At dearcupid.org a woman asks:

Do all men prefer anal sex and why? I do it to quench my husband’s curiosity that drove him to an affair.

Sadly, because his desire could not be satisfied within the marriage, the husband ended up cheating on his wife. Now that the affair has ended she is experimenting with anal sex herself, but is confused; she does not care for it but naturally wonders what it is about anal sex that made him go elsewhere.

Of course the husband was wrong, but if he has preferences then his frustration was understandable.

There are many responses to her query, but for me one of the best is this:

Not all men prefer it, but I count myself among those who do. As for why, because, to me it feels better than vaginal.

Sex should be a pleasurable thing to everyone involved, if it is not there is a problem.

For you the core of the problem is not so much that you dont like anal sex, or even that he is looking elsewhere to satisfy this desire of his, it is that you and your husbands sex interests do not match up. That is a truly sad thing, and if you two are in love with each other it is even more sad.

He no more wants to feel guilty about his love of anal sex than you want to feel the pain that he is having the affair. I’m assuming you both love each other deeply, why else would you get married?

Anyhow, if anal sex is just not your thing and mainly does nothing for you but isn’t hurting you either, relax, pay attention to how much he likes being in your rear, maybe just maybe focusing on that will make the experience something nice for you too.

I agree with you completely as far as orgasms coming easier thru anal. I love it and most times would prefer it over anything else.

Source: My husband wants anal sex really bad

A normal, healthy 30 year old woman wants to know why she can’t have an orgasm except through anal sex.

She says:

The problem is that I can’t have an orgasm with penetration alone and he or I can stimulate my clitoris until the cows come home and nothing happens or it takes a very very long time. He has a hard time coming if I haven’t come yet. Until anal sex! I’ve had it in past relationships and it was okay, but now when we have anal sex it takes me about 10 seconds to orgasm and I can have multiples. Why is this? I know he prefers vaginal sex but will have anal because it’s so reliable but can get a tad messy. I’ve read a lot to try to have easier orgasms, but anal seems to be what my body wants.

The answer should be reassuring:

You are not the only woman who prefers or is only able to experience orgasm as a result anal stimulation.

Most of the time people need only listen to what their body tells them; their instincts are rarely wrong. This women just needed someone to tell her this is normal, to be given the green light to continue to enjoy anal sex with her lover without any worry on her mind.

Of course we don’t have the full picture, but it is likely that either she assumes he prefers vaginal (because that’s what men are supposed to like) or that he is saying so as a way of supporting her since he sees she is full of doubt and feelings of guilt. He may even be confused as to how he really feels, for it is rare that a man does not take great pleasure making love to his woman in this way.

Let us hope they have agreed on the best possible solution for them, which is probably an anal only lifestyle.

Anonymous: Your posts suggest the way to go if you want this kind of lifestyle is to slowly introduce anal sex until it becomes more frequent than vaginal. Sounds great but I’ve found most women just tolerate anal and find it uncomfortable except for special occasions. Are you saying it becomes easier for them, or more enjoyable, or both? I ask because while I love giving it, but it can be disappointing when they just aren’t as in to it as I am.

Everyone’s different, and some women hate anal, some tolerate it, some like it occasionally, some love it equally, and some prefer it. Unfortunately, due to lingering social stigma, many refuse to even try it to see if they like it, and others tried it once when younger but had it ruined for them by someone who didn’t know what he was doing and caused her to associate it with pain.

Anal is often strange feeling at first, and for some it can take time to associate the sensations with pleasure (for others the pleasure can be immediate—everyone’s wired differently). That’s one reason that for women not intensely into anal, anal play alongside vaginal can be a good way of increasing the association with pleasure. Analingus during oral sessions and external rubbing with your fingers during vaginal penetration may slowly attract a woman to increased exploration of anal pleasure.

Anonymous: I’m not one of the lucky ones to have only anal sex. But it is something I think about. Is it wrong (as a man) to not like vaginal sex but prefer only anal sex?

