Message: Boyfriend Loves Anal, I Don’t

Anonymous: I have been with my boyfriend for a while now, and he loves anal and although on occasion we do it I never enjoy it, believe me I have tried using toys like dildos, bullet vibrators, tried preparing with plugs, almost everything can be done and its not that it hurts I just gain absolutely no pleasure from it. I feel bad because i know he loves it but it doesn’t do a thing for me I could never /ever/ stop having vaginal sex because I adore it..

I’m sorry to hear anal doesn’t do anything for you—everyone’s bodies are different and occasionally there are some people who just don’t get any pleasure from anal. Sometimes, however, it can still be possible to train your body to derive pleasure from something it doesn’t initially. It sounds like you’ve tried some of that, e.g. attempting to associate pleasure with anal by using a vibrator on your clit during anal penetration. Have you also tried orgasming while something is in your ass? Masturbating while a plug is in, or wearing a plug during vaginal sex can be a good way of associating good feelings with anal.

Another method that can sometimes work to develop anal pleasure and anal orgasms is to abstain from vaginal stimulation for a period of time and focus all your stimulation anally. It doesn’t have to be permanent if you don’t want it to be, and certainly should be at first anyway. You can try it for a few days at a time initially, then expand it to perhaps a week, with breaks in between. Some people have had to go several months with anal only before being able to orgasm from it, but others have had success sooner. The idea is that your body has become so used to vaginal stimulation—and it sounds like pleasure is comparatively easy for you to get vaginally—that it doesn’t recognize anal stimulation as pleasure yet.

I understand you may not wish to spend so much effort on something you get nothing out of, but I believe anal pleasure is accessible to nearly everyone—it’s just not always easy to obtain at first for some.

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