Ginger: My husband and I share a loving and strong marriage, raising a wonderful family together. Over time, our intimate connection has evolved, and we’ve grown comfortable exploring new ways to enjoy each other, especially through regular anal sex. We even watch porn—nothing too crazy, mostly gangbang related stuff.

But deep down, I don’t always feel completely fulfilled. It’s like there’s something more I need: to feel wanted, engaged, used in a way that’s raw and hardcore. The thought of being in a real gangbang and taking double anal keeps playing in my mind. I crave that surrender, that edge. The fantasy feels so strong and necessary to make me happy.

My problem is, I have no idea how to bring this up with my husband. He’s loving, but I’m torn between wanting more and fearing how it might change his view of me. I’m scared he’ll think I’m too much, or maybe gets interested in other women if we go too far. I want to keep our marriage special, but part of me feels selfish for wanting more without wanting to share him. Is anyone else in a similar spot? How do you approach this kind of conversation without risking everything good you already have?

I am really worried. I feel like time is slipping away, and if I don’t take the step to share these desires soon, it might never happen.

What you are feeling is a very natural progression. Often, as we get more comfortable with the intensity of anal only, our minds start pushing the boundaries of what that intensity could look like.

Your fear of how your husband will view you is the biggest hurdle most couples face. However, the fact that you already watch gangbang porn together is actually a huge green flag and suggests he enjoys the idea at some level as well.

My advice is to stop viewing this as selfish. If this fantasy is what you need to feel fully alive and engaged, sharing it is actually an act of intimacy, not a betrayal of the marriage. Start by talking about the content you watch together. Ask him, “What is it about these scenes that you think we both enjoy?” and use that as a bridge to say that you fantasize about being part of one.

You don’t have to jump into a real gangbang tomorrow. You can start with “simulated” double anal using toys or just deep roleplay to test the waters of that surrender you crave, and expand from there.

Emma: A few weeks since my last post. The craving never really eased, multiple men with two cocks stretching my ass wide, sliding together inside me, that deep, complete pressure that makes everything else fade. I needed it so much it was hard to breathe and be in the moment sometimes.

He’d noticed I wasn’t okay for months. Kept asking, sitting me down maybe four or five times to talk. Each time I couldn’t open up, just shut down. Last time I was too tired to keep dodging. I finally told him everything about my past, the wild orgies, the multiple men, the double anal that made me feel so alive and used. Tears came while I said it, voice shaking. How I love him, love what we have, but I’m starving without that intensity.

He took it all in quietly. Said it was a lot to process. He needed some time to think, to put it together in his head. We didn’t talk much for a couple days, but he wasn’t cold, just thinking. Then he came back and said he loves me too much to let me stay unhappy. Doesn’t want to lose me. We could try it. Slowly.

Last weekend we went to a special party, a themed “gangbang”. Small, trusted group, clear rules. We had a safe word just for him if it got too much, we’d leave immediately, no questions, no guilt. He stayed right beside me the whole time, hand on my shoulder or my back, grounding me.

The party evolved as I hoped. No safe word. I found myself at the center of the attention. Finally I felt two guys easing into my ass together, slow, careful, then deeper. I felt that familiar burn turn into the stretch I’d craved. They moved, found a rhythm, and I was in my element, moaning, taking it, coming hard. All eyes on me. During it I saw his discomfort at first, face tight, shifting to watch from different angles. I looked over a couple times and each time he seemed to settle more. Once he saw how completely I was into it, how I bloomed there, the tension eased. He kept watching.

On the way out I leaned on him, and he embraced me tight. Driving home he was quiet at first. Then he said he was proud of me. Proud of how I handled it, how natural and exhibitionist I was without shame. He liked seeing me bloom like that, come alive and dragging all the attention on me. He even said he could go again if I need it. He was curious, asked how double anal felt, really felt, and why it’s my thing, what draws me to that stretch and fullness so much. He wanted to hear it all.

We got home, my ass still tender and satisfied. He held me close. No drama, just soft talk. We’re figuring it out how often, how far. But I’m not hiding anymore, and he’s still right here. I am truly happy.

Thanks for this space. It helped me get here.

So good to hear from you again, and so glad that you took the step and made it happen! I hope that it becomes more frequent for you again and that he will start to take part as one of the men in your ass as well, alongside another guy.

