Messages: My Wife Wants Anal More Often, But Worries It Will Cause Problems
Anonymous: My wife and I really enjoy anal sex. We’ve been having it about once a week for the last couple of years. My wife says she would like to have it more, but she’s afraid it will cause her problems later. Of course I would love to have anal every time we have sex. Is there information I can give her to reassure her anal sex won’t cause problems later?
I have a lot of anecdotal evidence from conversations with people who have been doing anal for a long time, including couples who have been anal only together for 30+ years, and who have experienced no long-term issues as a result.
The anal sphincter muscles are naturally tight and closed when relaxed, and that remains the case even after extensive use and stretching. Using muscles strengthens them, and that’s the case with anal as well. It also increases their elasticity/flexibility, which makes it easier to relax and open up quickly, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s still tightly closed when not in use, and can also be manually tightened through conscious control at any point. There are also exercises that can be done, just like kegel exercises, which target anal muscles and strengthen them further.
Another common concern is anal prolapse, but there’s no evidence that anal sex causes prolapse. It’s generally a preexisting condition that would develop on its own in the rare cases where it happens. What is most commonly shown in porn isn’t true prolapse, it’s the result of having very strong pelvic floor muscles and pushing out while simultaneously having a very open and relaxed anus, and is very much a conscious and deliberate thing rather than true “medical condition” level anal prolapse, which happens more uncontrollably, is very rare, and is not the result of anal sex/play.
Anal fissures can be a risk, but are easily mitigated by being conscious and the recipient listening to their body and stopping to reassess if something hurts, using enough lube, and warming up properly. Having anal sex more often, in fact, makes this and other sorts of injuries far less likely because the recipient remains far more constantly warmed up and ready for anal sex, which makes the entire process easier and requiring of less preparation.
So, yes, it’s quite safe to do it as often as she’s physically comfortable with, and the more often you do it, the more she’ll be physically comfortable with. Maybe try starting by going to twice a week for a month, then three times a week, and keep gradually increasing the frequency you do anal until you’re doing it every time, but at a slower pace so that she has time to adjust and assess and get comfortable with the idea and realize it’s not hurting her.
Leave a Reply