Message: Do You Advocate No Clit?

Anonymous: My husband has been trying to get me to commit to going anal only for a few months now. He recently found your blog and showed me it to prove that it’s a thing that people do and it’s helping to win me round. He says that I have to promise I’ll never touch my pussy or my clit in a sexual way ever again, and always keep my ass clean and ready for him. The only time he’ll be willing to go down on me is to rim me, and I will get no vaginal/clitoral stimulation whatsoever. Is that what you promote?

What I promote is doing some subset of those things if they are mutually appealing to all partners and everyone is on board with it and wants to do it. I definitely do not encourage pressuring anyone who isn’t interested to give up things they enjoy or do things they don’t enjoy. I also don’t encourage diving immediately into a state of absolute denial. Clitoral/orgasm denial, edging, etc., are some more advanced things that some people enjoy, but there are many others who consider themselves anal only who play with their clit and pussy in a non-penetrative manner during anal sex. Both are completely legitimate (as is not being anal only!).

Is anal sex something you already enjoy? If so, I would suggest a trial period of a month or more going anal only to see how you like it. If you enjoy being anal only, then try it for a longer period of time. If you don’t, then stop. It’s got to be something you both enjoy for it to work. And if you want to experiment with more advanced stages of denial, approach those gradually, and later. If you don’t, don’t. There’s nothing wrong with your husband wanting those things, but if you don’t share the interest, don’t let him force them on you. I’m not a fan of one sexual partner giving ultimatums or telling another what is going to happen from now on. Sex is a shared act, and everyone has an equal say.

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