There is nothing wrong about preferring either over the other. It’s all about personal preference. Some confused, closed-minded people may say it’s wrong because they’re confused and don’t like to be faced with things that don’t conform to their understanding of The Way Things Work, but they are wrong. Desire to exclusively have anal sex with women is perfectly understandable and not gay at all (not that there’s anything wrong with being gay or bi either!), and you should not be ashamed of your preferences, even if it may be difficult to find people who understand them sometimes.

Anonymous: She knows how much I love anal. The question is how do I introduce the idea that I would prefer anal in future without hurting her getting hurt feelings? How did others start to discuss ending vaginal sex with their other half? Feeling nervous and not sure how she’ll react so mature and sensible answers please.

Why not start by suggesting a weekend of nothing but anal? Don’t necessarily mention it as part of a long term plan, just play it by ear and see what she thinks about the idea. If she’s open to it, pack that weekend with as much anal sex as you can, but also spend a lot of time focusing on her pleasure alongside the anal, making her cum as often as you can. You want to make it an amazing, unforgettable experience so that a few weeks to a month later if you suggest it again, she jumps at the opportunity.

Ultimately, the desire to go anal only has to be mutual for there to be any success. What you can do is encourage smaller sessions of anal only and focus on making anal sex even more enjoyable for her than vaginal, and see where things go from there.

Anonymous: Loving all the anal related stuff here! I’d happily give up vaginal tomorrow if I could. But what I found is some women like anal, some don’t, none want to do it all the time. Is it normal for me to want just anal instead? What do most other men feel about this?

It’s perfectly normal to just want anal, but it’s also normal to want just vaginal or to want both. Men are more vocal about a desire to go anal only, but there are women out there who would gladly do it as well. Communication and compatibility are key in establishing a successful anal only relationship.

We’ve seen this before. In fact, it’s one of the most frequent questions posed by both men and women.

Here, it is a woman called Kate who has this on her mind. Thankfully another woman has put her at ease, and assured her this is completely normal.

This is one of the primary reasons people are unable to allow themselves to enjoy anal sex as it should be. Such is the social pressure to conform many people worry about how they will be perceived by their partner, or even to have feelings of guilt or self-doubt.

It needs repeating that a desire or preference for anal sex is normal, natural and healthy. It is the denial of this that is harmful.

The anus and rectum are superbly adapted for providing sexual pleasure for both men and women. On top of this the emotional connection, trust and intimacy are unmatched. Most rational people will conclude that it is normal to prefer this over what is, after all, merely a means of reproduction.

Follow this link to read about a man wants to know if anal sex has any advantages over vaginal sex.

He receives this helpful response:

The woman’s anus on the other hand offers a contrasting stimulation. It is extremely smooth, snug fitting and muscular. Add to these markedly increased sensations the taboo nature of the sex act and the fact that the trust and arousal needed to engage in anal sex makes this act much more significant to the man.

Feel free to contact me if you wish but there are many good reasons for women to seek anal sex as well not the least of which is safety from pregnancy and the extremely intense orgasms that result for anal penetration

Most people think of anal sex as something done rarely between heterosexual couples, but this couldn’t be further from the truth, as this article at askmen.com shows:

For example, in ancient Peruvian cultures, at least half of all married couples indulged in anal intercourse in their lovemaking experiences. In addition, a more recent survey of 5000 married couples in rural Brazil found that in 40% of households, anal sex is regularly included in the lovemaking experience.

Furthermore, in Rio de Janeiro, the figure is even higher at around 50%.

They also say:

anal eroticism is probably the oldest manifestation of human sexuality and a very misunderstood sexual practice.

So you can see that there is no reason why desiring an anal only lifestyle should be considered in any way unusual. Anal sex is a normal sexual practice enjoyed by millions everyday, one that many will quite rightly prefer to the exclusion of others.