Message: How Do I Get My Girlfriend to Try Anal?

Anonymous: How do I get my gf to consider anal? Whenever I bring it up she just complains about unhygienic it is

Done correctly, anal is actually not particularly dirty. Unless you have a poor diet or need to go to the near future, the rectum should be empty. There’s always a small chance of encountering a bit of fecal matter, but all you have to do is wash it off. It’s not a big deal if you don’t make it a big deal. You can also wear latex gloves and condoms to make it easier to clean up if it remains a concern.

If she only sees it as gross and doesn’t consider the benefits as well, it’s not likely she will want to try. You could start by asking if you can gently rub her anus with your thumb during doggy style vaginal sex. She should take a shower and thoroughly clean the area with soap and water first if she is concerned about hygiene. External anal stimulation like this, along with vaginal and clitoral stimulation at the same time, can often feel nice, and begin to build pleasurable associations with the area. Analingus similarly can feel amazing, but she is unlikely to want to try that at first if her primary concern is hygiene.

If she is willing to try external stimulation with your finger and does not dislike it, ask if you can insert a finger. You can get small finger condoms (also called “finger cots”) for hygiene purposes. When starting out, always accompany this with clitoral and/or vaginal stimulation. Try a finger inserted anally while performing oral sex on her, and keep it inserted through orgasm. Anal stimulation often enhances orgasm tremendously.

It is important that she be comfortable, though. If she is not relaxed about doing it, she is unlikely to find it physically comfortable either. Fear of making a mess can cause involuntary clenching which makes insertion much more uncomfortable. Many recommend that when starting out, it is a good idea for a woman to have had one orgasm already before trying anal penetration, to help her relax and enjoy it more.

You should generally never jump right to full on anal intercourse without experimenting first with fingers and toys and ensuring she can comfortably fit an object the size of your penis. Above all things you do not want her to feel any pain or discomfort or pressure to do something she does not want to, or else she may not want to try it again and may never discover the pleasure possible from anal.

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