Anonymous: I have so many questions for those who choose this lifestyle – was it hard to win over your SO or did you meet someone who already wanted just anal? Do you ever miss anything about vaginal? Or do you think less about it as time goes by? Do you consider exclusive anal something for everyone or just a fetish? What is it about anal you like so much: how it feels? or looks? or something else?

The anal only lifestyle works best in a relationship where both partners are well acquainted with anal sex already and both enjoy it. In general, one approaches the other with the idea and they try it for a shorter period of time first. Many couples approach it slowly and see how they like it, without making any long-term pledges up front. And many find they don’t miss vaginal sex and end up switching fully to anal. Often the biggest concern for women who love or prefer anal is the longer term effects of having it regularly with no breaks, but once they realize that once you’ve gotten used to having it regularly, there is little to no soreness after unless you really overdo it.

I think anal is something anyone can come to love and even prefer, but many people aren’t willing to put in the time to learn how to enjoy it at the same level as vaginal. Everyone owes it to themselves to try, though, in my opinion, because great pleasure can be found there. Women who don’t get much pleasure from vaginal penetration itself and need clit stimulation along with it can often go either way, and since anal penetration enhances orgasms for many, it often wins out. In other cases, their clitoral nerves sometimes extend into their rectum, allowing them to have orgasms just from anal sex alone while they are unable to vaginally.

But it can definitely be a fetish for some as well. Some get off on it because they like denying themselves the use of a part of their body, in a sense a form of chastity. Others like the idea of subverting their body’s natural function, training themselves to prefer anal stimulation over vaginal.

I like anal for many reasons. I love how it looks so much more than vaginal penetration. The tightness and cleanness of an anus clamped down around a penis is much more visually appealing than the looser looking folds of a vagina being penetrated, and it seems better designed to fit a penis. It feels much better as well: tighter, and just somehow better in an indescribable way. The semi-chastity fetish of avoiding vaginal sex to exclusively have anal appeals to me as well. Overall, I’ve just been more attracted to girls’ buttholes than their vaginas for as long as I’ve liked girls.

A husband says:

This one may seem a little odd… My wife has incredible orgasms when I’m butt-fucking her. Because of that, she wants anal sex ALL THE TIME. I know that anal sex is HOT, but not all the time… Anybody else have this, er, problem?

It is strange that he thinks this is a ‘problem’. Once more this is probably a case of someone just needing confirmation from others that to have anal sex all the time is acceptable for a man, as he is perhaps a little confused by his own feelings.

Here is one of the many answers:

I had a girlfriend like this. The reason was because she didn’t really seem to get any sort of sexual stimualtion from her clitoris. Not all women do. Because of this lack of stimulation in her clit, she had to explore other sexual areas… and it turns out that her pooper was the magic spot! And I can’t say I ever had a problem with that. The feeling of her asshole gripping on my pecker all the time was pure bliss.

One thing that even a cursory research will show you, is that the internet is full of ignorance, bad advice and outright negative propaganda with regards to anal sex.

Some people appear to have an agenda which requires spreading and perpetuating old wives tales, presumably so that other people fall in line and behave just as they do.

Take the woman who asks:

My husband wants us to have anal sex more often. He likes it and claims that most couples are really into it. I find it painful and only agree to it because I love him. Is this really something that lots of people do. I’m too embarrassed to ask my friends.

Instead of giving some guidance about how to make anal sex more easy and pleasurable, trying to help her understand her husband, or at least referring her to sites where there are others with experience who can help, we have:

expert sexual health advice from…a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

Who says amongst other things:

Done a lot, anal sex can cause a leaky bottom

In this century you would have thought the ‘experts’ would know better. As one man points out:

I’m a 45 year old man who has always enjoyed anal sex with all of the women in my life. I’ve been married for 10 years and my wife and I do it as a regular part of our sex lives, maybe 2-3 times per week. The misinformation that anal sex can “cause a leaky bottom” is utterly absurd and incorrect.

Anonymous: Does anyone have any idea why males are so attracted to asshole, like sometimes way above pussy? What I mean is their doesn’t seem to be any evolutionary benefit. Same goes for girls that like it too I guess. I love anal so I’m not trying to cause be critical, just saying…

I suspect (speaking as a complete non-scientist, and I have no idea what I’m really talking about here) that it’s an evolutionary glitch. People are attracted to sexual pleasure, which is good from an evolutionary perspective because in general people who seek sexual pleasure have sex, and sex is supposed to make babies (again, from an evolutionary perspective). But the anus is tighter and feels better for men, and does for many women as well. So their pursuit of sexual pleasure may lead them to end up being more attracted to anuses and anal sex.

As for people who are attracted to anuses more than vaginas before even experiencing the pleasure that can be had from them, my guess is that it may be simple aesthetic preferences which eventually become sexual preferences. Anuses are small, compact and sleek looking, while vaginas can be big and scary and weird looking to someone just becoming familiar with female body parts.

