Message: Interested in Anal Only, But Have Concerns

Anonymous: I’m really interested in going anal only as a lady, but I have 2 concerns. 1) no matter how much lube I use, with toys I always seem to bleed. Is it going to be less common with a guy since its skin on skin? and 2) I really, really don’t ever want a gape. I don’t want the muscle to get loose or do damage so i ever feel uncomfortable using the bathroom or that I’m gonna fall out. But I LOVE sex, and love anal when I do it myself. Any solutions to reduce muscle wear over time?

You might just need to go more slowly and with smaller toys at first. Even with lube, stretching a bit too much too quickly can cause minor bleeding. If you do encounter bleeding, just stop the play and let it heal for a day or two. Try something like wearing a butt plug for a while before doing other forms of anal play to help relax the area beforehand.

Gapes are not permanent and not really the result of stretching (except in extreme cases). They are the result of gaining muscle control and being able to consciously relax those muscles. Anal play and sex with penis-sized objects will not cause muscle damage (assuming the proper warmup). It is possible to cause damage with larger objects, but that’s extremely rare and it’s of course also possible to safely play with large objects. Regular safe anal play increases your muscle control over the area and you can more easily tighten or loosen at will. Loss of muscle tone from anal sex is a myth. Using your anal muscles strengthens them.

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