Message: Boyfriend Wants Me To Try Anal, Go Anal Only

Anonymous: Hi, my name is Lucy and i am 19 years old, my boyfriend has been pushing me for a while to try anal sex the to become anal sex only after sometime, and I always turn him down because I have a fear of having, pain and diseases from anal, and have a lose butthole. he is kinda wiled and rough so if i said yes for one thing he will keep pushing until he gets everything. i dont want to lose him and i wanna do the right thing, please advise me.

First, he shouldn’t push you to do things you don’t want to do and if you don’t want it, you should make that clear to him and that you expect him to request your wishes.

At the same time, your fears about anal are based largely on misconceptions. Done correctly and with the proper training and warmup first, anal will not hurt. Read the other posts here and elsewhere about anal training/warmup and start practicing with fingers and smaller toys well before trying to have anal sex the first time, and also of course always use lube.

Disease/injury is also generally not a concern from anal sex, again if you practice it safely and work to avoid pain—pain is a sign of injury, and so it should be avoided rather than ignoring it. And it can be avoided.

Getting loose or gaping open all the time is also a myth and something that just doesn’t happen. Instead, with practice and training your anal muscles become more flexible and can expand more easily within a wider range, and immediately after sex or play or plug wear you would notice being looser, but the resting state returns to being tight again quite naturally. Over time you can also actually strengthen the muscles (using them exercises them, as with all muscles) as well as gain more conscious control over how loose or tight you want to be at any given moment—relaxing loosening up at will to help with penetration for sex, etc.

If anal interests you and you’d like to try it, then I’d suggest doing so—on your terms. Start playing and practicing, fingering your ass while you masturbate, working up to two and then three fingers as you get comfortable with the first, then a dildo or a butt plug, and get comfortable and familiar with it before trying to have sex with your boyfriend.

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