Message: How to Tell a Guy You Love Anal

Anonymous: Hi I just recently started dating this lovely guy and I don’t want him to think I’m some kind of freak as I’m really into anal sex, whereas I don’t think he’s at all experienced in that way. It’s the truth when I say I’d be very happy with mostly anal sex (and plenty of oral too). I know most guy’s are supposed to love it but I worry he’ll think I’m obsessed in a weird way and blow the whole thing. On the other hand it’ll be tough if I can’t meet my own needs. How should I handle this?

If you’re unsure what his opinion is on it, but don’t want to give yours away up front, try broaching the subject slowly.

You can initially express your interest in anal passively by wearing a butt plug during oral and vaginal sex—this, in addition to providing you with a form of anal pleasure, demonstrates your like for it without him having to be directly involved. Similarly, if you ever masturbate in front of each other, you could use a dildo up your ass instead of your pussy.

If that doesn’t turn him off, or better yet if it interests and excites him, talk with him. Tell him you really enjoy anal play and anal sex and would like to share it with him. Don’t necessarily say you prefer it up front, just ease into it. A lot of men do love it, or if they haven’t had it yet would jump at the opportunity to experience anal, but not everyone does and so it’s best to take things slowly.

If he’s receptive to anal, guide him through the process of pleasuring you anally and begin to incorporate it into your sex life, occasionally at first and more if he enjoys it. One way many couples who enjoy frequent anal end up is starting each session vaginally and finishing anally. This is an approach you could try once you’ve had anal successfully a few times, if he’s receptive—midway through vaginal sex, ask him to switch to your ass. Just make sure he knows not to go ass-to-pussy.

From there, if he enjoys having frequent (or at least semi-frequent) anal with you, you can try some of the other approaches mentioned here. Plan a special sexy weekend and reiterate how much you love anal and how good it makes you feel and tell him you want him to only fuck you in the ass all weekend. If it’s a hit, do it again sometime, and then try it for longer. Ultimately, if he stays enthusiastic about the idea, tell him you prefer anal and would be happy just having anal all or most of the time because it just feels better to you, and asking if he’d be okay with that.

I understand not wanting to jeopardize a relationship that otherwise you enjoy very much, and I think that’s why it’s good to remain cautious about it. But ultimately you have to decide whether your need for anal sex is important enough that you need it to be a part of any relationship (and there’s nothing wrong if it is).

There is one other possibility—the two of you can use Mojo Upgrade to discover each other’s interests without revealing incompatible ones. Each of you lists your sexual fantasies, fetishes and interests, and if you both list the same ones, it reveals that the other is interested in them as well, but if only one of you does, the other doesn’t see. It covers all sorts of fantasies, but has an entire section on anal sex and play.

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