Message: Wanted To Have Vaginal Sex, Now Not So Sure

Anonymous: Hi! I’m glad I found your blog, it seems the perfect place to ask this question I’ve been asking myself for quite a while.

I’m 24 and I first had sex when I was 17, but we only did anal and oral. I didn’t have access to birth control and didn’t want to get pregnant, and my parents were religious so they always pushed not losing my virginity until I got married. I know having anal sex doesn’t make me a virgin anymore, but I was young and horny and it seemed like a good compromise at the time. I loved it, it felt amazing and I quickly learned to orgasm from anal, so there was no urgent reason to start doing vaginal sex.

I got older and had more boyfriends and since I enjoyed anal so much and still felt my parents saying I needed to keep my pussy virgin until I got married, so I always told them I was saving myself for marriage but we could do anal, and they were almost always totally okay with that, so it was easy to just stay anal only, even though I wasn’t in that mindset and really wanted to do vaginal too someday. I had never considered the idea of only doing anal forever, it was just for practical reasons at first and then because I liked it so much and it was so easy to just stay that way and not challenge myself.

Now, I’m not at all religious and no longer have any religious motivation to stay a vaginal virgin, but I’m in a relationship now with a man who I love very much who has told me how much he loves that I have always only had anal sex and that he would like me to stay a vaginal virgin, not to stay “pure” but because he is only interested in having anal sex and he thinks it’s sexy that I’m not only anal only but that I’ve never even done vaginal and that my vagina is virgin.

I had a hard time with this idea, because as I said I always wanted to lose my vaginal virginity eventually even if I have only done anal for seven years now and really do love it, but I can see his side as well. Even I can see why it’s an appealing idea, there’s something special and sexy about being different from all the other girls and never using my pussy, only my ass, but I still wonder and haven’t decided for sure yet.

For anyone who thinks he’s being unfair or selfish, he isn’t, we’re equal partners in our relationship, we love and respect each other very much, and we talk about each other’s wants and needs. He will respect whatever I do, but he will also share his opinion and desires, and I respect that too.

Do you have any advice you can offer? Should I try to have vaginal sex at least once to see what it’s like? Or should I do what he suggests and just move on from the idea of it entirely? We probably won’t have children, or if we did, we’d adopt, so that isn’t a factor. Thank you!

I think you should stay a vaginal virgin and commit to being anal only for good. You already know you love anal sex, you’ve been anal only for close to a decade now, and all your sexual experience and development has been anal oriented. Vaginal sex can’t get anywhere close to the pleasure, intensity or intimacy of anal, so by starting with anal you’re already doing the most enjoyable thing, and trying vaginal at this point is just going to be disappointing in comparison to what you’re used to.

Most women who start with anal and enjoy it, then try vaginal later, ultimately end up returning to anal only and say they regret ever wasting any time with vaginal and wish they’d kept their vaginal virginity. So why bother? Stay an anal only vaginal virgin and have no regrets.

You love it, your boyfriend loves it and has openly expressed how sexy he thinks it would be for you to stay anal only with him, and the fact that you don’t foresee having children are all reasons to shift your thinking and no longer see anal as something to do for now until you eventually do vaginal, instead recognizing that you’re already doing the ultimate form of sex and that there’s no reason to backtrack to something inferior that you won’t get anywhere as much enjoyment out of.

Be proud and happy to be purely anal only.

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