Message: An Issue With Clitoral Denial
I wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your blog, and how wonderful it is for me to find that I’m not the only one who thinks there’s nothing better than anal. I had anal for the first time when I was 13. I wasn’t interested in vaginal intercourse. All my life I have honestly only craved anal, which is in part due to my bedroom submissive personality. I’m not saying I don’t like vaginal, but it just doesn’t give me the mental stimulation that I crave. There’s nothing like the feeling of being “filled” with cock.
With that being said I’ve dated so many men that had no interest in anal and it was always me talking them into trying it. I could tell they didn’t get it, get why I craved it and wanted it and if you don’t have that connection of understanding it, well it’s just not the same.
I only watch anal porn, I have no interest in anything else, and when I masturbate it’s on my stomach so I can imagine someone taking me in my ass and obviously the only thing I think about is anal, as I only get off thinking of anal.
I finally now in my late 20s have found a man who enjoys it and craves it as much as I do and it’s such an eye opening and soul soaring experience, and has given me a depth of love I never knew possible. I’ve never needed to use lube, I’m just a natural because I not only crave it but need it.
My question though is that I see a lot of comments about no clitoral stimulation and I guess I have issues with that because I don’t see the clit as an extension of my vagina I see it as a trigger point in my body the same way of my nipples and other “pleasure spots”. I can very easily have anal without touching my clit because it’s so “mentally stimulating” to me. But from years and years of having no partners to do anal with I’ve kind of formed a crutch so to speak on masturbating and using a vibrator while I imagine my ass filled. So a lot of times when I have anal I do enjoy using a vibrator, I guess I’m curious what your thoughts are on that. I guess I don’t see the need to not use a vibrator, or to separate myself from clitoral stimulation. I can do it both ways but I really love the orgasm I have with a vibrator.
First, thanks so much for sharing. It’s great you’ve met a partner who enjoys being anal only as much as you do and that it’s been so fulfilling for you.
In regards to clit stimulation, in general, I say do whatever works for you. Clitoral play is a valid component of anal only for a number of women—some need it in order to enjoy anal at all, while others enjoy anal on its own but need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. I do not consider clitoral play a “violation” (I feel silly writing that, but I don’t have a better term at the moment) of being anal only.
There are some who push for denial of clitoral stimulation from a domination perspective, denying their partners any sort of pleasure except that which she can derive from anal penetration. This is a valid approach for couples who enjoy such dynamics, but isn’t for everyone. There is a sort of appeal to the idea of an anal only woman who is able to get all the pleasure she desires through anal penetration, however.
The primary reasons I sometimes encourage people to experiment with giving up clitoral stimulation, however, are to help try to develop the ability to have pure anal orgasms, and to go for a time experiencing nothing but the sensations from anal sex without the distraction that clitoral stimulation can be. The two sensations do pair well together, but I feel that anal only women should become intimately familiar with anal entirely on its own as well. Clitoral stimulation, as you said, can be a bit of a crutch and a habit that may be perfectly enjoyable and fine, but may also prevent you from experiencing something else or discovering how to orgasm from anal alone. Some women who have learned how to have anal only orgasms found that by using clitoral stimulation during sex they were essentially short circuiting the anal orgasm process and climaxing before they could figure out what made them orgasm anally. The increased arousal level from denying themselves any orgasm other than anal also helps both in providing motivation to figure out how to cum from anal and demands from the body an outlet for release.
So I don’t suggest that all women should stop all clitoral stimulation, but I do encourage those women who have come to prefer anal and are already anal only to experiment with going a time without any clitoral stimulation, to more deeply explore their bodies, see if they can unlock an ability to orgasm anally, and just to try something new. Similar as with anal only, I recommend going an extended period of time—at least a month, though many may need to work up to that length from shorter periods of time like a few days to a week at first. After, if you decide it’s not for you, great—keep on enjoying what you enjoy, and know you tried something new. You may find the idea intriguing still but want to take a break from it, and that’s certainly fine as well.
Alternate things I encourage experimenting with, which are less extreme than a time with zero clitoral stimulation, are edging (playing with your clit right up to the edge of orgasm and backing off, repeatedly, without orgasming throughout) and ruined orgasms (nearly the same as above, but ceasing all touch with your clit the instant you go over the edge so you orgasm but do not continue touching yourself during it, resulting in an orgasm of reduced intensity and much less decrease in arousal after). These can both be great to explore along with an anal only lifestyle, for a variety of reasons including another approach to experimenting with reaching anal only orgasm.
Ultimately, though, if you’re happy the way things are and aren’t interested in experimenting with other variations on anal only, there’s nothing wrong with that. Do what works for you and makes you happy and enjoy sex.
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