Discussion: Girlfriend Wants Anal Only

Reaching out for a little advice from the community… My girlfriend (26F) and I (26M) have been together in a monogamous relationship for a little over two years and she has insisted on only anal + oral since we started having sex.

We have talked about having vaginal sex and agreed that hormonal bc is not an option. Non-latex condoms would be the next reasonable thought but that discussion brings hesitation with breakage, failure rate etc. She gets off on toys and fingers but will not do PIV due to her concern of getting preg (nothing medically wrong, no history of abuse, mentally sound etc.). The confusing part is that she loves to rub and tease the head of my bare penis all over her labia and vag opening without full penetration (but pretty close!) AND have unprotected anal sex.

I know I may come off a little bit selfish being a straight Male with natural desires, expressing that I would like to partake in PIV protected sex with my SO. Her actions and reasoning are contradicting which lead to dead end discussions with the closing words of “…one day I will want to” however in the end I of course respect her choices. I am comfortable with our current sex life, but often left desiring PIV intimacy.

Girlfriend wants [anal only] on Reddit

This is a scenario that sounds like it could benefit from a shift in thinking about the nature of anal sex and intimacy.

The girlfriend doesn’t want to do vaginal sex because she’s afraid of getting pregnant and so wants to be anal only instead. That’s fine, but she makes it sound like she ultimately does want vaginal sex eventually and is just doing anal only in the meantime.

Meanwhile, the boyfriend seems to think that he can’t be truly intimate with his girlfriend until they have vaginal sex, and sees anal as something less intimate. However, many anal only couples find that anal is in fact significantly more intimate for them than vaginal ever was, and say that it brings them closer together as a couple.

They should simply choose as a couple to go forward with anal only and not worry so much about vaginal anymore. If their relationship lasts long-term and they eventually want to have children, then they can have vaginal sex until she gets pregnant, before returning to anal. Ultimately, anal sex is the better choice for everyone, you just have to wrap your head around the idea first and both be on the same page about it.

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