Anonymous: My husband and I have been trying to experiment with anal sex and I’m having a difficult time getting used to it. I’d rather lose my virginity again lol do you have any tips on how to make it easier? Specific toys to use maybe?

First, if you’re finding it uncomfortable or are having a hard time getting used to the sensations, make sure to play with your clit during any anal penetration. I know I often talk about clit denial here, but that’s more of an advanced thing to experiment with for people who already enjoy anal. When you’re starting out, you’ll almost always want to use a vibrator on or rub your clit, to help yourself interpret the new and unusual sensations of anal penetration in a pleasurable light.

If it’s just uncomfortable, doing it regularly along with clit play may be all you need. But if it’s actually painful, you probably need to warm up more first. The key to anal training and warmup is to start small at a size that is not painful, use that size for a little while, then go up gradually in size, and repeat incrementally until you’ve reached whatever size is your goal (if your goal is to have anal sex, then it would be around or slightly above the size of your partner’s penis). The more you get used to it, the less warmup you need, but at least some is generally a good idea. Wearing a good medium-sized butt plug on a regular basis—daily for a little while if possible—as well as before any time you plan to have anal sex will help a lot over time.

You can also try pushing out/bearing down gently as if going to the bathroom during penetration to help relax your muscles and make it easier.

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