Message: Girlfriend Can’t Cum From Anal

Anonymous: Hi. I’m a 20yo French man, and I’m with my beautiful, lovely girlfriend since more than two months (sorry for my english). I love anal sex so much, and always loved it, but she can’t cum by being fucked anally. And I would like to make her cum this way, and “convert” her to anal only, cus I love it so freaking much, but she just like “appreciate” it, she’s doing it for my pleasure and I don’t like it.. How could I do ?

Does she actually enjoy anal and just not cum from it directly? A lot of women can’t cum from just anal (just as most can’t cum from just vaginal) but still love and enjoy it, so those are two separate issues. If she doesn’t really enjoy it and is just doing it for your pleasure, it sounds like you need to work together to help her really enjoy it and work towards making her cum frequently while receiving anal penetration, rather than the more difficult initial goal of cumming from anal penetration. Finger her ass or use a butt plug on her while eating her pussy or rubbing her clit. Use a vibrator on her during anal sex. And so on. Clit denial can be a lot of fun and great for a lot of people, but you’ve got to already enjoy anal on its own before you can really try that, and the most common way to do that is to associate anal with existing sources of pleasure—the clit being the obvious answer.

The original poster responded:

Wow, you answered pretty fast! 🙂 It’s not that she dislik anal sex, but just enjoy it a little bit. And i try to touch or finger her ass while we’re having “normal” sex, but most of time she doesn’t want, cus she’s always scared by being dirty… And i don”t want to force her at anything, i want her to enjoy it as much as i do. I love her, and her pleasure is my pleasure.

So it sounds like she does enjoy it but there’s a phobia about its cleanliness which interferes with her full enjoyment sometimes. The fact is that unless she has to go to the bathroom right then, her rectum is generally going to be empty and quite clean, especially if she has a balanced diet with a healthy amount of fiber. Perhaps through positive reinforcement and talking about how much you love her ass and how much it turns you on to play with her ass and talking with her about her fears of cleanliness you can gradually open her up to… letting you open her up, as it were.

The original version of this post on Tumblr received the following response.

disobedient-kitkat: Please don’t force her. I’m so so glad you aren’t pushing her. I suffer from cleanliness ocd, and i figure the only way I can engage comfortably in anal play is if there is a barrier between the finger/penis and the rectum, such as a glove or condom. Toys or objects used for ass play I would also avoid using orally. Its obviously no where near ideal, and I wish I wouldn’t have to worry about such things, but maybe talk to her about options like this…? Even if my rectum is clean and I’ve used an enema for extra certainty, I’m unable to avoid this paranoia. If she’s similar then maybe she has some loopholes like I mentioned that might work for you guys.

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