Steve: My wife is great. Since she’s not into vaginal sex anymore, our sex life actually elevated in a way I didn’t expect. She started with anal-only, and after getting inspired by porn, she opened up to double anal. That’s become her favorite thing to see in movies and to do during sex, and she is amazing and very enthusiastic about it.

Over time, we also started going to special nights at a swinger club. We made a very clear agreement from the beginning: during these events, we don’t do anything alone and we don’t do anything without the other’s consent. This was the rule we both agreed on when she introduced the idea of group sex, and it helped me feel safe and connected to her even in these extreme but amazing situations. Until…

Recently my wife has been asking for something more specific. She wants to go to a “hot wife gangbang” evening but this time experience a gangbang with only black guys (3–4 men), including double anal, with me watching and not interacting. This has been a fantasy of hers since she saw it several times in porn. She has brought this up a couple of times now and seems very excited about it. I don’t know how to feel about it. Proud, afraid or jealous?

I am worried that this might change everything between us. I don’t want to block her from fulfilling a fantasy that clearly means a lot to her, but I also don’t fully know how I feel about it. I’m afraid of the emotional consequences and what it might do to our relationship dynamic, my self-esteem, and our trust, even though we’ve already opened our sex life to some extent.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, or has experience with this kind of step in an otherwise loving marriage? How did you handle your boundaries, jealousy, and fears? What should I be thinking about before saying yes or no to this?

It sounds like the two of you have had a very fulfilling sex life together so far. Her going anal only and then moving towards double anal is both wonderful and a common trend these days and it’s great to see.

What you’ve done so far, sharing these group experiences together, is a common way for couples to expand into group sex and manage jealousy and potential conflict. It seems like she wants to pursue additional fantasies she has, while still including you as best as possible.

If you’re comfortable giving it a try, I encourage at least trying it this once and then being very open with each other after about what you did and didn’t like and whether you want to continue trying going forward. Make sure to include plenty of things that you want as well in other sessions and with some give and take, you can undoubtedly both get what you want and need out of this.

Good luck!

Anonymous: Vaginal sex never felt good for me, and anal always felt wrong but deeply pleasurable.
We were not in sync in our life or in bed, and even though the few times we tried anal we felt incredibly united and intimate, I carried this heavy feeling that it was somehow a sin.

The real turning point was my mindset shift: if something felt so good, loving, and connecting for us, maybe it wasn’t wrong at all. I decided to go all in on anal and on my sexuality, because I didn’t want to lose my marriage and I was done ignoring what actually worked for my body and our bond.

As we focused more on anal, I slowly started to explore my own body with more curiosity and less shame. I didn’t know what I was missing until now!

Then I discovered double anal. For the last three years I’ve been doing only double anal with a toy, and it has never felt better. I’m loving double anal and will never go back; it changed my life, my mood, and the way I experience intimacy with my husband. I am hooked!

I’m not saying this is for everyone, but for us, choosing what truly feels good and consensual has brought more freedom, connection, and joy than following someone else’s idea about what sex “should” look like.

For our anniversary I want to surprise my husband with a tattoo about “double anal” as a playful tribute to this journey, something slightly edgy or even a bit nasty, but meaningful to us but mostly to me. I want to stand by my passion. I think this is the right creative community that could help me, what ideas do you have for places and motives for a tattoo like this?

That’s wonderful you were able to embrace anal only, and now double anal only. It truly is the best, and everyone should be able to enjoy it freely. I’m glad you want to commemorate your commitment and lifestyle with a tattoo—it’s a very fun idea that I support!

A simple “double anal only” or “DAO” over your ass is one option. More symbolically, perhaps two “male” symbols (♂) with one “female” symbol (♀)—the male symbols could be angled in towards the circle of the female symbol, something like:

Gina: I’m 37, married, and a mom of three, but I’ve never felt more in tune with my body or my marriage than I do now. Years ago, we decided our family was complete, and that opened a different side of our relationship. Without the pressure or planning for what comes next, I decided to go anal only and we could finally explore what really excites us.

Since we rarely get nights out, we make our own fun at home. Once the kids are asleep, I like to pour some wine, put on something that makes me feel daring, and invite my husband into our little world. We’ve built a space where we can play, watch porn, and experiment without judgment. Over a year ago we even introduced DAP with a toy when I got inspired by a couple of porn movies.

