Message: Anal Not Enjoyable

Anonymous: So my bf is really into anal stuff, weve tried fingers so far just to ease me into it but its just really not enjoyable for me. It didnt hurt at all but i felt the urge to start pushing his fingers back out. It wasnt sore or uncomfortable it was just really not enjoyable. Is there anyway that we can make it more enjoyable? I really want to like it for him.

So, this isn’t that uncommon for people with no anal experience, because up to this point your only experience with something in your ass is the urge to go to the bathroom, so inserting something with the intent of pleasure can still trigger that “get it out” reaction in you and not feel pleasurable in a sexual way because that other reaction is overpowering it.

What usually works for a lot of people is to combine a bit of anal stimulation with something else that feels really good for you, to start “rewiring” your brain to interpret anal stimulation as something pleasurable and not just think about it in its functional sense. So, if you really enjoy clitoral stimulation, do a lot of that while gently rubbing and lightly fingering your ass (with a well-lubricated finger). Try having him rub or finger your ass while he eats your pussy or rubbing his thumb against the outside during vaginal sex, etc. Have him rim you (lick your ass). That not only feels amazing, it helps relax you for further play. The more relaxed you are, the easier you open up, and the more pleasurable things feel. Try working up to giving yourself an orgasm with your clit while you have a finger in your ass at the same time. This can often be a more intense orgasm due to the anal penetration at the same time. Once it starts feeling good, keep doing it regularly and keep exploring different aspects of what feels good. If something you try feels good, keep doing that and see where that feeling takes you.

Try doing it yourself, at your own pace, where you control everything yourself rather than with him—just at first, while you are first figuring out how to enjoy it.

Good luck! Anal is amazing, but it can take a little bit of work to get to that point and isn’t always amazing right off the bat when you first try it. It sounds like you’re motivated to get there, which is the most important thing, and it’s well-worth the effort.

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