Anonymous: How do I get my gf to consider anal? Whenever I bring it up she just complains about unhygienic it is

Done correctly, anal is actually not particularly dirty. Unless you have a poor diet or need to go to the near future, the rectum should be empty. There’s always a small chance of encountering a bit of fecal matter, but all you have to do is wash it off. It’s not a big deal if you don’t make it a big deal. You can also wear latex gloves and condoms to make it easier to clean up if it remains a concern.

If she only sees it as gross and doesn’t consider the benefits as well, it’s not likely she will want to try. You could start by asking if you can gently rub her anus with your thumb during doggy style vaginal sex. She should take a shower and thoroughly clean the area with soap and water first if she is concerned about hygiene. External anal stimulation like this, along with vaginal and clitoral stimulation at the same time, can often feel nice, and begin to build pleasurable associations with the area. Analingus similarly can feel amazing, but she is unlikely to want to try that at first if her primary concern is hygiene.

If she is willing to try external stimulation with your finger and does not dislike it, ask if you can insert a finger. You can get small finger condoms (also called “finger cots”) for hygiene purposes. When starting out, always accompany this with clitoral and/or vaginal stimulation. Try a finger inserted anally while performing oral sex on her, and keep it inserted through orgasm. Anal stimulation often enhances orgasm tremendously.

It is important that she be comfortable, though. If she is not relaxed about doing it, she is unlikely to find it physically comfortable either. Fear of making a mess can cause involuntary clenching which makes insertion much more uncomfortable. Many recommend that when starting out, it is a good idea for a woman to have had one orgasm already before trying anal penetration, to help her relax and enjoy it more.

You should generally never jump right to full on anal intercourse without experimenting first with fingers and toys and ensuring she can comfortably fit an object the size of your penis. Above all things you do not want her to feel any pain or discomfort or pressure to do something she does not want to, or else she may not want to try it again and may never discover the pleasure possible from anal.

For my wife and I anal sex brings us both to orgasm, vaginal is nice sometimes for both of us but not nearly to the extent of anal sex. My wife is able to achieve orgasm through vaginal sex every time, I can’t. So for us anal sex is the more regular type of penetration sex that we both enjoy all the way to orgasm.

From here.

That is the question asked by a woman at guyspeak.com.

Sadly, she is given the completely wrong advice:

A guy who won’t stop pestering his girlfriend to let him in the backdoor is a creep, and you will be too if you push your man to do something he’s not comfortable with. These are the compromises we must make as civilized creatures.

If it’s really important to you, let him know that; maybe you can come to an understanding. Maybe even try to tempt him again every once in a while. But if he’s a flat-out no, at the end of the day, you can’t force him to change something so personal. And pushing will probably just make him defensive and pouty.

Nowhere does she say she is pestering him, he doesn’t really answer her question nor does he acknowledge the crucial point that she needs anal in her sex life.

No investigation of why he may not want anal, or what she could do to get him more interested, but basically telling her she is creepy, pushy and unreasonable.

The truth is that the boyfriend may come around, but ultimately sexual compatibility is key in maintaining a relationship. It isn’t healthy to remain in a relationship where your sexual needs are not met, and this includes anal.

Unfortunately, this is too often the negative attitude of those that prefer anal sex routinely encounter.

Lets hope she paid more attention to a later answer:

Seriously, you should probably have him watch some anal porn with you. Watching it may help him see how fun and wonderful it can be. But don’t get just an exclusively anal porn. Something that has vaginal sex in it as well. This may help him get used to the idea better if he relates it with “normal” sex.

Anonymous: You’ve given me the outline of a plan for my new man I’m dating. Thanks for the ideas. I started out by getting him to play with my ass-hole while we had sex. I don’t think anyone has asked him before and he seemed genuinely interested so got my fingers crossed he’ll like to do more.

That’s fantastic. I wish you the best of luck.

That’s the question asked at allsexadvice.com and something frequently asked by those worried that their anal lovemaking may cause complications down the line.

Nothing could be further from the truth. You can have as much anal sex as you like, provided their is no pain which would indicate some pre-existing medical condition. Normal anal sex (not rough) with adequate lubrication cannot cause any harm. The anus is a powerful ring of muscle which, like all muscles, will actually benefit from exercise, which tones, strengthens and increases blood flow. No muscle will go slack, or lose, from over use.