My husband has asked about taking one of our shared fantasies further and try double anal for real, and until recently, I always said no. I wasn’t sure, or maybe I wasn’t ready. But something in me has changed. I feel bolder now, more curious, and aware of how much the idea excites both of us. Instead of brushing it aside, I want to embrace it. I know how much this means to him, and it’s starting to mean something to me too. The idea of me being in such a situation thrills me.

So, for New Year’s Eve, I’ve decided to surprise him. No warnings, no hints, just a moment he’s dreamed about and I’m finally ready to give. It’s not just the fantasy of it, I want to show him that even after years of love, parenthood, and routine, I’m still here, wanting, evolving, and unafraid to turn our shared imagination into something real.

I know that he has internally given up to convince me. That is the reason I want to take on this bold move. Any idea how to surprise him without telling him upfront right before?

Lovely to hear about your anal only evolution, and that’s wonderful you’ve been exploring DAP together with a toy and are now considering doing double anal for real. Since introducing another partner into the routine can be a challenge, I think it’s best to train and prepare for it in secret, making sure you’re physically ready, ramp up the frequency of how often you do double anal with your husband and a toy in the lead up, but then tell him if you are ready to introduce a partner and schedule it so that aspect is less of a surprise for him and he can be prepared too.

Emma: Thank you very much for the previous answer, but it’s not about using toys for me. What I really miss are those wild group sex moments, being the center of attention with so many people wanting me at the same time. The feeling of several bodies around me, everyone just hungry for it, is something I can’t get anywhere else.

And it’s not just about the excitement. I seriously crave the full, stretched-out feeling from double anal, feeling two dicks moving inside of me in different ways, filling me up. That intense sensation, the movement and pressure, just makes me feel alive and wanted in a way nothing else does.

I really love my partner and our emotional connection, but these group experiences and that physical intensity aren’t things he can give me, even with a bigger toy. I’m scared if we ever went to a party together, he wouldn’t be able to keep up or would feel bad about not being able to satisfy these needs.

I just hate feeling caught between needing this wild part of myself and not wanting to hurt the person I love. What should I do?

That’s fair enough, and it seems like if that’s something you really need you need to bring it up with him and share your past and your desires around it. It’s always a risk, but it can lead to great things if he’s open to trying and exploring with you.

L.E.: I take it that by your definitions when a woman trained to constant wear of anal stretching rings (MEO style) or tunnel plugs is penetrated through the hole that does not count as double anal since the one insertion is entirely within the circumference of the other. Stretching rings at least do not seemed designed to allow anything to enter her alongside rather than within them. I like the idea of her being penetrated by a man and a toy at the same time rather than be forced to choose between them but what insertables do you think are most suited to a woman who graduates to “monogamous DAO” life?

I think all these definitions ultimately are somewhat up to interpretation by each person and what works best for them. I would say that penetratable butt plugs do somewhat count in the realm of double anal and there’s a lot of appeal of keeping a plug in and just fucking through or beside it as a sort of “double anal only”, but I would argue that the stretch should increase with the additional penetration.

What makes double anal unique is two objects “fighting” for space within the anus, rectum and colon. If it’s a more rigid ring/plug that has a hole to penetrate through, you’re just adding depth but not girth. If it’s a soft, flexible toy with a penetratable hole, that stretches the plug out around the penis and makes it more along the lines of some sort of double anal.

To be more true to real double anal, though, I would suggest a more traditional large, soft, flexible butt plug like those from Square Peg Toys or Topped Toys which a male partner can penetrate alongside and have sex with her while she stays plugged.

Emma: I love my partner, but our sex just isn’t enough for me. In my past, I had wild orgies, multiple men at once, and intense double anal penetration. That’s when I felt truly alive and satisfied, completely in control and yet so intensely used. Now, with him, the physical connection is deeper emotionally, but it just doesn’t ignite me the same way. I miss this part of my old days.

He doesn’t have the stamina for what I need. I think the only thing that would really satisfy me is a good old gangbang with double anal penetration. I keep thinking about how it feels to be stretched and filled like that; that is what I crave most. I want that kind of intense sex again, but I’m scared to ask for it. I worry that if he knew about my past, he wouldn’t love me anymore.

