Message: A New Default?

Anonymous: So I’ve only recently become aware of this community. Today I have been reading a lot of the posts here and on the forum, and it’s got me wondering something… why isn’t anal sex just the default?

I mean, in hetero relationships it’s an almost universally accepted cliche that guys are more into anal than women and it’s something the girl will occasionally let the guy have as a treat or whatever… but why shouldn’t it be the other way around?

If guys typically prefer anal, or don’t get so turned on by the idea of the alternative, then why shouldn’t they get to set the default and occasionally treat their partner to PIV on special occasions like her birthday (and only then if she’s lucky!)

There are countless guys out there living years at a time or even their whole lives wishing they could get more anal sex and being quietly disappointed by only ever getting to have PIV sex with maybe some blowjobs thrown in and anal once or twice a year if they’re LUCKY.

I say anal should be the new default! Women who want PIV should learn to live with the scarce treat of getting it when their partner feels like doing something extra special for them. They should have to live with the social stigma of wanting something most people think of as a bit kinky and “deviant” rather than the normal anal. They should have to look for special interest groups like “pussy only lifestyle” if they want to share hints and tips with others on how to introduce the idea of abstaining from anal if they’re kinky enough to want pussy only. Rather than guys feeling lucky to find a woman who’s into anal, women should feel that way if they find that rare man who prefers PIV to anal!

Why the hell not? PIV has been the default for countless years. And for what reason!? We’re tired of feeling like we have to work hard to find a women who will have anal sex, let alone only anal sex. We’re tired of often feeling like we have to have inferior PIV sex out of politeness or frustration. Give AO a chance and drive PIV into the niche special interest category it deserves to be! If some women have to readjust to finding anal pleasurable or only getting what they really want once in a blue moon, well that’s how we’ve been feeling for a long, long while. It’s time for some equality!

While I certainly agree that it’s time for anal to become the default and for vaginal to largely or entirely disappear as a form of recreational sex and become purely a procreative act, I would suggest that your framing of this being driven by men getting what they really want and women just having to go along with it is the wrong way to look at it, and not equality.

The right approach is to reframe and normalize anal for everyone so that it is no longer seen as something unusual or uncommon or done only as an occasional treat or suffered through for a partner, but as an incredibly sexy, pleasurable and intimate act that’s the pinnacle of sexual expression, and to ensure that everyone enjoys it immensely. Because the reality is that anal is more pleasurable than vaginal when done right, not just for men, but for women too. And if you take the time and have patience in introducing it to a partner, they’ll come that realization too, and want more. And once you know anal is consistently giving you more pleasure and better orgasms than vaginal, it’s not too much of a stretch to shift first towards doing anal more and more, and then to anal only.

Let’s definitely make anal only the new default, and strive for true equality of pleasure and intimacy that everyone can enjoy and be happy with.

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