think you’ll find it just keeps getting better. Some people use anal only as a spark to revitalize their sex life, but often, if you stick with it, it’s not like vaginal where it’s fun at first and then becomes less so down the road—anal only stays exciting and keeps getting better.

I have a question about ass to mouth, which is apparently a big fantasy of his: is it safe? From what I understand, since it’s my own body, as long as I’m clean it’s OK (like I said, I rinse a lot, so I’m always clean)?

Yes, it’s safe to do ass to mouth, especially from your own ass and if you’re visually clean. Many, many people do it without issue regularly, and given the popularity of rimming, it’s likely that even with other people if everyone’s healthy and clean, it’s rarely an issue.

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