Message: Losing My Ability to Orgasm From Anal

Anonymous: My boyfriend and I did anal only for three weeks and it was great, no pain or anything. However, I started to loose my ability to orgasm from it. We tried less lube, tried no plug before. He said I still felt tight but I haven’t been around to orgasm as easily as I was before from anal. Any help? I’m thinking it’s taking me longer, but my bf can’t last that long.

I’m sorry to hear that, and I’m even more sorry that I don’t have any particularly great advice to offer as this is not a situation I have any experience with. I doubt the plug use before or amount of lube would have anything to do with it, and I recommend continuing to use the plug if it’s necessary for warmup and as much lube as you need. Tightness shouldn’t be a factor either (and you’re not going to get loose just because you’ve started having a lot of anal sex—it doesn’t work that way).

It’s possible that your sensitivity has decreased somewhat as it’s become less of a new thing and you’ve gotten used to it, so to speak. I would suggest trying a few things.

  1. Temporarily (for the purposes of experimentation) reduce how often you have sex so that you’re more aroused when you do have it. You could try coupling this with edging if you wanted to increase your arousal level between sex. You can also try adding edging without reducing the frequency of sex if it seems like that works better.
  2. Spend some time experimenting, both on your own and with your boyfriend, to see what feels best. Try different angles and positions, try with and without different forms of clitoral stimulation (manual, vibrator), etc.
  3. Along those lines, are you combining clitoral stimulation with the anal penetration, or had you been orgasming from anal alone? If the latter, there’s certainly nothing wrong with using your clit if you need it to orgasm.
  4. Try to spend more time during foreplay getting your ass ready and getting turned on with fingers and toys during oral, etc., so that you’re already partway there by the time you begin anal intercourse.

I hope something there might be helpful, and that you’re able to get back into enjoying anal at the same level you had been. Good luck, and please feel free to follow up if you’re successful or have any further questions.

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