Message: Not a Monolith

Anonymous: As a married woman who despises anal sex married to a man who has attempted to pressure me for years to go AO, I hope you understand anal is not the answer or even pleasurable for every woman. We are now divorcing over this issue.

I’m happy spaces like this exist for my soon to be ex husband, but in the same way his sexual wants are entirely valid, so are mine.

Not all women will eventually find anal enjoyable. Please understand that’s okay too. I think your blog can be very pushy that women can be ‘convinced’ to like anal, and if they don’t like it, they’ve just been doing it wrong, or had bad experiences with it. I’m sure that is sometimes the case, but not always. As someone who’s former partner spent years linking this blog to me, I just felt the need to come out and say this –

I don’t like anal, because it’s just not my preference, it physically doesn’t feel good to me. It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t feel ‘dirty’. I just don’t like the sensation.

Thank you for sharing this message. It’s an important one. Not everyone does enjoy or prefer anal, and that’s okay.

That fact has been pointed out on this blog in the past, but as it has grown, and the majority of people reaching out have been those with an existing preference for, or open curiosity about anal sex, the tone has inadvertently ended up shifting somewhat, and I think it’s necessary to get a bit more grounded in recognizing that while it’s reasonable for someone to discuss anal sex and the anal only lifestyle with their partner, and try it together if they’re willing, not everyone is going to be interested or like it, and continuing to push them after they’ve made that clear will only push them away.

You can’t force liking anal or being anal only on someone, and trying to do it with someone who doesn’t enjoy it will backfire. Everyone has to be open and willing to try in order for something like anal only to work, and consent is essential in all things sexual.

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3 responses to “Message: Not a Monolith”

  1. Anonymous says:

    For someone “despising anal sex”, why get upset that we despise and discourage vaginal sex?

    Your side is losing ground as people get more and more informed and more and more open, that’s all there is to it. Good luck to your husband for finding what he needs.

  2. Stephen says:

    I think the commenter makes good sense. I wish there was a way to specifically search for women who love anal. Though it is seen as uncouth unfortunately to just come out and state what your sexual needs are as an anal loving straight man (though I think women are not so looked down upon for stating their preference). People who don’t like anal should be free to seek what they want and the rest of us need to locate each other.

  3. Ryan says:

    You’ve known what your husband is into for years. If you can’t go along with his sexual desires, then I guess it’s worth it to get a divorce.

    As an AO man, I can’t fathom living with a woman that doesn’t enjoy anal and doesn’t want it at least 9/10 times. We only have a short time on this planet. You bet I want to spend as much time as possible with my cock occupying her ass. It’s magnitudes better than pussy fucking.

    While the divorce itself isn’t good, I think it’ll bring happiness for you both – especially your husband who deserves to live his AO sexual desires. I’m glad that there was some kind of resolution. It’s okay if you don’t want it, but I really think his sexual pleasure should’ve been a higher priority years ago.

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