Message: My Spastic Butthole
Buttlyn: Ok. This is the second message I send to the blog and I hope you answer it too.
I’m the brazilian girl who had a broken pussy and a anal addicted boyfriend (nowadays my husband), but wanted to try v****** “sex”. It’s improbable that you remember, but ok. Here I go.
I have a soft brain palsy what made almost every muscle of mine more rigid than normal, including my butthole. It sucks.
At this point, I suppose that you already can guess what my problem is. Yeah, I discovered that’s the reason why I can’t be penetrated in my wronghole. But it also disturbs my pleasure while doing anal.
I don’t want to fuck using a anesthetic lube or this kind of shit, but I cannot train my butthole’s endurance because I have no control over it. Sometimes I watch those porn girls doing huge insertions, fisting and hatefuck and I feel like crying, full of envy. I feel myself impotent, like I’m not enough, like I’ll never become a more-than-good buttslut to my husband. My ass does not even loose up if I’m not rubbing my clit, and I cannot masturbate my asshole at the same time because I have only one functional hand.
I couldn’t give my man a nice Christmas assfucking due this problem. I’m about to freak out! Please, help me! My case is too specific for Google.
I suspect I would remember your earlier message, but I’m not sure offhand from just what you’ve said here. If you find your previous message in our archives, feel free to send a link to me and I can cross-link or tag them so that readers can easily follow the full conversation across posts.
Definitely don’t use an anesthetic lube, as that will only mask any pain, not prevent the root issue of muscle tightness/cramping. And where there’s pain, there’s risk of injury as a result of those tight muscles. What you need is a way to relax and warm up your muscles instead.
While it sounds like you’re experienced with anal sex at this point, you might want to go back to the early stages of anal training for solo play on your own and as warmup before sex. Lie on your side and rub your clit or use a vibrator on it while rubbing across and around your anus with a finger from your other hand and try to relax your anal muscles as you do so, then slip your finger inside as you feel ready to do so, and keep gradually going up in size from there. If smaller sizes cause you no trouble, try working around the edge of where larger sizes cause difficulty and discomfort. Even without such a medical condition, everyone has some anal muscles they can learn to consciously control and others that are involuntary, so while it may be more difficult for you, there may still be some benefits to working on this more often. Read our new anal training guide for more details on this topic if needed.
Depending on how much warmup you do before sex, you may need to do the above before you start a session, as well as rubbing your clit while your husband performs oral sex on your ass to further help it relax.
For clitoral stimulation during anal masturbation, you might look for a clitoral vibrator that attaches and stays in places so you don’t need to hold it. Venus butterfly vibrators and others similar to this sit in place over your pussy with bands that go around your legs to hold it there so it can keep vibrating against your clit hands-free.
Similarly, a dildo with a suction cup can help you to masturbate hands-free while you have one hand on your clit and ride up and down on a dildo without needing to hold it.
Finally, a doctor may be able to suggest exercises to help with pelvic floor muscle tightness or spasms, and may be able to prescribe muscle relaxers as well. I am not a doctor, a while I can offer suggestions on adapting certain techniques to help with people who have difficulty with tightness, discomfort or pain, I’m far from an expert on specific conditions.
I hope this is at least somewhat helpful, however, and I absolutely wish you the best in figuring out a way to effectively and consistently enjoy anal sex to the full extent of what you want. Do please feel free to follow up if you have more questions or updates.
I’ve also sent this post to someone from the Anal Only Lifestyle Discord server who can provide more perspective and a more detailed answer regarding your condition, and they will be responding in the comments of this post, so be sure to check back there as well.
Thanks a million for answering! I’m buying the toys you recommended right now! Through your text I realised that I’ve never tried to warm up my butt before sex. That has always been my husband’s job (he has a lot of patience when we’re having sex). I confess that I’m afraid to do something wrong due my physical disability and break my butt or something. The first time I touched my own asshole with sexual intents was 2 months ago (we do anal since 2015). I will try to masturbate my butt when my toys arrive. With a butterfly vibrator and a nice cyberskin dildo I think I can do it. You can say it’s stupid but… I’m fucking anxious! Maybe as much as a girl can be on her first time, haha.
Well, about my first ask: I couldn’t find it. Perhaps it’s on one of your Tumblr blogs, I can’t remember, I’m sorry. I’ll try to search for it later.
Thank you again, my guru. I’m wainting for your friend’s comment. It shall be very useful. Xoxo!
I’m glad it was helpful, and I really hope and think that incorporating more anal masturbation and play into your life will help a lot. Don’t be afraid, you won’t break yourself. If something hurts, stop what you’re doing and figure out why it’s hurting. If you’re too tight and it hurts as a result, try something smaller for a while first and then go back to the larger object. Take pain as a sign to go slower or smaller until that pain fades and work on sizing up gradually. And feel free to follow up with more updates or questions as you start exploring yourself more this way!