Sometimes I think about trying something like a gangbang party with him, but I’d probably end up spending the night alone in the orgy, going after my desires because he wouldn’t be able to keep up.

I love him, and I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m struggling with this overwhelming mix of desire and guilt. Am I being selfish? I don’t want to hide who I am, but I also don’t want to lose what we have. I’m caught between my needs and my fears, and it’s tearing me apart.

First of all, your needs are totally valid and you shouldn’t feel guilty or selfish for wanting what you want. That said, it can definitely be a challenge to navigate differing levels of sexual needs and desires in a relationship.

Have you considered incorporating bigger anal toys into your solo play, and seeing about introducing double anal into your routine with your partner with his cock and a dildo? If he’s not open to a gangbang with other men, maybe toys can help you fill your physical needs for a bigger stretch and double anal.

Melissa: Hi again, thank you for your answer. Double anal with a toy has already become a regular part of our sexual routine, and I really enjoy it. But I find myself struggling emotionally with the idea of having a sex session that includes another person alongside my husband. Why does double anal with a toy feel comfortable and natural, yet the thought of including another man in our sex life feels like a betrayal to my husband or even our marriage? Any advice how I can understand these conflicting feelings and work through them? Last but not least satisfy my husbands needs (and somehow mine too)?

It sounds like you love the stimulation and thrill of the act of double anal but have a strong monogomous nature where you want to stay loyal to your husband only. That’s not inherently a bad thing at all, and it may be a sign that experimenting with including other partners may not fit well for your needs.

For some, it is possible to more easily include other partners without emotional intimacy being a factor, while for others it can be hard to separate intimacy, romance and the emotional connection from the physical sex. If you’re able to have a conversation with your husband about this and discuss both of your perspectives, maybe you can come to an agreement on a scenario where you’re more open to the idea, but if not, maybe you can compromise with making double anal with a toy your new full time normal and go double anal only together in that way, or consider getting a sex machine as the second “partner” for a bit more autonomy in motion for thrusting, etc.

Either way, I hope that you’re able to come up with something that is satisfactory for the both of you and allows you to explore what you want!

Melissa: Hi everyone, I’ve been happily married for almost 10 years. For the past 12 years, I have only done anal sex. In the last couple of years, my husband and I have been sporadically enjoying double anal with a toy, which I really like.

Recently, my husband started expressing his interest a few times in stepping up to real double anal that includes a friend of his or going to a swinger club, like a “sharing your wife” or “gangbang” event. I told him I needed time to think about it. Internally I was shocked! I was raised in a Christian family, though I am not very religious anymore, but some values from that background still influence me in my world views.

I have secretly dreamed though about being in a double anal gangbang, but this is just a fantasy my husband doesn’t know about.

This is a topic I don’t want to discuss with my friends nor with my husband. I hope to find advice here.

My concerns are these: His request makes me feel as if I’m not good enough for him anymore or wonder if he loves me less. Taking this step makes me feel like I might be betraying him and our marriage or even becoming a “whore” because now I had sex with more men.

Also, what if I like this new experience and it changes our relationship because I want to have it on a regular basis? How do I handle the possible changes?

It sounds like you have a wonderful life and marriage, and it’s so fantastic that you’ve been anal only for the past 12 years. That’s definitely something to be proud of!

It sounds like the physicality of double anal is already something that you enjoy, as is the fantasy of a gangbang, but you aren’t sure if you want to take that step with additional partners. I would suggest making double anal a more regular thing with your husband and toys, leaning into the fantasy together but still with just the two of you, and then after a few months, revisit the idea and discuss together how you would like to approach trying it, and talk through potential concerns. You say that you don’t want to discuss it with him, but communication in the relationship is key with anything, especially something like this.

I will say this: your husband wanting to try this you is not likely a sign he loves you less, but likely that he adores you and wants to try something you both enjoy together along with additional partners. It’s not a betrayal of him or becoming a “whore”, it’s a celebration of what you have together and expanding it to trying an experience that you might both love.

Very likely you will both love the experience and want to do it more regularly. Having that baseline of regular DAP with a toy will help with that as you decide how best to introduce other partners into your routine.