Message: Anal Stretching/Gaping Before Sex
Nthan: Me and my gf are engaging in semi-regular anal sex (she’s new to anal and we are taking it slow). She takes it well, but I really want to train her more, I want to stretch and gape her before we have anal sex. She likes to gape when we fuck, but shes dragging her feet with this and doesn’t engage when i try to talk to her.
I would appreciate some help to get her more in to it and also toys to use to stretch her out (i like hollow plugs, need to get one asap)
FYI – We still use her pussy, about 60/40 pussy to ass, trying to move in the right direction at a good pace
Your help please?
Thanks for sharing your question — it’s clear you’re enthusiastic about anal and excited to deepen the experience with your girlfriend. That’s great, and it sounds like you’re already making progress together. It’s important to remember that anal training, especially stretching and gaping, isn’t just physical — it’s emotional and psychological too. For many people, especially those newer to anal, it can take time to fully embrace the idea of training or making anal the primary focus.
You mentioned that she enjoys gaping when you’re having sex, which is a great sign — she’s already finding pleasure in the sensations and reactions of her body. What might be happening now is that she’s unsure how to approach more structured stretching, or she may be hesitant about what it means long term. Rather than pushing for training directly, try talking with her about what turns you on about seeing her open up, and invite her to share what she likes about anal so far. Keep it light and sexy — not pressure-filled — and center it around shared pleasure and intimacy, not just goals.
As far as toys, starting with medium-sized silicone plugs with longer necks can help her get used to deeper and more sustained stretch. Hollow plugs can be exciting visually and for warmup, but for comfort and daily training, a solid plug with a smooth taper may be better. You can also explore mutual play — try using toys together during foreplay or while watching porn, and make it feel fun and bonding rather than like a routine or a task.
Finally, since you’re still having a mix of vaginal and anal, it might help to agree on small, positive shifts rather than jumping to anal only immediately. Maybe you set aside one night a week that’s just for anal, or try taking a break from vaginal for a week as a sexy challenge. Focus on deepening your shared love for anal rather than eliminating other kinds of sex too fast. The more she associates anal with fun, connection, and affirmation, the more she’ll want to explore what her ass is capable of — for herself, not just for you.
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