 I’ve been doing it three years or so and I still get butterflies in my stomach when I realize he’s about f–k me in the ass. I’m so nervous and excited the I can feel my heart pounding and my body trembling. The first little thrust gets him inside me but there’s a little curve a few inches inside of me and he needs to be so gentle to get past that. Then it’s fine. He wants me to play with myself while he does me and between the two I’ve had really unbelievable orgasms.

From here.

This has been linked to in an earlier QotD but I thought the whole story was worth coming back to. In the words of one wife [archive link]:

Anal sex is something both of us never tried before we met. Now that we’re married, my husband consistently asks me to try anal sex and I did a couple times. I even took a laxitive to prevent the unspeakable to happen. One time we tried it, he almost got all the way in but it was still a struggle. His base is too thick for me and it really hurts.

This is the story in many a marriage; a natural urge to take things to the next level and explore even greater intimacy. He’s likely to held this desire for many years but is now being open, while she in turn is understanding and is both willing and shows a real interest in experiencing the pleasure of anal sex.

But because there has been some minor difficulty she is convinced it cannot be done. Always remember, anyone is capable of anal sex, regardless of size.

Such a psychological block can be worked around. The best way to proceed is to avoid going directly for anal intercourse, but to build confidence slowly. Start out just with light caresses to the anus, and over time gradually insert fingers or small  toys, for short periods only. As mentioned before, most women find anilingus immensely arousing and pleasurable, and is sure to relax and dilate the sphincter muscle.

Anonymous: In response to what you said yesterday – I think it’s fantastic that places like this are giving a channel for people to discuss this subject. I agree with you about how as more people try it and are open about anal only then it becomes “normal”. That’s one of the reasons why people don’t try anal more often – simply because people follow the herd and don’t want to be different. Because we all know there’s no physical reason why it can’t be done and is actually preferable to many.

I have never heard of a woman not cumming hard with anal IF their man is as committed to her pleasure as his own. There are even lots of ways having him finish in your butt can be made nicer. Again, if you are clenching and not allowing his come deep, it does not feel as good. Again, if you push out as he cums, it goes in deeper and stays longer – gives you more control over when it comes out and feels nicer too.

From here.

Anonymous: Do you see this lifestyle becoming more mainstream? Like I guess many other guys like the idea and can think about it but not necessarily say it. Now maybe its all about to change? I see women more willing to try anal plus so much porn is anal or often only anal (which is the kind I prefer). What do you think? Not long ago there wasn’t even anything like this and other blogs, but now there is a more talk around this subject than there was.

As anal itself becomes more accepted by the mainstream, and as porn shifts more towards anal, I think we’ll see a lot more people whose sex lives focus primarily or exclusively on anal sex.

Right now, there are many who would never consider it (and wouldn’t consider anal at all) because of attitudes about it when they were raised or bad first experiences. However, anal is gaining popularity among younger generations who grew up with it prevalent among friends and in porn and so tried it early on, and enjoyed it.

Anal only will likely experience a slow shift the same way. As more people do it and talk about it, more will consider trying it. People who already really enjoy anal as part of their regular sex life are going to be more likely to consider going anal only.

Every woman is built differently, and while many associate their vagina with pleasure, many others have found that their anus and rectum provide even more pleasure—sometimes because of the internal components of their clitoris being closer to the rectum and allowing orgasm to be triggered exclusively by internal anal penetration. Others need external clitoral stimulation along with anal but find that to be far more pleasurable than vaginal and result in far better orgasms (or for some, orgasms when they were impossible with vaginal).

I expect it may always be less mainstream than vaginal, though I think it would be amazing if anal became the predominant form of sex practiced. If people are more open about their own preference for the anal only lifestyle it will slowly shift towards becoming more mainstream as more curious people give it a try.

A woman writes about how she and her husband have discovered the joys of anal sex and how they now have anal sex most days:

My husband and I have been having anal sex for about three months now. We tried it after a friend told me she enjoyed it with her husband. I was a little surprised by this. I started thinking about it and asked my husband if he wated to try it. After four or five trys we suceeded. I had the most incredible orgasm I’ve ever felt. My husband said he never felt anything so intense as cumming in my butt.

This is a very special time for many couples, as this often re-ignites a more passionate sex life. It is understandable that some people will think there must be a catch, or a price to pay for this pleasure. For as she continues:

Is it safe to have so much anal sex? What will it do to my butt? Is it safe for him to cum in my butt? It hasn’t made me sick or anything. I just let it come out naturally.

As covered before, no permanent, long-term or irreversible damage can be done to the anus during the course of normal anal love-making, no matter the frequency. A temporary sensitivity, at worst, as would be the case with any sexual activity done within a short space of time.

As for semen deposited in the rectum; this is purely a matter of personal choice. Most people enjoy and would rather finish there, and it does no harm at all, though a small percentage of people do have an allergy to semen, but this would be the same with any contact with seminal fluid.

The many responses to her question confirm the same thing, including from couples who have only have anal sex.

The bottom line is that, as many couples have found, there is no such thing as ‘too much anal sex’. It needn’t be reserved for special occasions or rationed, but can be a totally satisfying and valid replacement for vaginal sex.

Read the whole story here.