The answers at allsexadvice.com confirm this, both from a sound medical knowledge and from long-term experience:

I hate to keep repeating myself, but I just wanted to comment on this thread. My wife and I tried anal sex 14 years ago and have been hooked ever since. For about 11 years following that experience, we had anal sex three to five times a week, and vaginal sex only 6-12 times a year. In the past few years my wife’s been in “anal overdrive.” We’ve been having anal sex at least five times a week during that time. Many weeks we may have anal sex eight to twelve times. A couple of months ago we had anal sex something like eight times in one weekend.

He goes on to describe the pleasure they both have with anal sex and finishes with this:

With all of this anal sex in the past 14 years, neither of us has ever had any problems as a result. And, my wife’s ass is just as tight as the first time we had anal sex. She’s just learned to control the muscles back there.

So, to make a long story short… Oh, too late. Anyway, my wife and I don’t think there’s such a thing as too much anal sex.

Read this discussion where a man wants to know:

Are there ladies here who would actually not miss vaginal sex, and prefer to do anal only with their partner. I’m a big fan of anal, but wonder whether I’m -too- much into it?

I could easily see myself doing anal only if my partner wanted.

Seeing if I’m unusual! Any blokes would prefer anal all the time?

The topic is is still quite recent so go ahead and add your opinion on the subject.

The first time wasn’t comfortable, and we took it nice and slowly. But the feeling of fullness felt so intimate and gratifying that I enjoyed it a lot more than I expected. My husband is very well endowed, so it took a few more times to get used to the stretching.

Now that I’m pregnant, we have anal sex about twice a week. I like submitting to my husband and feeling like he has conquered me sexually, and this has brought us closer together at a time when we’re about to start a family. It feels like our naughty secret, and its something I know I can offer when he needs a big release.

Source here.

Anonymous: I’m appreciative of the others who’ve shared their stories. Good luck to them and please, please keep us updated! Thanks also for keeping this blog alive. I too find myself more and more bored with vaginal. Don’t know why that is, but I could see myself going anal only if the situation was right. I used to think it must be over-rated but after trying it one time with an ex I was surprised at how good it was. Nice to hear that women think about this too and not just the men like I thought!

Because there is still some residual stigma about confessing to a liking for anal sex, it is sadly the case that often one half in a relationship will keep their desires to themselves. There is nothing much more destructive to a relationship than unfulfilled sexual desires.

Consider how plainly disappointed this woman is:

I think my bf is really shy about getting into anal. We haven’t tried in at least a month. It’s always my idea to try it, and I don’t know how he feels about using fingers. Honestly, I’ve given up. I don’t want to do anal, unless he really wants to also.

It is clear from the tone how much she needs anal sex as a part of her physical relationship. And it is tragic that her boyfriend probably likes it too but feels awkward asking for it. The likely scenario is that he is waiting on her to initiate anal sex, while she is exasperated with it always being her idea. If only they would both be open with each other…

Please, if you have an interest in anal sex, make sure you communicate this to your partner. You don’t need to make demands, or pressure them. Just be clear about how much anal sex means to you and that you’ll always be willing to have anal sex when they suggest it.

One reason that many couples don’t opt for anal only is that, although the act is enjoyable, there can still be unfamiliar sensations for the women which take time to become accustomed to. The remedy is actually more frequent anal sex.

Take this woman:

I am the first woman to have anal sex with my husband, he loved it. Although it felt good while I was coming, the rest of the time I felt awkward, like I needed to poop. Will this feeling always be there during anal? I’d hate to never do it for him again.

She knows how much it means to her husband, enjoys it, but is naturally a little hesitant to continue.

Any fears she may have are negated, as she is fortunate to receive several knowledgeable and well informed responses, such as this one:

A normal feeling which will disappear as you become more and more accustomed to it and the the nerve endings in your anal cavity develop so you feel more pleasure. But if you can orgasm from anal already believe me honey you are way ahead of the game!

The lesson here is this: don’t give up easily, give it time and the pleasure will grow for both of you.