Anonymous: Will anal cause inconteninse? My wife any I both enjoy anal more then vaginal and experience very intense orgasms, however the only reason why we don’t do it more often it concern that it may make her inconsonant in the future?

Not as long as you’re careful and use proper warmup technique. Incontinence is caused by damaged muscles and nerves. Forcing the muscles open aggressively can potentially cause injury (if it’s painful, you’re doing something wrong and could result in damage) but if you warm up first or develop muscle control to relax at will, you should be fine. Developing that control actually strengthens sphincter muscles rather than weakening them.

You should enjoy anal as often as you want—if you prefer it more than vaginal, going anal only sounds like something you should try for a while.

alexlayer: Small question: Do you know if a woman that’s really experienced in anal sex would eventually outgrow the need for lubricant, or is it still something that should be always necesary?

The need for lubrication isn’t typically something that you can train away. Even if you develop good muscle control and can easily accept large penetrations, that doesn’t change the fact that the rectum is generally not a self-lubricating organ.

I say “generally” because there is a mild form of lubrication—anal mucus—which some people produce in large amounts and thus do not need artificial lubrication. But that is very uncommon and while those people are very blessed if they enjoy anal sex, most everyone else should always use lube—whether saliva, vaginal juices, or something artificial.

My boyfriend and I have tried anal sex a few times throughout our one year (and counting!) relationship. I currently work in the medical field as a CNA in a nursing home and I see almost everyday what bowel incontinence can do to a person’s dignity. My boyfriend enjoys anal sex and I do too (after a while of penetration). My question is, however, how often can a woman have anal sex before she becomes permanently incontinent? Please don’t judge! Thanks!

So what do people start doing? Judging.

ok honey listen. Use lube. and i mean use it. secondly only do it as a special treat not all the time.

also, arent you a little young for anal? whats wrong with vaginal sex at your age.

Starts out a bit patronizing, then makes a valid point (lots of lube is always good)… and then promptly goes off the deep end. There’s no reason to do it only as a special treat. If both partners love anal, do it as often as you want it.

Then the idiotic suggestion that a woman in her early 20s is too young to be trying anal sex and she should just be happy with her vagina at that age. Come on. Not everyone likes vaginal sex as much as anal, regardless of their age. Age has nothing to do with it. Your body and preferences does.

Finally, no one really gave a true answer. And the answer is this: safely practiced anal sex with proper warmup and lubrication, even daily anal sex with the exclusion of vaginal sex, does not cause incontinence, prolapse, fissures, hemorrhoids, or any sort of permanently loose, gaping hole. The sphincter is a muscle, and anal sex exercises it and gives you more tone and control. People who have regular anal sex have better anal control than those who don’t. You can also do kegel exercises to strengthen those muscles even further.

There are some people who have preexisting conditions that make them more susceptible to the aforementioned issues, and anal sex can aggravate or trigger the issues for those people—but so can a lot of other things. There are people who get anal fissures, hemorrhoids and prolapse simply from sitting on a toilet seat and going to the bathroom. In some cases, anal training and sex has helped people with hemorrhoids and fissures because excessive anal tightness made things worse for them.

Anal sex can be amazing – and orgasmic. As my friend and fellow sex educator Rachel Venning says, “Anal sex is like yoga for your butt!” And I agree. It’s healthy for the anal muscles, bringing blood and circulation into the sphincter. But I’m also not afraid to address the obstacles to having great anal play. Here are four valid reasons why you might not want to do it.

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Anonymous: do you know of any websites that are geared toward women to help them learn how to have more “comfortable” anal sex? my girlfriend shoos me away any time i go near it, i think all of her past experiences with it have her too concerned about the pain factor (i’m big, but not “huge”)

Update December 2018: Visit our Anal Sex Advice & Guide to the Anal Only Lifestyle page for a new section of this site that serves exactly this purpose.

Most good anal sex guides out there (and there are quite a few) focus on this issue more than any other. You can read through the archives here, where I’ve addressed this a number of times in the past, as well as this recent post.

Fundamentally, the key is a combination of lube, gradual warmup and increase of size over as long a period is necessary, and patience. You start with small toys and/or fingers, and slowly increase the size she can comfortably fit, stopping if anything is painful and trying again later. The amount of time varies wildly from person to person, with some able to painlessly go straight to anal sex and others needing weeks or months of training first. Everybody’s different, but with the right practice/training nearly anyone can experience painless anal.

OK so we all love sex and apparently all love to talk about it too, but there’s one thing that can kill a conversation faster than the rest – anal sex.

For some reason anal sex has remained a taboo subject in the UK and getting to grips with anal sex problems can be a bit of a mystery to some.

The only place you can really find out more is in pornography and we all know it’s a lot less realistic shall we say, than what actually goes down.

But does it hurt? Is it clean? How many people actually do it? Why would I want to?

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Many people prefer anal sex to vaginal sex. The science behind this phenomenon is that there are many nerve endings in the anus that bring good feelings when they get stimulated. But is it okay to have anal sex? And more importantly, is it harmful?

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Here are ways make anal sex pleasurable for both you and your partner.

August is anal sex month, so I’ve put together some tips for how to try it without any pain and, possibly, find it orgasmic.

I’ll summarize the tips below and you can go to the full article to read the details of each.

1. If you can’t see it happening, it will never happen.
2. You must know your own body.
3. Make sure you lubricate!
4. Use a condom for all anal sex.
5. Women in porn often stimulate their clitoris during anal play.
6. Use your fingers or a small anal toy, like the Bendi Butt Plug, to warm up for anal sex.
7. As Jayme Waxman said on Better Sex Radio, porn stars are sexual athletes.
8. Women should use her muscles to push as she moves onto the penis.

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First, semen anywhere helps a woman’s sex drive regardless if it’s left in a vagina, ass, or mouth. The mouth is probably the least effective being that the acids in the stomach can destroy the testosterone, while the vagina or colon would absorb much more effectively. The colon being the quickest and most effective.  This is the reason why some quick-acting seizure medications are inserted rectally – the body absorbs chemicals the fastest through the colon walls, semen/testosterone included.

Below I will piece together a few articles and let the reader decide. As far as I know, this claim has not been proven and it originally started when my wife, Venice, started to leave my sperm in her ass after sex. For whatever reason, it seemed a bit cleaner to pull out in the last few seconds and put my head in her ass and unload. She liked it, I thought it was a bit more kinky, and her vagina always stayed fresh to eat, not that my sperm has ever scared me away. However, it definitely was much fresher (no day old sperm). If her ass wasn’t as fresh, well… it’s her ass.

We immediately noticed that her sex drive shot through the roof. She began wanting to deepthroat me. In fact, this sparked her entire need to deepthroat (see “Deepthroating – My Introduction”). She went from initiating sex 10% of the time to 75% of the time, and she demanded that I cum inside her, especially in her ass.

Unsure of exactly what was happening, whether it was her maturing sexually, her age, or the semen in her ass, I began to experiment. For weeks at a time I would only cum in her mouth or vagina and slowly her sex drive would decline. She didn’t notice, but as a man, I did. If I came in her ass, within the next 15 minutes and lasting for the next 48 hours, it seemed to affect her libido. Her oral would change from slow and pleasant, to aggressive and demanding. Her sex talk would go from dirty to extremely dirty, especially when she talked about my cum.

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After a wife and mom read the accounts of two women who tried — but didn’t really like — anal sex, she got in touch with me to talk about why she likes it so much. Here, she shares her tips for experimenting with anal sex and discusses the stigma surrounding it.

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