Throughout the course of various conversations with people interested in or practicing the anal only lifestyle, I frequently hear from submissive women who love the idea of being anal only as an expression of that submissiveness, but who either only want to do it with a partner who wants them to do it, or who are afraid to call themselves strictly anal only (even though it’s what they want) because they feel like it’s not submissive to express their own desires in a relationship.

Being submissive is only one part of your identity, and it’s entirely reasonable that you will have your own additional desires and limits, and expressing them is not just acceptable within an adult relationship—it’s desirable. You can still be submissive within a pre-established framework of mutual interests and guidelines. It’s healthy to discuss these sort of things up front so everyone knows what you do and don’t want to do. If being anal only is one of those limits for you, it is entirely fair to be up front about that with new partners.

You don’t have to simply take whatever your partner wants for you as someone submissive. You’re a partner within the relationship as well, even if you choose to take on a submissive role sexually, and you should be sure that your needs are met as well, and if being anal only is one of those needs, talk about it with prospective partners early on.

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