Message: My Boyfriend Wants to Go Back to Vaginal
Amy: Hi, I’ve been anal only for the past year and a half, and at first my boyfriend was really into it. We had amazing sex, I was stretching regularly, and we even do double anal using toys. He said it was the hottest sex we’d ever had.
But lately, he’s been asking if we can “mix it up” and have vaginal sex again. I told him that I’m committed to anal only, that I don’t get anything out of vaginal sex anymore, and that I don’t want to go backward. He said he understood, but I can tell he’s disappointed, and it’s starting to make me feel guilty. Should I give in once in a while just to make him happy? I really don’t want to.
It can be normal for some people to want what they don’t have and if he feels like vaginal is off the table he may be feeling the desire for it again to either “establish dominance”, even subconsciously, or to just try it again. I’m of mixed feelings about the best response here—it’s clear that you don’t want vaginal, and that’s completely reasonable. Sometimes, though, it can be valuable for people in that state of craving to try vaginal again only to discover how truly inferior it is to anal, and it strengthens their resolve to stay anal only going forward. It gets rid of the fantasy through cold, hard reality: vaginal just isn’t that good.
I would suggest talking with him about other ways you could compromise. Are there other fantasies he might want to explore instead? Tell him you want to keep your vagina unused going forward but you’re open to trying other things with him that he’d like. Does he want to do double anal more often? Would he like to start sharing your ass with a friend for some real DAP? Ass to mouth? Piss play? Physical chastity for you? There are all sorts of things to explore without using your pussy at all. Vaginal sex will just hold the two of you back.
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