Message: My Wife’s Evolution
Steve: My wife is great. Since she’s not into vaginal sex anymore, our sex life actually elevated in a way I didn’t expect. She started with anal-only, and after getting inspired by porn, she opened up to double anal. That’s become her favorite thing to see in movies and to do during sex, and she is amazing and very enthusiastic about it.
Over time, we also started going to special nights at a swinger club. We made a very clear agreement from the beginning: during these events, we don’t do anything alone and we don’t do anything without the other’s consent. This was the rule we both agreed on when she introduced the idea of group sex, and it helped me feel safe and connected to her even in these extreme but amazing situations. Until…
Recently my wife has been asking for something more specific. She wants to go to a “hot wife gangbang” evening but this time experience a gangbang with only black guys (3–4 men), including double anal, with me watching and not interacting. This has been a fantasy of hers since she saw it several times in porn. She has brought this up a couple of times now and seems very excited about it. I don’t know how to feel about it. Proud, afraid or jealous?
I am worried that this might change everything between us. I don’t want to block her from fulfilling a fantasy that clearly means a lot to her, but I also don’t fully know how I feel about it. I’m afraid of the emotional consequences and what it might do to our relationship dynamic, my self-esteem, and our trust, even though we’ve already opened our sex life to some extent.
Has anyone been in a similar situation, or has experience with this kind of step in an otherwise loving marriage? How did you handle your boundaries, jealousy, and fears? What should I be thinking about before saying yes or no to this?
It sounds like the two of you have had a very fulfilling sex life together so far. Her going anal only and then moving towards double anal is both wonderful and a common trend these days and it’s great to see.
What you’ve done so far, sharing these group experiences together, is a common way for couples to expand into group sex and manage jealousy and potential conflict. It seems like she wants to pursue additional fantasies she has, while still including you as best as possible.
If you’re comfortable giving it a try, I encourage at least trying it this once and then being very open with each other after about what you did and didn’t like and whether you want to continue trying going forward. Make sure to include plenty of things that you want as well in other sessions and with some give and take, you can undoubtedly both get what you want and need out of this.
Good luck!
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